Chapter 64: Do Not Neglect Yourself

On the summer sea.
Hania and I.
And then Isabel, Mina, and Sharin’s group were sitting across from us.

For some reason, Isabel was staring at me with a blank expression.
Sharin, with her eyes slightly narrower than usual, was also gazing at me.

“Oh my, hello everyone.”
Hania smiled as if only just now recognizing everyone.
At the same time, she tightened her grip on my hand.

Don’t do this.
It feels like something else might touch.

Then Mina let out a surprised sound.
“Hania, when did things get to that point between you two?”
Even though my girlfriend was right here, Mina didn’t seem to hold back when talking in front of her.
She cheerfully struck up a conversation.

Hania’s eyes met mine.
“Oh, was it during the Demonic Palace incident?”
“Yeah, that’s when I confessed.”

With every word I spoke, Isabel’s eyes shook violently.
I was starting to feel like something was off as well.

“Hanon.”
At that moment, Sharin called out to me.
She was staring straight at me.

“Sharin, why are you calling me?”
“Don’t you know?”
Know what?

Even as she said that, Sharin just kept quietly staring at me.

“Ah, ha, ha.”
Mina, sensing the awkward atmosphere, laughed nervously.

Then Hania, still holding my hand, subtly pressured me to leave.
For some reason, I couldn’t bear staying in this uncomfortable atmosphere any longer.

“Well then, we’ll be off.”
“Have fun, everyone!”

Hania and I left the spot.
Once the gazes of the three were far behind us, Hania naturally let go of my hand.

“While I was handling all our luggage, what were you doing playing around like that?”
“I just ran into some familiar faces and chatted for a bit.”
“To me, it looked like you were smiling a little too much. Should I have let you enjoy yourself surrounded by those girls?”

I don’t think I was smiling like that, though.
While I absentmindedly touched my lips, Hania looked at me with a disapproving face.

“Are you jealous by any chance?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Such cold words.

“It’s just that I hate having to pretend to be jealous when you’re all giddy with other girls.”
“Well, you don’t really have to put on such an act, do you?”
“If we’re going to act, we might as well do it properly. I’ll use this chance to scare off all the annoying guys.”

She seemed determined to play the role of a girl madly in love with me.
Such intense resolve.

I figured Hania’s resolve could achieve anything.

“By the way, earlier, about those two people—”
Just as Hania started to speak, Iris waved at us from a distance.

“Hania, Hanon.”
Sitting under a parasol, Iris was calling us over.

“Yes, Lady Iris!”
Hania immediately discarded the expression she’d been making at me, and in an instant, she flashed a bright smile, running over to Iris.

“Since we’re here for fun, let’s check out the beach.”
“Yes, of course!”

I set my things down one by one.
The image of Isabel’s expression earlier, like that of an abandoned puppy, lingered in my mind as I trailed behind the two of them.

* * *

Out on the sea.
I was lazily floating on a tube, drifting with the waves.
In the distance, I could see Iris and Hania splashing around, playing in the water.

The two of them had been close friends since childhood.
So, even without me joining in, they got along perfectly fine.

Thanks to that, I was able to enjoy a rare moment of peace.

‘I wonder what the others are doing during this break.’
Seron mentioned she was heading back home.
「Lightning Sweet Potato, don’t be sad just because I’m not around, okay?」
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if she never came back.

Card said he was going home as well.
His hometown is quite far away.
Knowing what I know about Card’s family situation, I figured he was in for a rough time.
「Hanon, so you got yourself a girlfriend, huh? Traitor. But as your senior, I’ll generously bring you a book on first night tips to use with your girlfriend.」
He could stay gone forever too, for all I care.

Why do I get annoyed just thinking about those two?
I silently wished for some kind of chaos to unfold for both of them back home.

Then.
I felt something tickling my foot.
There was another foot brushing against mine.

Curious, I lowered my head to look below. A pale face came into view.

“Hanon, hiyaaa.”

It was Sharin, floating in the water, lazily raising a hand in greeting.
When did she get here?

“Let’s chat a bit.”

With that, Sharin sank back into the water.

“Huh?”

Before I could process it, a hand suddenly emerged from beneath my tube.
In my confusion, her hand gripped me firmly and yanked me down.

Splash!

Without any time to react, I tumbled out of the tube and into the water, flailing.
As I tried to resurface, I realized my hand had bumped into some sort of barrier.

At the same time, I noticed I could still breathe.
I was inside an air barrier, likely created by Sharin’s magic.

Her hair shimmered beautifully in the water’s glow as it reflected the light.

“Sharin?”
“Let’s talk.”

Talk? All of a sudden?
If she went to the trouble of coming all the way here, it must be something important.

“What is it? If you’re asking me to buy you bread, forget it.”
“Do you think I’m some kind of bread fiend?”

Aren’t you, though?

“Let me ask you something first. Are you really dating Hania?”

Was this something she needed to know upfront?
Sharin and I had shared many secrets over time.
Since she’d helped me a lot, it didn’t feel right to hide this from her too.

“No, not at all. It’s just that Hania’s in a bit of a difficult situation, and I’m helping her out.”

When I explained the situation, Sharin’s tense expression softened slightly.
It was an unconscious reaction on her part.

“Well, back to the point—this is about Isabel.”

My expression shifted instantly.
Sharin is Isabel’s closest friend, which makes her the most sensitive to any changes in her.

Although Isabel had been doing much better recently, there was a time when she attempted to take her own life after losing Lucas.
Since she hadn’t fully overcome the trauma of losing him, her emotions could always take a turn for the worse.

“Go on.”

Seeing I was ready to listen, Sharin glanced at the water’s surface.
She seemed to be looking in Isabel’s direction.

“Lately, Isabel’s been acting a bit strange.”
“Strange how?”
“It’s like… she’s out of it. She can’t seem to focus.”
“And you’re saying it’s not just you?”

The air bubble surrounding us shrank slightly.
I decided not to tease her further—drowning wouldn’t be fun.

“Since when?”

When I changed the topic, Sharin wrapped one hand holding her staff around her arm.
“Well, um…”

She hesitated for a moment, taking her time to answer.

“What is it?”

I pressed her, slightly impatient, and she glanced at me.

“It’s been like that since you and Hania started dating.”

I blinked in surprise. Then I tilted my head in confusion.
Why?
Why would Isabel become distant after I started dating Hania?
I couldn’t think of any connection.

“…I have a bit of a guess.”

Sharin finally admitted.

As someone with a sharp mind, she probably already had a theory.
If anyone could figure this out, it was her.

“Could it be that Isabel… likes you, Hanon?”

I heard a dog barking in my mind.
I stared silently at Sharin.
But her gaze was earnest.

“…That’s ridiculous, isn’t it?”
“But it’s the kind of reaction someone would have if the person they like started dating someone else.”

“Think about it. How many times have I said harsh things to Isabel? Why would she like a guy like me? That would make her seriously twisted—does that even make sense?”
“You didn’t mean those things, though.”

Her response caught me off guard, leaving me momentarily speechless.
Why is everyone around me so sharp?
Sometimes it’s exhausting having such perceptive people nearby.

“Isabel isn’t stupid. She probably has a vague understanding of why you act the way you do.”

Was my approach lacking?
As I started to feel dejected, Sharin offered another perspective.

“Still, there has to be some kind of trigger. And more importantly…”

To me, Isabel’s expression didn’t seem like that of someone in love.
It was something else entirely—how could I even describe it?

There were many complex emotions I couldn’t simply declare.

“So, let’s take this opportunity to confirm it.”
“Confirm it? How?”
Is there some magic that lets you look into someone’s heart?
“You just ask them directly.”

I blinked in surprise.
I pointed subtly at Sharin, who shook her head.
Then, when I pointed at myself, Sharin nodded.

“…Wouldn’t it be better if you asked Isabel about love?”
“Do you think Isabel will talk to me about love?”
I didn’t think so.
I imagined that Sharin would end up spacing out and accidentally letting something slip somewhere.

“And if the person hasn’t realized it themselves, it’s better to ask them directly. That way, you can observe their reaction and confirm it.”

I sighed deeply.
No matter how much I thought about it, I really didn’t think that was the case.
But even so, I didn’t have any better options.
If Isabel was showing signs of distress, I had to confirm it.

‘Isabel’s awakening episode isn’t that far off, either.’
Until then, I had to make sure her mental state was well cared for.

“Alright.”
At least there would be a chance to ask her about the strange behavior.

“So, how are you going to ask her?”
“I’ll create a situation.”

Sharin’s eyes glinted suspiciously.
“Whatever the topic, it’s a late-night event where everything just flows out.”

I started to feel uneasy for no reason.

* * *

Summer nights have a way of making people sentimental.
The distant sound of ocean waves.
The chirping of insects from the bushes.
The sweat droplets trickling out between the collar of my shirt.
Summer surely has a way of stirring the heart.

In the magic of such a summer night, I was now in the same room with two of the most beautiful women in the school.
Iris, who had spent the day playing, was lazily lying on the bed in our room.
Dressed lightly for the summer, her skin often peeked through.
Hania, beside her, was fanning Iris to keep her cool, even though the room was already enchanted with cooling magic.

“Iris, shouldn’t we at least book another room? I am a man, after all.”

I asked Iris, who was lying in such light clothing, and she glanced at me briefly.

“If Hanon’s next to me, I sleep better.”

“Hanon, please listen to what Iris says.”

Wait, are we really planning to sleep like this again?
I wished she would think about the person who had to fall asleep while being hugged.
I was slowly starting to lose focus from the rose scent Iris gave off.

‘I need to solve this soon.’
At this rate, she’d probably come find me at the dorm if she couldn’t sleep.

But thanks to the situation, I realized something.
‘The Veil Bandages must have removed certain emotions from me.’

Iris was considered one of the most beautiful women in the empire.
And despite her repeatedly pulling me into her embrace, I felt incredibly calm.

It was like how a man might not feel much when hugging someone, even if it might make him uncomfortable.
And similarly, even though I felt good with a woman hugging me, I didn’t feel anything special.

To be precise, my sexual feelings were completely absent at the moment.
‘As I thought, the emotion I lost to the Veil Bandages was love, just like Lucas.’

Perhaps the reason Iris felt comfortable pulling me into her embrace so freely was that I showed not even a hint of sexual interest toward her.
Iris, with her heightened sensitivity, would have undoubtedly noticed if I had even the slightest inclination of such emotions.

‘Maybe it’s because I never experienced the emotion in the first place.’
Even though one of my emotions was missing, I didn’t feel any sense of loss.
In fact, it helped me approach situations more objectively, no matter what I faced.

‘So, in essence…’
It was like I was perpetually in a state of ‘sage mode’.

‘No, wait. This might be more dangerous than I think.’
While I didn’t feel it was a problem right now,
The erosion of emotions was undoubtedly having an impact somewhere.

‘Maybe this too is an effect of the Veil Bandages.’
The loss of emotion felt like a natural, trivial matter.
Thinking of it that way, it became clear that this was indeed dangerous.

‘Love…’
It isn’t limited to other people.
Love can include things like animals, one’s favorite activities, hobbies, or even oneself.

And going further,
‘One’s own self.’

I glanced down at my hand.
Recently, as my ability to feel love has eroded, I’ve noticed that I’ve been less careful about valuing myself.
Of course, in dire situations, I had no choice but to act and do whatever was necessary.
But there was clearly a tendency to disregard my own well-being.

…Now that I’ve realized it, this might be far more dangerous than I’d thought.

If I were to completely lose my ability to love—even love for myself—
What kind of choices would I end up making?

“Hanon?”

Iris leaned her head toward me and called out, noticing my deep thoughts and looking concerned.

“Are you alright? Are you tired?”

“I’m fine.”
“How could I be tired when Iris is so warmly embracing me? If anything, I’m feeling re-energized.”

Hania, looking jealous, grumbled under her breath.
When it came to Iris, she didn’t bother hiding her jealousy.

I shook my head, pushing my thoughts aside.
At any rate, no matter how much time I spent in a room with Iris and Hania,
Nothing was going to happen.

‘More importantly, though…’
I was worried about the ‘late-night event’ Sharin had mentioned.
She was such an unpredictable person that I couldn’t guess what she might try to pull.

I glanced outside to see that the sky had already turned pitch black.
The summer night breeze tapped against the window.

Knock, knock-

Then came a knocking at the door.

“I’ll get it.”

I got up from my seat before Hania, who was about to set down her fan, could move.
When I opened the door, as expected, there was Sharin.

The problem was the unexpected scent wafting strongly from her.
Reflexively, I pinched my nose.

“Sharin, you…”
It was the smell of alcohol.

I closed the door behind me and stepped outside.
“So this was your idea of a late-night event?”
“Alcohol makes everything come out~”

Unlike reality, in Blazing Firefly Arc, drinking alcohol is fine for those 15 and older.
So it wasn’t strange that Sharin was drinking.

“I don’t think Isabel would drink, though.”
“Mina coaxed her.”

For some reason, Mina seemed to be a magnet for trouble.

“And Isabel has been under a lot of pressure lately.”
Now that she had the chance to relax, she might have leaned on the power of alcohol as well.

“Still, she seemed to be doing better recently.”
“Yeah, thanks to you, Hanon.”

All my efforts were paying off.

“Isabel still hasn’t escaped the shadow of Lucas.”
Sharin’s eyes took on a complicated look.

Lucas had been a friend to Sharin as well, though not as close as he was to Isabel.
Even so, Lucas’s death had been a shock to her.

“Isabel admired Lucas. He was the kind of person who seemed capable of doing anything.”

When someone you looked up to returns as a cold, lifeless body.
The shock must have been indescribable.

“Maybe Isabel sees Lucas in you, Hanon.”
“I don’t think I resemble Lucas at all.”
“In the sense that you both seem like you can do anything.”

Sharin’s lips curved into a smile.

“In that way, you’re alike, aren’t you?”

That smile reflected her recalling all the outrageous things I had done so far.

“I’ve never seen anyone as unpredictable as you, Hanon.”

I only seemed that way because I was desperate enough to use whatever means necessary.

“So it’s not strange if Isabel overlaps you with Lucas.”

Sharin was unusually talkative today.

Soon, I noticed her ears were flushed red.

‘This girl…’

She was drunk.

No wonder she was babbling so much.
Her face looked fine, so I hadn’t realized it earlier.

‘Well, to get Isabel to drink…’

Sharin probably had to drink alongside her.

‘Seeing this makes it clear just how much Sharin cares for Isabel.’

Sharin wanted Isabel to stop hurting and live a life true to herself.
That’s why she’d asked me, a stranger, to provoke Isabel’s anger.
And tonight, she even drank with Isabel to draw out her true feelings.

“Sharin.”

Her hazy gaze met mine.

“Isabel is blessed to have a friend like you.”

Sharin hadn’t been able to be the pillar of support for Isabel after losing Lucas.
Perhaps she harbored guilt about that.

Hearing my words, Sharin let out a soft laugh.
It was the clearest, purest laugh I had ever seen from her.

“Hanon, I…”

Sharin covered her mouth.

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

It turns out that laugh was just her final act of resistance before the inevitable.