Chapter 469: I Don’t Even Know Who’s My Father Is

Hmm.

To confess here that her mother was a courtesan…

There’s no way to comment on that without sounding disrespectful.

I carefully chose my words and softened the tone.

“Your mother must have chosen a profession that sells affection. I suppose that means you’ve had quite a few fathers, how wonderful for you.”

“Yes. Thanks to that, I got to meet you too, Father… and I’m truly happy.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve never even been to a place like that, nor do I have the power to keep company with courtesans! I was so broke I had to work part-time at a host bar!”

If anything, I’ve been the one sold, not the buyer…

Wait, now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t be mocking others.

Feels like I spat straight up while lying down.

“You came as a clerk, not a customer… They were planning to expand into female clientele, but you caught a courtesan’s eye instead, so they threw you out right away.”

“That’s the setting now?”

“Thanks to that… ‘I’ got the best Father.”

I do have work ethics, okay?

Even at a host bar, I never touched anyone I worked with, not even a little.

Hilde’s made-up story is slanderous.

Still… I think I understand now why Hilde insists on calling me ‘Father.’

“Your audience… was always your father, wasn’t it? Was acting your way of appealing to each ever-changing father figure?”

“…Yes. The guests who visited the courtesan house came for my mother. ‘I’ was a trace left behind by her past guests, and the fathers all resented me. To my mother, too, my existence was a defect, something that lowered her value and reputation.”

“Giving birth to you and then treating you like that? That’s a bit much.”

“In the Empire and its vassal states, which follow the creed of the Sky God, any child conceived must be born, no matter the circumstances. The courtesan house was no exception. That’s how ‘I’ came to be… but to survive, even I had to constantly read the mood and play along the script.”

Hilde murmured, recalling a past so faint she barely remembered it.

“The first father hated even looking at ‘me.’ He’d scowl and wave ‘me’ away every time our eyes met. ‘I’ didn’t understand it then, but looking back now, ‘I’ think it was because of his frustration at not being able to have my mother. The only time he smiled at ‘me’… was when ‘I’ called him Father. But it was a twisted grin, like he was basking in victory…”

“Hah. Sounds like the first Father cherished your mother a lot.”

“He never officially claimed her though. He didn’t want to bring home a flower that someone else had already plucked.”

“Damn. No matter what I say now, it feels like I’m insulting someone. How am I supposed to respond to this?”

It feels like walking through a minefield.

I had no choice but to just listen.

“…‘I’ was inherently a flaw in my mother’s profession. Because of ‘me,’ her clientele declined in quality, and her value dropped. It would’ve been better if ‘I’ could’ve been hidden away, but… rumors stick to courtesans like glue. As the offers dried up, my mother got furious. She blamed ‘me.’”

“Hm. Saying it was just depreciation over time would be… rude, wouldn’t it?”

Guess that was too rude.

Hilde pinched my side.

She didn’t use any Qi, but it still hurt like hell.

“The only ones who were ever kind to ‘me’… were the visiting fathers. They tried to maintain their dignity on the surface, and used ‘me’ to display their magnanimity. ‘I’ worked hard to please them. At the very least, while they were around, ‘I’ could pretend we were a family.”

“So that’s where Hilde’s acting began.”

“…I guess. Acting… or was it flattery? ‘I’ had to perform so as not to be rejected by the father, and not to become a burden to my mother. For authoritative fathers, ‘I’ became an obedient and sweet ‘me.’ For vain fathers, a clever and sharp-tongued ‘me.’ For the elderly, a doting and affectionate ‘me.’”

“Order a courtesan and get the perfect daughter too? Sounds more like a bonus feature than a defect.”

I tried to lighten the mood, but Hilde murmured bitterly.

“It was just the ordinary path… for a courtesan’s daughter to become one herself. If I’d stayed there, ‘I’ might have ended up selling affections too, just like my mother.”

“That’s a relief. Ah, not that I mean your mother’s work was inherently wrong.”

“Compared to being bound to a courtesan house, working in a theater troupe gave me more freedom and better treatment.”

“So which rhythm am I supposed to follow, exactly?”

While I grumbled, Hilde gave a faint smile and whispered softly.

“…But just like you said, Father, what ‘I’ really needed… was an audience. No matter how much ‘I’ practiced, no matter how refined my craft became, it meant nothing without someone to see it. Unlike others, ‘I’ wasn’t made up of my own self. I’ve always needed someone else to define me.”

Hilde is now acting as her past self.

She’s consciously forgotten everything that came after she began acting: the moment she got caught up in trouble during a performance, when she turned to the Sky God and joined the Crusaders, when she served as the Camarilla under the Saintess.

She’s erased all previous roles and returned to that pure, origin self.

And from there, she whispered to me…

“You can be that person. If you choose to take ‘me’ in. ‘I’ will become your daughter, only yours. Not to possess you, but to be possessed by you.”

Fathers, audiences, the Sky God, the Saintess… Having been disappointed by all of them, Hilde now clings to me—the final one she’s found.

“I’ll obey every command, devote myself body and soul. I’ll be your sword.”

Abandoning the Military State and the Sky God, pledging everything to me. I’d have a devoted servant—no, a slave.

One who’s a powerhouse on the level of the Six Star Generals.

An executor who could change into anyone I wanted, speak in whatever tone I desired, infiltrate any place I commanded.

It was a bold temptation.

And because it was sincere, it felt all the more dangerous.

Had I been anything other than what I am, I might’ve accepted.

But unfortunately… I really am just an ordinary human.

“So this performance is an autobiographical one? Quite impressive.”

My will only needs to control me.

I have no intention of becoming a master with subordinates, like a maker to their retainer.

Their desires would be wasted on me.

I gently pushed Hilde away.

“But when you’ve grown up enough, it’s time to become independent. How long are you going to keep searching for a father? No matter how much a father dotes on his daughter, if she stays past the age of independence, it’s bound to be uncomfortable.”

It was a firm rejection.

Hilde blinked beneath the blanket, clearly not expecting her heartfelt offer to be turned down so easily.

She gave a lonely smile.

“…You’re so cruel. Am ‘I’ not good enough for you?”

“If I weren’t satisfied, I wouldn’t let you be. The moment I can control you however I like, it stops being fun. I treasure and care for my cards, sure—but I don’t think of them as mysterious or anything mystical. If an actor moves exactly as I want… why go to the theater?”

People seem to forget what the King of Beasts really is.

They’re not a ruler who dominates beasts.

They’re their representative, the one swayed by them.

If a representative manipulates those they represent, it’s not leadership, it’s propaganda.

And then there’s no need for a King of Beasts at all.

As I calmly replied, Hilde seemed to remember something and asked,

“Father… You never intended to become King of the Military State, did you?”

Huh.

That… hit the mark.

I faltered for a second, and Hilde gently placed a hand on my chest and murmured.

“I’ve been watching. I realized, you have no desire to rule anyone. You just observe, just watch. That’s why you’re not attached to anything. You left the Military State so easily, you left Tyrkanzyaka behind without hesitation.”

“That’s…”

“You won’t even claim ‘me,’ so why would you claim a nation? My whole plan was doomed from the start, wasn’t it?”

Slowly, warmth returned to Hilde’s body.

From the moment I rejected her new role, she began returning to her old one, as a Crusader, Camarilla, and the one who followed the King of Humans.

She pressed her hand against me, now infused with Qi, and I couldn’t resist her strength.

Draping a blanket over her shoulders, Hilde looked down at me coldly and muttered.

“You’d probably prefer if I just forced you to the Military State myself. If I acted according to my own will.”

“That’s not necessarily true. I was planning to visit the Military State.”

“But you’ll never become its king, will you?”

Can’t deny that.

Yeah.

If I intended to be king, I wouldn’t have left it all to Abbey and Historia.

I just want humans to decide their fate for themselves.

“If you’d just lied and said you wanted to keep ‘me’ for yourself… things might’ve been easier.”

“I couldn’t say it. It wouldn’t sit right with me.”

As Hilde spoke bitterly, I gave her an honest reply.

“Even if you abandon me… I couldn’t bear to lose such a remarkable actress. It would be a waste to use a treasure of humanity for my own selfish gain.”

“….”

It’s a shame, but that’s how it is.

That’s the King of Beasts.

Contrary to popular belief, the King of Humans doesn’t rule anyone.

At best, people feel ruled by him.

And that’s what it means to exist naturally.

Then suddenly, I felt something off again.

The decision I made was unmistakably in line with a King of Beasts, but… something within me pulled at my heart.

Last time, I couldn’t tell what it was, but I’m a Mind Reader.

If there’s one thing I know better than anyone, it’s what’s happening inside me.

That was my heart.

A part of my heart… that doesn’t obey my will.

“Either way, you and I still need to escape the Duchy. Whether we like it or not, we’ll be stuck together~. Tch. How awful.”

Hearing Hilde mutter sullenly, I found myself blurting something out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It only makes things more pathetic~. Let’s just go to sleep.”

Snapping at me with mock coldness, Hilde climbed on top of me like I was her bed, curled up, and closed her eyes.

Before long, I could hear her light breathing.

You’re going to catch a cold like that…

I almost said it, but stopped.

Whatever. She’s using Qi now.

Sleeping stark naked won’t be a problem.

Steam was rising from the water bucket heated by lightning.

The hot, humid air filled the small burrow.

It felt like enough to sleep with a personal heater by my side.

I, too, pulled the blanket over me and drifted off.