Controlling Fire with Fire

Wednesday, October 17th, 2 PM. I arrived at the audiovisual room early and started playing a movie by inserting a CD into the player. The old vinyl discs were gradually being replaced by CDs, and the old cassette videos also seemed to be being replaced by these thin discs due to ease of storage.

Many movies are now coming to market on this new storage medium. The school in Huangpu had various video media. Most of them were low-quality films shot for Chinese propaganda purposes, but occasionally there were some propaganda films with decent visuals and drama.

I played a Chinese propaganda film that comprehensively covered two wars between France and China. The movie began by showing the Qing Dynasty fighting hard but ultimately losing to France in the Sino-French War at the end of the 19th century. Of course, this was merely a narrative device to make the war between the Republic of China and France in the 20th century appear more dramatic.

When the appointed time came, the screen showed Chinese warships bombarding a French fortress, essentially securing victory for the Republic of China. The first scene Lieutenant Duey saw as she walked into the audiovisual room was the tricolor flag planted on the coastal fortress being struck by Chinese shells and snapping off.

“You’re watching something interesting.”

Duey said as she approached with a husky voice. I nodded.

“The visuals are well made. Did that many French people actually die in Vietnam?”

“According to official records, there were 2 deaths and 19 injuries. That’s for the entire duration of the war.”

“Strange. In the movie, it looked like about 300 French soldiers just died from Chinese machine gun fire.”

“That’s roughly how propaganda films are.”

Duey couldn’t hide her discomfort even as she plopped down next to me. It seemed not that she was deliberately revealing her feelings, but rather that she couldn’t hide them despite wanting to.

“Sensational lies and artificial depictions. The more you show being killed, the more glorious it’s supposed to be, right?”

“Ironically, Sun Tzu, China’s great military strategist, thought that the less blood shed, the more glorious the victory.”

“Maybe he was the only one who thought that way. Why are you watching this? When you called me to the audiovisual room, I thought you might play a movie, but I expected you to choose a film that would heat up the atmosphere more.”

On the screen, a white flag was being raised on the flagpole where the French tricolor had been lowered. A French general, having suffered heavy damage from the bombardment, was ordering surrender with a complicated expression, while Chinese sailors bombarding the coast were cheering and throwing their guns high in the air.

“This is still a school. Would they keep such open movies in the audiovisual room?”

“Is that wrong?”

“Because it’s China, not France.”

Although Chinese secular society is becoming more open day by day, it hasn’t yet reached the point where they can freely keep CDs of lewd visual materials in such public places. It would be the same in Korea.

“Besides, I thought you might get more heated up watching this than watching something erotic.”

“Are you saying I might pounce on you because I’m riled up?”

“That could happen.”

When the battle scene ended, I pressed the stop button on the projector to stop the movie. The remaining scenes were predictable anyway. Now that the scenes the director really wanted to capture had been shown, typical propaganda scenes would follow. Chinese people and soldiers enjoying the joy of victory, Southeast Asian people rejoicing in liberation from French Indochina, footage praising Chiang Kai-shek, and credits.

I’ve seen several similar videos, but they were all pretty much the same. It was the same whether I watched videos from the Soviet Union or China. Even in Korea, until about 20 years ago, critical depictions of early provisional government figures were essentially subject to censorship.

In my view, this wasn’t a personal problem of the government or artists. The world wasn’t good. The times weren’t beautiful either.

“Lieutenant Duey. Who do you think would be most angered by watching this movie?”

“The person right next to me, isn’t it?”

“I’m not so sure. If I were French, I don’t think I’d be very angry. As you can see, it’s an absurd story. Whether it was the director’s intention or the Chinese government’s, the people who edited this footage seemed to want to treat the Sino-French War of the 1940s as if it were a satisfying revenge for the Sino-French War of the last century. Don’t you know that’s far from the truth?”

In reality, it was closer to China making threats towards France’s weakening control over Asia, and France retreating in panic.

The attitude of the French Republic was much uglier or much ‘less stylish’ than shown in this film. To capture the dramatic image of the Chinese army, the movie portrayed the French troops stationed in Indochina and their commanders in a much more impressive light.

“Then, who do you think would be most upset?”

“Obviously, it would be the Southeast Asian residents, including the Vietnamese.”

“Hmm.”

“Even if you fight hard and lose, you feel frustration. You experience trauma from that, and you might feel despair, not wanting to fight again. But from my perspective, a defeat that comes after giving your all, your very best resistance, can be overcome. Personally, and historically… it seems to have been that way.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“I’m not sure either, it’s just a personal thought. Defeat can be overcome… but if there’s something that truly can’t be overcome… I think it might be suddenly given salvation. You can at least resolve to reclaim something lost due to violence. But something lost due to given salvation that I didn’t achieve myself…”

“It seems to me like you want to talk about Korean history.”

That could be. The modern history of our country is roughly like that. Regardless of my intention, the ethnic DNA implanted in me might be identifying our people and myself. Her words have a point.

But it’s different. That’s not why I started this conversation.

It’s a more personal story. The salvation given to me. The awakening of ability, and survival.

And… something lost because of it. Something as a human being. The 18 years of time I had to throw away. The time as an ordinary human that I had to forget in order to live.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the fact that I have never once overcome this woman sitting next to me, approaching me, with my own power. I’m afraid that even getting used to fire was something I did on orders from above. I… my trauma was created because I was suddenly saved.

Katerfeld’s words were right. I’m not prepared to fight Duey.

“Burn it.”

Duey said.

“Whatever it is, just burn it. What binds you. What constrains you. What holds you back. It’s not really a matter of discrimination. Burn it. Burn it fiercely, so that it can never interfere with you again. I’ve solved many things that way, and I’ll continue to solve things that way.”

“Lieutenant Duey. Can fire burn fire?”

Catherine Duey hesitated for a moment at my words.

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.”

“Do you still see that blue flame in me? Is there really something in me so crucial, so great that you would call it a great destiny, enough for you to be interested? Aren’t you mistaking it for something else? I don’t have such grand dreams, nor do I have any passion for something I must do. So why…”

When Duey didn’t answer my words, only silence flowed through the dimly lit room.

The light from the paused movie screen reflected in Duey’s large eyes, making them sparkle. Her blue eyes shone white, and that white light stared intently at me.

After a moment of silence, she nodded.

“Yes, I see it. More clearly than in anyone else.”

She pushed me. I fell back onto the soft cushion, raising both arms above my head. I didn’t feel like moving. Rather than being unable to move, I didn’t want to move. If a fire demon, not just a simple flame, were to overtake me, it would be just like this. I could assert that with certainty.

Flames covered my body. Lieutenant Duey was on top of me, whispering in my ear.

“The path is already open. You don’t have the option to turn back.”

“…”

“So, take me with you. On that grand and great journey you’ll walk, carry this Catherine Duey in one arm. You can’t overturn fate, but you’re given the freedom to choose your companions. Zhou, and the deceased Chen Yayuan. They will all accompany you. In any way. Take Catherine Duey along too.”

“…”

“Can fire burn fire, you ask? I don’t know what fire you’re talking about, but I hope it means you’ve realized that you yourself are also a flame. You’re also fuel I need to burn, but at the same time, I hope you said that because you realized that you yourself are also a flame. Burn up. Burn up fiercely, and if you survive after that, it’s because you’ve succeeded in burning me too. Then the flames will mix, and your great destiny will also spread to me. Yes, and Duey will accompany you on that grand journey. On that grand journey towards the world’s destruction.”

“An expression I can’t ignore…”

At that moment, Duey blocked my mouth with her lips.

“Ignore it. In France, the end of the world is just an exciting drinking topic.”

This was China.