I Become a Secret Police Officer of The Imperial Academy – Chapter 81

Chapter 81

“I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Isabel stood there thinking for a moment, and then, as if something clicked in her, she kicked me in the head.

Getting kicked wasn’t the worst part—but the stomping that followed made it feel like my skull was about to split open.

Wouldn’t be too bad to just turn into a tomato like this.

This was how it was supposed to be from the start.

Ethel was the weird one.

“What the hell are you suddenly babbling about?”

Isabel asked as she eased up a little on the pressure she was applying with her foot.

Only then was I able to speak.

“Exactly what I said. I just got back from apologizing to Ethel.”

“So, did she accept it?”

Judging by the mocking tone, she was probably assuming Ethel didn’t.

Yeah, that’d be accurate.

“As if she would, after everything you’ve done—”

“She did.”

At those words, Isabel scrunched her face and floated one of those hovering lights closer to me.

I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but it felt kind of like she was pointing a gun at my temple.

“You’re still lying? Even now?”

“Right? Honestly, it might all just be my lie.

Maybe everything that happened this morning was just me grinning like an idiot, hallucinating.”

Isabel bit down hard on her lip.

She looked like she was really in pain, with blood starting to drip.

Didn’t expect her to kick me in the gut next.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I still can’t forget you laughing your ass off while saying you poked five holes in Ethel’s stomach after gouging my eyes out.”

Then she kicked me in the face again.

“Yeah, fuck, fine. Let’s say I let that slide.

You’re dangerous enough that with just a chant you could kill me.”

Isabel was definitely strong.

Not quite at Theo’s level, but still—without a surprise attack, I wouldn’t stand a chance.

If I hadn’t attacked first, she would’ve probably sliced through five or six of her subordinates.

Burned right through by that hovering light in front of me.

“What was it you said back then? That all the church bastards are garbage, so they shouldn’t complain about being treated like it?

Well, you don’t get to complain either. I’m just returning the favor.”

No complaints here.

I honestly deserved it—this was all fair punishment.

Like I said before, I expected Ethel to treat me this way too.

It’s just… that was probably because Ethel was weird.

Did I ever say I liked her that much?

Why, though?

I never thought we were close enough for that to actually mean something.

“Then what the hell were you thinking, having two powerless kids beat someone up?”

I wasn’t thinking about anything.

They were just in the way, so I did what I did.

That’s the kind of person I am.

Anything related to the church still fills me with that old fear and hatred, so maybe I was a little excessive.

No matter what I said, it’d all be an excuse.

Even an apology would just come off as disgusting.

And yet, that was all I had left to say.

“I’m sor… gahk.”

My mouth got stomped.

One second I was tasting fruity chocolate from a cigar, and the next I was chewing on dirt. It was oddly depressing.

My lips split open. It hurt.

Maybe because I was losing blood, I couldn’t even find the strength to move.

“Right. You dragged off all the kids we were protecting and killed them, then wrapped up all your ‘duties,’ and now you wanna say sorry?

Don’t make me laugh. You should just die.”

Even her kicking and cursing didn’t feel all that bad.

Still.

“…Ughk, Isabel.”

Isabel’s kicking came to a stop.

If she really hated me that much, she could’ve just killed me and been done with it.

That’s how I used to handle things. So even if it was being done to me now, I didn’t resent it.

Theo had asked me at the end—did I really not want to live?

I’d said I did, but…

“…Then just kill me.

No apology from me will ever matter. Just do it.

All it takes is a flick of your finger and my head’s gone. So just do it.”

As I said that, I reached out and touched the light floating in front of me.

The moment I pressed it with a finger, the tip burst into flames.

Fire always hurts like hell, but this felt like my skin was being ripped off.

Isabel’s eyes went wide as she quickly canceled the spell.

“…Ha. So that’s what you came here for?

Too scared to kill yourself, so you wanted someone else to do it?”

She grabbed me by the collar.

She was much stronger than I was. I squirmed, but couldn’t move at all.

And I was starting to choke.

“You think killing you would make me feel better?

Fuck, I actually thought we were friends! Probably just me, huh?

This is all an act! That apology is bullshit too, isn’t it?”

It was an honor to hear her say she thought we were friends.

It meant more than I could express, thinking she actually felt close to me.

I really thought she didn’t care at all.

Which meant… the betrayal must have hurt even worse.

“Keh, haah! I-I mean… when I get all heated, sometimes I just, hahh, pull the trigger without thinking.

The complicated stuff… I’ll think about it later.”

Isabel, looking completely dazed, suddenly dropped to the ground like she lost all strength.

She muttered something under her breath, staggered up again, and picked up my severed hand.

Then she started reattaching it with a healing spell.

Was this her plan all along?

“Not a drop of blood on your clothes, huh…”

They weren’t even mine—Ethel gave them to me. I couldn’t get them too dirty.

There were a few bloodstains, but that couldn’t be helped.

“…Follow me.”

Behind us, Theo looked relieved, his face awkward.

It was kind of funny, but I didn’t laugh. Not in front of Isabel.

“The kids are terrified of you, so I’m not taking you into the church.”

Isabel pulled me up, brushed the dirt off my face and shoulders.

Her face looked like she might cry at any moment.

She took me and Theo to a nearby café.

Of course, none of us had any money, so Isabel paid for everyone.

“So? Why’d you come?”

“I came to apologize for everything that’s happened until now.”

“…Really?”

“…Yeah.”

“I don’t know what’s real or fake anymore with you.

You barged into the church, hugged me—like you’d never done before—and then stabbed me in the stomach. So don’t expect me to think you’re the victim.”

I was the one who went too far from the start.

“Honestly, even if I said I forgive you, I’m not sure I’d mean it.

You scare me. Even if you look weak now, I don’t know when you’ll turn again.”

“If I do, Theo’ll split my head open.”

“So why’d you disappear for so long, and then suddenly show up with Ellen?”

Hard to explain.

If I died, time would rewind.

Just for the two of us.

How do I even begin to say that?

Even not getting thrown in a psych ward would be a miracle.

…Then again, maybe there aren’t any psych wards here.

“…It’s complicated to explain.”

“Figures. But if you can someday, tell me.”

She really trusted me.

“Alright.”

Isabel downed a sweet drink filled with lemon in one go and set the glass down.

She frowned, rubbing her temples, deep in thought for a while.

“Ellen.”

Felt like an hour had passed.

Probably wasn’t even five minutes.

Isabel called my name.

“Yeah?”

“I… I don’t really care anymore. If you’re sorry, I’ll accept that and be done.

But later, come back. Go to the kids in the church and kneel. Tell them you were wrong.”

She didn’t say when.

Probably when those kids she mentioned—who got beaten—were doing a little better.

Kneeling to apologize, huh.

Would that really be enough?

At least she didn’t tell me to stab myself in the gut and die, so I guess it was okay.

“I’ll do that.”

“…And pay for all the furniture your subordinates smashed.”

“I’ll replace everything in the church with new ones.”

“…You don’t have to go that far.”

“It’s hard just sitting here face to face with you.

I’m scared of you. I hate you.

It’s just… complicated. I can’t even explain it.

Later. When I’ve sorted it out, let’s talk again.

I’m leaving now, don’t follow me.”

With that, Isabel stood up and walked out.

I turned to Theo.

“Doesn’t feel like anything’s been resolved.”

“How could it be?

She just wants you to own up and apologize.

No one can fix this. It’s not like the demons you killed are coming back to life.”

“There is one way to bring them back.”

I said, pulling out a pistol.

Theo grabbed my hand and twisted it, taking the gun away.

Seems like everyone’s obsessed with wrecking my hands these days.

“Don’t.”

“…Okay. Give me back the gun.”

Theo emptied the bullets and handed the gun back.

Then, after a while, he muttered under his breath.

“Like hell you haven’t tried already, you lunatic.”

“Sorry.”

The words just slipped out.

What was I even apologizing for?

“Yeah.”

For putting him through this?

For making him keep me alive?

Or maybe, for dragging him into a miserable, endless cycle when he didn’t need to be?

I didn’t know.

It just came out of me.

My eyes felt a little damp. I buried my face in the table and whispered “I’m sorry” so no one could hear.

I didn’t know who I was apologizing to.

Alicia, Julian, Theo, Ethel, Isabel… maybe even the demons.

Or maybe I was just apologizing to the world for the fact that I was still alive.

Nothing had been resolved.

I’d just been forced to feel things I didn’t want to feel.

Because doing all that and expecting forgiveness—was never going to make any sense.