Chapter 69: something about us

“Sia? Where are you going?”

He roughly opens the front door as if rolling it off its hinges.

The iron door clangs against the wall. His unsteady footsteps, swaying in the cold night breeze, lead him outside.

A pair of worn canvas shoes guide his steps. His heated lungs expel animalistic breaths one after another.

“Wait, where are you going?”

The moon seen last night hangs lonely in the black sky.

The black asphalt pavement stretches out below.

Just as he thinks, “How monotonous,” a red carpet unfolds. Camera flashes go off, and the celebrities lined up on either side cheer for someone.

Nicolas Cage embraces a Black woman’s waist. Brigitte Bardot greedily stuffing dog meat into her mouth.

The medicine Isaka gave me is long gone, and I shake my head, which is not in its right mind, as I feel the effects of the alcohol.

My thin, dark blue hair is scattered everywhere, and blood trickles down my forehead. It trickled down her nose and moistened her dry lips.

Even though she still had some sense left, her eyes kept rolling upward, making her dizzy. She couldn’t tell the difference between the wall, the floor, and the sky.

Her ankles bent naturally, like a drunkard’s gait. The moment she thought she was taking a step forward, she collapsed.

“Hey, it’s okay!”

Seeing me perform this anachronistic slapstick, the audience’s cheers grow even louder.

I smile along with them and brush away someone’s hand that touches my body.

With blood streaming down my face, I get up and start walking again.

“What a great makeup job! You’d win an Oscar just for your fashion alone!”

Niemie.

Straight ahead, only straight ahead, though sometimes I turn left or right. It’s just instinct guiding me.

The frivolous laughter grows louder and more annoying, making me want to tear their lips apart. If I could do that to my own lips, could I live my life laughing forever?

Toy soldiers beating drums and blowing trumpets push me from behind.

Please just leave me alone. Actually, I’m grateful that they’re pushing me like this.

Their mockery and ridicule give me the courage to stand up. The courage to close my eyes and endure the pain just once.

Fireworks and glittering confetti decorate the path I walk.

Torn pieces of paper fall from the sky. Are they pieces of money or cherry blossom petals? At that moment, a strong hand grabs my arm.

“Stop it! What are you doing?”

The unpleasant hand tightly gripping my arm. I slowly shift my gaze.

The unpleasant arm. The unpleasant shoulder. The unpleasant neck.

The unpleasant Adam’s apple. The unpleasant face. The unpleasant expression.

The unpleasant lips. The unpleasant eyelashes. The unpleasant tears. Unpleasant, and various other things.

While everyone else is laughing and chatting and having fun, this person alone is frowning as if something is bothering them.

A strange sense of déjà vu overwhelms my mind, but before I can question its nature, a figure smaller than me contorts hideously.

It writhes and stretches and shrinks as if it were alive.

It’s like the blackened clay I used to play with and then throw away when I was in elementary school.

Black liquid drips onto the red carpet. Whatever it is, it doesn’t belong here, so I reach out silently.

“What the—”

How dare it block my path? I grab its neck and squeeze.

Its two legs flounder like a fish out of water. Only then do I feel cheerful. I don’t feel like laughing out loud, but I do it anyway.

I watch it groan and gasp for a while, then throw it away. Thud. I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for you right now.

As I walk briskly, my destination comes into view. A pure white castle surrounded by large white trees.

I see men in suits performing a cutting ceremony in front of the finish line.

As I arrive, fireworks explode. The British royal family and the Japanese royal family celebrate my completion without distinction.

However, as soon as I raise my arms and cross the finish line, the scenery around me changes.

The people who were celebrating my arrival are nowhere to be seen, and the beautiful white castle has turned into a dull school building.

I look around in confusion. Where did everyone go? It’s pointless to shout.

The background music, which was playing cheerfully like the CM song for Noryeong Mountain, has long since stopped.

In fact, I know it too. It’s strange, isn’t it? Unless you’re an idiot, who would smile at me now? I haven’t even had a drop of alcohol, so I should stop pretending to be drunk. It’s just my usual escape from reality, but it went too far and made me look drunk.

No, the term “escape from reality” doesn’t fit. Rather, it’s the opposite—I’m escaping into reality.

“Wait… Shi, Shiya!”

I climb the stairs. With each step, a bell rings. It sounds like a church bell, but is it a wedding song or a funeral dirge?

Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with me.

I just take each step indifferently. I arrive at the rooftop.

Bang, bang,

I hit the doorknob hard with the spanner I was holding.

At first, it didn’t budge, but after hitting it repeatedly, the doorknob finally came off. You’re not even a virgin, you f*cking b*tch.

Overwhelmed by a sudden wave of pleasure, I kicked the door open with my foot.

The door fell off with a satisfying thud. The nightgown fluttered in the wind blowing from the other side.

“Huh… huh… I told you to wait!”

She had finally caught up to me here.

I turned around to look at my sister, or rather, the person who used to be my sister, with a bored expression.

For 16 years, she had been the damn thing that ruined my life. The one who blindfolded my innocent eyes.

“What are you doing there? Come back before I get really angry!”

I see her neck screaming loudly. Blue bruises blooming on her white skin.

My body, which was moving forward, flinches for a moment, but I no longer feel guilty.

After all, it’s just a game character. A mere illusion created by my REM sleep.

Looking back, it’s really ridiculous. How could I have thought that such a flimsy figure was a person like me and concluded that this crazy world was real? Seeing him get hit by a car instead of me, my sympathy reached its peak, and I too lost my mind.

The sweat-drenched, shiny forehead, the flushed cheeks, the chest that trembles with every breath—everything is so flimsy.

There’s no concrete evidence to support that conclusion, but what can I do if that’s how it looks?

It slowly approaches me. A face that truly looks angry, mixed with a faint hint of worry.

Anyone can see that it’s the face of a family member. But I’m not fooled anymore.

There’s nothing more despicable than human imagination, and having learned my lesson, I won’t act like a fool anymore.

“If you come any closer, I’ll push you away.”

As soon as I spoke, it flinched and stopped moving.

With a satisfied smile, I leaned against the railing of the rooftop where the wind felt the strongest.

I spoke calmly.

“Why are you acting like this? Is it because of Kang Seon-ah? If it’s too hard, just tell your sister…”

“Damn it, it’s all your fault!!”

“What?”

I calmly opened my mouth.

“If you hadn’t saved me that day… Damn it, if I had just died that day, things wouldn’t have turned out this way!”

“…Eisia.”

“Don’t call me by that name!!”

Let’s live today to the fullest. A cup of hot milk for breakfast, fast food for lunch, beer and cheap snacks for dinner.

I walk through a forest-like city filled with buildings like trees and trees like buildings. In one hand, I hold an empty briefcase, and in the other, a leather wallet.

Bulldozer, bulldozer, clearing away everything that bothers me. Why do I have to be a planned person? Can’t I just live spontaneously?

Bang, bang

I take out my frustration on the metal railing. Blood like used cooking oil spurts from my clenched fist.

“Why… why did you save me then…?”

“Stop being an idiot and come back, Isia.”

“I want to see Mom… Dad… My little sister…”

“Little sister? What

“Don’t come near me!!”

Yeah, it’s all because of that b*tch. Why did you save me? Even I know how pathetic I am right now. Why the hell did you save a human being like me? What the hell is that bastard’s love?

Love, f*ck, s*x, it’s all so boring. Stale things. Always stirring up the same emotions like a machine. Right now, I need something new to stimulate me. I take out a hundred-won coin that was tucked away in my pocket.

Why? Just because, without thinking.

“…Heads.”

“What?”

“…Heads or tails, decide. If the side you choose comes up, I live, and if not, I die.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Don’t yell at me!”

“Isia!”

Finally, the young face cries out to me with tears in her eyes. No, not to me. That’s not my name.

“I know you were shocked by what happened to Kang Seon-ah. But there’s no need for this. Whether that guy was your friend or not, in the end, he betrayed your friendship.

Why are you trying to die because of that guy?”

“…”

“Who would be satisfied if you did this? Who would benefit from this?”

So let’s stop this dangerous business and go home. It’s not difficult. Just slowly back away from there.”

“Go home?”

“Go home, yes, I’m there. My mother is there too, even though she’s not here right now. Let’s go home first and get some rest. Aren’t you hungry?

Yes, when we get home, I’ll make you all your favorite dishes.”

A laugh I couldn’t hold back escaped my lips.

Even if I go home, it’s not my home, and even if I meet my family, they’re not my family. So where am I supposed to go back to? Everything
is just a facade, a fake.

I won’t be fooled anymore. I’ll never be fooled again. Once is enough for such foolishness.

“So you don’t understand me.” ”

“No. I—

“Shut up and decide quickly. Before we just drift apart like this.”

“You really…!”

“Why can’t you decide? Then I’ll decide. If it’s tails, I die, and if it’s heads, I just keep living like this.”

It’s just nonsense in a dream anyway, and I don’t want to hear any more nonsense. I glance down at the landscape that seems to stretch endlessly below my feet.

It’s high enough for a person to fall to their death. Normally, this sight would make me tremble with fear, but right now, it just makes me happy.

If I take just one more step, just one more step, I can finally return to reality.

I can reach the end of this long dream. I can put an end to this tiresome nonsense.

So, of course, joy outweighs fear, and I can’t help but be deliriously happy. I smile brighter than ever before and toss the coin high into the sky.

It’s just like when that guy died. This time, too, the coin lands on my palm in an instant, without any slow motion.

I smile and remove my other hand, which was covering my palm.

The next moment, the number 100 fills the enlarged field of vision.

“Heads…”

As my sister murmurs that, I leap over the railing.