Chapter 48: Fantasy in the middle of the night

“Hey, move over.”…

My sister was smart and good at everything from a young age, but she wasn’t always like that. This is a story from when we were very young and attended kindergarten together.

Back then, my sister would just sit around doing nothing, wasting time.

She hardly spoke and moved slowly, like a snail. Even when someone teased her or hit her, she didn’t react at all.

I don’t want to use discriminatory language, but to put it bluntly, she looked like an autistic child at the time.

Naturally, the mischievous boys treated her like an easy toy to play with, and the mean girls called her retarded behind her back.

And I just saw her as something annoying. For some reason, every time I saw her, I couldn’t control the irritation that welled up inside me, so I just ignored her.

Ah, now we have a harmonious relationship, but it wasn’t always like that. I thought my sister was pretending to be stupid on purpose.

The useless knowledge from the game clearly showed that my sister had a terrible personality.

I don’t know if she was trying to get sympathy by acting stupid, but it was just disgusting.

Any excuse is enough reason to dislike her.

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to hit a young girl. I tried to ignore my sister completely.

But maybe because we went to the same kindergarten, she would suddenly appear in front of me just when I thought I had forgotten about her, and my irritation grew day by day.

“Sia, I know it’s hard for you, but you have to take care of your sister.”

“Huh? Why do I have to take care of her?”

My mother, who nagged me to take care of my stupid sister, was also annoying.

No, can I really call this woman my mother? My real mom died a long time ago.

If I die in this body, will I be able to smell her beloved scent? What a foolish fantasy.

Anyway, I hated my sister.

It wasn’t just that I disliked her, I hated her intensely.

Maybe it’s appropriate to say she was like a wisdom tooth growing sideways. At the time, I didn’t call her “sister,” but ‘you’ or “you bastard.”

Why did I act so badly? Does a younger sister need a grand reason to hate her older sister? It’s just that the older sister in the game was a trashy villain, and the older sister in real life was stupid and annoying.

That’s all. And above all, I was only focused on my own problems at the time.

The fact that this world is actually a dating sim game is ridiculous.

The world of the game and the older sister, the main character in the game. I was just a kid back then. It’s only natural that I got angry every time I saw her.

The only impulse in my little head was the desire to return to where I originally came from.

For some reason, the older sister acting like an idiot, the fake parents pretending to be my real parents, this clumsy world itself—everything is annoying. It was unbearably annoying.

Anyway, the older sister was a truly annoying and despicable person.

“Are you an idiot? Can’t you even say ‘stop’?”

“…H”

“Speak clearly so I can hear you. Stop being so annoying.”

My sister is annoying, and I hate her so much I can’t even look at her face, but the guys who torment her are even more annoying.

Seeing their faces as they surrounded a girl and giggled made me feel sick to my stomach.

So I hit him.

I punched him hard with a clenched fist.

Since he was just a kid, one punch wasn’t enough, so I hit him again and again.

Later, I even hit him in front of his parents when they came to pick him up from kindergarten.

At the time, I couldn’t see anything clearly, and above all, I was a delinquent.

“You… didn’t hate me, did you?”

“Yeah. I still hate you.”

“Then why…”

“Well, because you keep getting beaten up like an idiot right in front of me. It’s annoying to watch. Anyway, you’re talking nicely now, aren’t you?”

Maybe a stick really is the best medicine. Every time I came back to get revenge, I beat them up, so no one bothered my sister anymore. Instead, a few of them whispered behind my back, but it was just kids gossiping, so whatever.

And I started ignoring my sister again. As always, I deliberately tried to erase her existence from my mind, and she, sensing my mood, didn’t talk to me either.

And one day, when I decided to commit suicide and jumped in front of a car, my sister pushed me out of the way and was hit by the car instead.

My older sister’s body turned red instantly, and that was the first glimpse of reality I had seen in this surreal life. The driver panicked and rushed her to the hospital, and I stared blankly at my sister, who was red and dazed in the passenger seat.

“Why?”

This time, I asked her.

“Well, I… like Sia.”

And she replied.

“Was I too harsh?”

A self-deprecating remark she muttered to herself.

The clock in the center of the park pointed to midnight, and the benches, their paint peeling in places, lay cold and lifeless.

I looked up at the crescent moon, its ambiguous brightness a stark contrast to the darkness around me.

That melancholic atmosphere somehow seemed to fit me at that moment, and it didn’t feel too bad. Is this too sentimental for me to say?

“Haa…”

A sigh escaped like cigarette smoke. It settled heavily, dampening my thigh.

I tried smoking a few times in my past life and gave it up, but maybe that was because I was completely clueless back then.

If there were even a single cigarette lying around, I’d want to put it in my mouth, but I’m not in the mood to sit down like a dog and stare at the ground.

“…”

I lean back against the bench I was sitting on.

The cool night air tickles my spine.

Normally, it would have cleared my head, but my mind is as congested as the Seoul Expressway on the way to work.

Various thoughts come to mind, but I end up messing them all up. It’s meaningless.

The only clear image among the blurry ones is my sister’s crying face.

When was the last time I saw those tears? At least, it’s a distant memory.

It feels like a long time ago, a faded memory.

I remember my sister’s arms clinging to my legs with a face that was desperate, almost heartbreaking.

I kicked her away. I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but I lost control of myself in the heat of the moment.

But it’s okay.

It’s the same as before, but it’s different. I don’t like my sister, but I don’t dislike her either.

I’m not a girl in love for the first time, so what the hell is this?

Normally, of course, I’d hate it.

Let’s think about it from another perspective.

One day, a younger brother looks through his older brother’s computer and finds all kinds of things recorded, including photos of himself naked and videos of him pooping in the bathroom.

And he’s secretly masturbating to them. Honestly, that’s f*cking creepy.

Don’t discriminate against queers? What can you do? In a normal sibling relationship, it wouldn’t be unusual to tell your parents and cut off contact.

Are we normal sisters?

“Well, I… like Sia.”

There’s still a lingering discomfort toward my sister, but I don’t think it’s that bad.

Just as there are many siblings who don’t get along, there are probably just as many who do, but this relationship is too heavy to be dismissed as simply “getting along.”

If I had to describe it, it’s like having one foot stuck in a sticky swamp.

I can’t get out, but I don’t really want to either.

So should I forgive her? Like a fool.

As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I grab the hair that has fallen over my shoulder and pull it.

A sharp pain slowly rises from the tips of my hair. I’ve known since long ago that my sister liked me more than just a sister.

Because I felt the same way.

I just never thought that her feelings would turn into romantic love.

Why do my sister and Kang Sun-ah like someone like me? I’m a troubled person, even though I appear normal on the outside.

In a way, I’m even more troubled than they are. I’m a person whose brain is filled with cancerous mental illnesses.

Rather than suspecting my sister, it’s better to suspect everyone else in the world. I can doubt anyone else, but I can’t doubt my sister, not her.

I trusted her so much, but she was secretly doing such a sinister thing behind my back.

Why did she take pictures of my naked body? If she had at least given me a hint beforehand, things might have been different.

No matter how much my sister has done for me, this is not right. Yes, my sister has done a lot for me.

The remnants of conflict pile up at the bottom of my heart.

If it had been just that kind of relationship from the start, it would have been easier to cut ties, but I’m standing here alone, agonizing over it like an idiot.

I sometimes fantasize that if I had been bold enough to forgive easily, things would have been different.

“…There’s no way I could forgive her that easily.”

Anyway, anyway, the fact is that I don’t want to see my sister’s face right now.

No, right now I don’t want to see anyone’s face. I cover my eyes with my arms, which feel heavy as if they weren’t my own.

Then even the moonlight hides its glow, and darkness envelops me.

I want to sleep, but I can’t.