Chapter 79

My heart raced…

I had been losing my mind for hours after returning to my room.

My heart raced because of Kyle.

It was a racing heart not from being surprised or angry.

Kyle’s words, his actions made my heart race…

“I…”

I don’t know…

It was true that my heart raced because of Kyle, but I still couldn’t give a definite answer about whether I romantically loved Kyle.

I don’t know.

This feeling right now.

I thought about it while lying spread-eagled on the bed.

Why did my heart race in that situation?

Why did my heart race because of Kyle?

Why did my heart race?

“…”

Do I…

Like Kyle?

I don’t know that.

It was a difficult question for me.

Kyle…

He was certainly a good match.

In fact, Kyle is tall, has a good body, and is handsome.

Plus, he has a good personality and a very high status.

Because he’s a duke.

“But still…”

I couldn’t definitely say that I liked Kyle.

Others might think I’m a crazy bitch if they saw me.

It’s natural.

If I told others about my situation, I would just look like a crazy woman who thinks she’s a man.

But for me, I didn’t feel like I was completely a woman at all.

Even though I’ve been living in a woman’s body for over 20 years, it was still unavoidable.

Before, I didn’t really care much about it.

Thanks to the memories of my past life, I received decent grades at the boarding school and adapted better than others.

Well, sometimes I thought, “I liked this kind of thing in my past life, but it’s a shame there’s none in this life,” but it was still good.

But now, it was uncomfortable because of those memories from my past life.

“Fuck…”

If I had been an ordinary woman, would I have accepted when Kyle first confessed to me?

“I don’t fucking know. How would I know that?”

It’s not like I’m that either.

It’s just an “if.”

Something that won’t actually happen.

And to begin with, if I had been an ordinary woman, I wouldn’t have met Kyle.

I wouldn’t have suddenly gone to boarding school when I was young, and I wouldn’t have briefly been an adventurer.

So naturally, I wouldn’t have worked at Eristirol.

I would have lived a very ordinary life.

I would have stayed in the village, dated an ordinary man who would be embarrassing to compare with Kyle, and lived working.

Completely different from now.

“But the reality is completely different.”

I’m not an ordinary woman, and I received a confession from a wonderful man who would make it embarrassing to compare him with others.

And we’re not even dating yet.

What should I do?

What should I say to Kyle…

“Fuck.”

I seem to be swearing too much lately.

I was someone who occasionally swore before, but I’ve been doing it more lately.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this as someone working under the Eristirol family, but still…

“Hah…”

And so I just lay on the bed thinking until it became night.

I only thought without properly coming to a conclusion.

I…

*

“Young master.”

“Yes.”

Me, standing in front of Kyle in the morning.

My heart raced because of yesterday’s memory.

It might be too sudden a change…

No matter what, I hadn’t had my heart race just from standing like this until now.

“Do you really like me, young master?”

“Yes.”

“…”

It had been over a week since I received Kyle’s confession.

During that time, Kyle had continuously said words that were no different from confessions to me.

He also held my hands, kissed me, and hugged me.

It was surprising since these were things done in a situation where we weren’t even dating.

But what was certain was that Kyle liked me.

The problem was that I didn’t know whether I romantically liked Kyle or not.

Then…

“If you like me…”

It could be an unreasonable request.

No, it would be an unreasonable request.

If I heard such a request, I would definitely say, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“How about… just for a short time, as a test, dating for a few days…?”

Still, I had no choice but to say this.

It was unavoidable to confirm my feelings.

It’s selfish.

It was an expression that had absolutely no problem describing me now.

It was like playing with the feelings of a man who says he likes me because I’m struggling.

“I’m sorry. But…”

“I’m fine with it. If that’s what you want.”

Kyle… accepted my unreasonable request, my selfish words, words that would have been perfectly fine to answer with profanity.

Yet he accepted such a request.

As always, looking at me with a smile.

THUMP…!….!!

I felt like my heart was not just racing but pounding.

“I’m sorry…”

“I told you it’s okay.”

“But for young master…”

Isn’t this too unfair to Kyle, from a common sense perspective?

How can he react so nonchalantly when someone he likes says such things?

How can he even have an expression that says he’s happy about it?

How on earth…

“It’s okay. I’m fine even if Miss Sofia approaches me slowly.”

“…”

“Since Miss Sofia, who initially said she would never like me, is now saying such things, it means what I’ve been doing hasn’t worked out badly.”

Yes.

That’s what I said when I first heard Kyle’s confession.

That no matter what he did, no matter what he said, I would never like Kyle.

“If Miss Sofia is the one to suggest dating as a test… if I do a little better, don’t you think I can easily be with you?”

It was a statement with justified confidence.

Because it had resulted as Kyle said.

But for me, I still didn’t understand.

Despite me, a mere commoner, at best a woman, saying such things, Kyle was answering with a smile.

“Is that really enough for you, young master? If I answer that I don’t like you after it’s over…”

“Then I’ll just approach you again.”

I couldn’t answer any more to Kyle’s words.

“So when do you want to start? Can we start now?”

“… Let’s start from tomorrow.”

If we started right now… I didn’t think I could handle it.

My heart is already beating so fast.

If Kyle suddenly says something even stranger and does something…

“If we start right now… I really don’t know what will happen.”

“…”

Really.

If he suddenly embraces me and speaks as if whispering right now…

It would really get strange.

“Then I’ll act like usual just for today. From tomorrow…”

“Yes. You can do as you wish, young master.”

Is it my problem that I feel embarrassed while speaking?

Or is it Kyle’s fault?

I don’t know.

That’s how the day began.

Kyle, perhaps because he wanted to do it properly from tomorrow as I said, didn’t particularly say strange things, embrace me, hold my hand, or do such things.

Really like usual.

More precisely, like usual before the Imperial Princess came.

It wasn’t bad.

It was also okay that he was acting similar to Kyle before he confessed to me.

But there was a feeling of emptiness.

I don’t know exactly where, but it was lacking.

“…”

“Miss Sofia?”

“Ah, yes.”

I must have been thinking and not properly hearing Kyle’s words.

Why are so many random thoughts suddenly coming to mind?

When I properly came to my senses, Kyle didn’t approach me completely close, unlike usual.

Kyle, who lately often approached me to the point of being completely attached.

But today was completely different.

Is it because of the morning conversation?

“Would you like to have a meal together after a long time?”

“A meal?”

Right now, we were in the castle.

There was no particular reason to go outside, and we were handling business in the castle.

Why suddenly suggest having a meal?

“It’s just that I haven’t eaten with you in a while. Would you like to eat together?”

“Aren’t the family head and Lady Adela there?”

“It’s okay. It’s not even the usual eating time yet, and just the two of us eating should be fine.”

“Is that so…?”

When was the last time I ate with Kyle in the castle?

It probably ended the last time I was injured.

Since then, I was able to eat alone in the servants’ dining room.

“Then…”

It should be okay to eat just once.

Since Kyle asked first…

It should be fine.

And so I moved from the study to the dining hall with Kyle.

Kyle requested a few menu items from the castle’s chefs, and soon the meal preparation was finished.

“How is it?”

“It tastes better, perhaps because it’s been a while since I’ve had it.”

“Right?”

Kyle talking to me with a smile.

How should I view this Kyle tomorrow?

Lovers…

“What are you going to do from tomorrow?”

“I don’t know.”

I don’t know.

I said let’s date briefly as a test, but even so, I didn’t know at all what I should do or how I should do it.

All I knew was that I was an idiot.

“Please do as you wish, young master.”

“…”

I’m someone who has never dated anyone.

I’ve never dated someone I love or gone on dates.

Wouldn’t Kyle know better?

And while I don’t have a schedule, Kyle does.

“Since I don’t know anything, please do as you wish, young master.”

If it’s Kyle, he’ll know how to do it well.

Probably.