Han Yujin Over the Frozen Sky (4)

Saturday. The final stretch of filming.

Suddenly, a conversation I had with my late grandfather came to mind.

“Yujin-ah. Your talent manifests infinitely more when you use it for others rather than for yourself.”

“Grandfather. It’s already overwhelming to use my talent for myself, how can I have the energy to care about others?”

A nostalgic conversation from long ago. Remembering it, I smiled slightly.

That’s right, it was like that.

My past life self was certainly selfish.

Monopolizing and exclusive.

Things that might feel like privileges to others felt natural to me.

Why? Because I was an only child.

But after becoming a woman and getting siblings, things started to change gradually.

At some point, I began to think of my siblings before myself, and to think of those around me before myself.

This filming is the same.

While I could certainly monopolize the spotlight if I stood out alone, I chose to share it with my team members.

Is this the right decision?

Have I perhaps made a mistake?

…What are you saying suddenly, Han Yujin.

Let’s just jump for now.

I’m currently on top of a model tower called the “End Tower”.

The height is 11 meters, where humans supposedly feel the greatest fear.

We started jumping down one by one.

“Do you have a lover?!”

“Yes, I do!”

“Who is it?!”

“Han Yujin!”

“…Okay. Good, jump!”

Lilme too.

“I have acrophobia so I can’t even do wire action scenes…!”

“The black beret is crying. Special forces candidates can do anything. Jump!”

“Kyaaah!”

Cha Jaehee too.

“Candidate Number 1 Han Yujin, ready to descend!”

“Good voice. Jump!”

Me too.

“Shout towards the front for 3 seconds!”

“…Piyaaa.”

“Jump vigorously. Go!”

“…”

“Candidate Choi Haru. What are you doing? Jump!”

Choi Haru, closing her clear eyes tightly and jumping down silently, too.

Everyone jumped from the model tower.

“…Crazy. I almost lost my liver.”

Lilme sat down in the training ground, stroking her chest.

“It’s over for us except HaYoo, right?”

PD Park Jungseung nodded.

“Yes, the rest of you can rest comfortably now. You’ve all worked really hard.”

My body feels like it’s going to be crushed.

The skin on my elbows, cut by winter pine needles, was red with wounds, and my knees were vividly bruised blue.

But…

The smile on my face didn’t stop.

“Hehehe…”

Seeing my grinning face, Lilme narrowed her eyes.

“HaYoo is weird sometimes. She’s giggling to herself.”

It’s natural to laugh.

I was already certain of this program’s great success.

It seems the production team feels the same way.

From the moment I agreed to do the parachute jump, the corners of PD Park Jungseung’s mouth haven’t come down.

Everything was going smoothly.

It certainly was.

But…

Something keeps bothering me.

What is it? What’s nagging at me?

It feels like something frustrating has heavily settled in a corner of my heart, cross-legged.

No, rather than frustrating, it was closer to a stuffy feeling.

It took time to interpret this emotion I was feeling for the first time in my life.

What have I missed?

Let’s think calmly for a moment.

How have the cast members changed?

Cha Jaehee, who was acting like a troublemaker, became a proper candidate pulling her own weight as time passed.

Lilme, who was infamous as a thoughtless, shallow female BJ, became a mood-maker with a good sense of humor.

Then what about me?

Still the streamer and pro gamer who’s good at everything, I guess.

A woman who’s good at drills, gun disassembly and assembly, enduring CBR training, and now parachuting.

Up to here, I’ve secured three stars.

Now let’s think from the production team’s perspective.

They will surely focus on the changes in the cast members and their relationships.

They’ll beautifully package the process of going from a discordant rabble to close comrades who share each other’s gas mask filters and even body heat.

It was a perfect growth human drama.

Up to here, four stars.

But to get a perfect score, one last constellation was missing.

…What could it be?

Just then,

Cha Jaehee approached Choi Haru.

“Haru-ssi. Our training is all over.”

“…Ah.”

Choi Haru had been continuously practicing the landing posture since earlier.

“Sit down and rest.”

“…”

Choi Haru made a gloomy expression as if disappointed.

…I found it. The source of the stuffy feeling.

Choi Haru kept bothering me.

The reason I thought so:

Because it’s clear as day that arrows of criticism will rain down on Choi Haru if things continue like this.

I can already vividly see the malicious comments that will pour down like a torrent, ready to devour her.

Surprisingly, an internet comment section simulation played out in my head:

-Is Choi Haru the Little Mermaid..? Am I the only one frustrated that she doesn’t speak??

-Look at her sticking to that shy concept even there, it’s crazy creepy lol

-My crush liked Charu so I got over him.. Bye I won’t go far bb

-Everyone else is progressing but she’s just running in place on a hamster wheel,,, I feel like I swallowed a box of sweet potatoes, so frustrating

-Am I the only one uncomfortable with how selfish Choi Haru is? Please withdraw from IKiss

-How long are you going to make excuses about being shy..

-I extremely hate how the agency shields her by putting a cat image on her lack of manners and social skills, making excuses that she’s aloof

-Han Yujin does well but why is Choi Haru so bad?? So many questions..

-Are they really the same age? One does well but the other is just dragging her down

-Choi Haru is amazing at disgracing ’05 liners

-True to her name “Choi Ha (worst)”.. I recommend changing it to Choi Ak (worst) bb

-Cha Jaehee probably dropped the filter canister on purpose, her personality seems so sociopathic

…Crazy.

Has a community ghost possessed me?

They say someone who’s been hit knows best how to hit, and now internet comments are flashing through my mind in real-time.

From Twitter to Insta.

They’ll surely label Choi Haru a witch and set her on fire.

The idol fandom is already famous for biting to the end without filtering.

They’ll keep comparing her to me, digging up every little mistake and stabbing at her.

Until she commits suicide.

I stared blankly at Choi Haru.

She’s continuously practicing the landing motion without rest, sweat beading on her face.

A hundred times, two hundred times, three hundred times.

Choi Haru rolled and rolled like that. Her combat uniform had long since turned brown like fallen leaves, soaked with sand and mud.

Will this appearance of her sweating bullets and trying hard be shown on broadcast?

If only we could trust those vicious producers.

…Let’s admit it.

That child who’s gotten on people’s bad side keeps catching my eye. Because she’s like my sister. Because she’s like me.

Why am I like this, really?

Whether my emotion is called maternal love, camaraderie, bond between comrades, or cheap sympathy.

Anyway, there’s only one way for Choi Haru’s public opinion to improve.

Knowing this or not, Choi Haru hesitantly said to the PD:

“PD-nim…”

“Yes, yes!”

Choi Haru, clenching her fists, opened her lips with a resolute tone.

“I want to jump too.”

“What? Which one?”

“…Parachute.”

PD Park Jungseung, making a troubled expression, answered euphemistically:

“I understand how you feel, but if you give up after starting, you’ll only feel bitter.”

He meant, ‘If you go up there but can’t jump and come back down, you’ll only get more criticism.’

Watching this, I cut in:

“Let her jump. I want to jump together with Haru too.”

“Ah, it really can’t be done…”

“Even if it’s like an egg hitting a rock, you have to throw it to know, right?”

I patted Choi Haru’s head and said firmly:

“And from what I’ve seen, Haru can jump. She’s not an egg but a bird.”

Embarrassed by my praise, Choi Haru’s cheeks turned slightly red.

Park Jungseung, who had been chewing his lips indecisively, sighed and said:

“Honestly, we don’t mind. Rather, if Choi Haru jumps, it makes for a prettier broadcast picture, so thank you. We can package it as like, ’05 friends’ friendship jump or something. But…”

But?

Park Jungseung’s face turned grim.

“We’re scared of getting criticized again.”

“Who would criticize you?”

Park Jungseung scratched his cheek and played a recording on his phone.

The recipient was my agent, Jang Bongkyu.

“We had notified CSA about Han Yujin doing the parachute jump. At that time, we thought we were going to die, really. I’ll let you listen.”

Park Jungseung touched the screen with his thumb.

-Hello. This is PD Park Jungseung from ‘I Am a Soldier’.

-Ah, PD-nim. Hello. Please take good care of our Han Yujin.

-Haha. Yes, of course. Actually, our filming plan has changed and we proposed an airborne jump to Han Yujin…

-What? Airborne jump?!

Jang Bongkyu’s voice changed coldly, as if startled.

-What did you just say? Are you talking about that parachute thing?

-Yes, yes. We already talked with Han Yujin…

Before Park Jungseung could finish, loud shouting was heard.

-Hey, you crazy bastard! Because you don’t want your filming to fail, you’re going to put our Han Yujin, a 20-year-old girl, where, what? On a parachute? Where are you now! I’m going to come find you and…

Park Jungseung cut off the recording. He shook his head and clicked his tongue.

“I thought he was a father with a precious daughter. How much do you think her value is, will you take responsibility if something big happens, I won’t let this slide… He was so furious.”

I know, right? Anyone would think he was my dad.

“When I said Han Yujin had agreed, he calmed down a little… Whew, I’m really shaking!”

Park Jungseung hesitantly handed the phone to Choi Haru.

“Anyway, I agree with jumping, but could Choi Haru directly persuade the director and head of department…”

In the end, after Choi Haru persuaded her agency, it was finally fixed that she would do the parachute jump together with me.

We’ve been practicing how to open the reserve parachute called ‘White Rose’ and memorizing descent hand signals since Thursday, so there’s no problem.

Even after returning to the living quarters, Choi Haru didn’t stop practicing her landing.

Seeing that, I smiled brightly.

It was both touching and impressive.

I was calm because I had experience from my past life, but for Choi Haru, this was an action tantamount to risking her life.

While I was on fire watch, Choi Haru mumbled in her sleep:

“I can jump too, uuuh…”

“…Pfft!”

I covered my mouth and laughed because it was so cute.

And, sleep-talking popped out here and there like twigs:

“…HaYoo. What if you suddenly do that before washing…”

What is this woman doing with me in her dream?

“…It wasn’t my mistake. I did as Han Yujin told me to.”

Oh my!

Cha Jaehee was selling me out in her dream.

Looking at my wristwatch, it was already time to change fire watch.

The next person on duty was Choi Haru.

I was about to shake Choi Haru’s shoulder to wake her up,

But I withdrew my hand.

“Sigh, I must be crazy too.”

Let’s let her sleep more. She must be very tired.

It’s no big deal if I take one more fire watch shift.

But…

Somehow, it feels like I’m gradually becoming a mother.

…Is this flow okay?