Identity (2)

With a single gesture from Erica, the knife was knocked away.

I tried to take action, but it was difficult because of the handcuffs.

“Please undo them…”

The mumbled sentence didn’t have much meaning.

Erica, who had somehow approached the man I was holding and started checking his condition, seemed to be calling for medical staff and didn’t give me a single glance.

“Are you very angry? Hm?”

“…”

“Let’s stop this meaningless cold war. We have to stick together anyway, don’t we?”

“No.”

I tried to twist my hair but my hands were tied again because of the handcuffs.

I gestured towards the man with my eyes.

“You know. He’s the last survivor of the Awakened group at the scene. I barely saved him from Jekyll and brought him here, you know?”

“Wow. That’s really great. Of course you should have saved him and brought him here. Right.”

“You seem to think I’m some kind of good kid.”

I was about to say I’m not, but stopped.

“I understand you’re not in a good mood right now. But that’s that, and anyway, what I did was pretty… Just undo the handcuffs. Okay? My wrists won’t survive.”

“Reconciliation?”

“Ah, yes. That’s right. Reconciliation. I’m proposing reconciliation.”

“If you really want to reconcile, no one acts like that. You should kneel politely, recite what you did wrong, and speak about your future course of action while watching my reaction.”

Isn’t it strange to say that to me?

You didn’t use to be like this.

I’m not someone such common sense talk works on.

And when you, who knows this fact better than anyone, say such things to me.

It feels as if our relationship really hasn’t gone wrong at all.

Something twitched inside. Suddenly feeling the urge to throw a tantrum, I threw the man to the floor.

“This is the person I brought. I brought him with effort.”

“Huh.”

“Is it okay to treat me like this when I helped with your investigation? I even apologized. Then you should listen. Just soften your expression. And smile.”

“I don’t want to.”

When did you become so rebellious?

Before… I liked it when you were hostile to me but obediently followed my words.

Actually, it seems like I’m gradually realizing that I can’t handle the other person as I please, only after our relationship has somehow deepened.

“Are you angry now?”

“Yes, I am. I even gave you a chance to reconcile, but you’re busy throwing tantrums like a child, aren’t you?”

“You’re making a mistake now. You’ll regret spitting out all sorts of insulting words at me.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll, I’ll take a knife and here…”

“Are you threatening again? Go ahead. If you want to cut ties with me forever, do it.”

Ties? From the start, our…

Right.

It wasn’t worth struggling now to recall the meaning of such words one by one and realize it was wrong.

Somehow, the threats I used to pour on you are no longer considered extraordinary in our daily life.

You, who have seen all of my fallen state, have really started to see through my skin, temperature, and perhaps even this wretched blood completely.

You’ve already thoroughly read the dictionary that is me and started taking the feelings I have for you hostage.

That’s what I thought.

Now, not even knowing whether you or I am the one staging the hostage situation. While feeling dejected that the relationship has reversed.

Then I couldn’t help but feel powerless at the thought that everything I had been doing until now, or on the other hand, the plan I had been carefully carrying out, at least for me, had all come to nothing.

Then what’s left? What’s left for me, desperately clinging to the rope that’s starting to break.

Your gaze that’s starting to change, or your tone and touch that have begun to treat me as a living being.

And memories of being hit head-on with kindness to the point of humiliation.

Looking at Erica, who was still exuding coldness, I ran a hand over my face.

It’s good, but it’s not good.

“…I’m sorry.”

That’s how I yielded.

Accepting the relationship.

“I was wrong.”

I yielded.

The medical staff who had come in supported the man and took him out.

As I hesitated with the handcuffs jingling, Erica sat in a chair, crossed her legs, and tapped the desk with her fingers a few times.

It was a sign to come here.

“You made it come this far when it could have ended quickly with just one apology. Do you think you know how to treat others now?”

“I’m not good at that kind of thing. I was just hoping you’d understand.”

“Do you still have the energy to resist?”

“No, that’s not it.”

I knelt down.

“So it’s a kind of, um… asking for understanding. An excuse, I guess. Hoping that kind-hearted you would generously forgive me.”

“You’re good at flattery. Geez.”

I moved my lips.

“I don’t know what tune to dance to. One moment you’re crying and asking to be treated gently, and today you’re asking to be hit and trampled on, so I didn’t know what to think.”

“…”

“You know it well yourself, right? You’re always bullying me at every opportunity. Just when I think it’s quiet, you bring something weird and throw a tantrum.”

Tantrum, yes, tantrum.

You’re treating it so simply.

It’s not bad.

It’s just like calmly accepting pain as part of daily life when you get used to it.

“Uh, yes. You were troubled. I wasn’t considerate.”

“What on earth does that mean? Considerate?”

“Getting hit by you doesn’t make my reason work properly.”

“Ah.”

Erica hesitated.

“Um, did it hurt a lot?”

“It’s okay. It was thrilling.”

“I’m just asking in case, but that’s not your preference, is it?”

I just wanted pleasure that would shake my brain with a single slap on the cheek.

I didn’t want to think about anything. I wanted to escape.

“I guess I was a bit emotional then too.”

“It’s my fault. It’s my fault for wanting that.”

Silence fell, and I slightly lowered my head. My knees touching the floor were cold.

“Think of it that way.”

“It’s fine.”

I felt a touch on my chin. A small force lifted my chin.

“You don’t have to say such things.”

Just as I thought her anger had subsided and I was about to stand up slightly.

“I’m not planning to take off the handcuffs anyway.”

“What? Why?”

“What?”

“Wasn’t this the flow where we wrap things up in a good mood and you take off the handcuffs?”

Erica looked at me silently and then let out a dry laugh.

“What? Ah. Did you deceive me again?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Did you pretend to be sorry because of the handcuffs? Pretend to repent?”

“No.”

“No way. It’s true.”

“No, I did want the handcuffs to be taken off… but I’m really sorry.”

She didn’t seem to hear.

“I said earlier. To kneel politely, recite what you did wrong, and talk about your future course of action.”

Erica crossed her legs the other way. She tapped the desk with her fingers a few times and then returned with a calm expression.

“I don’t expect much from you. Because it’s you, after all. Let’s skip everything and go straight to the last part. Course of action.”

It was then that my meager pride started to boil. I felt like I would lose something if I completely lost to her now while being unilaterally interrogated.

Obediently listening to her words, following her, and cooperating as usual…

It wasn’t just because I couldn’t attempt future plans. It was because of how I wanted to see myself. To have a stance of throwing tantrums and acting selfishly, like a child in a toy store.

You could say I wanted something impulsive. Because I kept wishing for something. About myself. About my personality.

So I maintained silence. She, who was about to move her lips to convey something more, blinked a few times when she saw my appearance.

It was none other than Erica who broke the silence that had flowed for a few seconds.

“I knew this would happen. I guess I’ll have to be more forceful.”

“…”

“Promise me.”

“What?”

“To obediently listen. At least just for now. I guess that will be the policy.”

Specific words abstractly… anyway, that wasn’t the important thing.

“Okay. I will. But what are you going to talk about?”

“You know the conversation we had before?”

“Which one?”

“The illness.”

Mental illness.

But she expressed it vaguely.

“You’re quite obsessed.”

“You know you’re in no position to say that, right? You need to understand me a little.”

“I’m not…”

“Don’t change the subject. Don’t think about standing up, keep kneeling.”

I felt the hierarchy.

Well, this isn’t bad either.

“I understand. But even if you’re so curious, what I can say is limited.”

She nodded slightly, so I responded to that.

“It’s true that my body is weak. But it’s not serious. As far as humans go, it’s just like a cold. At most, it would be the flu.”

“Isn’t that painful too?”

“You and I are different species. Because I’m a vampire. It’s like a kind of… complex that the species itself has.”

Erica nodded with a skeptical face.

“I’m taking medicine regularly too. If it’s still hard, I smoke cigarettes as a painkiller… Even that, these days the illness has improved a lot so I don’t touch it much.”

“Then what about at the store today?”

“I forgot to take my medicine.”

I answered hastily.

I conveyed a mix of truth and lies, so I should have gotten through it somehow.

“I’m fine now.”

“Really?”

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying. I know my body best.”

Suddenly.

For a moment, I heard a ringing in my ears.

When the number 4 started to glow next to me along with unreadable characters.

That is, when I realized that the final act was slowly approaching.

When my shoulder was slightly pushed by her finger, and I coughed up blood.

At that moment, I could only meet her eyes that had suddenly lost their light.

“You lied.”