Chapter 59: Hello Viviana

“Tina… Mom really can’t live without you…”

In truth, I had regained consciousness a long time ago.

The pounding headache.

The throbbing body.

As my dulled consciousness gradually surfaced like a rising tide, the pain in my body slowly made its way into my mind.

Even when I first slit my wrist, I was half-sure I wouldn’t die. I’d done it a few times before. I knew where to cut to die, and where to cut to feel pain close to death.

Besides, being part of a duchy meant they would definitely have medical professionals. I had only lightly slashed the safer veins, avoiding any fatal arteries, so I expected to be treated within an hour.

If my prediction had been wrong… well, I would have died. But in any case, here I was, still very much alive.

“Tina… Tina…”

My mind was perfectly clear.

And yet, the reason I still lay there with my eyes closed, unmoving, was simple.

“Tina… Please wake up…”

My mother’s voice calling out to me was so desperate.

The sound of someone calling my name was so sweet.

Because I wanted to savor that warm affection a little longer, I continued to pretend to be asleep.

To be honest, part of me wanted to open my eyes and return to the barony with my mother, but I couldn’t let my guard down.

Previously, my mother had agreed to let Viviana take me to the Duke of Merdellia’s estate. I assumed Viviana had blackmailed her in some way, but if my mother realized I was perfectly fine, she might leave me here again.

No matter how much wealth I could gather here, I didn’t want to stay in a place where a maid called me a prostitute and where people were slowly growing tired of me.

I was a wretched creature who couldn’t live without someone’s affection, and this place was nothing short of hell for me.

So I rushed past my mother to the mirror. I would show her just how harmful this place was to me, so that she wouldn’t want to leave me here any longer.

Talking to my childhood friend, at least in the eyes of others, would surely make me look insane. My mother in my past life was disgusted by me for the same reason.

“Ah, ah… Tina…”

Sure enough, my mother collapsed to the floor, her eyes filled with despair. Her blue pupils trembled uncontrollably, as if unable to accept the situation.

She must be thinking I had lost my mind. My mother in my previous life thought the same.

But I wasn’t crazy. The proof of that was staring back at me from the mirror.

“Are you using me? That’s a little hurtful.”

The girl in the mirror, identical to me, spoke. The only difference was the dark black cross embedded in her blue eyes.

‘Can’t you let it slide just this once?’

“…Hmph, I’ll let it go because it’s you.”

I grasped the hand of the girl in the mirror, smiling brightly. She had always been there for me when I was struggling, when I was lonely, and when I felt isolated. Thinking I had regained my precious friend filled my heart with joy.

“T… Tina…”

I heard my mother’s cracked voice. I tore my gaze away from the mirror and turned my head to see my mother looking at me with reddened eyes.

The pure, unmistakable affection in her gaze made my heart melt. I wasn’t curious about why she was here. The fact that she was here was all that mattered.

“…Mother.”

“T-Tina…”

My mother rushed to me, pulling me into her embrace. Her soft chest cradled my face, and her warm body enveloped me.

The love I hadn’t felt in so long almost made me let out a soft whimper without realizing it.

“I… I want to go home… It’s too hard…”

“Yes… Yes, let’s go home… We’ll go home, and you can rest well with me…”

Artasha hurriedly patted my back. In her movement, trying to hold me even tighter, I could feel the desperate desire to comfort me.

“…I’m sorry for causing you pain, Mother.”

But it was you who sent me here.

So, it’s partly your fault too.

“T-Tina…!”

How long had I been in my mother’s embrace when the door suddenly burst open, revealing a familiar woman?

She was beautiful, with long black hair flowing down and shining violet eyes. However, Viviana looked much more gaunt than the last time I saw her.

I wasn’t sure.

Whether it was intentional or just my instincts reacting, as soon as our eyes met, my body began to tremble like an aspen tree.

My gaze dropped to the ground on its own, and my breathing gradually became rougher.

Sensing the clear abnormality in my body, my mother hugged me even tighter, sharing her warmth with me.

“T-Tina, I have something I want to say.”

Viviana forced a smile. It was a fragile and awkward smile that was hard to look at. It didn’t suit the dignified aura she usually carried.

“…What is it?”

“I did it for you. You kept dealing with me while wearing a mask, so I deliberately acted harsh to bring out your true self.”

Like water endlessly pouring out of a burst dam, Viviana continued to speak in a daze.

“There’s no way I could get tired of you. Tina, do you know how adorable you are? When I said I was tired, I didn’t mean it. It’s just… you only seem to show your true self when you’re cornered. That’s why I said something I didn’t mean. Iris didn’t mean it either.”

…Why?

Why did I feel filthier now than when Mardian violated me?

Viviana kept desperately trying to explain herself. But to me, it all just sounded like excuses.

“Tina, that’s why I acted that way-“

“Lady Viviana.”

I couldn’t bear to listen any longer. When I interrupted her, Viviana looked at me, bewildered, waiting for me to speak.

I paused briefly, wondering what to say.

But in the end, there wasn’t much I wanted to say to her.

“Can I go home now?”

Viviana’s violet eyes trembled. Her lips quivered as if she wanted to stop me, but no sound came out.

Could she really say no in this situation? Viviana, who prided herself on her convictions, wouldn’t force me to stay against my will.

“Lady, I’m taking my daughter home.”

When my mother added her own agreement, filled with deep contempt, Viviana could only lower her head in defeat.

“…But wouldn’t it be better to stay here until you’re fully recovered?”

“We have excellent physicians at our barony as well. Thank you for your concern, but please, don’t meddle with us any further.”

Mother’s words were firm, almost to the point of being ruthless.

It was quite rare for her to reveal such sharp thorns toward anyone, but it seemed that this incident had caused her to despise Viviana.

Despite my fierce mother’s opinion, Viviana still stood blocking the door.

Seeing her refusing to step aside, I steadied my trembling body and stood up.

Behind me, my mother watched with a worried expression, but I gave her a reassuring smile and approached Viviana.

“…Viviana, you know that I really liked you, right?”

Viviana’s amethyst eyes widened in surprise, and a faint light seeped into the depths where there had once been only darkness.

I leaned in close to her ear, whispering softly enough that my mother wouldn’t hear.

“You were the first person… to let me touch your butt…”

Of course, Mardian did worse, but that was forced, so it doesn’t count.

“And you’re also the first person I’ve spent so much time alone with.”

“Tina…”

“That’s how special you were to me, Viviana… If… If we could’ve spent just a little more good time together, I might have ended up relying on you completely.”

Viviana grabbed my hand.

Her eyes, which had regained their light, now held a faint hope that things could go back to how they were before.

…I’m sorry, Viviana.

I can’t give you what you want.

“Tina, in that case—”

“But… Viviana, I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.”

“…What?”

“Now… I just find you uncomfortable. Even the memories from the past only hurt me now.”

Through our clasped hands, I could feel Viviana’s trembling. The light in her eyes, which had held hope just moments ago, had darkened again. The way her eyes flickered between life and death, like she had bipolar disorder, was quite a sight, but it was time to bring this to an end.

“Viviana… I hope I never see you again. Honestly… I liked being with Mardian more.”

At my final words, the last bit of light disappeared from Viviana’s eyes.

My mother, who had approached without me noticing, grabbed me and glared at Viviana.

Viviana lowered her head weakly, then took a step back and moved aside.

For the last time, I looked at Viviana’s dull, lifeless eyes and left the room with my mother without a shred of regret.

Goodbye, Viviana.

Let’s consider our relationship… over here.