Chapter 8: S#2. That (3)

“If you don’t want to die, hand over that envelope.”

I lifted the clown off the ground by his collar.

The clown didn’t struggle; he just cackled.

It seemed shock therapy was necessary.

I slammed his body against the sewer wall.

“Argh…!”

“How about it, clown. Ready to hand over the envelope now?”

“Kuh… Kuhuhuhuhu! Hee, heeheehee!”

Suddenly, a sharp pain spread through my right arm.

“Agh!”

The clown had bitten into my arm.

Startled, I pulled away.

Crooked teeth marks were left on my forearm.

The skin wasn’t torn, but it had turned red.

I felt extremely disgusted.

“Crazy bastard…!”

“Kahaha! Let’s play tag, George! Try to catch me! If you catch me, I’ll give you a balloon!”

The clown pulled out a balloon from beyond the sewer and twisted it into the shape of a dog.

His sneering face was utterly loathsome.

I wanted to yank off his red sponge nose and shove it down his throat.

I took a deep breath.

If this were an action movie, I would jump into the sewer and give the clown a good hit, but this is the world of a horror movie.

You can’t fall for the killer’s provocation.

Diving into an obvious trap could get you killed.

I should just call the cops.

The clown kept spewing nonsense.

“Kehkehkeh, don’t want to come this way? Then should I come catch you, George?”

“Cut the crap and stay put. I’m calling the police.”

“Don’t want to play tag? How about a race then?”

“You’re insane. Go yourself with that race nonsense.”

“George, let’s race to your house then!”

The clown then said Nancy’s home address in a chilling voice.

It felt like a hammer blow to the head. How does he know the address?

“How… how do you know that…?”

“Kehkehkeh, it’s written on your palm!”

Damn it…!

Nancy had written her home address on my palm in the car.

In the moment I reached out to grab the clown in the sewer, I must have shown him the address.

This is bad.

Before I could do anything, the clown disappeared into the darkness of the sewer.

His shadowy laughter was soon buried by the sound of rain.

The clown had mentioned a race.

The destination is Nancy’s house… Ellen is there alone right now.

What would happen to Ellen if the clown got there first?

Boom-boom-boom-

The sky, dark as a black sheep, spat out lightning.

A flash illuminated everything, followed by a thunderous roar that shook the earth.

I stood there dazed for a moment.

It felt like my brain had gone on strike.

Nancy finally arrived, late and out of breath.

Panting, she asked me,

“Huff, huff… Summer, my assignment… did you find it?”

“Nancy. What time does it need to be submitted by?”

“By 10 o’clock.”

It’s 9 o’clock now. Only one hour left to submit.

Of course, the assignment isn’t the issue right now.

That crazy clown f*cker is heading towards Ellen’s house.

Ellen was alone.

I have to stop him.

“Nancy. Call the police, please.”

“The police?”

“The escaped convict was in the sewer.”

The color drained from Nancy’s face.

I didn’t tell her that the escaped clown murderer was heading to her house.

I didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily.

I’ll handle it.

Both the assignment and the escaped convict, two birds with one stone.

Save Nancy from failing and Ellen from the clown.

It was a simple plan.

“Nancy. Go to campus. I’ll bring the assignment before 10 o’clock.”

“But…”

“Hurry. Just make the call.”

I opened the sewer lid in the middle of the road.

A chilling laugh came up from the deep darkness.

Just as I was about to jump into the sewer, Nancy grabbed me.

“Wait…!!”

“Why, Nancy?”

“There’s that legend passed down in the town… It says the monster’s habitat is in the sewer.”

“……”

“Be careful, Summer. I have a bad feeling.”

The monster’s habitat is in the sewer, according to legend.

Why the hell would Nancy bring that up now…

Bad premonitions always come true.

That’s the law in horror movies.

As if an escaped clown wasn’t enough, now there’s foreshadowing of an encounter with a legendary monster.

Anyway, there was no time to hesitate.

I jumped into the sewer.

—
Raei  Translations
—

-The air underground was sticky and thick.

The clown’s laughter echoed like groans in a coffin.

The damp darkness stretched endlessly.

It felt like passing through the maw of hell, the narrator whispered ominously.

Dark and damp sewer. Rainwater gushed through the central channel.

The backflowing water smelled like sh*t.

“Narrator. Give me a hint. Where should I go to catch him?”

-The murderer’s chilling voice echoed emptily in the sewer.

“No… don’t narrate.”

There’s one hour left. I need to find and subdue the clown.

The goal was clear, but the process was daunting. The sewers were too dark to guess his location.

Suddenly, I heard a splashing sound from somewhere.

It was a faint sound, like drops of water falling, but my keen senses didn’t miss it.

The clown was over there.

Thinking of catching that irritating bastard and sending him back to jail already pumped me up with energy.

I dashed towards the direction of the splashing sound.

But when I got there, the clown was nowhere to be seen.

What the hell. Where is he?

I’m sure the sound came from this direction.

As I looked around, I heard a mocking murmur.

“Kukuk… I’m floating around here…”

It was a sound coming from the water channel where the current flowed.

No way.

Before I could react, the dirty water’s surface violently rippled.

“Let’s float together!”

Splash, the clown burst out of the water.

It was a sudden attack, but I calmly responded by punching him hard in the jaw with my fist.

The clown fell with a single blow.

I picked up the envelope he was holding.

It was soaking wet from rainwater and sewage.

The assignment inside must be drenched too.

“Nancy. Looks like you’re going to fail…”

But the envelope was bulging, as if filled with air.

Curious, I opened it. Inside wasn’t the assignment.

It was a balloon dog.

“That’s a gift for you, Johnny!”

I heard a voice from behind.

Turning around, I saw the clown, now standing, holding a large dagger.

The blade drew a sharp trajectory.

I exerted my superhuman reflexes, leaning my torso back.

Whoosh.

The blade narrowly missed.

It was a moment close to meeting the Grim Reaper.

“Wuhuhu! Kahahaha!!”

“Damn…!”

“Laugh, Johnny! You should laugh too!!”

The clown burst into laughter, quickly closing the distance. He was about the same height as me but incredibly agile.

Whipping his dagger, he tried to slash me, moving so fast that all I saw was an afterimage.

He was dressed like a pervert, but he was not to be underestimated.

A threatening opponent.

I stepped back, sweating coldly.

“That’s a dead end, Johnny!”

My back hit the wall.

There was no more room to back up.

The clown opened his mouth wide, laughing.

Red flesh was stuck between his grotesquely twisted teeth.

Staring at the dagger the clown thrust closely, I wondered.

What would a protagonist in a horror movie do in this situation?

“……Wait.”

I raised my palm.

The approaching clown suddenly stopped.

As if a pause button had been pressed, the sewer was momentarily engulfed in silence.

I opened my mouth.

“Clown. Do you know what the fruit that grandparents eat the most is?”

“Kek kek, what is it?”

“A grandpear.”

A joke.

So unfunny it could make you vomit, but perfectly tailored to the clown’s level of humor.

The clown’s face contorted as he heard my joke, like he accidentally chewed a bitter pill.

Maybe it wasn’t funny?

Grandpear, even I think that was too much.

But that was only for a moment.

“…Kahak, kuh, kahahaha! Puhuh, uahaha, uhhuhuhu!”

The clown started laughing so hard he held his stomach.

He laughed so much his pale, powdered face turned red.

The clown’s killing method is cruel.

He tells a joke and if you don’t laugh, he slits your mouth open.

If you do laugh, he keeps telling jokes until you can’t laugh anymore.

A vile tactic with no counter, and the jokes he throws are absolutely cringeworthy and painfully unfunny.

The creepy part is, the clown genuinely finds such jokes hilarious.

This characteristic of his can be exploited.

I fired off a series of unfunny jokes.

“What happens when a knife gets serious? It becomes black.”

“Wuhuhuhu! Wuhuk, wuhuhuhu! Wahahaha, phuh, haaaahahaha! My stomach hurts! Kuhuhuhu!!”

“What’s the name of a man living in the Amazon? Maybe, John[1]?”

“Kahahahat, kuhuk, phuhuhaha! Wait, wait!! Haha, hahahaha! Johnny, I’m gonna die for real!!!”

“Why did Usain Bolt leave the track? Because Usain Nut was passing by.”

“……”

Suddenly, the clown stopped laughing.

“That last joke wasn’t funny, Johnny.”

“What’s the matter, clown? You expect me to laugh at your jokes, but why don’t you laugh at mine?”

I caught him in a contradiction.

My point should fluster the clown.

A surprise psychological attack works even on psycho killers.

But my expectations were off.

The clown wasn’t flustered. He just tilted his head sideways and retorted.

“I don’t know who Usain Bolt is.”

…Right, this was the 80s.

Usain Bolt hadn’t been born yet.

Well, anyway, it didn’t matter.

I had seized a moment to counterattack.

“An opening!!”

I kicked the clown’s abdomen with my leg.

Thump!

His body folded like a shrimp.

I didn’t miss the chance and slammed my elbow into the back of his head.

Then, I stomped on his little toe and crushed it.

“Aaaargh…!!”

“It’s time to go back to prison.”

“Uh… uhit, wuhuhuhit!! There’s no prison that can hold meeee! Ehehehehe!”

“Then I’ll send you to hell instead. Continue laughing there.”

I pushed him against the wall and smashed his head.

With a sound like a watermelon cracking, the clown passed out.

Looking down at the clown, foaming at the mouth and sprawled out, I smiled.

The winner laughs last.

—

[1. raei: joke doesn’t translate. Amazon. ‘Ama’ is the pronunciation of the Korean word for ‘maybe’, and john is pretty close to ‘zon.’ I haven’t watched ‘It’, are the jokes/puns this bad?]