Chapter 59 – That Can’t Be Reality

“I never said you had to be perfect! But at the very least, conduct yourself in a way that won’t invite criticism! I’ve told you this before!”

These weren’t the words she wanted to say.

But at some point, every time she looked at Cariel’s face, she found herself saying things like this.

Even as she spoke, she knew she shouldn’t.

Yet, out of regret, out of frustration, she tried to say something better.

But for some reason, every word came out sounding like irritation.

Even though she knew, the moment the words left her mouth, that she shouldn’t be saying them.

…If she faltered now, the child might stray.

She had already resolved not to coddle him.

…So she, Ermina, had to swallow the bitterness in her heart.

I don’t want to say things like this either, my child.

But… I have to raise you properly, don’t I?

Even I… don’t feel at ease saying this.

So why don’t you understand?

You’re fully capable of doing everything well.

Why won’t you listen?

Why do you let my words go in one ear and out the other, dismissing and ignoring them?

“Enough.”

“What?”

But today was different.

His lowered gaze remained the same, but unlike before, he no longer seemed intent on simply enduring it.

His tone was low, his voice simmering with suppressed anger.

His lifted head revealed a twisted expression and burning eyes.

Faced with his outright hostility, Ermina was momentarily at a loss for words and asked again.

“What… did you just say? Did you really just…”

“Stop it already! How long do you expect me to put up with this nagging? I’ve been trying my best! I’m giving it my all! Have you ever once tried to understand me? Every time something goes wrong, it’s my fault! Everyone else is blameless, and I’m always the problem?!”

“You, you…”

“Do you even know what it’s like to be the child of a hero?! No matter what I do, I’m constantly compared to you! No matter what I achieve, I’m always told I’m inferior! They mock me, belittle me! And then, even at home, I have to listen to you nagging at me, taking your frustrations out on me! And Father—he’s always out there looking after strangers! And when he’s home, all he says is, ‘Take care of yourself,’ ‘It’s all about your mindset,’ ‘You’re just not strong-willed enough,’ ‘Try harder!’ Effort! Effort! Do you think I haven’t been trying?! What am I to you, huh?! A tool?! Even a sword gets better care than I do! If a garment gets dirty, you wash and dry it! If a sword gets damaged, you repair it! But me—am I worth less than a sword? Less than a piece of clothing?!”

“Ca… Cariel? Why… Why are you suddenly…”

“How long do I have to endure this?! Even tools receive basic maintenance! Am I worth less than the trees and plants in the courtyard?! Why! Why was it so hard for you to praise me, even once?! Was it so difficult for you?! Out there, you act like the Saint, radiating kindness and generosity! Outside, you take on burdens and extend charity! But the moment you step inside this house, you act like you can’t stand the sight of me, like you want to discard me as worthless trash! Answer me, Mother!”

And after that, Cariel kept going, unleashing all the grievances he had held back.

As if he didn’t care what would happen next.

“As a matter of fact, why don’t I just leave this house? If that’s what it takes, I’ll even change my name!”

“You, you! How, how can you say such a thing to me…?!”

“Shut up!”

Ermina was so shocked by the venom in his voice that, for a long moment, she couldn’t speak.

And perhaps because his emotions had reached their peak, they gradually began to settle.

Cariel took a deep breath.

And as Ermina stood there, lips moving soundlessly, unable to find the words, he delivered his final verdict.

“Thank you for everything, Lady Ermina. As of today, I will be leaving House Brendiar. I will also change my name and sever my ties to this family. Fortunately, I have past merits to my name, which entitle me to the title of Baron of Rutia. I will manage just fine on my own.”

In other words,

“Let’s never see each other again. It seems I’ve been quite the burden on your emotions, so I’ll relieve you of that weight.”

With those words, without even a semblance of courtesy, he turned his back and walked toward the door.

Ermina reached out and grabbed him.

“…What are you doing?”

“Why… Why are you saying such things? I just… I only wanted you to be someone who could stand tall before anyone. I just….”

“Are you still making excuses?”

Ermina shut her eyes tightly.

Before she knew it, her darkened eyes were brimming with tears.

“…You’re right. Everything you said… is right. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. If we show weakness, you’ll suffer. And if you show weakness, just as we do, they’ll tear you apart. I wanted to keep you from becoming their prey. But… somewhere along the way, my worries turned into criticism. My words, meant to protect you, became accusations and reprimands. That was never my intent….”

“…….”

Cariel simply watched her with cold eyes.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do this to you again. I was wrong about everything. So please… please don’t say you’re leaving. Please don’t say you’re no longer my son…. I’ll praise you. I’ll encourage you. And if anyone dares to say anything about you, I’ll stand by your side, I’ll protect you, I’ll—”

So please, please,

“Don’t leave me. Don’t say you’re leaving us. Please… don’t say such painful words.”

“…….”

For a moment, his resolve seemed to waver.

But then, Cariel shook off her hand.

“Cariel?!”

“…We’ll see if you really mean it. My departure is already decided. I’ll leave the capital to avoid causing trouble, so handle the rumors as you see fit.”

“Cariel! Are you really?!”

“When I asked you to trust me before, did you?”

I had to,

“Bear the weight of crimes I didn’t commit, lower my head for sins I never committed—all because of you. And when they cornered me, when it finally came to light that everything was just a malicious misunderstanding, what did you say?”

“…….”

“They apologized, so I should just accept it generously? When exactly did they apologize? Was it at that banquet, where they merely looked me in the eye once and swept everything under the rug? That’s a sincere apology? No. That was for you. Not for me. They only did it to stay in your good graces, to keep up appearances. They never truly sought forgiveness from me.”

“Cariel…”

“It was already over back then, but I was too much of a fool to realize it. And only now, I’ve finally made up my mind.”

He stepped forward.

“Don’t call me Cariel. I’m changing my name. When the time comes, address me properly. If you haven’t received the news yet, you may call me Baron of Rutia.”

“Cariel! Listen to your mother properly—!”

“You listen to me! It’s Baron of Rutia! How many times do I have to say it?!”

Cariel’s voice rang out, filled with raw anger.

For a moment, his breath came out in harsh, uneven gasps as he tried to suppress his emotions.

Then, without another word, he turned and left.

“…….”

Collapsing to the floor, she sat there, unable to think, unable to move.

…….

……….

In a secluded cabin deep within the mountains, far from any city or village,

After much searching, Ermina finally found Cariel again.

Despite the cold reception, she persistently showed up at his doorstep.

“Have you been eating?”

The door remained closed.

“I, I thought I could at least help tidy up a bit.”

Still, the door did not open.

“I brought some food and a few things to make this place feel a little less empty.”

Once again, silence.

She left the supplies by the door, urging him to at least take them once she was gone.

The next day, they were still there, untouched.

She prayed relentlessly, thought endlessly.

Luelde had offered to come with her, but Ermina refused.

This was her sin.

The weight of the guilt she had built up over the years.

Even if she had never intended it, this was the inevitable outcome of her actions.

And so, she had to bear this burden alone.

Weeks passed.

One week. Two weeks.

“I’m sorry. I was blind to the one person I should have seen the most. I… I truly am sorry. I’m so, so sorry…”

The door creaked open.

“…….”

He looked worse than before.

And from the way he gazed at her, Ermina could tell,

She, too, had changed.

“…Come in.”

How difficult must those three words have been for him to say?

As she knelt, trembling, unable to reach out her hand,

As he watched her with unsteady eyes,

“…….”

Ermina silently thanked God and, at the same time, offered her deepest gratitude to Cariel.

But she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

Tears were all that flowed.

The inside of the cabin was small but livable.

What was served barely qualified as tea, but even that warmth felt precious as she gripped the wooden cup tightly.

“I will never mistreat you again. No more nagging, no more criticism, no more…”

“That’s quite the misleading statement, don’t you think?”

“I, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Did I ever tell you not to point out my mistakes? Did I ever say you shouldn’t hold me accountable? Do you still not understand what was wrong?”

“N-no! I do! I’ve thought about it over and over again! It’s just… I don’t know how to put it into words…”

“Someone as eloquent as you… and yet, here you are, struggling?”

Cariel’s expression was one of bitter amusement.

“I’m sorry… From now on, I will respect you. That’s what was needed all along.”

“…….”

It was never about avoiding mistakes.

Nagging? That wasn’t the problem.

Did he ever once act spoiled, asking for unnecessary favors?

“…I’m human too, you know. Even plants wither if they don’t get water and sunlight. How long did you think I could keep going?”

“……I’m sorry.”

“…….”

For a long time, they simply sat in silence.

It was a long moment,

But for Ermina, it was the most precious moment she had ever experienced.

…….

………….

Half a year.

Cariel had been absent from the academy for an entire six months.

Naturally, he had to repeat the year.

His ranking had also dropped significantly.

“…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. You must have had a hard time adjusting. I know you’re trying.”

Ermina’s demeanor had changed beyond recognition.

“I noticed you’ve been studying late into the night. You’re eating less, too. You’re still growing—you need to take care of yourself.”

“…….”

“If things get too hard, tell me. And if the academy really isn’t what you want, you don’t have to go.”

Cariel stared at her.

Then,

As if finally shedding a weight he had carried for far too long,

His expression softened.

“…Thank you.”

“No. This is how it should have been from the start.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled gently.

Yes.

This was how it should have been.

…How it should have been all along.

Tears welled up.

====

“Woman, you must have had a wonderful dream.”

“…….”

Upon opening her eyes, Ermina found herself in a familiar room.

Sitting nearby, lounging in a chair pulled close to the bed, was a long-haired, silver-haired elf.

His deep green eyes held a troubled glint.

“Geornia… sir.”

“Your husband is really hard to find. Since you just gave birth, I figured I’d wait until you’d recovered before visiting.”

I was rather annoyed, honestly.

With a wry smile, he asked,

“So? What kind of dream was it?”

“…….”

Ermina couldn’t answer.

Because the moment she tried to recall it,

Tears poured down.

She couldn’t remember it exactly.

But in the end, she had stood side by side with that child…

She still didn’t know.

No one had told her anything, afraid she would be too overwhelmed.

So she had no idea how much had unraveled.

How much had already been broken.

She didn’t know.

But deep inside, she had a feeling.

That the sight she saw in her dream,

Was something that could never again become reality.

And perhaps, that’s why,

She couldn’t stop crying.