Chapter 65: something about us

The living room is enveloped in the quiet of the night. I sit down on the small couch. I’m not really watching, but the TV is on, and
the host of a variety show is talking loudly.

Leaning back in the soft chair, I think about the events that have passed, like the scenery outside the car window.

The gunshot that suddenly rang out in the music room, my sister installing a camera in my room, Izana’s sudden kidnapping, Seona’s inexplicably sad expression, and Izana’s tears I saw not long ago—all those events have become part of the past and return to me as a kind of regret.

“Sia.”

“Hm?”

Actually, I’m just spacing out.

After shedding all the worries that had been weighing me down, I felt a bit confused.

Suddenly, I turned my head to the side at the sound of someone calling my name, and saw a cute little finger poking my cheek.

I froze for a moment at this unexpected action. Perhaps because her childish prank had succeeded, her flower-like face broke into a shy smile.

“… What are you doing?”

“Just because I like it.”

As she said that, her smile grew even wider.

Out of a whim, I gently pinched her soft cheek, but I wasn’t much different from her.

I gently stroked her cheek. Then, like a puppy begging for attention, her young face leaned in close.

“Give me a kiss, okay?”

Following her slightly playful request, I press my lips to her small lips. A light kiss, like birds touching beaks, caresses the edges of our lips, and our breath tickles each other’s mouths.

Her eyes, now filled with longing, follow my face, but I don’t feel like taking things further right now.

When I silently shake my head, my sister’s expression changes from excited to dejected.

“I’m tired today, so let’s just go to sleep.”

“Okay… Can we sleep together?”

“Yes, but first, let’s take a shower.”

“Can’t we wash together?”

“No.”

I gently stroke her drooping eyelids, then walk past the kitchen toward the bathroom.

As I enter the damp bathroom, I unconsciously check to see if there’s a camera in the corner, then shake my head and throw off the clothes I’m wearing.

My sister isn’t the type to do that now.

There’s no reason to bother with such things anymore.

After completely undressing, she turns the shower valve to the side.

The water starts cold but soon becomes warm. The pleasant droplets seep into every part of her body, from the shallowest to the deepest.

“…I feel dizzy.”

Looking at her blurry reflection in the steam-covered mirror, she murmurs to herself.

As I cover my eyes with my fingers, the moisture clears, and my reflection becomes clearer.

My long black hair, soaked like seaweed, hangs over my shoulders, and below it is the slender body of a young girl.

It is my body, but at this moment, it feels unfamiliar, as if it were not my own. I lick my moist, pale pink lips.

I quickly wipe away the moisture and look at the mirror again. My body is as white as a blank sheet of paper.

It just looks pure, but when I think about how I’ve been rolling around naked for the past few weeks, I can’t help but smile wryly. What’s more, all of my partners were women.

Suddenly, her honey-colored hair and emerald-colored eyes come to mind.

Izan, no, Isaka, how is she doing? It’s been several days since we parted at the airport, but we haven’t even exchanged a single message.

My friend, who makes me feel both grateful and sorry. Thinking about her, I naturally feel worried. She pretends not to be, but she’s a sensitive girl.

Perhaps it’s because this is the first time in my life that I’ve fallen in love and experienced a breakup.

I think it was a pretty decent breakup by anyone’s standards. We both let go of any lingering feelings and ended things cleanly.

If the ending was that good, could we meet again? But the face she showed me just before she left was the face of someone who had decided not to see me again.

It’s a question that’s difficult to answer at this point.

Still, someday, if she truly forgets me and finds new love, it might be possible.

I’m no longer in a relationship with her, but at least I still consider her a friend.

With a small yet significant hope buried in my heart, I turn off the shower.

The sound of water stops, and drops fall onto the damp floor. I dry my wet hair with a towel.

After drying myself off completely, I step outside, and just then, my cell phone starts ringing in my hand.

Without even checking the number, I’m about to press the call button, but my finger stops when I see three letters in the center of the screen.

[Kang Seon-ah]

She kept her mouth shut and stared at the phone, but the screen remained unchanged, and the ringtone continued to ring for quite some time.

She blinked slowly, but the three letters remained unchanged.

She was about to hang up, but then she gave up. Even if she hung up now, it would eventually come back to her.

They say it’s better to be the first to take the blow.

Yes, it feels like being hit with a stick that has been left unused for a long time.

That disgusting image comes to mind. Reddish-brown hair and cat-like eyes.

An image that cannot be erased, even if I hate it.

It would be better to answer the phone now than to see him in front of my house.

Even if nothing changes, I steady my wavering heart and press the call accept button.

[Hello?… Oh, hi?]

“Enough with the pleasantries. Just get to the point. You won’t listen anyway.”

[… Uh-huh.]

The voice that once chattered away right next to me now feels distant.

Well, it is actually far away. But it’s not just a matter of distance.

There’s no need to do this, but along with my voice, I stiffen my face, which the other person can’t see.

Once I was wandering around, not knowing what to do, but now my resolve is firmly set.

[…Can we meet tomorrow?]

Despite all the nonsense, I still want to see his face again. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but he’s a pretty shameless person.

His voice trembles slightly, as if he’s anxious, which is quite different from before and evokes a strange feeling.

Even so, we were once friends, but now it’s a memory I just want to erase. I frown deeply and answer.

“No.”

[Please. Instead—]

“I said no. Or are you going to threaten to kill someone again? I’m sorry, but that method doesn’t work anymore.”

[No, I won’t kill anyone else this time.]

 

“…What?”

He asks back, his tone suddenly firm.

[You might not believe me… no, you probably won’t believe me, but just meet me once. I won’t threaten you this time.]

“Huh? Why should I?”

[…Instead, this will truly be the last time. If you meet me just once more tomorrow, just once more tomorrow, I will never appear before you again. Of course, I will never contact you again either.]

At that earnest plea, at that trembling voice filled with longing, I unconsciously clamped my mouth shut. I was about to say, “No way,” but my heart softened again.

…Even though I’m being so cold-hearted right now, whenever I think of her, my mind gets all tangled up.

I used to think about our relationship over and over again. If I said I never wanted to go back to the way things were, that would be a lie.

But I know that’s not right. There’s no need to explain that she’s a criminal.

A serious criminal who will almost certainly be sentenced to death when she goes to court. My conscience isn’t that forgiving to laugh and joke with such a criminal.

But when I actually face her, my resolve, which I had finally made up my mind about, weakens as if nothing had happened.

Perhaps it’s because I can’t simply abandon the love she has for me.

Either way, it’s a selfish way of thinking. Not being able to make a decision and just wavering back and forth is nothing but pathetic.

So, at that moment in the basement, when I saw her face for the first time in a long time, I made a decision that was unlike me.

I cut off the voice calling my name and still remember every word she said clearly. “I don’t like you.”

Her smile twisted in an instant. At that moment, my heart also twisted strangely, but a hurting heart can be soothed and will eventually heal.

If you lick it, it will heal someday.

It’s not just because of my conscience that I’m rejecting her.

After all, that’s a meaningless emotion. Over the past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that fact deeply.

It’s just that, in the end, there’s nothing good that can come from continuing this relationship. I can’t abandon her, a murderer, nor can I respond to her love.

Even love that once burned fiercely will eventually fade away.

After a certain amount of time has passed, she will forget everything about me. So we chose the path that seemed best for both of us.

If you ask me if it was the right choice, well, I don’t know yet.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I kick the wall in frustration.

“…This is annoying.”

[…I’m sorry]

A faint voice apologizes for the thought that slipped out unintentionally. But it wasn’t really meant for her.

It’s not just Kang Sun-ah, but I’m most annoyed at myself for not being able to define her as the villain she is.

I decided to stop thinking about her, but her face often pops into my mind when I close my eyes at dawn. Why can’t I be more decisive?

[Hey, if it’s really not possible…]

The image of him mumbling with his lips makes her even more annoyed. She thought she had let go of everything and filled the void with hatred,

but the lingering attachment is still clinging on. It’s like mold growing between bathroom tiles.

I try to press the end call button, but when I raise my finger, I hesitate again. Why?

Is there still some worthless friendship left? What am I expecting from that guy? To go back to being as close as before? That’s ridiculous.

The face of my dead senior, sticking out his tongue like a pig on an altar, is still vivid in my mind. How could that be possible?

In the end, it’s all about affection.

The affection I attached to her, the affection she attached to me. Maybe if we hadn’t met this way, that meaningless assumption.

“Alright.”

[Huh?]

Then I guess I have to cut off that messy relationship. Both hers and mine.

“Okay. I’ll meet you tomorrow. But after tomorrow, don’t ever show up in front of me again, and don’t even come near me. If you don’t keep this promise…”

[I’ll keep it! I’ll definitely keep it…]

He’s a trashy guy, but he’s not the type to lie. He still gets on my nerves, but if this one time can make me stop caring about him,

it might be a decent deal.

I mutter in the lowest voice possible and finally press the end call button. Just before that, a voice faintly echoes through the phone speaker.

[So… thanks! See you tomorrow!]

The voice brightens instantly, and amidst the contempt and anger, a faint sense of joy rises.

I guess I’m just a helpless fool after all.