Chapter 8
by AfuhfuihgsChapter 8 – A Hopeless Life
—–CROW—–
As a proud university student of South Korea, I always had one wish.
“…I don’t want to wake up.”
That my one day off per week would be today.
Why was today Tuesday?
Why wasn’t today Wednesday, my day off?
Whenever I had these thoughts, regret washed over me for not scheduling my day off for Tuesday.
‘Or would I just regret it tomorrow as well?’
Of course, I was very self-aware.
So, I shook my head and chided myself whenever such thoughts crossed my mind.
As I was dawdling with these thoughts, I heard my mother’s voice from outside, just like yesterday.
“Son! Are you awake?”
“I just woke up.”
“Hurry up and get ready, Seo-ah is already here waiting for you.”
“…Huh?”
Thinking I’d misheard, I quickly checked the time on my smartphone.
It was 7:30.
Still two hours until my first class.
She ditched me yesterday, so why was she ready so early today?
“Mom.”
“What is it, son?”
“Can you tell Han Seo-ah to go back? It’s still two hours early.”
“What are you talking about? Do you want to die by my hand?”
“…I’ll get ready and go out.”
“Good, that’s my son.”
“Your mom and Seo-ah will be waiting in the living room with some fruit!”
Hearing the news that only made me sigh, I started to get dressed.
And then, a sudden thought.
“…Is Han Seo-ah really out there right now?”
I had to go out of my room to wash up.
Judging by the state of my hair, I couldn’t go out without a hat.
It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to show Han Seo-ah like this.
We’d already seen each other at our worst.
My mom said we even bathed together when we were very young, though I honestly didn’t remember.
– Wow, your hair. Seriously disgusting, Si-woo.
– Can I take a picture? I’ll look at it whenever I’m feeling down.
I didn’t want to hear Han Seo-ah’s disgusted remarks about my current state.
It made me feel like a piece of trash every time I heard them.
People who haven’t experienced this wouldn’t understand.
“…What should I do?”
I felt utterly hopeless.
Like nothing I did would matter.
As a last resort, I sent Han Seo-ah a message.
—–
[Hey] – Me
[Why are you texting instead of coming out?] – Han Seo-ah
[Can you go to your house for a bit?] – Me
[??? You want to come to ‘my’ house?] – Han Seo-ah
[No, not me, you] – Me
[What nonsense? I came all the way here because you told me not to leave you yesterday] – Han Seo-ah
[Don’t you want to see me looking like a mess? I haven’t washed up yet;] – Me
[Ugh, are you suddenly shy because you’re getting old? Fine. I’ll just go back for a bit, right?] – Han Seo-ah
[Thank you so much, Seo-ah.] – Me
[…Can you please not suddenly use periods and commas? It’s a little creepy.] – Han Seo-ah
[Then I’ll go out now, so get ready quickly] – Han Seo-ah
—–
“Seo-ah, where are you going?”
“I left something at home, I’m going to get it.”
“Oh, hurry back!”
“Yes, I’ll be right back, Mom.”
Han Seo-ah and my mom’s voices reached me as soon as I received the last message.
This was my chance.
It was unexpected that the usually playful Han Seo-ah had backed down so easily, but there was no other time.
‘Click’
Thinking I had to get ready as quickly as possible, I quickly opened the door.
“Ah, I almost forgot my phone…”
“…”
I made eye contact with Han Seo-ah, who had just turned back from the front door because she’d forgotten her phone.
…Damn it.
This life was hopeless.
***
The bus was relatively empty since we were out earlier than usual.
“Lee Si-woo?”
“…”
“Are you really mad?”
I was clenching my teeth, ignoring Han Seo-ah.
Han Seo-ah frowned, completely bewildered.
“I said I was sorry. What’s wrong?”
“…You did say sorry.”
– Hey, you…
– Pfft. Sorry, I’m not laughing on purpose… Pffft.
But it was an apology mixed with a lot of mockery.
“…”
Han Seo-ah also closed her mouth, seemingly having nothing to say.
Please, just be quiet for a moment.
I really wanted to be alone right now.
So, we maintained an eternal silence.
One stop, two stops.
We remained silent even when there was only one stop left until we reached the university.
And it was Han Seo-ah who broke this seemingly endless silence.
“…Lee Si-woo?”
Han Seo-ah’s voice was definitely softer than before.
With a bit of exaggeration, it sounded like the voice of a sinner who had committed a mortal sin.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“…Yeah, better than before.”
Perhaps because I’d had a moment to calm down, I was feeling much better.
I was a different person from the one who had been expressing his hurt feelings just moments ago.
‘…Well, it wasn’t something to get that upset about.’
As I said, Han Seo-ah and I had already seen each other at our worst.
The reason I kept showing my hurt feelings on the bus was because she laughed at me, not because she saw me looking bad.
“Really? That’s a relief.”
Han Seo-ah, who couldn’t have imagined my thoughts, smiled in relief.
Judging by her gentle voice, she must have been really worried that I was upset.
I suddenly felt guilty, though I wasn’t sure why.
“I thought you weren’t going to talk to me all day.”
“…Why would I? It’s not like I showed you something truly embarrassing.”
“True, it was just a little worse than usual. No different from your weekend self.”
“…”
Was she trying to comfort me?
Or was she just saying it was no different from usual, so I should get over it?
Since no inner thought sentences appeared like yesterday, it seemed like she wasn’t lying.
Fortunately, my question was soon answered.
“I was surprised, you know. I thought you were actually sulking because of that.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve seen you look bad. It’s a bit much to sulk just because you showed me a slightly uglier version of yourself than usual.”
[It’s okay, Si-woo. Even your sloppy side is just cute to me.]
[I like the usual calm Si-woo, but I also really like this cute Si-woo sometimes.]
Han Seo-ah’s inner thoughts, appearing as soon as she spoke, clearly showed that she didn’t mean what she just said.
Even finding ‘that’ cute was a bit creepy.
I was undeniably ugly just now, even in my own opinion.
And I wasn’t even particularly good-looking to begin with.
Yet she found me cute in that state.
Han Seo-ah’s hidden feelings for me were far beyond my imagination.
…My face felt hot.
Maybe the news reports about the disappearance of the four seasons were true.
It was already this hot, even though it was only April.
Han Seo-ah, seemingly noticing my flushed face, spoke in a surprised voice.
“What’s wrong with your face?”
“…What?”
“It’s much redder than before. Do you have a cold?”
“It’s only April, how could I have a cold? I’m just hot.”
“Hot? You were complaining about being cold on the way back yesterday.”
“…”
Did I?
Now that I thought about it, I think I did.
“A person can be cold yesterday and hot today.”
“…Is that so?”
“Yeah. They say the temperature difference in the desert can be up to 60 degrees.”
“…This is South Korea.”
Han Seo-ah frowned as if I was talking nonsense.
Hmm, maybe I went too far.
But I couldn’t think of a better example.
Flustered by her unexpected rebuttal, I started rambling whatever came to mind.
“They say South Korea is undergoing desertification.”
“…Suddenly?”
“If that’s a lie, it shouldn’t be this hot in April.”
“I’m not hot.”
“…Okay, it’s because of you. I’m dying of heat because of you, Han Seo-ah.”
“…Because of me?”
“Yeah, I’m this hot because of you…”
I finally realized my mistake mid-sentence.
“…I’m hot because I’m annoyed with you.”
“…Huh?”
“I’m hot because I’m so annoyed that you laughed at me earlier. Got it?”
“Is that what it was?”
“Did you think it was something else?”
“…No, I didn’t.”
I tried my best to recover, but judging by the sentences still appearing, it was already too late.
[I was surprised. Because Si-woo said he was hot because of me…]
[For a moment, I thought Si-woo felt the same way as me.]
Han Seo-ah’s inner thoughts still contradicted her words.
Seeing her inner thoughts made the words I’d just blurted out even more embarrassing.
What was I thinking when I said that?
This was all Han Seo-ah’s fault.
Why did she suddenly show me her inner thoughts about liking me and make me so flustered?
I grumbled inwardly, words I didn’t mean.
I had to do this to stop my heart from racing.
As I said before.
This life was definitely hopeless.
—–CROW—–
[T/N: As there are no paid readers for this Novel the schedule of free chapters will be changed, from now 1/Week.]
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