Chapter 88 : Will you at least touch my ….

“Can we talk for a moment? I think we might have something to discuss.”

Amiter’s voice was like that of a mother calling out to a child who had just broken an expensive plate.

Well, in both my past and present life, I never had a mother, so I could only guess that’s how it would sound.

“Just for a moment?”

My sleeves were stained with brown marks from blood drops.

I had tried to be careful, but it’s pretty hard to keep your clothes clean when limbs are flying and blood’s gushing everywhere.

I heard bloodstains leave marks even after washing. Eh.

“Sure, why not.”

My turn was already over, and since the practical exam was in full swing, no one would notice if I slipped away.

We glanced around cautiously and then quietly slipped out to the woods behind the test area.

I thought we had gone far enough, but she led me deeper into the forest.

The crunching of half-rotted leaves reminded me of the time I went to the Black Forest.

Maybe because it was used to raise monsters, but it was far deeper and gloomier than a regular forest.

Could be used as a rendezvous spot in a pinch, like that mill where you hear pounding noises.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Do we really need a reason to meet in secret?”

Amiter gave a bitter smile as she tossed a small rock into the air, catching it repeatedly.

I had no response to that.

At the start of the semester, our roles would’ve been reversed.

Maybe being alone for so long dulled my social skills. Not a great sign.

“Did you realize this is the first time we’ve met in a month?”

I couldn’t tell if she was acting or not, but on the surface, she definitely seemed hurt.

Her tail was drooping low.

She’s taller than me and seems emotionless, but she’s actually quite lonely at heart.

Mental age isn’t always what matters.

It’s true.

“Uhh… Sorry about that. Have you been well?”

As soon as I apologized, she seemed to soften a little.

Maybe not in her face, but her tail doesn’t lie.

That tail of hers must be hard to deal with. It moves on its own.

“So-so. How about you?”

“Me? I…”

How have I been? Let’s see.

I locked myself in the library, slept less than two hours a day, and studied non-stop for nearly a month.

All that effort came to nothing.

I broke down crying all day and eventually gave in to using magicium.

It’s like I tossed a whole month of my life to the dogs.

Mentally, I’ve aged about half a year.

“…It was the worst.”

Not good.

My mood suddenly plummeted into depression, filled with dark thoughts.

This depressive episode, much like bipolar disorder, must be from the magicium.

Seriously, what was I even doing all this time?

I had all this time and accomplished nothing. Pathetic.

Amiter, who had been casually responding, now looked flustered, realizing she’d said something wrong.

“I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t worry! I’m fine. Really.”

Well, now it doesn’t matter.

Thanks to this, I’ve decided to use magicium for real.

As I confirmed earlier, the performance is insane.

I shrugged my shoulders at her like it was no big deal.

Amiter frowned and pointed at me.

“…You’ve got a nosebleed.”

“Ah, seriously? Again?”

I’d been getting minor nosebleeds lately.

Not sure if it’s the side effects of the magicium or if my body’s just breaking down.

Feels like that dizzy sensation when you suddenly stand up.

Amiter rummaged through her pockets and handed me something.

“Use it. I don’t need it back.”

“How kind.”

Amiter was the kind of woman who carried a handkerchief—something even I didn’t.

Unexpected.

It was plain with no patterns, but worked just fine.

While I wiped my nose, she stared at my neck.

Or more precisely, the necklace around it.

“Nice necklace. Didn’t you say it was too suffocating to wear usually?”

“Oh, that… well—”

“Can I take a look?”

Click.

I unhooked the pitch-black necklace from around my neck and handed it to her.

I had used it in the Black Forest, but only Teferi saw it then.

She wouldn’t know about it.

As soon as I let go of the necklace, a large portion of the magicium flowing through me vanished.

That overwhelming sense of omnipotence disappeared in an instant.

…Hopefully, she won’t notice?

It’s not that I don’t trust her, but if she finds out, it’ll be a pain.

It’s a special item that keeps magicium from leaking, so she shouldn’t notice.

But she pointed to my right hand and said,

“And that ring too. They look like a pair.”

“…Don’t do this.”

She clenched the rock she had been tossing.

When she opened her hand again, the rock had crumbled to dust.

“Trea, to be honest, you’re not in your right mind.

You need to rest.”

“That’s none of your business.”

I glared at her with fox eyes, but she continued undeterred.

“Do you think it’s normal to burn practice monsters and dismember them?

Because I don’t.”

“Shut up! Give those back now!”

I’m terrified.

What if I end up maimed, impaled, and violated endlessly until I die?

But more than that, I’m afraid of falling behind, of making no progress while others move ahead.

I’ve already hit my growth limit.

Like maxing out a one-star character in a cheap gacha game.

Unless I cheat or exploit a bug, I’ll keep getting left behind.

That thought was horrifying.

“I’m confiscating them for now.”

“No! Who do you think you are—stop it!”

I struggled, but I couldn’t overpower her physically.

Could I subdue her with magic?

Sure.

But I had to calm the magicium inside me first.

If I used magic now, the magicium would attack Amiter for acting against my will.

In the end, she easily took the ring from me as well.

“Aaah, no. Don’t…”

Once both items were gone, a crushing sense of helplessness and exhaustion hit me.

Is this the real me?

So small, truly. I looked so small.

“G-give them back, Amiter. Please.”

“First, calm down. Breathe deeply—”

“I-I can’t lose like this. I have to win…”

My legs trembled too much to even stand.

Embarrassing, but if I let go just a little, I might wet myself.

My body felt like that of a drug addict in withdrawal.

I knew about the side effects, but the ecstasy was too addictive to quit.

Where did it all go wrong?

“Trea, look at me.”

Amiter helped me up and took my hand, meeting my gaze.

“It’s okay to rest a little. You’ve earned that right.”

Maybe this was what I needed to hear.

My heart pounded at her words.

Must be the magicium.

“I’ll return them in 36 days.”

“Why such a specific number?”

Once I had calmed down, we walked back down the mountain trail.

How embarrassing.

At least I didn’t show the most shameful side of me.

Like wetting my pants, for instance…

“It’s been exactly 36 days since I returned from the Elven Lands.

The day you didn’t meet me.”

“God, you sound petty.”

“…Anyway, you’re beyond addicted.

You need special monitoring.

If it weren’t for me, the Academy would’ve found out.”

Amiter said she could sense it thanks to her beastkin aura.

If she could, surely Principal Lou or the bonfire circle could too.

What I did was extremely risky.

Now that I’m sober, I can finally think straight.

I kept flicking my fingers, but no sparks flew.

Only my skin peeled.

My body felt lighter, but the gloom remained.

Seeing me sulk, Amiter poked my waist as if telling me to stop.

More like hit me with a club, really. Ugh.

“They say addiction is best treated with another addiction…

Start small. Cold turkey will be too hard.”

“Addiction?”

“In Reins, where I lived, people used gambling to quit drugs…

Not that I recommend it.

Don’t you have another hobby?”

I shook my head.

I was a hopeless nerd who didn’t even know how to have fun.

Maybe magic chess with Lluye?

Even then, I wasn’t a fan.

Looking back, I was just addicted to magic.

Amiter gave me a troubled look.

Almost pitiful.

“Well, no need to rush…

Finding another hobby might help.

Addiction, huh.”

While we walked back toward the dorm, she suddenly stopped and looked at me softly.

“If you really can’t think of anything…

You want to touch my chest?”

“What?”

“Just kidding.”

Didn’t sound like a joke.

She quickly walked ahead, maybe realizing what she just said.

Her face looked red in the twilight.

But whose chest was she even talking about?