Chapter 47: Fantasy in the middle of the night

[Eh, I mean…don’t let the heat get the best of you, and be diligent in your studies and friendships…that…]

‘It’s really not there.’

Morning roll call, the principal’s laid-back voice drifting through the TV, and I turn my head to the seat next to me.

A clean desk and an empty chair. A sense of emptiness, like you’re missing a piece of sugar in your usual two-piece coffee.

I think of the blood that covered the floor of the music room, soaking the sticky floorboards.

The fishy red color didn’t come out no matter how much I washed them, and I eventually threw them away.

I didn’t take a closer look, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a shallow wound, at least not one that would require hospitalization, and maybe even crippling.

The thought of him lying helplessly in a hospital bed in a patient’s uniform makes one corner of my chest tingle.

…Why.”

Yeah, why, he deserved a lot worse than that.

He strokes his fingertips across the desk where, as always, Sun-ah would have rested one cheek.

I trace a jagged line across the smooth wooden surface.

A picture of a pretty cat comes to mind.

The contradiction of tearing it to shreds and collecting the shards in my heart.

I throw up my hands and shake my head. It was a relationship that couldn’t last.

He was an unchangeable human being.

Let’s forget. No, I must forget.

“What else are you thinking about that’s got your face so dark?”

“…Nothing.”

I glance back at Izana, who has taken the seat next to me as soon as the break is over.

Her dark blonde hair shines brightly in the sunlight streaming through the window.

She gently touches my hand, which is resting on the desk.

She squeezes my unresisting fingers and strokes the sensitive underside of my nails.

“You have beautiful hands, Shia,” she says, “but they’re not the only ones.”

“Don’t say that because you’re getting older.” ………… “Have you been looking at my body?”

“Of course not. Would you like to take a bath with me?”

“That’s a bit…”

A bathhouse, not you. Izana smiles mischievously when I stare at her in disbelief, but her bright face is soon tinged with a grayish darkness.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Shia-san.”

“Huh?”

“I need to talk to you for a moment, could you follow me?”

“I don’t care…what’s wrong?”

Izana gets up from her seat without a word. She walked out of the classroom, not even looking in my direction.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Is something really wrong?”

“”

I follow Izana, who walks like a ghost, to the restroom on the fifth floor.

The floor is deserted because there are no classrooms.

Even so, it’s just me and her in the immaculately cleaned restroom.

Despite the silence, Izana pushes open all the stalls to double-check that no one is in there.

“What’s wrong?”

“Shia-san.”

“Yeah, why.”

I was with Izana until just yesterday, and I wondered if she’d had some kind of bowel movement overnight.

I wonder if she’s had a bowel movement overnight.

Her face is so serious, my face contorts with worry. Then slowly, very slowly, her pink lips open.

“What I’m telling you is the ‘truth,’ so please, please…please don’t doubt me.”

…I wonder if I hadn’t heard those words, that truth, back then, if my life would have been different.

Meaningless assumptions. No matter how hard you try, you can’t pick up the pieces of water that have already been spilled, so it’s pointless.

“Oh my, it’s early today.”

“1

“…”

You greet your sister, who is sprawled out on the living room couch. Like herself, she’s just gotten back from school and is dressed in her school uniform without the uncomfortable maiman.

Shihyeon smiles at the familiarity of the scene and tickles her sister’s forehead.

“You know, why don’t we go out for dinner tonight, since it’s been a while, and I’m tired of eating at home all the time.”

“Sister.”

“Huh? Why?”

Shi Hyun’s smile didn’t falter even slightly when she was cut off mid-sentence.

Of course, if it were anyone else, she would have expressed her displeasure, but this was her dear sister, yes, the sister she loved more than anyone else in the world.

But the next words that came out of her sister’s mouth were enough to shatter her perfect smile.

“Why did you take a picture of me taking a bath?”

“…Huh?”

“Why did you take a picture of me taking a bath?”

She turned her sharp eyes to her sister, and her cheerful expression, and her floating hair, all at once.

You try to deny it, but it doesn’t change the reality in front of you.

Your brain cells are spinning desperately to come up with an excuse. But you can’t come up with a good answer.

“What do you mean, what do you mean?”

“Don’t say it. I already saw it all on your laptop.”

“I mean, it was…”

“I mean, why did you do it!”

A hiccup, a hiccup that came out of nowhere.

My hands are shaking, my breathing is ragged as if I’m drowning, and the air I’m breathing in is cold.

It’s not that I’m afraid of my sister’s anger.

It’s not because I’m afraid of her anger, but because I’m afraid of the disgust in her eyes, the emotion I’ve never seen before, and I’m afraid that my happy reality will crumble.

“I’m afraid that something will happen to you-”

“Then why did you put a camera in the bathroom? Five years ago, too.

Aha, you’ve been watching me naked since five years ago?”

“That was an accident.”

“Shut up!”

The touch, which lacked any semblance of normal consideration, caused Shi Hyun to stumble backwards.

A dull ache shot up her ass, but it was only a good thing now.

Shi Hyun grabbed her sister’s calf and looked up at her desperately. Her face was contorted

with rage, and her eyes reflected her own ugly tears.

“Mi, I’m sorry, Shia. Ha, forgive me just this once. I won’t do that again, okay?”

“I’ve doubted many people in my life, but I trusted you, yes, as much as you, but-”

I’ll take it all out. I’ll do anything you want, anything you ask. You don’t want to see my face, do you? How about I go out and live for a while, so I can take my camera

“Val, don’t do this.”

─If you have a conscience, take your hands away. It’s disgusting.”

Two hands, bigger than mine, grab me and pull me away. Red marks on my wrists, the first time I’ve ever been touched by my sister’s painful hand.

I try to reach out again, like I’m doing it for, but the result is the same.

“Don’t go… don’t go…

I repeat the same words like a parrot, but she turns her back on me, her back is turned, and she doesn’t look back.

Just live calmly

Lang Yi has long black hair.

A cool gait.

Is this really real? The sight in front of me is crystal clear, but I doubt, doubt, doubt. A stupid head.
This isn’t it, this isn’t what I wanted.

I whisper meaninglessly to myself, salty tears wetting the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks. I want to run and grab him right now, but

my limp legs shake like a newborn fawn.

My chest is dripping with a bloody liquid, and my breathing is becoming increasingly
short.

I want to close my eyes, but I can’t bring myself to do so.

The front door slams shut. Shi Hyeon stares blankly at the empty front door for what seems like forever.