Chapter 58: None of it is okay

“Oh my, so that’s what happened. No wonder she wasn’t around when I came home. Then you should have at least called. Enjoying all the fun by yourself…”

“Why should I? When she’s the one who left without a word, saying she wanted to get some fresh air so early in the morning.”

“Hey, why should I get my heartbroken just because you two have a spat? And if you’re going to put it that way, you also used to frequently—when you couldn’t decide between me and Soon-i.”

Father, flustered by Mother’s bombshell, started acting cute, and I, leaving them behind, subtly shifted my gaze to the side.
What met my eyes were reddish-brown pupils, moist and faintly shimmering.

Unni, who had been staring at my face, immediately turned her head as soon as our eyes met, and then, as if nothing had happened, she started picking at the fish in front of her with her chopsticks.

This was the fourth time this had happened since the meal began. Including the times she avoided me before the meal, it was the eighth time.

However, judging by the way she kept glancing at me and sighing in relief, she seemed to think she hadn’t been caught.

Seriously, both Garyeon and her. There seem to be a lot of people around me who think everything will be resolved if they just turn their heads.
No, I probably became friends with them because they were like that.

Like attracts like.

As I was contemplating how to deal with this, a flamboyant “Oh my” and a burst of laughter came from across the table.

“Oh, you kids… You’re so obvious. I can’t just let it slide.”

“Yes?”

Mother fanned her face with her hand, as if embarrassed, and continued.

“Oh, you don’t have to be so embarrassed. It’s normal at that age. When I was young, I even had a hard time being at my in-laws’ house during the holidays—”

“H-Hey, you, what are you suddenly bringing that up for?”

Mother, her mouth covered by Father’s palm, blinked her eyes with a bewildered expression.

“Why? I’m just saying they don’t have to be so self-conscious because we were like that too…”

“So why are you bringing that up at this particular moment?”

“No, can’t you see them glancing at each other since earlier? They must have stayed up all night because of us.”

Suddenly, unni’s face turned pale.

“Uh, Do-Dojin, this isn’t like that—”

“Alright! I was wrong. It was my fault for bringing up an embarrassing story so carelessly.”

Mother, cutting off unni’s words, stood up abruptly and started rummaging through the bag on the living room desk.

“Here it is.”

Mother, who had returned with light steps, smiled brightly and handed me a long envelope.

“If someone does something wrong, they should apologize, right?”

“Yes?”

“My legs hurt, are you going to keep me standing?”

“Ah, no.”

Inside the envelope I quickly accepted were two tickets with the red words “Latte World” and a picture of a winking rabbit.

“For today, don’t think about us and just spend the day together. You need a break on the weekend.”

“Ah, th—”

“Oh my, you must be so grateful you’re speechless. Seriously, you don’t have to be. You worked hard taking care of us all yesterday, and it was painful to see you being so self-conscious because of us, so I brought these. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

“Ah, then thank you—”

“Hey, I told you not to! Well… if you’re that grateful, go and take a few pictures as a token of your gratitude.”

“Yes?”

“Oh, you don’t have to think about it. Here…”

Mother snatched the envelope from me, took out a long piece of paper from inside, and unfolded it.

“I knew this would happen, so I already decided everything. Just take pictures like this.”

The content written on the paper was as follows:

• One couple shot in front of the carousel. (Pose is free, but a sweet atmosphere would be nice.)

• One shot with arms linked in front of Fantasy Island Castle. (Recommended to wear headbands sold in the park, with a shy, new couple vibe.)

• More than 5 concept shots in the “Eojjeol” photo zone. The concept should match the background. (Example: If there’s a bookshelf in the background, wear glasses for an intellectual campus couple vibe.)

• One shot facing each other in the garden in front of the ice rink. (A deep, gazing look would be nice. Recommended to also take a picture of you two holding hands and skating.)

• One shot of you feeding each other ice cream on a bench.

• One shot on the hot air balloon with the park view in the background. (A kissing picture is preferred.)

“How about it? It’s not much, right? You can just take them little by little while you’re having fun.”

I was momentarily at a loss for words, stunned by the relentlessly flowing stream of suggestions, like a thunderclap, but it was literally nothing.

I can take as many pictures as you want. I can hold your hand. I can link arms with you. I can act like a couple. Nothing will happen if I do that.

So I hope you don’t look at me with that expression.

Instead, I hope you understand. That I liked you. That I felt infinite jealousy towards the face of someone reflected in your eyes. That I came to hate you because of that. But that I couldn’t shake you off, as you had already taken a place in a corner of my heart.

So I hope you believe me.
That I wish for your happiness.

But unni turned her head away. Her expression still seemed to say she had no intention of telling me.
She would probably just come to her own conclusions again, draw a line with her finger, and then eventually strangle herself with that hand.

It can’t be helped. It seems unni still doesn’t know. That such an ending is only acceptable in a 10-minute short film.

Of course, since I’m not the director, I had no right to comment on this film. If you ask me who I am to be giving out my smug opinions, I have nothing to say. But well.

If you didn’t want to hear such things, you shouldn’t have shown it in the first place.

****

Yu Garyeon was knocking on the door.

A small, light sound flowed from her slender hand, which looked like it would break with a little force.

However, that empty sound, that eerily hollow echo, mercilessly shook the heart of the person inside the room.

I bet you’d make the same sound if I knocked on you. Because you’re an empty person, just a hollow shell.

Of course, Chae Seolha understood very well that this provocative statement was just a ridiculous auditory hallucination stemming from her own paranoia.

No, even if the person behind the door was really knocking with that intention, she had nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact, she thought she was having a more stable and normal time than ever before.

Then what was the person knocking on the door here for? She didn’t know. She hadn’t done anything wrong these past few days, so it probably wasn’t to lecture her.

Then it must be for a trivial reason. A trivial reason like wanting to go out and play, or wanting to chat.
She didn’t have time to waste on such things anymore.

Because I have to face the sins I’ve committed, ruminate on them, and atone while writhing in pain. Because I can’t be happy for even a second.

So she dragged her staggering feet out. Very politely, to refuse that ridiculously trivial offer.

Soon, Chae Seolha opened the door and frowned. A few strands of light that entered through the gap in the door, and the silvery hair that shone even brighter than that, pierced her eyes.

“⋯⋯You must not have seen my message.”

No response came back. Yu Garyeon just blinked her blue eyes and stared at Chae Seolha’s face.

Suddenly, an immense sense of displeasure surged in Chae Seolha’s throat. No, it wasn’t a momentary feeling. She had disliked it for a long time.

That silvery hair that made her own shabby hair look even more pathetic, that pure white skin that made her own skin look even darker, those blue eyes that made her own eyes look even duller.

Chae Seolha’s nails dug into her thumb. The pain she felt beyond her skin instantly brought her back to reality.

I’m about to blame someone else again because I can’t control my own bad habits. She found herself truly absurd.

Yes, you don’t have the right to do that. In fact, what kind of attitude is that when you should be kneeling and bowing your head right now?

“I saw it.”

However, Yu Garyeon, as if she didn’t know Chae Seolha’s feelings, or rather, as if she wouldn’t acknowledge them, made a provocative remark.

Chae Seolha forced a smile and continued.

“W-Well⋯⋯I know you have something to do, but I’m really not feeling well today. Can we talk next time?”

“When?”

“Just, next time⋯⋯.”

And Chae Seolha realized. How many “next times” she had said in the past few weeks. How many “next times” Yu Garyeon had waited for.

“When next time?”

Chae Seolha couldn’t say.

At that moment, Yu Garyeon’s palm pushed Chae Seolha.
With a force so strong that it was hard to believe it came from such a slender hand, a hand that looked like it couldn’t even hold a pebble, Chae Seolha was pushed back to the entrance.

Soon, the door closed, and the trickles of light disappeared. Now, the two were engulfed in pitch-black darkness.

“⋯⋯What are you doing?”

Chae Seolha said, stroking her chest. Again, no reply came back.
Chae Seolha, who let out a thick breath, opened her mouth in as gentle a voice as possible.

“If it’s because we fought at the company that day, I told you it’s really okay. No, it would be strange if you didn’t say something like that.”

You have no shame, do you?
The words Yu Garyeon had said to Chae Seolha that day had pierced deep into her heart and forced her to see the reality she had been pushing aside.

It was so embarrassing and humiliating. So she got angry. Looking back, she wasn’t wrong at all.

“I told you it was okay about what happened at the cafe too. It was my fault for bringing it up so suddenly.”

“It’s not okay.”

“What?”

Yu Garyeon said, gripping Chae Seolha’s shoulder as if to press down on her.

“You might be okay, unni, but I’m not okay at all.”