Return Home – 2

“…Have I ever regretted it?”

“Yes.”

Although it was a question without a subject, it was obvious what she meant between us.

I just asked to confirm.

“You’re talking about Ye-rin and all that, right?”

“…Yes, that’s right.”

Se-ah’s fingers fidgeted on her lap as she lowered her head.

“Hmm, let me ask one thing first.”

“…What is it?”

“Is this a hidden camera prank?”

I looked around suspiciously, wondering if she had a phone camera recording somewhere. Se-ah hissed and slapped my thigh repeatedly.

“Ugh, so annoying, seriously! Do you think you’re some celebrity, oppa? I was being serious, and you’re talking about hidden cameras!”

“Ow, that hurts. Okay, okay. Stop, stop hitting me.”

Geez, this girl’s hands sting.

I thought she would hit me once or twice, but she kept hitting the same spot over and over, and it really hurt.

Se-ah seemed to think I was making light of what she considered a serious question.

Honestly, I felt wronged.

“Have you ever regretted it?”

If I had answered “yes” here, and if it somehow reached Ye-rin’s ears.

…Ugh, I didn’t even want to think about it.

From my perspective, serious question or not, it was like a sudden assassination attempt, which is why I asked.

I couldn’t bring myself to explain this to Se-ah, who was huffing right in front of me.

“Why are you suddenly asking this? Did you fight with Seo Jin-hyuk again?”

“I told you not to say ‘again.’ And… it’s not that.”

Se-ah, who had been huffing like a demon possessed just a moment ago…

Now had her feet up on the chair, hugging her knees—what I call “pillbug mode.”

“Then why are you suddenly asking?”

“…Just because.”

“Just because?”

“…Yes. Just because. I was wondering how oppa felt.”

Like true siblings.

“Just because.”

It was a convenient phrase I also used when I didn’t know why I was doing something.

Although she might have impulsively asked if I regretted anything just now.

That thought itself had probably been hidden deep in her heart for a long time.

Today, like a dam breaking, her hidden feelings had leaked out.

“…Why? Do you regret it? Deciding to wait for Seo Jin-hyuk?”

That’s why I spoke seriously too.

While Seo Jin-hyuk, my girlfriend’s brother and my longtime friend, was certainly an important relationship…

Se-ah was my only little sister.

If I had to take sides between the two, I would naturally take my little sister’s side.

That’s what being an older brother meant.

That’s who I was.

…Of course, if I put Ye-rin and Se-ah on the same level, I might feel a bit sorry for Se-ah, but anyway.

So, if Se-ah now regretted all this waiting or found it too difficult to continue waiting…

But was conflicted because she couldn’t let go…

I was willing to step in, even if it meant incurring Seo Jin-hyuk’s resentment.

I didn’t judge her at all for not being able to wait or thinking it was too much now.

I knew that just because I could wait didn’t mean everyone else could, and I had seen how hard Se-ah had tried.

“…I asked you first. Can’t you tell me first, oppa…?”

How unfair.

But I wasn’t enough of a jerk to refuse a desperate request from my little sister showing vulnerability in front of me.

So I thought seriously about it.

Had I really never regretted waiting for Ye-rin?

After pondering for a moment, I slowly opened my mouth.

“If I said I never regretted it… that would be a lie.”

As I was about to reveal my inner thoughts that I had never shared with anyone, my throat felt dry.

“There are various reasons. First, it’s probably… regret. Right after Ye-rin left, I regretted not spending more time with her when she was here. Not expressing my feelings. Like a fool, there were so many things I wanted to do with Ye-rin later, but Ye-rin wasn’t by my side to do them with. I regretted not doing those things when she was here.”

After swallowing once, I continued with “And-“

“And… I was anxious, naturally. Ye-rin would be genuinely angry if she heard this.”

“…Anxious? You? …Why?”

Se-ah stared at me with wide eyes as if she’d heard something unbelievable.

“Se-ah, worldwide, hundreds and thousands of songs, dramas, and movies about love and breakups are released every day. Countless people fall in love and break up—that’s why. Don’t you think those people promised each other eternity too?”

“…”

“So, I regretted it. Because I was anxious and scared. I was confident that my feelings wouldn’t change, and I trusted Ye-rin. But just in case. What if, just what if, my feelings went unrequited.”

Was she applying my story to herself?

Seeing Se-ah looking somewhat depressed, I couldn’t help but smile.

In Korean, you should listen until the end.

“But none of that is true now.”

“…Huh?”

“I’ve recorded all the things I want to do with Ye-rin, and we’ll do them together whenever she returns. Now, rather than regret, my anticipation is greater.”

I meant it. Regretting forever wasn’t my style.

“And… over these three-plus years, which is long if you think it’s long and short if you think it’s short, neither I nor Ye-rin has changed. If someone asked me if I managed during the time apart from Ye-rin, or if I could do it again, I’d tell them to go eat shit. But there’s one thing I like.”

I gently stroked Se-ah’s head and grinned.

“They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but that didn’t happen to us at all. During the time our bodies were apart, our hearts grew much closer—I’m sure of it.”

Every single day during our time apart.

The way Ye-rin looked at me, the way she called my name, her gestures toward me.

I could feel her love for me in all of those things, so clearly that it was impossible not to notice.

“I’m even curious. If our bodies get closer in this state, how much more will we fall for each other?”

“…Curious, huh? From what I can see, when you two get physically close, you’ll spend all day having se—mmph.”

“Geez, there’s nothing you won’t say.”

“Ow, oppa hit me-!”

“You deserved it that time. Even Mom would agree.”

I slapped Se-ah’s mouth for ruining the mood with a sex joke.

“Anyway, I have had regrets, but I’ve never regretted waiting for Ye-rin. It was my choice, and there have been many more happy moments because of it. It’s just that it’s taking a bit longer than expected, so lately it’s been a little, a very little bit difficult, but I’ll get it back later.”

“…How?”

“…I have to go to the military too. It’ll even out.”

“…So I have to wait again?”

“Do you want to join the military with me? Then you wouldn’t have to wait.”

“Oppa, are you crazy?”

“…Why so serious? Hey, I don’t want to go either. I thought we’d be unified by the time I had to go, but damm-mit…”

Even I had regretted not spending more time with Ye-rin on many occasions, but Se-ah and Jin-hyuk had spent even less time together and had been waiting many times longer.

On top of that, with more waiting in the future, I thought my little sister was really going through a lot, even though she was my sister.

To the point where if Se-ah cursed at Seo Jin-hyuk one day, he wouldn’t be able to say anything in his defense.

“Anyway, wait a little longer. Those two must want to come back to Korea too.”

“…Okay.”

“Is Seo Jin-hyuk neglecting you or something? If he is, I’ll kill him…”

“No. He’s really good to me… That’s why I feel more sorry.”

“You regret it?”

“…I didn’t say I regretted it. It’s just that whenever both Jin-hyuk oppa and I wonder if this was right, if there might have been happier paths for us, I just felt sorry.”

“…Someone once said that emotions are complex.”

“Complex?”

“Yes. Both your feelings of guilt toward Seo Jin-hyuk and your feelings of love for him can be sincere. Don’t overthink it. Just treat him well as usual, and if you feel sorry, treat him even better. That’s all.”

“…If you like someone, you like them, and if you’re sorry, you’re sorry. What’s complex about that, dummy?”

That was what your boyfriend told me.

This truth rose to the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it back down, thinking I’d save it for when Seo Jin-hyuk was around.

“Enough. Now get out. Let me study.”

“Ah, see how you’re using studying as an excuse to kick me out! When you were about to clean your room because you didn’t want to study!”

“…No, my room was messy, I’m telling you.”

I pushed Se-ah’s back firmly as she squealed loudly.

Se-ah resisted leaving, but just before being pushed out the door, she turned her head slightly.

“…Oppa.”

“What now?”

“Thanks for listening to me.”

As Se-ah winked at me,

I pretended to gag, then got a loud slap on my back.

**

Although I acted all mature in front of Se-ah,

It wasn’t like I had it easy either.

I was just waiting, believing it would be soon, even though it was hard.

To make matters worse, in March as the winter break was ending,

As the start of the new school term approached, Ye-rin said she had something busy come up and wouldn’t be able to contact me for a while, and we had barely been in touch since.

…I miss hearing Ye-rin’s voice.

Hearing Ye-rin’s voice had been my only joy amid the stress of the upcoming college entrance exam.

We still exchanged messages occasionally, but not being able to talk on the phone at all made me increasingly frustrated.

Worried that something serious might have happened, I asked Ye-rin directly, but she just apologized without telling me what was going on.

As I grew more sensitive from the stress building up day by day,

The first day of school approached.

…I really hate going to school.

Although I was already a third-year high school student, it felt like I would truly become one once I entered the classroom.

With the spring rain falling lightly, I thought the day would be difficult from the moment I left home.

Se-ah had already left home long ago without saying anything.

With the sound of spring rain tapping on my umbrella and the splashing sound of my shoes hitting the ground as white noise, I was lost in thought.

What might Ye-rin be doing right now, would she be asleep already? I should focus on studying math today, and so on.

As I was thinking about various things, I felt something tap around my shoulder.

Thinking it was raindrops falling from my umbrella, I ignored it and tried to take another step.

But I felt the tapping sensation again.

Wondering who it could be, I slowly turned my head and

Froze in that position.

Because.

“…Oppa.”

On the street where the moist spring rain was falling.

A cherry blossom had bloomed brilliantly.