Chapter 79: Don’t Leave me

When repeated, one becomes numb.

Memories, experiences, stimuli, pain.

For example, the scent of a cigarette.

The bittersweet, astringent taste left on the tip of the tongue, the aftertaste of the hot smoke of a burnt magic weed, the bitter smell that fills the room.

For example, the dusty sofa. 

Lying face down on the old sofa, which is moderately cool and moderately hard, and when the coolness covers the surface of the skin, turning one’s head to inhale the dusty and deeply ingrained smell of cigarettes.

For example, under the sunken dawn air, the last scream of a victim falling in a dark alley and the thick, blood-red scent.

It’s a familiar experience.

If someone lights a magic weed and hands it to me, the scene of a dark, quiet, and narrow room will come to mind, and my heart will sink deeply.

But I won’t be able to recall which day’s memory it is.

It was a familiar routine, and since it was just a day of being alive, the experience couldn’t become a memory.

Human memory is extremely vague, subjective, and highly volatile, so it is bound to be forgotten, altered, and finally disappear.

Brown hair, brown eyes, a faint scent of lavender, the most lovely person.

I remember my first meeting with her.

Peanuts, macadamia nuts, chocolate chips, walnuts, cashews, sugar.

I remember the taste of the cookies.

I remember the warmth of a hug, I remember the day we first went out together, I remember the moment of our first kiss, the moment our lips mixed.

More vividly than anything else.

To the extent that I can close my eyes and recall that moment, that feeling at that time of that day.

But I don’t remember every moment I spent with her.

Only the faint scent, the soft touch, the sense of warmth and experience are engraved.

That’s why that kiss was beautiful.

The kiss on the railway track, where the burning evening glow was crushed by the darkness, the heart racing hotly, the affection engraved on my fingertips and shaking my body.

The second kiss at the same place, however, was not so beautiful. It’s not just that the repetition of the experience faded the color of that emotion.

If I had a heart, it would have just accepted it vaguely and uncomfortably.

I opened my eyes.

Ruins, ruins, and ruins.

Everywhere my sight reaches is a crumbled ruin.

Everywhere my eyes reach, even to the hill beyond, the surface of the earth was covered with bricks and pieces of iron, cracked stones and overgrown grass roots, scattered pieces of plastic, and occasionally visible pieces of white bone covered in dirty clothes.

A refreshing day, a clear mood.

It’s a bit hot, but the air is dry, so it’s not unpleasant.

There are no tall buildings, no large trees, and not even the presence of others, so my vision is wide open and it even feels refreshing.

I step on the crushed bricks and walk into the ruins.

In the past, there must have been quite a few buildings that were not low, but now they have all collapsed, and the debris of broken bricks and concrete, mixed with fragments of human bones or traces of civilization that are difficult to distinguish from the debris, lie scattered in a mess, slowly passing by on both sides.

It’s a completely unfamiliar space.

It’s not just the sight of these collapsed ruins that is unfamiliar to me.

Even the appearance of the village before it was destroyed by that monster and became a flat pile of fragments would have been unfamiliar to me.

In the first place, it had never been familiar.

[Don’t go in. Go back. Why did you even come here?]

“…”

I was silent at the ghost’s sudden words.

‘You’re right. Why did I come?’

I don’t know either. I didn’t want to come, but I wanted to.

But I think one thing is certain.

Before I leave, there’s something I need to sort out.

There are things I need to check.

Anyway, Yujin also needs to sort things out, and there are many things to prepare, so I’m not short on time.

There’s no reason for magical girls to come looking for this place, and it’s unlikely that someone will appear to clean up and redevelop these ruins, so the possibility of running into someone and getting into trouble is low.

If there was enough manpower or administrative power to clean up these ruins that were created a year and a few months ago, things that could be called civilization would have been rebuilt long ago.

[Don’t you have to kill people anymore? Don’t do anything unnecessary and just leave with that woman. It’s a good path for everyone.]

“You’re right, ghost.”

He’s right, but it’s not his business.

In the first place, this damn phantom hasn’t done anything for my relationship with her.

A ghost that wanders around as always and speaks in an unnecessarily annoying tone.

A ghost floating above the dry ruins where concrete dust flies might feel scary or gloomy, but this small figure just looks ridiculous.

Perhaps it was just my imagination, but the small black tablecloth, which looked fainter and more ridiculous than usual, I shooed it away with a wave of my hand and walked deeper into the ruins.

Ironically, I can’t picture what this town looked like before it became ruins, its overall appearance.

I remember that the exterior of the old villa, which was at least 40 years old, was decorated with red bricks, but I don’t remember how many floors it had, how many windows it had, or how many steps there were at the entrance.

From the playground I had seen only a few times, all I remember is one swing.

That’s why, in the pile of stones of the ruins, I couldn’t distinguish where each building was, or what kind of place it was.

But for some reason, my feet moved.

Following my instincts, following the beat of my heart, following the feeling given by the lump that I once called a tumor and now has become a small jewel-like shape embedded in my chest, or perhaps simply following the traces left in my memory.

The place I arrived at was an empty lot where piles of bricks were scattered in a mess.

A place where an old villa once stood.

The same ruins, the same pile of bricks, but a place clearly engraved in my memory.

The place where I first opened my eyes as Sanguine Obsidia, where I came to my senses in the collapsed ruins.

I’m sure there was a huge corpse of a monster lying in front of me.

Looking at the concave depression in the pile of bricks and concrete, it seems to be the trace of it.

And it’s also the place where I made a contract with a self-proclaimed spirit called Spooky Obscuritas,

And it’s also the place where I, who doesn’t even remember my name before becoming Lee Seoa, before becoming Sanguine Obsidia, lived.

“…”

The ghost is either not interested, or just watching my every move, flying low and circling around. Distracted, restless, as if anxious.

Or maybe it’s me who is anxious, so it looks that way.

And in a corner, next to where a fragment of a human bone protrudes, there was a familiar trace.

At first glance, it looks just like another piece of brick, but there is a clear trace of powerful magic, a trace of existence, in other words, a place where a spirit died.

I don’t remember.

No, I remember.

Memory.

Yes, memory.

All that’s left are fragmented pieces.

An alley lined with similarly old villas, a damp-smelling wall, nameless flowers blooming on the vines wrapped around the wall, a winding alley, small shacks crammed into the gaps, a playground with the impressive sound of a creaking swing.

An older, small cookie whose scent I don’t even remember.

Injected pain, morality, conscience, and affection.

And a small TV screen.

I sat down on a pile of stones.

…I was afraid of the outside, the outside world. Both my oldest and most recent memories were of a narrow, dark room.

A narrow, dark room, sometimes with clubs and wooden sticks and pain, sometimes with handcuffs, sometimes with hunger, sometimes with loud shouts and angry voices.

I wasn’t afraid because I was used to it.

But I was afraid of the outside world.

Once, for some reason, I went outside.

Led by a rough, big hand, I followed the aching wrist.

A winding alley whose detailed shape I don’t even remember, children, pointing fingers, ridicule.

The image of a fragrant-looking cookie on the TV screen, happy faces, free children.

Outside the house was a very desolate, scary, and cold place. I wonder if that’s what I thought.

“It’s not me.”

I am Lee Seoa, Sanguine Obsidia. But the traces of memory constantly overwhelm me.

I went to the memorial park last time. I found the names of the dead at the memorial park and asked Spooky.

Why did you come to me?

Why didn’t you let me die?

I thought I couldn’t protect them.

I endured for a long time in a small room due to assault and abuse, but I thought of the person who inflicted the pain directly, the person who neglected and blamed me, and the person who betrayed and abandoned me as my family.

So when they died under the huge paw of the monster, when I couldn’t protect them, I blamed myself.

I thought I blamed myself.

“Ha, haha…”

A dry laugh comes out. I haven’t even said a few words, but a hoarse, metallic sound comes out of my throat.

“Hahaha… Ahahahaha…”

It’s ridiculous.

The fact that the newborn, one-year-old Sanguine Obsidia, who was before meeting Yujin, felt guilty while longing for a normal life, felt guilty for not being able to protect her family, and felt attached to the pain of the past, is ridiculous in itself.

That day was an ordinary day.

I was cooped up in a corner of the room, and my family was checking the rationed items they had received in my name.

I think they had happy faces because a lot had come in.

And then the monster appeared.

The claws of its huge paw grabbed and tore off the roof of the old villa, and its huge, depthless black eyes glared, taking in the gazes of the humans who were about to die.

And, against the background of the roar of the collapsing building, the sound of sirens, and the echoing screams, a black ghost-like figure approached me.

‘It’s a contract! You have talent. Make a contract with me. Become a magical girl and protect yourself and your family!’

The small Halloween ghost, in the shape of a crudely woven black tablecloth, introduced itself as a spirit named Spooky Obscuritas and said so.

There was no time to argue.

I accepted without hesitation.

Because I wanted the power to kill the monster, no, I just wanted power.

Bone-white hair, a black suit and gloves. Was that outfit influenced by some movie I saw on TV?

And, at the same time as the contract, a dark red lump that rushed to my chest.

It was a faint image, as if on the border between illusion and hallucination, but it definitely existed.

Spooky seemed surprised to see it too, so it probably wasn’t a surprise gift he had prepared.

And right after that, I felt power,

And what did I do?

I pushed away the monster’s approaching paw by impulse with a lump of magic.

I protected the three family members who were under the paw.

I definitely protected them, and I smiled.

I smiled wryly, and firmly grasped the thin, black sword that was in my hand at some point, and stabbed it into the chests of the three people who were frozen in confusion, one by one.

As if they didn’t understand what had happened in an instant, the three bodies staggered for a moment, then spewed blood and collapsed limply.

It was ridiculous. The fact that all that pain was because of these corpses that died in a single moment.

‘What in the world…’

Spooky was circling in the air with a horrified voice. So I pierced his small body with the blade as well.

The body of a spirit seems to be stronger than it looks, so Spooky didn’t die right away.

But unfortunately for him, the fact was that he didn’t die, but he didn’t have the strength to escape death. I continued to stab, slash, and dismantle.

There was enough time until the monster, surprised by the sudden appearance of a magical girl, pulled itself together and prepared for the next attack.

Finally, I thrust the blade into the weak, thin body of the ghost, into its soul.

I kill it, and plunder even its remains.

The fragmented ghost, thrown onto the ruins of the floor, dissolved into the air, leaving only a faint stain.

I laughed loudly.

Even when the monster raised its huge paw again and slammed it down, completely destroying the villa building, I crawled out of the collapsed debris and laughed.

I laughed even as I plunged the blade into the monster’s head, killed it, and swung the lumpy magic, destroying even the buildings that were still intact.

And I, now, laughed too.

Although the black ghost figure floating in front of me was not laughing.

“What are you?”

It did not answer.

A piece of the absorbed spirit’s corpse?

The voice of injected conscience and morality? Or a simple hallucination?

Either way, it doesn’t matter.

It has no meaning.

“Disappear, ghost.”

I covered the ghost’s form with my palm and swiped it away.

The ghost’s form disappeared as if it had never been there from the beginning.

Forever.

If I had done this from the beginning, I wouldn’t have had to listen to those annoying words.

I slowly stand up and walk away. I didn’t look back.

This place is just one of the many ruins scattered all over the world.

Whoever lived and died here has nothing to do with me.

It had nothing to do with me from the beginning.

I walk away, heading towards the edge of the ruins.

The sun is already setting on the mountains, and the sky is beginning to glow with a faint orange light.

The time is approaching.

The time when she will return, when we will meet again, the happiest time of every day.

My steps become lighter. My heart also becomes lighter. Instead of my consciousness floating meaninglessly, it feels like it’s slowly flying.

And with my back to the ruins, I looked towards the direction of the city, where my and her house is, and rejoiced.

Quoting someone I had seen somewhere, I let out the overflowing joy, the joy of birth.

“Moment, stay. You are so beautiful!”

***

“Is it over?”

Back at home.

She looked at me and said only that.

As if she knew everything that had happened.

The familiar scent feels even more beautiful than usual.

A normal meal, a normal life, a normal life.

“It’s over. Everything.”

But now, for me, everything is new.

The existence of what I once was has truly ended, and only now has Lee Seoa been fully born.

Yujin looked at my face and smiled brightly, just like me.