Chapter 48: Recruiting for the Second Returnee Destruction Raid Party (2)

The pixie lets out a wicked laugh.

There’s something eerie about the way it smiles slyly.

Poor giant stallion—having such a huge thing but being unable to use it anymore.

I wonder if it’ll just hang limp like an unused fire hose?

If the only thing that body was good for was enjoying women, well, now even that’s impossible.

Maybe it would be better off as a speedy courier somewhere—being a horse, it’d be fast, right?

But erectile dysfunction?

Is that even possible as a prank?

How does that even work?

“Is something like that really possible?”

I asked.

“There’s no prank a pixie can’t pull.”

The pixie replied.

“So, if it’s under the concept of a prank, anything is possible?”

I asked again.

“Well, not everything, but for people who treat me well, I can even give blessings.”

The pixie explained.

I’d heard before that pixies have those kinds of attributes.

“Oh, so you pulled the erectile dysfunction prank on the stallion because he NTR’d your wife?”

I said.

“Yep.”

“Wait a second. So what about the cheating wife?”

I asked.

Logically, it didn’t seem like they would’ve just let her off the hook.

Even if they didn’t take alimony from her, if the stallion was cursed with erectile dysfunction, surely something was done to the wife, too.

“I cursed her with menstrual cramps fifty times stronger than normal.”

Ah, so that’s why they didn’t bother with taking any money.

Fifty times?

Wow.

That sounds like enough to nearly kill someone.

“But, really? You still claim to be a man with that appearance? It just doesn’t seem possible,”

I said, eyeing the pixie skeptically.

Maybe it was just because it looked so young.

Or maybe dwarves just naturally look younger than they are?

“I’ll have you know I’m over 30! And if you count my age from my time as a human, I’m over 60!”

The pixie snapped back.

It seems like even in the pixie’s world, the flow of time is different from what I was used to.

There really are all kinds of fantasy worlds out there.

“Yeah, yeah, sure.”

I replied, trying to humor it.

“I’m serious!”

The pixie stomped its tiny feet on the ground.

Even if it said it was over 60, I couldn’t help but find it hard to believe with that childish appearance.

“What use are maps anyway? Isn’t that kind of a useless skill?”

The succubus, Muk Eun-ji, sneered at the pixie, starting to pick a fight.

“It’s exactly what it sounds like. I have eyes that can read the lay of the land. My hands are fast, and I’m optimized for making maps.”

The pixie explained, eyes gleaming.

Oh, I see now.

That actually sounds pretty useful.

For example, if I had the pixie tag along with Siyeon, who still feels guilty around me, she could play pranks on the kid and have some fun.

The pixie really does have a lot of useful applications.

“Oh, I didn’t know pixies had such abilities! That’s news to me.”

The succubus said, genuinely surprised.

“No, no, don’t confuse me with the pixies of this world. It’s not the same.”

The pixie clarified.

“So, which world are you from then?”

I asked, growing curious.

“Uh, well… Let’s just say it’s better if you don’t ask.”

The pixie replied, dodging the question.

Either way, it seems like staying on good terms with a pixie could be handy.

“But do we really need a map?”

The succubus teased, sneering again at the pixie, who had already pulled one out.

“Hah, ignorant fools! You can sell a map of the Tower of Destruction once it’s fully explored, you know.”

The pixie retorted, her sharp words filled with venom.

Wow, hearing a pixie speak like that is kind of shocking.

No one would ever mistake her for an adult.

She just seems like a foul-mouthed little kid.

But, is map-making really that useful?

With Cheonma Slash and Holy Crash taking care of everything, what’s the point?

The mermaid is basically just there for cheerleading, and the succubus?

She’s a useless spectator.

This is basically just a group meet-up at this point.

Still, the pixie seems fragile, so I won’t push it.

“We don’t gain anything from this, though, do we? Isn’t it only beneficial to you?”

The succubus shot back, bluntly calling out the truth.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right.”

“So, who’s the ignorant one now?”

The succubus grabbed the pixie’s cheek and pulled it roughly.

“Ahhh! You damned demon! My cheek! What are you even doing here, anyway? You only came to see the Cheonma!”

The pixie screeched, thrashing in protest.

True to her demonic nature, the succubus continued tugging on the pixie’s cheek without a care.

But, it’s probably time to cut this nonsense short.

Today, we’re supposed to reach the fifth floor.

I clapped my hands, catching everyone’s attention.

The mermaids, who had been fighting over who was the more perfect fish, and the succubus, all turned to look at me.

“Alright, listen up! Time to get moving.”

I announced.

“But are we going by ourselves?”

The succubus asked.

“Well, we could clear it with just us.”

After all, we’re not the only ones here today.

The Heavenly King’s guild is supposed to be joining us, aren’t they?

“If this were a game, we’d be the sub-DPS, and that stinky succubus over there is support. The pixie’s just the map-maker. You two are the only real damage dealers, right?”

The mermaid princess said, casually assigning roles.

Why overcomplicate things?

I’m just going to take out all the bosses anyway.

“Honestly, the two of us are more than enough to handle it. In fact, if either Neko Cheonma or I wasn’t here, we could still wipe them out solo.”

I said confidently.

“Wipe out what?”

“That’s fine. What could I possibly say in front of a succubus?”

I clicked my tongue, shaking my head at the typical succubus behavior.

“Wow, are you ignoring me just because I’m a succubus?”

“Yes. You’re the one making some weird comment about ‘wiping them out.’ What kind of imagination do you have? Don’t you know what tteok is? Rice cake? Even as a returnee, you should at least know that much, right?”

This is why some people are so hopeless, I sighed.

“I seriously want to hit you right now.”

The succubus retorted.

Yeah, go ahead, I thought.

Well, now that everyone has introduced themselves, isn’t it time to get moving?

“Are we just going to head out like this? I’m bored.”

The mermaid princess said, playing with soap bubbles.

Next to her, the siren yawned.

These mermaids sure are lazy.

Did they even catch the little pixie’s introduction?

Besides, we’re still waiting on someone.

“No, not yet. The guild is supposed to show up soon.”

“A guild?”

The Heavenly King Guild is scheduled to block off the Tower of Destruction today.

From who, you ask?

From those guys far off over there, watching us with malicious intent.

Some idiots must’ve heard the rumors and are still coming, even knowing it’s a bad idea.

Why do people do this?

“See those guys over there? The ones glaring at us?”

“Hmm. You think they’d really try to mess with us again?”

Oh, the Cheonma really doesn’t get it.

This is the kind of thing where brainless idiots always keep showing up.

“Guys without brains will always keep appearing. That’s why the Heavenly King Guild is here to block them for us.”

Those trying to claim the Tower of Destruction are probably just in it for the scraps.

If only they had followed me back then, like Park Si-woo’s uncle, they could’ve gotten some cash.

Too bad for them—the kind saint is tired of these hunters now.

“Ah, we had idiots like that back in the martial world too. They’d challenge me to a duel for the Cheonma’s position, thinking they could take me on with their sword techniques.”

“A duel with the Cheonma Slash?”

That sounds more like a comedy routine.

-Seoryeong! Let’s fight for the leader’s position with the Cheonma Slash!

-Cheonma! Slash!

I can almost picture it.

It seems like the martial world here is a bit different from the one I know.

In any case, we need the cleanup crew to handle these pests soon.

And then, right on cue, as if speaking of the devil… or rather, the guild, a group of hunters appeared through the portal, all wearing the emblem of the Heavenly King Guild.

At the forefront was Jeon Tae-yeon.

“Seems like you would’ve been in quite a bind without us.” She remarked.

“Oh, Tae-yeon, you came personally?”

I said, surprised.

I didn’t expect her to come herself.

Wait, maybe it’s just a clone?

“It’s a clone.”

She clarified.

“Even so, do you always send yourself like this?”

I wonder if she operates the entire guild by herself?

That wouldn’t be a bad idea, considering how unreliable people can be sometimes.

But no, she shook her head cautiously.

“Because of you, I decided it’s better for me to handle the guild’s internal matters directly. And since we’re dealing with the Tower of Destruction, I thought it would be best to lead this personally.”

Oh, so it’s thanks to me, huh?

Well then, shouldn’t I be rewarded?

I mean, I did help her clean out the trash in her guild.

Maybe I should ask for 1 billion won as a reward?

I decided to be bold.

“It’s all thanks to me, so how about knocking off 1 billion more?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

She replied curtly.

Stingy.

“What’s 1 billion won anyway? Is it worth ruining relationships over? You won’t make it far in life with that attitude.”

“If 1 billion won is such a small matter, how about paying off your remaining debt by becoming mine, Saint?”

What kind of nonsense is that?

A loan shark wants to claim the avatar of a goddess?

Really?

“Oh, are you confessing?”

The succubus chimed in, finding the situation amusing.

“Heh, Saint, I’m curious about your choice. Will it be the 1 billion won for the elf, or will you choose your own safety?”

The Cheonma mused, clearly intrigued by my decision.

“Wow, she’s a lesbian.”

Someone murmured from behind.

“Shut up. I want to see how the saint responds.”

Another added.

“Your tone is seriously obnoxious.”

Are they about to start fighting again?

Hmm, if this were the old me—the saint who would have sacrificed everything for the sake of others, maybe I would’ve made the noble choice.

Back when I lived only for others and erased all thoughts of myself, I might have chosen to save the elf.

But now?

Now I plan to live for myself.

“You’re saying you’d erase my 1 billion debt?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, that’s some high-level nonsense.”

I firmly rejected her offer.

“Of course. After all, there are still those brainless hunters to deal with. That’s why I decided to step in personally.”

Ah, brainless hunters… Oh, like that eunuch.

Too bad he’s already gone.

What a shame.

I took the opportunity to explain Jeon Tae-yeon’s involvement to the other party members gathered today.

Though, it seemed that rejecting her confession had become the bigger topic of discussion.

The succubus clicked her tongue in disappointment, while the Cheonma nodded knowingly as if she had expected it.

As for the two fish… well, I overlooked them.

And the Pixie—oops, almost forgot.

“Sorry about that.”

“Hey, isn’t that a bit much?”

“Well, you’re just too small. What do you expect me to do?”

Maybe grow a bit bigger, then we’d talk.

“You brat.”

The pixie muttered.

“Watch it. Remember what I told you about my wife? You don’t want the same thing happening to you.”

The pixie said with a wicked grin.

Oh no, is this the moment where I need to kneel and beg?

“That doesn’t matter; I’m like an immortal being.”

Still, maybe I overreacted a bit.

It’s a bit much for someone my age to bully a pixie like this.

“This stuff doesn’t work on me. Divine protection and all.”

“You never know until you try—oh? Wait, seriously? It really doesn’t work?”

She must have tried, but judging by her furrowed brows, it wasn’t working.

She mumbled something under her breath.

“Why isn’t it working? Sniff… sob…”

Tears welled up in the eyes of this so-called 60-year-old pixie.

Ah, tormenting others can be amusing sometimes.

-That’s a pixie for you.

I brushed off the goddess’s comment lightly.

-Aren’t you supposed to be focused right now?

She reminded me.

Oh, right.