Chapter 63: You must never show 100% of yourself

“Calling a streamer whose face and name you don’t even know your friend… You must all really be lacking in friends.”

<Was that an attack out of nowhere?>

<Do you know about parasocial relationships?>

This really is such a strange thing.

It makes sense that viewers might feel emotionally close to a streamer.

They learn little things about them and share time together while watching the stream.

Even this jellyfish model—I just needed a character to represent me, so I picked it.

I absolutely couldn’t stand using a generic anime girl avatar.

Not because I disliked otaku culture—I’m an otaku myself—but because playing a girl felt really uncomfortable to me.

It was honestly more comfortable to stream with a male voice. Even if it hurt my throat.

…Looks like I went off on a tangent for a bit.

Back to the main point.

What does a streamer feel for their viewers, in contrast?

I don’t know where you live, what you look like, what job you do, or what you’re thinking.

You’re all different in age, appearance, lifestyle—how can I lump you all together as just “viewers”?

Among you are people who insult me, get angry when I don’t stream the way they want, people who just support me no matter what, people who give me money and chat every day to cheer me on.

Some of you would forget me after a few days of not streaming. Others might miss me for a long time…

Can I really just group all those different people together as “viewers”?

Once, I felt deeply hurt by a classmate.

Even though we spent time together, they barely remembered anything I had said.

I tried to tell myself, maybe they’re just like that—but I couldn’t shake the thought that, if I mattered to them, they would’ve remembered.

If even forgetting such small things made me feel bad, how can viewers feel close to streamers who don’t even remember their names?

Now there are 27,000 viewers.

Can anyone memorize 27,000 nicknames and personal details?

If I only remember a few, others would feel left out. That would backfire.

In the end, I can’t remember anything about you all.

And that feels… incredibly sad.

When is brain-data integration going to be a thing?

If we could just plug in memory chips, I’d remember everything.

“Why do you guys watch my stream?”

You guys.

That’s all I can call you.

At best, I might call you “dear viewers.”

I think I finally get why people want a fan name.

I imagined calling everyone “Legend Keepers.”

It feels super cringe.

Hmm.

<What do you like about me, huh?>

<How do you have PTSD if you’ve never even had a girlfriend?>

<Be. cause. you’re. good. at. this.>

<Because Victory doesn’t stream enough>

<The Magical Fight boom is coming!>

<I watched the movie 5 times trying to get the Venus card too>

<Sis, marry me!!!>

<Because I’m a friendless loser>

<You’re just fun to watch>

<So when are you hitting rank #1, you damn ten-draw>

<Team, stream already>

I thought all I had was “being a bit better than average at games.”

And yet people have gathered for so many different reasons.

That was a little surprising.

“Liar, you’re just here for the fake tits.”

<Gasp!>

<Busted, damn it>

<Nope! I watched even when you used a male voice!>

<We should ban all the newbies who joined after they found out you’re a girl>

<Only pure-blood Legend fans allowed!>

I’m not completely lacking in self-awareness.

Victory and Wild’s friend, good at games—those two alone wouldn’t have brought in this many people.

A girl with a nice voice who’s suspiciously good at games.

I could guess how big a factor that was.

“I’m honestly kind of confused. Hmm… Is it really that big a deal? Isn’t this just temporary hype, and only a few people will stick around in the end?”

<Please don’t stew the audience for soup>

<Legend’s a baby, we need to coddle herㅠㅠ>

<All the fake girl fans get out (while acting like a girlfriend)>

<For. Ev. Er. Love.>

<Always needing confirmation of love… this is…>

<Female. Behavior.>

<Hmm. Maybe it is that big of a deal>

What, are you all treating me like some clingy girl now?

Don’t guys think about stuff like this? Are we not allowed to?

Isn’t it totally normal to wonder why people watch your stream?

“Stop trying to slap some weird menhera label on me.”

[Reminder has donated 1,000 KRW.]

─“??? : I don’t have a single friend. I’m so lonely I could die. Please, stay by my side.”

<Wow, memory damage for just 1,000 won, that’s rough>

<She says she doesn’t remember, the film was cut>

<You. Are. Truly. Evil.>

<Oooh~ Trash~>

“Ugggh! Gyaaaack! Uweeeck!”

<Please use human language, ma’am>

<Is she broken?>

<Next blanket, please>

<800 years’ worth of blanket-kicking moments>

<So you’ll be streaming for 800 years then, right?>

The frustration of not being able to meet anyone in real life, the stress of almost revealing my identity—

I lost control and drank alone, and now I’ve created an eternal, cringe-inducing moment.

Maybe I am a little pitiful?

But more than that…

My face feels like it’s burning at 40 degrees Celsius.

“Alright, I’m graduating from streaming and returning to a normal life. Thank you all, it’s been fun. Thanks for the love.”

<-The End->

<Ah, Legend’s service is ending>

<Let’s go, reincarnation time>

<Next avatar, please be a cute anime girl>

“Why is everyone assuming I’ll reincarnate just because I said I’m quitting?”

<But you don’t have any friends>

<Yeah right, what would you even do without streaming LOL>

<You’re quitting just because you don’t like the fan name? That’s harsh>

<You even set up a company, how are you gonna run away?>

[Editor has donated 1,000 KRW.]

─“Boss, am I getting fired?”

“What—No! That was a joke, a joke! You’re impersonating someone!”

[Manager has donated 1,000 KRW.]

─“Am I getting fired too?”

“Stop the impersonation! Eh! Wait, that’s the real manager!?”

<You’re throwing our manager away? You’re throwing our manager away?>

<You’re not alone anymore!>

<The tragedy of the girl who’s head of the household, damn>

<Shall we begin our capitalist journey?>

<You’re not single anymore… gasp!>

<I didn’t even say that word yet?>

Right.

Saying I was quitting was a joke, but even if I wanted to quit for real, I’ve set up too much to run away now.

But why do you all assume I wouldn’t quit just because I’d be too lonely?

I told you—I don’t even know if I consider you guys friends!

‘Friends…’

Since ancient times, friends were those who played and talked together.

So are we friends? Are we really?

‘Bastards.’

These people don’t care about anything except teasing and bullying me!

…Then again, I literally just said I can’t lump them all into one group.

‘Is being friends better than being just consumers and content providers?’

Would it be better to be genuine, person to person, instead of just a vague business relationship?

But—

‘The more fake it is, the safer it is. The more real it gets, the more it can hurt.’

Being distanced from someone who pretended to be your friend is one thing, but being distanced from someone you truly believed was your friend… that hits differently.

What if I think of someone as a friend and they betray me?

What if everyone turns their back on me and leaves?

I heard somewhere—

A streamer should never show 100% of their real self.

It’s bad for both the audience and the streamer.

‘Then maybe I’ll just go with the big boobs persona.’

If I can’t show 100% of my real self anyway.