The Desire to Survive as a Human

“Briar?”

I exclaimed in shock. At the source of the sonic attack, Briar Churchill was standing in her pajamas, holding a baton and glaring in my direction.

“You didn’t come back for so long, so I came to get you. I didn’t think you’d gone to the Major today. And I didn’t know where else you might be.”

“Oh my, my whole body hurts…”

Catherine Duey crawled onto the pavilion, groaning. The fact that she was speaking in Chinese that we could all understand, rather than her native language, showed she still had some composure. Churchill said:

“Let’s speak in English. Everyone can speak it, right?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to speak English…”

Duey sat back down in the pavilion, dusting off her knees. The buttons on her chest were still undone. There was a somewhat seductive feeling, but Churchill’s aura was too fierce to appreciate it.

“You don’t know English? In this day and age?”

“I was told to learn Chinese, so I learned Chinese. Churchill, you seem to be under the misconception that Britain has been doing well in modern times, but if we go back hundreds of years, it wouldn’t have been natural for me to learn English, but for you to learn French. Even English nobles had to speak French in the old days. What makes my country inferior to Britain that it should be natural for me to speak English?”

“Actually, I can speak French. Shall we use that then?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to speak it.”

This time I raised my hand. Churchill seemed quite reluctant to speak Chinese, sighing and shaking her head.

“Even so, it’s not about Britain but with America standing strong, how can you not study English?”

“Well, I didn’t know you could speak French. I’ll just admit I’m stupid…”

“Indeed, you do look stupid. Hitting on this girl in the middle of the night here. While this Briar Churchill is watching.”

At Churchill’s words, Duey scratched her head sheepishly.

“I didn’t know you were watching. So? Are you two lovers?”

“I controlled my power because I was afraid the pavilion might collapse. But if you don’t understand the situation you’re in, I’ll use my power even if it means collapsing it.”

“Wait a minute, I’ll be crushed too. Please reconsider.”

I urgently raised both hands, signaling to Churchill that I was on her side. But Briar Churchill seemed to have built up resentment towards me as well and shouted angrily:

“You should be crushed a bit too! Acting like you’re going to die when you won’t!”

“Wow, something must have happened between you two. This situation is getting interesting…”

“My roommate is a bit of a femme fatale.”

Churchill attached the baton to her waist and walked steadily towards the pavilion where we were. She forcibly separated Duey and me with her arms, then sat down right in the middle between us, putting her arm around Duey’s shoulder.

“You, it’s not serious, right?”

“Hmm, how should I answer to survive this night…”

Duey, who had been somewhat composed until just now, was now really flustered, rolling her eyes. And for good reason. We all saw Churchill’s skills on the day of admission. She even played with the flames Duey shot, intuitively creating artistic shapes.

In a fight, Churchill would have the advantage. At least that’s my judgment.

“Answer honestly. Honesty is the best.”

“Rather than being seriously interested in your roommate, it was more out of curiosity.”

“That’s even worse!”

Briar Churchill lifted Catherine Duey and slammed her to the ground. The French lieutenant, rolling on the ground for the second time, groaned as she got up, holding her waist.

“I should have answered that I had serious romantic feelings…”

“I think you would have been thrown either way.”

I chided Duey. This time I saw Churchill slowly approaching me and slid my hips to the side. But Churchill was faster in coming over and putting her arm on my shoulder.

“Hey, Seo-min. My friend. Have you been well? We’ve been a bit distant lately, haven’t we? Shall we resolve everything and be close again?”

“Please don’t do that, it’s scary.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t know how much I owe our Eun-young for making her feel conscious every time she flirts with other women. I’ve been too annoying and bothersome, haven’t I? Well, what can you do if you don’t have feelings for me? This Briar’s face is no match for Catherine’s. Even if your relationship with Zhou can’t be helped, it’s inevitable that you’d be interested in a prettier girl than me. Right? Rather, staying in the same room in the dormitory and sticking together, it’s like, what should I say, there’s no novelty, right?”

“Look, I was just having a light conversation with Lieutenant Duey, and I called her out, so please be lenient…”

“Don’t say it like that.”

Catherine Duey, lying flat on the ground, groaned and said.

“When you talk like that, it sounds like a husband caught in an affair trying to protect his mistress. It’s too obvious what will happen to the adulteress…”

“You’re not fighting back, so you must have something to feel guilty about? Catherine Duey.”

“Having been caught in the act of seducing, saying ‘eat me if you dare’ with my top buttons undone, what excuse could I possibly have even with ten mouths…”

Hey, hey, look at that word choice. Even after being flattened twice, your mouth still hasn’t died, Lieutenant Duey.

“But judging by the looks of it, Churchill. I thought your desire had grown too big lately, but this was it. Hmm… let’s see, you haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

“What?”

“Coward.”

Duey jumped up from her seat and chuckled. As soon as she was confident that Churchill and I hadn’t yet formed a proper relationship, she completely revived and started laughing in Churchill’s face.

“Actually, I quite like virgins and celibates. It’s not because the size of their desire is big. In fact, it’s often smaller. Because humans are creatures that are never satisfied the more they have, even sexual desire is bigger in people who have done it a lot compared to those who haven’t.”

“Hey, French person.”

“Now, now, listen. But why do I like them? It’s because the feeling of desire is fresh. I’m not sure if ‘fresh’ is the right word, it’s more like uncontrollable. They have desire but don’t really know what it is. It’s really interesting. A spark that you don’t know when it will explode, or what shape it will take when it blooms. Like fireworks. But good heavens. To think that Briar Churchill, who seemed to fear nothing in the world, was actually dragging things out and stalking because she was afraid of just sex. I slightly misjudged you. You are…”

At that moment, with a clang sound, another sonic barrier struck Catherine Duey. This time the lieutenant seemed to have been hit properly, as she flew towards the lake and sank into the water with a splash.

I couldn’t help but click my tongue as I watched Duey swim to the surface and poke her head out of the lake.

“It’s natural to put out fire with water. You have good instincts, Briar.”

“Shin Eun-young.”

Churchill called me in a serious voice. Her voice contrasted with Duey’s comical appearance swimming over there.

“Yes, Churchill.”

“You didn’t really want to live in this world, did you?”

“What? I have no intention of dying right now.”

“No, no. I’m not threatening you. I mean… that’s how it was, right? I heard all your conversation with that lieutenant earlier. You came to school without harboring almost any desire.”

“I just came because I didn’t want to go to the army, without much thought.”

“I know it’s not such a simple story.”

“Um…”

“Live, Shin Eun-young.”

“I told you I have no intention of dying.”

“You know that not having your breath stop doesn’t mean you’re alive. If humans don’t desire, they’re not human. They become dolls. Like the dolls Demetriadou plays with. I know what that feels like. I’ve been living pretending to be an attention-seeker on purpose to escape that unpleasant feeling, but honestly, it wasn’t very effective.”

“For someone like that, you seem to have adapted quite uniquely well…”

“If the desire you need to live is women, I won’t ask you to look only at me. So I’d be happy if you could tell me you love me, but before that… First, make sure you have the clear thought of wanting to live.”

“I’m telling you I don’t have thoughts of wanting to die or anything like that.”

Churchill quietly shook her head.

“Even beasts have that level of survival instinct. I mean the desire to live as a human. The desire to remain as a person in this world. If you’re thinking of finding that desire in the pleasure of sharing with other women, I won’t stop you. I think that’s a more important issue… for you as a human being.”