Chapter 52: Open Your Heart

A deep kiss after killing someone feels better than anything else.

Why hadn’t I known this before?

That a kiss, a press of lips with my beloved Yujin, could feel this good.

It’s not that our usual kisses are bad.

It’s just that I’ve only now realized what a beautiful experience it is to tangle tongues with a loved one after taking someone’s life.

It felt like my brain was melting from the endless synergy of two different pleasures.

Love, yes, it’s love.

Only after love exists does everything reveal its beauty.

Whatever that beauty may signify.

The dark room, the desolation of the dead ruins where dusk has fallen, unable to let out even a single sliver of light, the cold concrete railing from which white flakes of old material flutter—it’s all beautiful.

It all looks so beautiful that words cannot possibly describe it.

More beautiful than what I felt when I first met her, even more so than the red glow of the railway tracks at sunset when we first exchanged words of love.

Normality, ordinariness… haven’t I been needlessly shackled by such things all this time?

It’s this beautiful.

Yujin’s embrace is this warm.

I, who am with her, who loves her in return, must be the one who is normal, rational, and living an ordinary life.

“Hooah…”

Exhaling a cloud of smoke as if letting out a sigh of admiration,

I looked up at the night sky where a brilliant cluster of stars formed the Milky Way, threatening to pour down and cover the pitch-black earth.

I wish the haziness, the gloom, would all fade away with the drifting smoke, disappearing between the starlight.

I don’t seem to smoke much these days.

I smoke so rarely that the thick smell of burnt magic herbs that once saturated my room and furniture has faded, but Yujin doesn’t seem to mind.

A little smoking of magic herbs leaves a refreshing, yet bittersweet scent.

Still, she won’t let me smoke indoors, no matter what.

Looking around, I couldn’t see the ghost who would usually have a word or two to say, some nonsense like,

‘You shouldn’t be thinking such things after killing someone. Why not focus on exterminating monsters instead?’

Lately, my impulses haven’t been as severe, and I don’t hear Spooky’s noisy chatter as much.

Well, if that damn little ghost showed up and babbled frequently, that would be a nuisance in its own right.

Ah, he did say something when I killed today’s victim.

I don’t remember what he said, though.

I think it was probably more than just one thing.

Right now, he’s probably hiding somewhere nearby, watching me as usual.

It’s not like he has anywhere else to go, and as long as he can’t break the contract, he’s bound to me.

I glanced once at the front door that I now only use for a closet or storage—my small iron cage—and then entered our home to its right.

Yes, our home.

Not my home, or Ahn Yujin’s home.

Before falling asleep, when I ask for reassurance of her love again and again out of an impulse-like anxiety, she whispers the same love to me each time, but with different words and sentences.

“The sight of you, so lost in your love for me, is just so lovely. I love you.”

Like the sentence she whispered tonight.

Then we press our lips together, our arms wrapped around each other’s backs.

We meet tongue to tongue, caressing the inside of each other’s mouths, sharing sweet saliva and warm breath.

From the sweetness of the kiss, the scent of lavender, and the soft touch of her brown hair, a scorching heat spreads through my entire body, from my lower belly to my chest.

Beyond our touching chests, beyond our interlocked hands caressing each other, the sound of our faintly beating hearts is transmitted.

Yujin’s slender fingers sliding down my spine brushed my waist, touched my hip, and then returned to caress my hair before faintly wrapping around the nape of my neck.

I trembled at the sensation, my lips twitching.

“Haah… haah…”

After a kiss that felt like an eternity, I pulled my lips away, feeling the floating sensation of a soul saturated with bliss, melting and mingling with hers, our breaths hot and ragged.

A kiss.

I want more.

We’re as close as we can be, but I want to be closer.

I want to reveal my last remaining sharp thorn, my identity as Sanguine Obsidia, to her.

I want to reveal that last thorn and get rid of it, to become so close that it’s impossible to be any closer.

But fear and anxiety visit me again, sealing my lips shut.

I know she won’t abandon me now, but the fear doesn’t disappear.

…In time, when a little more time has passed, I’ll be able to tell her.

The anxiety and fear have almost subsided.

After a long, peaceful silence, she spoke first instead.

It was a completely different topic, though.

“That Grandma Sunbok, what do you think of her?”

“…About what?”

‘Is she worried that she might have seen me use magic?’

‘Or is she worried that the people she’s in charge of at the community support center might get hurt or killed by monsters?’

“The Magical Girl Association announced that the demons have all been dealt with, so it should be fine…

If you’re worried about people getting hurt by monsters, then, yes, if you say it’s really okay, I thought maybe I could help out a little…”

“You can’t do that.”

“…That is the one thing you cannot do. Not using magic, not doing anything that might reveal your identity in front of others.

If you’re going to use it, do it only in front of me.”

A voice faintly tinged with impatience, but with the second kiss that followed, I couldn’t say a word and had to accept it.

The sense of unease melted away softly with the touch of her probing tongue.

If she says so, then it must be so.

She has always guided me correctly, towards happiness.

In the future, as long as she is here,

as long as I have her, I’ll be able to continue these ordinary, peaceful, and happy days.

Definitely.

***

I am anxious and worried.

Me, of all people.

I need to find my composure, but I can’t.

Ever since the day I saw her defeat a monster using magic, this feeling of anxiety won’t leave me.

Last night was the same.

In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to ask.

I revealed my anxiety in front of Seoa.

What she thinks of that grandmother, what she thinks of the center’s staff or other people, the other people that Lee Seoa knows.

How much space they occupy in your, Seoa’s, heart.

I couldn’t ask further, afraid that whatever your answer might be, hearing it from your lips would confirm it, afraid that you might reconsider their existence.

The purpose of bringing Lee Seoa into the outside world was to have her experience various forms of happiness, then to experience betrayal, to curse the world, and finally, to make her completely dependent on me, her only window to the world.

Making her dependent was achieved as she fell for it all too easily, but the picture became strange as she grew closer to Grandma Sunbok and others.

A gap was created for others to squeeze into her heart.

No matter how many times I lament that I was too complacent, it can’t be helped now.

I have to somehow clean this up, starting now.

A person’s heart is truly difficult to understand.

I wish there was a way to see the heart itself, rather than guessing based on the other person’s reactions and information.

It’s even more difficult to imagine what results the conversation, emotional exchange, and interaction between two different people will bring, and it’s hard to predict what the relationship between two different people will become.

That is why I had no choice but to make a decision.

“Hello, Grandma~ Have you been well?”

“Oh, come on in. Did you come alone?”

“It’s Seoa’s day off.”

Nearing evening, I visited Grandma Sunbok as my last stop of the day, as usual.

I had lied to Seoa, telling her I only had paperwork at the center today, so she didn’t follow me.

She’s probably spending her time at home, just like on other days when I come out alone to handle paperwork.

“Grandma, you know. What do you think of me?”

‘Oops, I was too hasty and misspoke.’

That’s not the question to ask right now.

‘Composure, I must maintain my composure.’

“What kind of nonsense is that? You’re here, so just have a meal before you go.”

“That sounds great, gukbap. If not today, when else would I get to eat it?”

Fortunately, it passed smoothly.

A rough hand placed down a large earthenware pot, emitting cool steam, filled with clear bean sprout soup.

Sitting across from her, I added rice and seasoning just as the grandmother did, and slowly savored it with the simple, neatly arranged side dishes.

The taste hasn’t changed a bit from the first time I had it.

A deep flavor filled with long memories and profound affection, and a refreshing aroma that brings to mind the grandmother’s old memories.

When I look back on this later, it will surely be a taste that remains in my memories.

That’s probably why I can’t help but feel a sense of regret.

A food I can’t eat from tomorrow, a sight I can’t see from tomorrow, a person I can’t meet from tomorrow.

It would be a lie to say I don’t feel regret.