Chapter 60: Fake

My eyes flew open in surprise. My widened vision filled with So-yul’s face looking at me.

A faint smile lingered on her lips. It was a delicate smile that could almost seem loving.

Her gaze penetrating me held no wavering.

Meaning these weren’t careless words thrown out without thought.

So-yul continued speaking.

“When I first met you here… I think I’d already reached my limit.”

“Your limit?”

“Really. Until last year I tried to keep going somehow, but now it’s suffocating and I can’t breathe, I don’t even know what I should do anymore…”

So-yul’s face showed infinite fragility as she forced out her voice to share her thoughts.

She’d shed both her act of being strong in front of others and her usual playful side with me.

When was it that Juho had mentioned it too?

That until last year, So-yul had been a much more playful child. But entering this year, for some reason she started acting more like a model student.

Back then I’d wondered if there had been some change in her mindset and moved on. But seems it wasn’t such a simple matter.

Such an unfortunate family situation.

Parents who wouldn’t acknowledge anything she did.

Having to constantly act the role of excellent model student.

Unable to bear such heavy burdens, So-yul had gradually extinguished herself.

Telling herself if she kept trying, someday she’d be loved. Blaming everything on her own inadequacy while shattering herself piece by piece.

“Then finally I ran away. Though I knew I’d be in huge trouble if caught, I felt like I couldn’t endure without doing something like this.”

She whispered barely audibly then added in a thin voice:

“Sitting alone breathing fresh air. Playing piano freely where no one was watching. Maybe even… dreaming someone would find me like this.”

The result of that escape was this current situation.

Running into me by chance, secretly becoming fake lovers, relieving her stifling feelings through repeated small escapes, and sometimes sharing sincere conversations…

What had been just one night’s whim for me had been a day where So-yul reached out her hand waiting for anyone to save her.

The truth I’d belatedly realized was terribly cruel. My heart ached with sympathy.

Soon So-yul whispered in a small voice:

“Still, I’m really glad you were the one who found me.”

“Glad?”

“…Yeah.”

So-yul nodded slightly and:

“Since it was a fake relationship, I felt okay showing my true self. You always gave fun reactions when I teased you. We had many happy moments together. And when things were really hard… I received great comfort.”

“Then from now on too…”

“But, seems that wasn’t okay.”

So-yul firmly cut off my attempt to interject then:

“From the start, I should have just lived how Mom and Dad told me to.”

She spoke these resolute words as if it was her turn to conclude.

“So let’s stop now.”

So-yul showed a gradually fading smile. A sad smile drew on her face as if swallowing pain. Her gaze couldn’t settle, cast off somewhere far away.

Then she parted her lips.

“…Before these feelings grow any more.”

With this, So-yul firmly closed her mouth.

As if she’d said everything she wanted to say. As if leaving the final decision to me.

So it was like that after all.

No, actually I’d vaguely sensed this might happen for a while.

That somehow we’d come to look at the same place. That perhaps So-yul also held special feelings for me. I’d had inexplicable premonitions several times.

I’d even directly asked So-yul once. Though I didn’t get an answer, I believed I wasn’t wrong.

Now I finally heard So-yul’s true feelings properly.

As I’d thought, So-yul held certain feelings for me.

The moment I realized this, blood rushed through my whole body and hot heat rose up.

But… it was too late now.

So-yul’s parents had tormented her thoroughly using every method. Completely ignoring her until she broke on her own, openly looking down on their daughter and leaving wounds near her heart.

Just as they wanted, So-yul had finally broken down.

The injuries created scars, leaving pain that would never heal.

By now, even my existence only troubled So-yul.

Then just what words should I give her?

If my presence made things harder for So-yul, maybe stepping back now was the answer.

When we were just strangers from the start, did I even have the right to interfere in So-yul’s life?

If we were just returning to our places anyway… wouldn’t it be better to go back like nothing happened?

How could that be.

Until now I’d consistently made shallow excuses about it being just a fake relationship.

I’d endlessly hesitated using polished pretexts I’d made to look good.

In a school that wouldn’t easily allow even male-female interactions before dating, I’d just repeated ugly hesitation saying such feelings couldn’t be allowed.

It truly wasn’t funny at all.

Even though So-yul was hurting before my eyes, even though watching made my chest ache.

Not being able to support So-yul who seemed about to collapse, not being able to reach out and comfort her.

No, I couldn’t even block a single raindrop falling from the sky.

I was truly pathetic.

So much that I couldn’t argue even if I became a lifelong laughingstock.

The rain endlessly soaking our heads showed no signs of letting up. Cold air touched us, wrapping our whole bodies in chilly sensations. The weather seemed to be denying our relationship.

But I didn’t care at all.

If the world pushed us away, it would be enough if just we two affirmed each other.

Even if it was fake, so what?

These feelings right now were as real as could be.

“Okay.”

When I spoke, So-yul glanced up at me. Though my answering voice was thin, her gaze was clear.

As if predicting what would come from my mouth next. As if already prepared for everything.

At the same time, her firmly bitten lips seemed like she was trying to endure incoming emotions.

Looking silently at that face, I slowly parted my lips.

“Let’s stop being fake lovers now.”

The moment I said this, So-yul’s shoulders jerked.

It shouldn’t have been an unexpected answer. She herself had declared we should break up. She must have vaguely anticipated we’d reach this conclusion.

Yet clearly despite that, So-yul tightly closed both eyes.

As if saddened by this situation. As if regretful of the final ending. And maybe just a little, as if disappointed by my answer.

“…Okay.”

So-yul whispered in a voice so faint it mixed with the storm.

Shrinking her tiny body. Making an expression like she might burst into tears any moment.

Toward such a So-yul, I stretched out both arms.

Then embraced her small back… pulled her into my arms.

“…Hic.”

A breath tinged with surprise came from against my chest.

Her whole body soft and warm despite being freezing cold. Her breath infinitely warm compared to her chilly body temperature.

Where her breath touched tickled ever so slightly. Wanting to keep feeling that sensation, I hugged So-yul’s delicate body even tighter.

Was she slow to grasp the situation? So-yul said nothing while held in my arms.

Even as I comforted her fragile body and stroked her back again and again, So-yul just kept trembling her whole body. She showed no special reaction.

It was long after when a question mixed with breath came from So-yul.

“W-what are you doing suddenly?”

“What do you mean what? I’m hugging you.”

“I know that, that’s why I’m asking. Why are you suddenly hugging me? When you’re not even my boyfriend anymore…!”

So-yul kept questioning me as if throwing a tantrum.

Not her boyfriend anymore.

Well, that wasn’t wrong.

It hadn’t even been minutes since we said to stop being fake lovers. Nothing remained connecting me and So-yul now. Our relationship was no different from when we first met here.

Then… wouldn’t it be okay to hug if I became her boyfriend?

“Han So-yul.”

“What?”

A thoroughly puzzled voice returned from within my arms. Heat was slowly rising in So-yul’s completely frozen body.

I smiled lightly thinking perhaps my own heat was transferring to So-yul.

While holding So-yul even more tightly like that.

Taking a deep breath, I told her clearly.

“I’ve liked you for a long time.”

“…!”

I heard So-yul’s sharp intake of breath.

Deliberately ignoring that, I continued as if spitting it out:

“Will you… be my real girlfriend?”