Conflict (3)

Conflict (3)

Rumi, hidden in the bushes, stared blankly at Sien.

Blue hair beautifully shining in the moonlight.

Smooth and beautiful skin, probably due to good care.

Of course, befitting her profession as a knight, there were quite a few small scars here and there on her hands.

‘Even that seems pretty to the point where I think so.’

Sien was smiling brightly, as if she were the embodiment of human ideals… or more precisely, as if she were a collection of her own ideals.

‘… I’m envious.’

Perhaps because she knows better than anyone that she could never become like that no matter what, or maybe because of the comparison.

I couldn’t help but keep lowering my face to the ground, as if I had received all kinds of humiliation.

‘… Unlike Student Council President Sien, I’m just a nuisance… I’m of no help and have no value.’

In a way, it was natural for Deren to choose Sien over me.

… As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I felt a sudden surge of emotion.

But I managed to suppress it by recalling what Deren had said to me earlier.

‘… Th-that’s right, Deren said it was okay. Yes… it’ll be fine.’

Rationally speaking, there was no way it could be fine.

But perhaps because there was nothing else to hold onto mentally,

I tried to accept it, deliberately ignoring the bad parts, as if looking ahead with blurry eyes.

‘And Student Council President Sien is De-Deren’s fiancée, right? So it’s natural for them to go on dates like that… yes, it’s natural.’

In the middle of this train of thought, another surge of emotion welled up, briefly interrupting my thoughts.

But as I had always done since childhood, I forced myself to pretend to be positive, acting as if it was nothing, and awkwardly raised the corners of my mouth.

‘So now I should calm down and go back to my room to bake muffins for Deren…’

As I was trying to change the subject in my mind and escape this situation,

I suddenly saw Sien pressing her lips against Deren’s.

“……”

At that moment, my mind went blank and the world started spinning around me.

I’m not sure if it was because I was really dizzy or if it was a defense mechanism because I didn’t want to accept reality.

But for now, the fact that I didn’t want to accept it, whatever it was, was true, so I squeezed my eyes shut and my body trembled.

‘… Well, they’re engaged, so this level of skinship is natural. Because they’re engaged…’

As I was deliberately reminding myself that Sien was his fiancée and repeating to myself that it was okay, it was okay…

A thought suddenly crept into my mind.

– If such a perfect fiancé exists, wasn’t I unnecessary from the beginning?

As that thought began to sprout.

The ‘truth’ that I had been trying to ignore until now began to pour out explosively, as if a dam had burst.

‘Me, who is like a dusty mess, not even well-managed.’

[A person who has been well-managed and perfect since childhood.]

‘Me, who only causes trouble instead of being helpful.’

[A person who is the student council president and backed by an amazing family.]

‘A being whose mere existence harms those around them.’

[A person who is helpful just by being nearby.]

As these realistic thoughts came rushing in, to the point where just thinking about them made me want to vomit.

Biting my lip, thinking I couldn’t hold on any longer.

Everything, every situation seemed to be telling me to leave Deren’s side.

That’s why I felt suffocated, and my body curled up as I felt pain as if a nail was being driven into my heart.

Because the reality that I could never change no matter how hard I tried was just pain.

So, as I was trying to hold back the tears that were about to pour out and leave my seat.

“……”

I ended up making eye contact with Deren.

At that moment, perhaps because I was so flustered, I found myself hiccupping as I looked at Deren.

I see Deren looking at me with a somewhat complicated expression.

‘……’

I know.

If I stay still and pretend not to know, Deren… because he’s kind, he’ll comfort me in this situation.

So it might be a rational decision to cry loudly now and make all of Deren’s attention focus on me.

‘… Because I like Deren.’

Because I wanted Deren to continue… continue his relationship with Sien, who is close to perfect, rather than with trash like me.

Trying hard to hold back tears, I spoke.

“You, you two look… good together.”

Tears keep falling, and it’s hard to speak because I’m choking up.

Usually, even if my voice gets quieter, I don’t stutter this much.

Thinking that I’m strangely out of breath and can’t speak, I continued.

“Because you’re engaged… that’s why, right?”

Thinking that I don’t even know what I’m saying because I have to say things I don’t mean.

I kept blurting out whatever words came to mind without thinking.

I’m not sure if this is the right choice, but… because this was the only option I could choose, I just kept throwing out words.

“… Then I’ll go now, so… you two can continue… continue.”

The breath that was welling up finally chokes me and prevents me from speaking any further.

Stupid body.

Thinking that it’s really not helping, I try to force a cough and continue speaking, when.

“Rumi.”

Deren, probably thinking he shouldn’t leave things like this, slowly approaches me.

At Deren’s action, I hesitate for a moment.

Silently stretching her hand towards Deren, she shouted loudly to prevent him from coming to her.

“Oh, don’t come!”

At those words, Deren stops for a moment.

… Paradoxically, she actually wished he would continue to come.

Though her heart felt that way, her mouth kept spewing reasons why he shouldn’t come.

“Be… because I don’t like you. Don’t come…!”

Only now did she realize that what she was saying wasn’t just blurting out anything recklessly.

It wasn’t for her own happiness.

She realized she was speaking for Deren’s happiness.

Strangely, when she said she disliked him, she realized that she truly liked him.

For his sake, she slowly stepped back and pushed him away more forcefully.

“Calm down.”

Even as she pushed him away, Deren approached her as he always did, reaching out his hand.

In the past, she would have eagerly grabbed it, simply wishing for someone to hold her hand.

‘Now that I know Deren can be happy if I’m unhappy…’

She couldn’t bring herself to grasp the hand he offered.

So, after staring at his hand for a moment, she squeezed her eyes shut and ran outside.

‘… Let’s run away like this and hide somewhere without Deren. He’ll forget about someone like me soon enough. So… if I just stay alone like before.’

As the word ‘alone’ flashed through her mind, tears suddenly started falling even though she had no intention of crying.

Thinking that the tears were bothersome and disliking them, she roughly wiped them away, pretending to be fine as she ran out.

“Stop.”

Deren’s voice can still be heard.

I shouted “No” to mean not to follow such a voice.

Deren, seemingly unwilling to give up, sighed and said.

“… I’ll tell you in advance. I’m sorry.”

Sorry…? I was puzzled as to why he suddenly said such a thing.

Suddenly, a strong impact hit the back of my neck, and my vision started to fade to black.

“……?”

I tried to voice my confusion about what was happening.

But before that, my consciousness faded, and everything disappeared from my mind.

* * * * *

I struck the back of Rumi’s neck to ‘knock her out’ as she was running away, then let out a sigh.

To be honest, I had originally planned to bring Rumi in a more proper way.

‘Rumi’s magic resistance was stronger than I thought.’

Magic didn’t work at all, so I had no choice but to use physical methods.

I thought that dealing with an emotionally awakened female protagonist was far too difficult as I carefully picked up Rumi.

‘Now what should I do.’

I have no idea where to even begin unraveling this situation.

As I was conflicted, trying to hold back the sighs that kept wanting to escape.

Sien and Espin, who were following behind, each added a word.

“… Lord Deren. Is Rumi alright?”

“That’s regret…”

I ignored Espin’s words for now and nodded to Sien.

Sien looked down at Rumi with a complicated expression, then sighed and continued speaking.

“It would be best to end today’s date here. As much as I’d like to spend more time with Deren, it doesn’t seem to be the right day. I’ll come visit again next time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. I was expecting this to some extent.”

Expecting?

It was a somewhat out of place word in the current situation, so I glanced at Sien slightly.

Sien, seemingly not wanting to answer further, lowered her head slightly.

“Still, I’m human too, so I’m a bit angry. I’ll let this make up for it.”

With a slight hint of sulking, she pressed her lips against mine like before and gave me a bright smile.