Chapter 50: what am i really doing?

“Sob… sniff…”

“Uh… uh…?”

Before he could properly explain why he had apologized, Seung-ah burst into tears.

Just looking at her, he could feel her sadness and pain.

Thinking back, he realized his “I’m sorry” could have been interpreted as a rejection.

‘I really am an idiot.’

Despite his confusion, he’d spoken without considering how she would receive his words.

He should have been more careful, especially with someone close to him.

Perhaps because she was so familiar and comfortable, he’d carelessly assumed it would be okay to speak without thinking.

“I… I didn’t mean ‘sorry’ as a rejection…”

“Then will you accept..?”

She was too desperate, seeing things in black and white.

But unable to fathom the depth of her feelings, he simply tried to understand.

“First, I’d appreciate it if you could understand that I’m confused, and my thoughts are a bit jumbled.”

This wasn’t just about her confession.

“I’ve lived for 17 years, simply adapting to a new life, and then suddenly, wives I met in other worlds appeared. That alone made things incredibly complicated.”

He thought anyone would feel the same.

He wasn’t sure how many people lived five lives, but if they all experienced the same thing, wouldn’t they also be confused?

“Why weren’t my coordinates detected in other worlds before? Why was I only recognized after 17 years? What’s the reason they came looking for me, even though I’m supposed to have lost my emotions? Questions like these kept swirling in my head, making me dizzy.”

Who orchestrated this situation? How did this seemingly contrived situation come about? How much did they love him, what kind of feelings did they harbor, that they would give up everything to find him?

Honestly, if the worlds they came from were dangerous, places where even he couldn’t guarantee their safety, they might have died immediately after arriving here, weakened as they were.

But they took that risk and came to see him.

They tore through the dimensional barriers, driven by the single desire to see him, even if it meant facing death.

The weight of their feelings for him was too heavy.

He was angry.

Angry at himself for not feeling anything for them.

He was scared.

Scared that he might not regain all his emotions even with time.

He was afraid.

Afraid of a future where he might not be able to reciprocate their feelings.

He justified his hesitation, his need to keep some distance, and his constant agonizing by telling himself that it was inevitable, considering the immense pressure from their unconditional love and devotion.

“On top of that, seeing Wang Wei transform into a giant yesterday made me worry about the people around me.”

And in this situation, a being that might be targeting him and his surroundings had revealed itself. His complacent, weaker self, his wives who had weakened to meet him, and his friends who hadn’t finished growing.

He wasn’t sure if they were truly targeting him, but the fact that a being capable of transforming a Top 10 Family member into a monster had targeted his surroundings made things even more complicated.

And then there was the principal, mentioning a benefactor from 100 years ago who resembled him.

He’d lived a peaceful 17 years without any major incidents, and then in the past two weeks, everything had happened at once.

Seung-ah’s confession had thrown fuel onto the fire of his confusion, making it impossible to organize his thoughts, and he’d spoken without thinking.

“With all these things happening, I haven’t been able to properly consider your feelings.”

Perhaps because of these new relationships, he’d been neglecting Seung-ah, who had been closest to him all along. He hadn’t noticed anything until she couldn’t hold back anymore and confessed, kissing him.

“That’s why I apologized. For not properly considering your feelings. I thought it would be better to give you a proper answer after giving it serious thought, rather than rushing into it.”

He couldn’t give her an answer right now.

His mind was overflowing with too many thoughts, and now Seung-ah’s confession had been added to the mix, making it impossible to give a proper response.

“…I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t consider your situation and confessed impulsively… I’m really sorry.”

He hadn’t meant for her to apologize, but things had gotten twisted again.

‘I still don’t understand.’

Even after three marriages, he still didn’t understand women’s hearts.

He should be a veteran by now, but despite his numerous experiences, he was still a child.

“Don’t apologize. This all happened because of me, and you just expressed your feelings. There’s nothing for you to apologize for.”

He was the one at fault.

He hadn’t properly rejected Ha-yeon, even though he knew his lifespan was only 30 years.

He hadn’t stopped Estelle’s advances, even though he’d already hurt another woman’s feelings.

He’d maintained close relationships with women even after experiencing this twice, eventually giving Liera false hope.

He was the one who made mistakes.

She hadn’t done anything wrong.

He was the idiot who hadn’t anticipated the possibility of them coming to this world and hadn’t prepared for it.

He was too weak to control all the variables.

All of this was his fault, the burden he had to bear, and he didn’t want to shift the blame to Seung-ah.

Was it a sin for someone to be unable to contain their feelings?

‘But this creates another dilemma.’

If that were the case, wouldn’t he be blameless for marrying them because he couldn’t suppress his feelings for them? Whose fault was this situation?

If no one was at fault, why were they all suffering? But if he continued to agonize over this, Seung-ah might truly believe it was her fault.

He had to say something.

“Would it be okay if I postponed my answer until I’ve sorted things out and can fully focus on your feelings?”

That’s the answer he came up with.

He couldn’t give her an answer now, so he asked her to wait until he could.

Seung-ah spoke.

“You jerk…”

Honestly, he had nothing to say to that.

Was he even human, asking the person who just confessed to wait until his feelings were sorted out?

Even he thought he was a jerk.

“You idiot, pervert… you already have three women, yet you can’t even reject me properly and ask me to wait, you
“

‘I can’t logically refute that.’

All the insults she hurled at him were true.

He was a sinner.

A man who couldn’t reject his childhood friend’s feelings, even with his former wives around.

“But… you’re the one I truly love.”

Standing on tiptoe, she kissed him again.

It wasn’t a deep kiss like before, but a brief peck.

As she pulled away, tears streamed down her face.

“I… really like you. You know that, right?”

“…Yeah.”

He’d be an idiot if he didn’t know by now.

“I won’t hold back anymore. I’m not going to hide my feelings, even if your former wives are watching. Got it?”

What grounds did he have to reject her?

“I’ll do my best to make you like me, even though you’re confused… Don’t run away. Okay?”

“…Okay.”

That was the same look his wives had given him when he’d initially rejected them.

The look of absolute determination. He hadn’t expected to see this look four times.

And from four different women.

‘What am I even doing?’

His face was slightly above average, his personality wasn’t particularly bad, he wasn’t rich, and while he was capable, there were definitely people more talented than him.

He didn’t understand why there were so many women declaring their unwavering love for him.

He couldn’t blame the Savior of the World trait, because Ha-yeon and Estelle had liked him before that.

Perhaps he possessed some unknown charm.

Anyway, seeing that look in Seung-ah’s eyes, it seemed his fall to her was imminent.

It wasn’t someone he disliked or didn’t know.

It was someone he liked, someone incredibly close to him, pouring her heart out to him.

How much longer could he maintain this confusion?

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“It’s past 10 pm, and the system shows there’s a student still in this dorm. Could you please open the door?”

It was Seol Ah-yeon’s voice, the woman who brought him breakfast. Looking at the clock, he realized curfew had passed. It seemed she’d come to his dorm after checking the information on her device.

“Uh… what should we do..?”

‘How would I know?’

He’d thought today’s events were over, but there was one more thing.

This crazy world.