Gentleness (4)

After finishing the shower, my body felt languid again.

Feeling the steamy heat, I sat down next to Erica. I tried to sit lightly, but due to the weakness in my body, I ended up plopping down.

“How was the water temperature?”

“It was good.”

“I liked it too.”

A moment of silence surrounded us. Looking forward, I saw the messy living room.

“…..It’s too dirty.”

“I didn’t have time to clean.”

I smiled slightly at Erica as she pointed forward with her finger.

“I’ll help.”

“I can do it alone later. Aren’t you tired?”

“I slept a little earlier, so I’m fine.”

Is that so? But you slept uncomfortably. You probably didn’t even sleep for a few hours.

“You’re kind.”

“……Be grateful.”

“Thank you.”

“……..”

“You’re pretty.”

“…..Stop it.”

I chuckled as I watched Erica’s face turn red.

“Let’s clean the floor first.”

“Okay. I’ll get the mop.”

As she got up, I also put my feet on the floor. A sticky sound stimulated my ears.

It’s dirty.

I brought a large mop from the corner and dipped it in a bucket full of water. After repeating this action a few times, I wrung out the water.

Then I started wiping the floor once. I focused on sweeping the areas where dark red blood had pooled. Cleaning a dirty place was quite familiar, so I didn’t feel much about it.

Looking to the side, I saw Erica organizing various items and instruments that were scattered in a mess. Occasionally picking up a book and flipping through a few pages….. is she interested?

“What’s this?”

“Magic stone.”

“Do you need it?”

“Yes.”

“And this?”

“Don’t need it.”

It was literally unnecessary trash. I continued mopping while watching her bring a bag from the corner drawer and putting things in one by one.

I glanced to the side. The blue light emitting and forming a sentence starting with “3.” will probably open today.

Anyway, it was fortunate. That the important stage was proceeding smoothly without collapsing.

I twisted my side hair in the silence that started again. Given Erica’s personality, she probably won’t let this incident slide. She might continue with countless questions about holding a knife to my neck and whether I’m in a lot of pain.

Should I think of an excuse?

I finished mopping while continuing this straight line of thought. The floor was damp but no more red was visible.

It felt like my mind was becoming cleaner.

Before I knew it, my eyes were watching Erica standing in front of the bookshelf, tying two large bags and inserting books.

“…….”

I must have stared too intently. To the point where she could feel my gaze.

“…..You have a lot of books. What are all these books about?”

“About my race, things like that.”

“Ah….. You were a dhampir, right?”

“You remembered.”

That’s surprising.

“I knew even though I didn’t want to. Because of someone.”

“I wonder who.”

“Unbelievable. Really.”

While looking at her glancing at me, I unconsciously stroked my arm. It was still attached.

The rough cleaning was done. I greeted Erica who came back after throwing away the collected trash. I sat her down at the small table and walked into the kitchen.

“Good job.”

“You too.”

“Want some coffee?”

After saying that, I fell into thought for a moment. Both of us aren’t in good physical condition, is it okay to pour in caffeine?

“…..Yes.”

It should be fine.

“Cafe mocha? Something sweet?”

“…….”

At her unexpected silence, I turned my head. And she was sitting demurely, looking at me.

“Americano……”

“Hm?”

“Americano please.”

I tilted my head at her momentarily wavering eyes.

“Don’t you like sweet things?”

“……I said I’ll drink bitter, what’s the problem?”

No need to get prickly over that.

“Alright.”

I answered roughly and brewed the coffee. Watching the brown waves swirl, I twisted my side hair. Does this happen sometimes too? Well, you could get tired of drinking sweet things every day.

Unlike the messy living room, I felt again how clean the kitchen was. Is it because I don’t use it much?

I poured the coffee into glass cups.

Two Americanos headed for the table.

“Thank you.”

She’s really going to drink it bitter. I wonder if she’ll grimace while drinking.

Even during this idle thought, she was already putting the glass cup to her lips. I saw the coffee flowing into her mouth.

The glass cup was put down on the table.

“……It’s bitter.”

“I told you it’s bitter.”

I also picked up the cup and poured it into my mouth. A tangy taste stimulated my tongue and disappeared.

It’s not that bitter.

“……”

I blinked at Erica, who was quietly looking at me.

“Can’t you drink it at all? Should I change it to mocha even now?”

“……It’s fine. I’m not a child. And.”

The cup was lifted. Again it flowed into her mouth.

“Mmm. It’s drinkable.”

I was entranced watching her smile slightly. Should I aim for her smile next time?

I exhaled in the silence that started again. The breath exhaled into the air was soon split by a voice that disturbed the air current.

“Yesterday.”

And snow-white eyes turned towards me.

“Yesterday, that, when you were in a lot of pain…..”

“Ah, yeah. That. Right.”

It was a kind of seizure that’s hard to express in clear words. It must have been a memory of groans and gasps, a pool of blood and a sharp scent coexisting to create a nauseating harmony.

For her.

“……Does it happen often?”

And the worry in those eyes was a far-reaching kindness beyond simple pity and sympathy. I tried to suppress the sudden feeling of nausea.

“No.”

Fortunately, my voice wasn’t cracked and was calm. Enough for birds to chirp and flowers to grow.

“It’s because I fought intensely that day. I barely managed to destroy the Spirit Realm, you know, and suddenly some unknown hunters started shooting guns, so the urge suddenly welled up and I deliberately got hit by bullets!”

“……That must have hurt.”

“Huh?”

Yes. Kindness. Kindness to the point of disgust. Unbearable even for me who lived in a nauseating flower garden. Hard to endure. Burdensome.

“Not really, it was fine?”

“You’re lying.”

And I regretted it. I should have tried to mix in a little truth to stimulate her sympathy just a bit.

“You’re lying. Yesterday you clung to me like that, whimpering, gasping, didn’t you?”

“That’s.”

That’s.

My mouth wouldn’t open. Was the pain she was talking about the pain from the battlefield, or the pain from the aftereffects on the living room floor?

The arrows that pierced me consecutively, unable to even gauge that, were unbearably painful.

“You’re a bad child who tells lies.”

Erica’s eyes were still snow-white. That’s why it was even more frightening. Scary.

“It’s hard to believe that you don’t often experience pain like last night.”

“Erica.”

“Quiet.”

And my mouth closed. The look in her eyes was very alluring. To the point where I wanted to kneel before her right away.

“You’re a wanted Awakened One, right?”

“……Yes.”

“And I’m a hunter from the Association.”

“……That’s right.”

Where did it go wrong? Maybe I’ve already fallen. It might be that there was no escape for me, floundering in the swamp of love I was experiencing for the first time.

“If you don’t want to be caught, you’ll have to obediently listen to what I say.”

“……..”

“Come here.”

And she turned her body slightly on the chair and gestured for me to come in front of her.

I couldn’t resist. Unlike my idling brain, my instinct was ordering me to go and hug her quickly.

Saying it would give me a thrilling pleasure. Saying it would give me the love I desired.

Getting up from the chair, standing in front of her with heavy steps, I had to stay still until chains were quietly tied around my whole body.

“That’s right.”

“……”

“Look at me.”

“……Okay.”

She looked no different from usual. Her hair was still glossy and her snow-white eyes were indescribably beautiful.

And I saw her hand slowly rising. I felt a warm touch on my hair.

“I’m sorry for teasing you.”

So you do know.

“But when else would I ever beat you if not now?”

Even if we could return to our original relationship tomorrow, or even now if we both wanted, she and I didn’t do that.

“Do you like being stroked?”

“I like everything you do.”

“……You’re saying that consciously, right?”

“Yes.”

I gave up on myself. I chose to give up resistance and quietly hug her.

Her sympathy was ugly but beautiful. I had been enjoying this distorted love of a twisted relationship for some time.

The situation of being leashed and dragged around by her kind interest gave me another thrill.

“Stay like this for a while. Quietly.”

Erica might have known everything. That I wouldn’t tell her everything without a single lie.

The previous conversation was probably just an extension to test that.

I realized that what she wanted was just one thing. Using the pretext that I love her in a way I don’t understand, to pour out excessive kindness even for a moment.

“It was hard.”

To pour in kindness to the point of nausea, so that I, who feared her sympathy, would finally collapse.

“It must have hurt.”

And I quietly nodded. That was all I could do, being bound to her.

“It’s okay now.”

“……Yes.”

“Now, just for now, don’t think about anything.”

I gasped at the clean eyes facing me and the gentle touch. I floundered in mental pleasure and physical sensation.

Before I knew it, I found myself repeatedly saying it’s good, and closed my eyes as I hugged her.

Her embrace was warm, to the point where I wanted to run away right now.