Chapter 63: something about us

From that day on, everything changed. The girl who had pretended to be ordinary became a serial killer, and her already trashy life fell even further to the bottom.

At first, she couldn’t accept the fact that she killed people and felt joy.

She had blood on her hands for that child, but the result was not for that child at all.

She smiled brightly in front of the mangled corpse.

The memory was etched deeply into her mind and would not fade, and every time the morning moon rose, she could not resist the urge that welled up inside her.

She would curl up in the corner of her room, trembling with regret and shedding tears, but when she came to her senses, she would find her hands stained red once again.

What on earth had she done? When I vent my guilt-ridden resentment in a heated voice, the memories come back clearly.

People screaming and me laughing wildly.

This isn’t right. This is wrong. But my futile cries fall on deaf ears, and when I can’t control my urge, I inevitably go out for a walk.

The news is all over my mistake.

People point fingers and say, “That bastard isn’t even human.” Yes, I’m not human. It’s all my fault.

What the hell did I do wrong? Isn’t it natural for humans to feel happy when they kill someone in a better position than themselves? When you think about it, isn’t it my parents’ fault for giving birth to me like this? Isn’t it because of the bastard who raised me like shit and the b*tch who left home when I was young?

When you think about it, you guys are bad too.

Why do you keep acting happy in front of me? My life is already ruined, and no one is going to save me now, so why do you keep provoking me with your smiles?

You deceitful bastards.

Yeah, I’m not the bad one. It’s bad that I’m so unhappy and you’re so happy.

There should be a quota system for happiness. If you, who are already happy, become unhappy, and I become happy, wouldn’t that be an equal world? I asked him that while holding a knife to his throat, and he nodded his head while trembling. He was the fifth person I killed.

By the time my way of thinking had changed like that, strangely enough, I no longer felt guilty.

Even seeing the blood caked on the inside of my palm didn’t make me feel repulsed.

It’s really strange. Where did the wise life I learned as a child go? I just laugh. I laugh out loud. Like a broken automaton.

After killing and killing again, when I could no longer bear my own sins, my father took care of me himself.

Even though it must have been a hassle, strangely enough, my father didn’t stop me. He was the police chief, after all.

Could it be that the police chief’s hobby was to put his d*ck in his young daughter’s mouth?

Still, thanks to that trash, I was able to continue going to school.

I was still ignored at school, but somehow I managed to maintain a peaceful life on the surface.

Come to think of it, there was that kid at school.

“Gemma! Why haven’t you come to the library lately? I was worried! Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?”

After taking two weeks off from school and going to the library, that kid greeted me with a worried expression. He still remembered me.

Even though his name was a lie, I forced myself to hold back the smile that was rising to my lips.

While everyone else was wearing stinky masks, only this kid showed me a pure smile.

An infinitely pure and clean child. Even when my mind is constantly filled with the temptations of demons, the moment I see this child’s smile, no impulses come to me.

That’s why we don’t belong together.

I was afraid that my bloodstained hands might defile her. So I pushed away the child’s hand reaching out to me with all my strength.

“…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interfered.”

The child said in a slightly choked voice.

Seeing her pitiful expression, my heart, which had been set on being harsh, collapsed in an instant, but no, that’s not right, that’s not right, yet only a pitiful moan escaped from my cracked vocal cords.

In the end, the child turned away and left. I reached out my hand without thinking, but I couldn’t hold on to it.

Because I didn’t have the right to. Not to that child, not to me, who was nothing more than a stranger.

“Oh, you’re so pretty, miss.”…

I’ve become pretty. My father said red suits me.

So I dyed my hair bright red, learned how to apply makeup for the first time in my life, and shortened my school uniform skirt that used to reach my knees.

I thought that if I did this, something might change, that the child might no longer recognize me.

It was all in vain. My father raped me more frequently than before, and I still went out into the streets and killed people when I couldn’t bear it anymore.

And that child no longer came to the library.

If this life continues, I will eventually be caught and punished.

No matter how much backing I have, I don’t think I can escape sin forever. There is no such thing as forever in this world.

But even short pleasures were enough to sustain my worthless life. After all, that was all I had in my life. It’s better to die than to grow cold.

If the day comes when handcuffs are put on my wrists, I’ll just kill myself. I’ll see tomorrow’s sun when I wake up tomorrow.

“Hello?”

As I was living my life half-heartedly, that child reappeared before me.

Unlike me, who had changed so much, his face and voice were the same as before.

Except for being a little more mature, he looked exactly the same as he had all these years ago.

I shouldn’t go near him, I shouldn’t go near him, but it was useless to repeat that to myself.

My heart pounded wildly at the smile he gave me so casually.

“Thank you. But I think you’re prettier.”

Fortunately, the child I met again didn’t recognize my changed appearance.

The casual compliment.

If I say that those words made me feel like all my futile efforts up until now had finally been rewarded, would you understand? It’s different from my father’s unpleasant compliments.

No matter how hard I try to control it, my heart keeps racing. When I finally come to my senses, I realize I’ve already told the child my name.

This time, I could finally say it—my real name.

“Kang Seon-a… Kang Seon-a… Hmm, that’s a nice name.”

I think that moment, all rationality was severed. So what if it gets a little messy? So what if it gets a little dirty? This child is still smiling at me.

If there’s any fault, it lies with this child who tempted me.

The two of them smiled at each other, and that was the end of the story.

Anyway, the two became friends who cared for each other and lived happily ever after. That’s good, that’s good.

“—So you don’t like it.”

But the broken tape recorder stubbornly presses the play button for the next video.

Amidst the heavy static and blurry screen, those words,

those one words, flowed out clearly. So clearly that it hurt the eyes, endlessly.

When I opened my eyes, the child’s bright smile was gone, replaced by the naked body of a fat middle-aged man.

“You… you b*tch… how dare you… You don’t even know the kindness I showed you…”

The man says as he spits blood from the hole in his neck. Who is that? My mind is in turmoil, but my hand holding the gun moves on its own, aiming at the man’s exposed skull.

“I actually hate guns. Because I can’t feel the reality of killing someone. What’s the fun in shooting from a distance? Since this is a rare opportunity to kill, I should put my heart into it. Don’t you agree?”

“You b*tch… Just wait… I’ll never…”

“But I want to kill you like this.”

Bang.