Chapter 58: Fantasy in the middle of the night

“Damn it, what do I care?”

With a heart ready to stab at any moment, he raised his knife, but when he actually raised his arm, what came out was timidity.

His hands trembled, and so did the blade of the knife.

Idiot. The curse I muttered was directed at myself.

I never intended to inflict a serious wound. Still, I wanted to vent my frustration in some small way, but my hands, raised high, trembled pitifully.

Had I taken too much medicine? I had taken some, but I shouldn’t be feeling this way yet.

“Ijana…”

Those deer-like eyes gaze up at me with such longing.

I’m the one who’s desperate, so why are you looking at me like that? I want to kill you. But I don’t want to kill you. What am I rambling about?

The feelings I had sorted out are stirring again. In truth, I want to embrace that bound body right now. I don’t need vulgar caresses; I just want to hold you once.

Since r*pe doesn’t apply between people of the same s*x, the mere thought of it makes me shudder, and the moment I see the hem of your skirt slightly lifted, the demon of desire surges again.

This situation is utterly inappropriate. But I have no stake to stand on.

My heart convulses like a broken tractor.

I fill in the gap in the middle of the broken bridge.

Was I always like this? Even if I was called a heretic, a drug addict, or a bastard, I wasn’t this innocent. Idiot. This time, in my native language, not Korean.

Suddenly, I remember my childhood, when it seemed like all my dreams would come true. The days when I would bang on the piano keys in a dark room, singing silly pop songs.

The days when I searched for excitement among dull colors.

I already had wealth and fame in my hands, but I wanted a movie-like life. I wanted a fairy-tale, fateful love.

Just, just, when I was lost in fantasy, even I, who had grown up too quickly, could return to being a young girl in her prime.

Then this is my naive ballad.

A solo aria. It’s easy to package it that way, but it’s just the lonely cry of a fool. I’m starting to hate being human.

Love is always tedious, and regret is always too late. I want to bury my head like a dog between the warmth and whimper.
“ot”

After staring blankly for exactly five seconds, I lowered the knife I was holding.

A dry voice, beyond the parched folk song, trickled out slowly. Unconsciously, I reached out and gripped the back of my neck, as if to comfort myself.

Finally, I reached down and pulled open the top button, revealing white underwear.

I buried my head in the deep valley and inhaled deeply through my nose. I sniffed the fragrant scent like a dog.

“Do you remember when I got rid of that annoying woman for you? To be honest, I was a little scared when I rushed in with a knife.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I took you to the amusement park. It was kind of forced, but I did it to cheer you up.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“You wanted to see a movie, so I took you to the theater, but you dragged me around until dawn, and I paid for all the tickets.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“When you suddenly said you wanted to go to Germany, I booked the flight tickets. They’re useless now… but they cost a lot.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Virgin, virgin. I don’t know about you, but this was my first time with you?”

“……I’m sorry.”

They repeat the same words like parrots. If only they could blend together like that, but her hand, lost for where to go, gently lifts her skirt.

It tickles the soft flesh inside her thighs and slowly crawls upward.

The tip of her unmanicured fingernail pricks the sensitive area.

Her body reacts sensitively to the cold temperature of his hand. He wraps one arm around her waist, which twitches like a bowstring being plucked.

He stares blankly at her face, which is clenching her lips tightly to suppress a moan.

It’s a bit ridiculous to be doing this now, but she looks incredibly beautiful.

“……Don’t go. Stay with me. Forever.”

“I won’t go. If you want, I’ll stay with you anytime. But…”

“No. If you say anything more, I’ll really kill you.”

His heart sank like a broken elevator.

Anticipating the chilling words that would follow, Izana hurriedly raised his voice.

Her face was already stained with tears, her voice trembling. It was a hollow threat, but she wanted to shut him up any way she could.

Izana covered her ears like a child. No, she was actually a child.

“If you say any more, I’ll really kill you…”

“…You already know. I don’t love you.”

“I…”

Unable to control his anger, he reached out and grabbed her slender neck.

He held it tightly, and the veins on his thin wrists bulged as if he were about to twist it, but the face he was choking was completely calm. That’s because he wasn’t using any force at all.

I was sure I had gripped tightly, but my hand loosened helplessly. My blurred vision couldn’t even recognize the woman in front of me. I wiped away the tears that had flowed out.

“Why… why not me? I gave you everything you wanted, and if you want more, I can give you more…”

“I’m sorry, really.”

“Why…”

If it were up to me, I’d want to hurt her badly.

Those eyes looking at me with pity, that mouth spilling out meaningless words of sympathy.

But I don’t want to hurt her. I want to hurt them, but I don’t want to hurt them.

It’s contradictory, but is that why love is written as love but read as nonsense? It’s ridiculous, really.
The ending that couldn’t become an echo is shattered into pieces.

As I gather the pieces with a futile expression, I suddenly want to see her face again.

I wish she would cry as hard as I do. I wish she would feel even a tenth of my pain. A somewhat pathetic idea. I want to tear open your heart and kiss it.

A somewhat cruel idea.

I don’t want to be a villain, but I want to be one. Still, I’m a fool who can’t even be a villain.

“Cry pitifully for me.”

“…I’m sorry, I can’t cry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry…”

“You fool.”

She’s probably about to say something else stupid. I quickly cover her lips with mine to stop her from adding something pointless.

I gently open the flower bud that offers no resistance and slip my tongue inside like a tentacle.

Her saliva moistens my dry tongue. My body is heating up, but my head is growing cold. I’ve kissed before, many times, and done worse, but in this moment, I want to give it a little more special meaning.

Like the scenery outside the car window, captured by chance.

I want to feel you more. I want to hold you closer. But time, oblivious, rings the harsh alarm. As the kiss lingers, she gasps roughly for breath.

At the same moment, the fleeting moment that felt like eternity comes to an abrupt end.

As she gently pulls away, a long thread of saliva stretches between their lips. Ijana looks at Sia.

“Ah, finally.”

“Ugh…”

Perhaps her efforts in front of the mirror weren’t completely useless after all. Izan smiled mischievously at the teardrop that lingered at the corner of Shia’s eye.

But soon, his smile twisted. It was a strange expression, neither smiling nor crying, one he would never have shown under normal circumstances.

Complex emotions tangled together and raged uncontrollably, and he instinctively realized that this was the last kiss.

Complex emotions tangled and twisted, running wild, and she instinctively felt it.

This was the last kiss. And no matter what happened, she didn’t want to decorate this last moment with a hideous appearance. Izana lowered her head and cut the rope binding Sia’s body with a knife.

“…I won’t help you anymore.”

The deep shadow obscured the face that had always shone brightly. Sia hesitated for a moment, then reached out and stroked Izana’s cheek.

The deep shadow obscures the face that had always shone brightly. Sia hesitates for a moment, then reaches out and strokes Izana’s cheek.

The dampness on her fingertips.

“Even so, I still think of you as a friend, Izana.”

“That’s a comforting thing to say.”

Indeed.