Chapter 57 – I Am Cursed (2)

A small mountain stood above the city, crowned by a church that served as its symbol.

The stone steps leading up to it were unyielding, too steep even for a small cart, let alone a carriage. The only way up was on foot, burdened with whatever one could carry on their back. Unless, of course, one was a great mage who could fly, or someone willing to cut through the forest rather than taking the established path.

It wasn’t a sheer cliff or a treacherous ravine, but even those accustomed to mountain paths would still choose the stairs over the rugged terrain.

However, for Cariel, the mountain path was far more familiar. In fact, climbing stairs felt more exhausting.

At first, he hesitated—should he climb or not? But he decided there was no need for hesitation. Instead of following the stairs, he leaped into the trees and swiftly ascended.

By the time he reached the peak, where the church came into view…

“…Oh, you climbed all the way up here?”

Alesia had just emerged from the well-maintained path leading up the steps.

She was dressed just as she had been when they first met—chainmail beneath white robes embroidered with golden crosses. She carried little on her back, but the various pieces of equipment strapped to her gave her a heavily armed appearance. Even Saint Cariel’s longsword, still without a proper scabbard, was wrapped in cloth and secured at her waist.

Other than that, she carried her gear on her back and belt, leaving her hands relatively free.

“I told Philbar just in case, but you were really planning to leave right away?”

“…Yes. I wasn’t aware there was a festival today.”

Perhaps, if things had been different, he might have stayed to witness it.

But his mind had changed. His circumstances had shifted.

Whatever excuse he chose, it didn’t matter.

“Are you leaving as well, Alesia?”

“Well, actually… I was thinking of going with you.”

“With me? To where?”

“To your destination.”

“…….”

Seeing Cariel’s silence, Alesia scratched her cheek awkwardly.

“I heard the news—just now, actually. You left the capital under the guise of a holy pilgrimage, didn’t you?”

“A holy pilgrimage?”

Cariel pondered for a moment.

Was that the excuse they had come up with?

It must have been Elhermina’s idea.

“Then you must know who I am by now.”

“…….”

Alesia closed her lips for a moment.

“I don’t know all the details. Really, I don’t.”

Even years ago, when she visited the capital, she hadn’t paid much attention to him.

She had never understood why people were so obsessed with talking about others.

Among the children of the hero, Cariel had been the most despised, the most ridiculed.

Alesia had heard the rumors back then, but hadn’t thought much of them.

After all, heirs of noble families who turned out to be disappointments were hardly a rare occurrence.

Some were rebellious. Some were crushed under the weight of expectations, forced responsibilities warping them until they broke.

She had seen it happen countless times.

Why would the lineage of a hero be any different?

She shook her head.

“If we’re leaving the city, it’s best to do so before sunrise. Once the crowds start pouring in, just getting out will be a hassle.”

She turned toward the stairs, preparing to descend.

Cariel called out.

“Alesia, don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

“You mean because of this?”

She gestured to Saint Cariel’s sword at her waist.

“I already informed the priest. A proper report will be sent later. For now, I can hold onto this until I return.”

In other words,

She was saying she would follow him.

“And you know where I’m going?”

“…If it’s a pilgrimage, then it’s related to me as well.”

Or,

“Or was that just a rumor after all?”

“…….”

Cariel averted his gaze and replied.

“Strictly speaking, my arrival here was a coincidence. I only stopped by because this place is where my name originates.”

And yet, strangely, he had encountered an unexpected connection.

A consideration, an arrangement—one that weighed heavily on his heart.

It wasn’t something he had wanted.

He hadn’t even expected it.

Not even in the faintest imagination.

And yet…

It wasn’t as if they—he—had placed any undue expectations upon him.

It was simply that he had arrived where he was meant to be.

And when the time was right, he had faced it.

“You don’t need to follow me. You have no obligation or responsibility to do so.”

“What if I want to?”

“……Why?”

What did she mean by wanting to?

“What if I simply worry about you, if I care… if I want to travel with you?”

“…….”

He didn’t know.

“This is strange. We only just met, Alesia. What reason would you have to feel attached to me?”

Alesia gave him an exasperated look.

“Cariel. People—humans—don’t always need a logical reason to like someone or to care about them. It’s not about weighing positions, calculations, or overthinking every decision—ah, I’m making this sound too complicated.”

“…Is that so?”

“It just means that when you feel drawn to someone, when you want to do something, that feeling itself is reason enough.”

“…….”

Was that so?

It sounded… obvious.

Yet somehow, it felt impossibly distant.

“Your interest and affection toward me feel… overwhelming.”

“Hey… don’t say it like that. Now I just feel embarrassed.”

Alesia awkwardly averted her gaze.

“I appreciate your words. But… I’m not in a position to bring anyone along on this journey.”

“Why? Is it because I’m too much for you, just like you said?”

“Do I find Alesia overwhelming…? I’m not sure. I appreciate your kindness, and I even acknowledge that there is some ulterior motive behind it. But even that, I consider a sincere form of care.”

…As if he were talking about someone else’s story, not his own.

As if he were observing from a distance, detached and rational, simply recording words onto parchment.

“Then what if I told you I want to be with you because I genuinely like you? That all the times I’ve said I care about you, they weren’t just empty words? Oh, don’t tell me it’s because of my age or size…”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

If anything, it was admirable.

Even if there was an ulterior motive at first, over time, that desire would undoubtedly solidify into something real.

Not just a fleeting impulse, but a growing fire, burning brighter and stronger.

Passion. Willpower.

The desire to have someone. The desire to be had.

…Affection.

The yearning to love and be loved—it was so vividly clear.

Some might mock it, dismissing it as mere lust.

But even so, if both people wanted it, if they were happy together, was it truly wrong? Was it really a sin?

If an impulse led to regret later, then perhaps…

But still,

“When I left the capital, I let go of many things.”

Or rather, he had abandoned them.

“And one of the reasons was…”

Cariel looked up at the night sky.

“…….”

And there, as if blocking his view of the heavens,

A girl clad in gold watched them, resting her chin on her hand with interest.

A blessing and a curse.

A curse and salvation.

If time were to rewind, and he were given the same choices,

Without hesitation.

Ten times, a hundred times over,

He would choose the same path.

“I made a pact with the Demon King.”

Those words struck Alesia like a hammer to the mind.

“What…?”

“Call it a curse. Call it a contract. Either way.”

In short,

He could never settle for a peaceful life.

Unless he defeated his father, everything connected to him would inevitably collapse.

He himself was no longer the issue.

He appreciated those who showed him kindness. He was grateful.

And because of that,

It felt all the more burdensome.

Like the weight he carried only grew heavier.

Grateful, yet,

…Terrified.

If someone loved him, if he, by some chance, formed a bond with another,

Wouldn’t that mean passing on the curse he bore, handing over the burden he carried?

How could he allow that?

Even if he shut his eyes and ignored it,

Even if he turned away, choosing to neglect and abandon it,

It was far too late.

“…….”

And yet.

Because of all this—because of everything—he had found the peace to look up at the night sky again.

So, he held no resentment.

No hatred.

This result was his own.

It was, without a doubt, his choice.

“Yes. As you can see, I am cursed. And this is not something anyone in this era could possibly undo.”

“Wait, hold on. I must have misheard you,”

“No. You heard correctly. Let me say it again. I was cursed by the Demon King, and I have something I must do.”

Therefore,

“I cannot afford to bring anyone along. I don’t even have the luxury to consider it.”

“No, that’s exactly why I—!”

“Alesia.”

Cariel bowed his head deeply.

“Thank you. Truly. Your kindness and care… they saved me, if only for a moment.”

But,

“In the end, whether it’s salvation or redemption, those things are burdens we must carry ourselves. No one can grant them for us.”

“…And what if someone can’t do it alone? What if it’s impossible for them?”

Alesia remembered.

She had once been powerless.

As a child, she had known what it meant to be unable to change her circumstances.

But,

That was where the difference between them became clear.

Cariel had accepted the Demon King’s aid.

But even that was only possible because he had steeled himself first.

He had endured pain. He had accepted the impossible.

He had resolved himself. He had endured.

If he hadn’t, would the Demon King have spared him?

Would Cariel have become who he was now?

“That, too, is fate. Destiny.”

And so,

He had given up on praying.

He no longer dreamed of someone offering unconditional kindness.

He neither expected it nor believed in it.

Perhaps others could.

But he—he was different.

If there were those who could not save themselves,

If there were those who could only be saved by relying on another,

“…That, too, is their own burden to bear.”

That was the conclusion he had reached.

Accepting that truth was their choice.

Rejecting it and struggling against it,

That, too, was entirely their own.

To collapse in despair at the lack of answers,

Or to push forward, even if it meant tearing their body apart searching for one,

…That was their burden.

It was what he had realized when he stood before the Demon King.

And if he didn’t want that realization to be meaningless,

If he didn’t want his past regrets to pile upon even deeper regrets,

…Then settling down was never an option. Wasting time in hesitation was out of the question.

“Alesia, you and many others I’ve met here have now been caught up in my curse. That is why I must deal with this problem, no matter what.”

“You’re not just saying that, are you? You really mean it?”

“If it were just empty words, would they feel this heavy?”

Cariel forced a faint smile.

Alesia felt a deep sorrow.

He had never once shown a genuine smile.

And yet, in a moment like this—when his words weren’t even meant as a joke—he forced a hollow, artificial smile.

Was it self-mockery?
Or a form of self-reproach?

“What if… even knowing all this, I still want to follow you? If I care for you that much….”

“Thank you.”

A word of gratitude, but not acceptance—a refusal.

“As much as I cherish you, I believe I must remain strong. I do not want you…”

To be unhappy.

Especially not because of something beyond her understanding, something determined by fate, something cruel and unjust.

“I can only remain strong when I am alone.”

If someone were by his side, he would rely on them.
He would want to lean on them.

That desire was too overwhelming.

…So overwhelming that he feared he might forget how to stand on his own.

That was a weakness he could not afford.

And it was worse with Alesia.

With her, the longing, the craving—it intensified.

Because she would embrace him without hesitation.

Because her kindness and affection were unconditional.

And that made it all the more unbearable.

“That is why. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, I should be thanking you.”

This was simply,

“My own weakness.”

“…….”

There was so much she wanted to say.

So many words that surfaced, thoughts she could express.

She could have confidently declared that it didn’t matter.

She could have insisted that she would bear it all with him.

But she couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Because of that look in his eyes.

Because of that gaze, so utterly devoid of self-interest,
a gaze that was entirely for her sake.

“If your way doesn’t work? If there’s another way?”

“…….”

Cariel’s eyes lifted toward the empty sky.

There was nothing there.
There couldn’t be.

And yet, for an instant,

Alesia had the eerie feeling that he was seeing something.

She didn’t know what.

The only image that came to mind was radiant gold.

“Please, do not worry.”

Cariel spoke with unexpected calm.

“I do not harbor resentment without reason, but… this situation, this burden—it is someone’s fault.”

He would not misplace his hatred.
He would not waste his rage on the wrong people.

“But that is also why I am cursed.”

Call it a curse. Call it a contract. It didn’t matter.

He would keep his promise.

This was not about claiming some noble goal of protecting loved ones.

Frankly, that wasn’t even his priority.

If someone were to scoff at him, mock him for his bitterness, if they dismissed his grievances as childish,

…Then what of it?

“Thank you for loving me.”

And,

“If a day comes when I can finally put down this burden… would you come find me again?”

Because if that day ever came,

Then he could finally, truly accept her love.

His failure would bring her misfortune.

But not just hers—countless others would suffer as well.

If Elhermina had chosen to love him, of all people,

Then failing to complete his role would mean her misfortune.
And her misfortune would ripple outward, spreading ruin through the empire itself.

“…….”

That damn woman—there was no way she had considered all that when she confessed her love.

His feelings toward Elhermina were admiration, at best.

If refined, perhaps respect.

But love? No.

And he doubted that would change.

Maybe in the future—but that future felt so distant, so unlikely, that he doubted it would ever arrive.

But Alesia…

She was different.

If her feelings never changed,

Though, deep down, he wished they would.

It would be better for her.

“…Then I’ll just have to do my best.”

Her voice was quiet.

Her eyes, filled with something close to resignation, remained fixed on him.

“?”

“If I accumulate enough virtue, if I build up enough goodwill… then maybe He will hear my prayers a little more.”

Alesia smiled—a sorrowful, fleeting smile.

“So from now on… I’ll pray for you.”

That you will not suffer.

That you will find strength.

“…I don’t know how I’ll change by then.”

But if, when the time comes, her feelings remained the same,

“…I hope you’ll accept my confession then.”

Ah,

“But hurry up and finish what you need to do, alright? I’m not getting any younger. If I wait too long, I might just end up alone for the rest of my life. I mean, it’s not like I’m some devoted saint pledging my life to the gods,”

She smirked wryly.

“I’m just an ordinary person. I want to get married, have kids, go through life with a little less hardship… just live happily, you know?”

So,

“…….”

She trailed off.

Cariel met her gaze, then gently bowed his head.

Then, without another word, he stepped past her toward the stairs.

Because the more they spoke,

The more her voice trembled.

The more her expression wavered.

And rather than seeing it—rather than letting it etch itself into his memory—

He chose to look away.

Would that choice wound her?

Would it comfort her?

…He wasn’t sure.

But he hoped it was the latter.

He hoped,

That those who sought peace would find it.

That, as Alesia wished, the world would grow just a little kinder.

That it would become a little more peaceful.

But he did not pray for it.

He simply…

Let the wish drift away with the wind.