Crossroads (5)

Something was progressing step by step.

Makeup, hair, and such.

Things I couldn’t have done properly on my own were quickly taken care of.

This was beyond my abilities. I wouldn’t have even thought about finding someone to do it for me, let alone doing it myself.

As for clothes… I didn’t really want to wear things like skirts.

Elderin was so insistent that I ended up wearing it without a chance to resist.

Every time the wind passed through the skirt, I felt a chill.

Even though I was clearly wearing clothes, it felt like my lower body was completely exposed.

I felt uneasy, thinking my groin might be visible if it lifted just a little.

Do women really feel secure with these scraps of cloth?

“Would you like to look in the mirror? Good. Now smile in that position.”

“Ah, ahaha?”

“Just a smile is fine.”

“Okay…”

My reflection in the mirror smiled awkwardly.

It must be a familiar sight, but.

It feels like I’m looking at a completely different person.

If it weren’t for the trembling corners of my mouth as if dazed, or the expression full of shyness, I might have really doubted it.

I was styled to look just like a young girl.

Looking at the appearance, wouldn’t people believe I just entered high school?

There was even a sense of radiance as if the wrinkles of the world hadn’t touched me yet.

Startled by my own appearance, I flinched.

Only after touching my cheek once did it feel real.

“How is it? Surprised, right? Many people are surprised when they first see it, but you’re special even among them.”

“Special?”

“It’s the first time I’ve seen someone who doesn’t dress up this much.”

I could sense a subtle anger in the employee’s voice.

As her hand brushed up my nape, dark black hair flowed down.

Her hand, accompanied by a faint smile, was placed on my shoulder.

“It might be meddling, but please cherish yourself a bit more. I’m not just saying this, but you’re the prettiest person I’ve seen so far.”

“Thank… you.”

“Alright, we’re all done. Let’s go show your unni outside. I’ll bring your crutches, so please wait a moment.”

As I stared blankly at the mirror – I suddenly felt my mood improve.

It seems even a gloomy girl like me can look like this when dressed up.

* * *

[Title: Casual Chat Cam Broadcast]

[‘Elderin’ is broadcasting.]

Inside a studio with a soft sky-blue tint.

More precisely, an officetel that Elderin had prepared for broadcasting.

Elderin started the broadcast a little distance away from me.

Internet broadcasting was a much more serious and fierce battlefield than I had thought.

I didn’t know so much preparation was needed.

For the screen that someone might be viewing casually. To make that screen a bit more comfortable, she must have put her heart and soul into creating this place.

“Nice to see you. You say it’s good to see a cam broadcast after a long time? Thank you. Come to think of it, it has been a while since I turned on the cam for gaming.”

Behind the table out of camera view.

Several lights emitting hot heat were installed.

So Elderin, who skillfully started the broadcast, looked as if she was in the light.

I sat behind where the camera couldn’t reach, watching her.

The scenery a streamer sees and the scenery viewers see are quite different.

Won’t her eyes hurt with the lights so bright?

I should study the broadcasting program slowly.

I put into my head the things Elderin showed me one by one.

I had to remove some jealousy and fear due to lack of space.

Elderin, who briefly made eye contact with me, gave a slight eye smile.

Instead of answering, I nodded slightly.

‘What should… I do.’

Elderin really didn’t force anything on me.

She just made room for me to enter anytime.

If I stand up, Elderin will turn off the screen for a moment.

When the screen turns back on, I’ll be sitting there.

If I don’t stand up, that’s the end. She’ll just continue the broadcast as if nothing happened.

As always, I understand with my head.

Even after my mind broke down, my reason has always played its role.

This is an opportunity that won’t come to me twice.

Elderin as a streamer has established her own position both as a female cam streamer and as a game streamer playing Inbu.

If I step into broadcasting – this collaboration will surely become a great nourishment.

But still.

‘I’m scared…’

The moment I put my hand on the armrest to stand up.

I couldn’t muster any strength at all.

It felt like sticky, dark hands were grabbing and restraining my arms.

A small, dark voice whispers in my ear.

That place doesn’t suit you.

Look at the chatroom full of joy. The moment you awkwardly step out, it will become a mess.

It’s different from the time with Soolbbang.

You were Gawol then, but now you’re Han Da-eun.

You who becomes a stutterer in front of people…

“Well, I really turned it on just to chat. A guest? You’re expecting too much. But there might really be one? I’m not sure yet~”

On the contrary, Elderin seemed to be gesturing to me.

I really want to grab that hand.

Rather than living with jealousy in this darkness, I wanted to find my light and wrap myself in it.

Suddenly, a small hand mirror caught my eye.

My face was a mess.

‘It was so pretty just a while ago.’

Even to my own eyes today.

Even to me who hates myself terribly – I was breathtakingly beautiful.

But how did it become like this in just a few hours?

Did the makeup get ruined in the meantime?

That can’t be.

In fact, nothing probably changed.

It was a problem that didn’t need to go far to derive an answer.

Only my mind has changed.

Just as things look distorted when looking up from underwater, my mind submerged in the water surface has distorted the world.

Realizing this fact, the restraints holding my arms loosened.

I stood up from my seat – and went out the studio door.

* * *

Battle is frightening, but escape is comfortable.

However, the moment the battle ends.

Those who fought bravely gain glory, but those who ran away gain fear.

In fact, no matter what choice you make, fear eventually comes and doesn’t disappear.

Some superhuman people overcome themselves just with strong will.

But people like me who are rotten and festering can’t do that.

If you can’t win alone, isn’t it enough to receive help from something else?

“Da-eun, are you oka…?”

“……”

Elderin, who ran out of the studio, stopped.

Eyes looking at me in bewilderment.

When our eyes met, I smiled sheepishly.

I gently shook the bottle of alcohol in my hand towards her who was staring blankly.

Inside the clear glass bottle.

Oak-colored whiskey made a sloshing sound.

“Is it okay if I drink?”

“Huh? Uh… sure.”

“Thank you. It looks like expensive alcohol.”

Actually, I don’t know well.

For me, alcohol basically means soju, and fancy alcohol is yakju sold at meat restaurants.

I just call all alcohol with English names “yangju” – and only have a vague impression that it’s expensive.

So the taste or price of the alcohol wasn’t important.

My goal is just one. Alcohol.

I need to knead my brain with intoxication to make it soft.

“Please wait a little. I’ll go in soon.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure. That’s why I’m going to try it first. I’ve been pushed this far anyway.”

My mind is the problem?

Then, it’s a problem that can be solved by breaking this damn head.

There’s one thing I realized at the previous meetup.

This body is quite weak to alcohol. I remember getting tipsy with just a few glasses and falling into Sansae’s arms.

Of course I’ll get drunk if I gulp down such strong alcohol.

Whether it’s a bad thought or a good thought, I’m going to make it so I can’t think and boldly go for it.

Just as forgiveness is easier than permission, it’s easier to surrender to madness than to overcome fear.

In field battles, ‘doping’ and ‘equipment’ are as important as skill.

Doping is complete since I drank alcohol until my esophagus felt like it was burning.

Next was the turn to pay attention to equipment.

My current appearance is in the best condition ever.

Then let’s find something to hide my face.

It will either fill my lacking confidence or surprise people.

Disposable masks were piled up on the shelf.

I chose a black one and put it on my face, then limped towards the studio.

When I opened the door, a bright light welcomed me.

* * *

[Author: Anonymous (475.208)]

[Title: Hey, who’s that girl appearing on Elderin’s broadcast now?]

(Attached photo: Elderin’s cam broadcast)

I’ve never seen her before but she looks pretty

I wish she’d take off the mask

[Comments]

– Close to Elderin.. A woman we’ve never seen?

– Gawol?

└ Huh?

[Author: Anonymous (339.250)]

[Title: Doesn’t that masked woman look very similar to Gawol’s character?]

Her body is completely identical?

So I checked.

(Attached photo: Gawol’s I-challenge)

(Attached photo: Gawol shrinking in embarrassment)

(Attached photo: Masked woman fidgeting next to Elderin)

It’s really similar, right?

[Comments]

– Wow damn

– I think Gawol also did that fidgeting with her fingers?

[Author: Dongmi-cham]

[Title: Gawol-nim is on broadcast?]

I’ve been waiting for this day

Recording ON right away

[Comments]

– What’s with this guy writing after so long

– Why don’t you turn on your broadcast?

└ How could a piece of trash like me when Gawol-nim isn’t broadcasting

└ This is fucking crazy