Chapter 53: Fantasy in the middle of the night

I heard it from Rainy. That you bullied her.’

‘If you keep doing this, it’ll be a problem, Isaka.’

‘…’

He breaks the heavy silence and speaks. His head shakes, as if there’s no answer.

A look of genuine trouble.

‘What are you saying, you fcking bstard? You’re out having fun with other women while leaving your fiancée behind.

Do you think I’ll just shut up and stay put because I’m like sparkling lemon for you, you son of a btch?’

-The rebuttal rose to the tip of my chin, but the girl just lowered her head in silence.

‘I told you. We’re bound by an engagement, but I don’t love you.’

His voice, heavy and lowered, with a surprisingly serious face. When I raise my head again, I see honey-colored blonde hair and eyes as blue as the cold sea.

An appearance like a prince from a fairy tale. A dream on a midsummer night.

Any woman would probably clutch her chest at first glance and be utterly smitten.

‘I don’t particularly love you either. It’s not you, it’s your face that I like.

The reason I bullied that less fortunate girl, Rainy or Bikini or whatever, wasn’t out of jealousy, but because I was annoyed by her arrogance. Besides, aren’t you planning to replace her soon anyway? Like a car enthusiast who rushes to get the latest model as soon as it comes out.’

-The rebuttal rose to the tip of my chin, but the girl just lowered her head in silence.

‘Be careful next time. I won’t stay quiet anymore.’

…

Apart from that dazzling appearance, it would be closer to ‘dislike’.

The inner self of the prince I always dreamed of is not this petty.

But even so, if this man had loved me even a little, or rather, it’s a meaningless thought.

Still, if he had, would I have been able to truly love this man?

‘…Sorry, Izana. I don’t think I can go to Germany after all.’

As soon as I returned to reality, I let out a sigh without realizing it. My cold breath scattered in the warm air.

I unconsciously fumbled for the cigarette in my skirt pocket, but alas, there were no pockets.

I wanted to at least smoke a cigarette, or even inhale some thinner, but not even a sliver of comfort was allowed.

I repeat the words I swallowed, one by one, like rolling a silver mint.

‘…Sorry, Izana. I don’t think I can go to Germany after all.’

What should I do with the two first-class seats I eagerly booked last night? Is money really this precious? Only a sense of futility piles up in my empty heart.

Because I know all too well that the words ‘can’t go to Germany’ don’t just mean not being able to go to Germany.

An expected refusal.

In the end, was she also of the same kind as that man? Still, I really loved her this time, delusion, delusion, delusional love.

I know that her apologetic face is sincere, even to anyone who sees it. Because she’s not very good at lying.

But why is that sincere face the most detestable thing of all? I feel like I’m going to gag, but my outward appearance remains unruffled.

A disgusting existence.

It ignites the edge of revulsion.

I want to punch holes in the eyes of the stupid mascot costume at Tokyo Disneyland, and snip the balloon strings that the kid is barely holding onto with scissors.

Even though she is so utterly disgusting, why can’t I hate her?
Sixteen years old.

A lie called youth.

The sweet and crispy texture of love, tasted for the first time in my life. The feeling of it slipping down my throat before I could savor it.

I’m suffocating.

Choking,

I search for water. But the surroundings are already a desert, and everything around me is just a bunch of fcking bastards.

This one, that one, this guy, that guy. Where has the prince who would save me scurried off to like a rat? Ah, there he is.

Seeing him intimately embracing another girl fills me not with rage, but rather with a dull, sinking feeling.
Ah, perhaps ‘fateful encounters’ were just illusions, Izana muses to herself.

She scratches her head with a hand she raised somehow.

Scratch, scratch.

Such unladylike behavior, but perhaps that’s why it feels more authentic.

“Izana…”
Don’t look at me with that face. Don’t call me with that face.

After betraying me.

After abandoning me.

If I could, I would scream at the top of my lungs. I would curse you with a sharp voice.

But that would just be pathetic. No one would understand anyway, and it would be like painting white on white paper. Paper thickened with acrylic paint.

Days of such meaningless continuation.

At this point, I have no choice but to realize it, even if I hate it.

Happiness is not something that comes by waiting like an idiot, but something that must be seized with one’s own strength.

Gazing intently at the two still embracing each other like the Pietà─while holding back tears that well up in an instant─I slowly part my dry lips.

“Black Bear.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“You know what I’m going to say next, right?”

“…Yes.”

As soon as the unformed command fell, the giant moved with a speed unbefitting his size to take position behind Sia.

Sia turned around urgently, but it was too slow a reaction for the man.

A single blow to the back of the neck.

Sia’s body slowly plummeted to the ground. Shi-hyeon’s eyes widened at the sudden turn of events.

“You— cough“

Although small, she’s clearly not an ordinary person.

Shi-hyeon reacted instantly, aiming for the man’s solar plexus.

But by the time she realized it, her wrist was already caught by the man.

Instead, the man’s fist ruthlessly punched into her solar plexus.

No wonder they are sisters.

Looking down at the two of them lying on the ground like sisters, Izana muttered softly in a voice no one could hear.

“It’s all your fault… because it’s your fault… I…”