Gentleness (2)

I looked at the puddle I had vomited and felt self-pity.

How many days has it been? Did it happen yesterday too? No, it was this dawn. So, the morning.

7 AM, 4 AM, 2 AM.

I don’t know.

I can’t remember well.

Anyway, it was fortunate.

I was able to suppress the urge to hug Erica as soon as I saw her.

It couldn’t be helped.

I was exhausted just from smiling and having a lively conversation with her as usual.

Even so, all I’d get in return would be condemnation and a sword pointed at me.

With blood on my hands and holding a knife, hugging her in a dirty uniform would be considered bad manners.

She would hate it.

I felt nauseous.

“Haa…..! Haa…..!”

I knew well that my relationship with her was distorted.

I also knew that being able to spend everyday life with her was a vile act that stimulated her tender compassion and sympathy.

So I was relieved.

Despite continuous terrorism and hostage situations, she still pointed her sword at me and glared, which allowed me to be assured that I hadn’t completely ruined our relationship.

She still hates me, for now.

The feeling of being hated by the person you love was painful yet thrilling.

Why don’t you just die?

I tried to.

But.

But I feel it.

Every time she catches me looking sickly, she becomes extraordinarily kind to me. When I burst into tears because it hurt so much, like I was being torn apart, she comforted me to the point where she looked like an angel.

It was like that that day too. Because of the Director’s single comment that I was sick, I almost couldn’t handle her looking at me with worried eyes.

It’s strange. Strangely twisted.

When did she push me away with cold eyes, and now Erica only approaches me at times like this.

What could be the reason?

Because it was a side of me I showed even when I didn’t care about my heart being pierced by a sword. Because I, who usually smiled easily and dealt with her, suddenly became quiet.

“Urp, puhwak!”

It doesn’t matter.

The plan is being accomplished.

The essence, the relationship, this hostility.

I just need to stay alive until the end.

With a body that felt like it would faint at any moment, I ran away from her whom I encountered today.

And now, I knew I was about to create another red puddle.

So I couldn’t show this appearance even more.

I couldn’t be caught. I couldn’t reveal it. To the point of hiding it and swallowing it up completely.

Her sympathy is frightening. Her pity is frightening. That kindness of an ordinary person, of a loved one, is so frightening.

It’s scary, disgusting, and ugly.

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

Because I’m keeping my distance. Because she’s keeping her distance.

Because I love her. It’s still okay for now.

It’s okay if I don’t cling to her. Then she won’t approach either.

Everyday life is enough. That’s enough of what I wanted.

I, who dwell in the mental basement, at the lowest level.

Just, that much.

That much is enough.

“Haak…..! Huuk…..!”

I don’t think I can hold out much longer.

I’ll probably faint soon.

I want to see her.

Erica.

“I’ve administered first aid. Please send reinforcements.”

Click.

Erica said that and hung up the phone in one breath. That level of determination was necessary. Given the situation she was facing.

As a member of the Association, she should have focused on treating them first, but for Erica right now, that wasn’t visible.

On one hand, it was fortunate. None of those covered in blood had perished.

There was something much more important to her. The large scars engraved on the girl’s chest and abdomen, which were still unforgettable in her mind, made her bite her lip without realizing it.

That’s why. Erica was stepping forward as she felt the energy. When she reached a dead end, she turned back, and when she came to a fork in the road, she headed towards the side with slightly denser magical power.

If it had been her past self, she wouldn’t have been able to do this. She had reached the point where she could find Orli with just her own two feet, whom she couldn’t track even using high-quality magical devices and mobilizing high-level personnel she could barely use.

But Erica didn’t stop. She could feel it instinctively. That she would be able to catch up to her soon.

Whether it was due to the illumination of the fang marks engraved near her shoulder, or the blood-colored magical power she had become accustomed to at some point, she didn’t know.

That wasn’t important. Not at all to her who was just going in search of something unknown.

She walked for a long time. Looking at her location, it seemed to be the outskirts of Gyeonggi-do. The surroundings had become quiet and the rain was starting to subside. Her uniform was quite wet and damp.

Erica saw a house. The airflow was connected.

Her heart raced.

She moved her steps. She climbed the stairs. She reached the door.

It was a huge door. Like iron.

Erica unknowingly placed her hand on the door handle. The round mark on her shoulder flashed. Magical power flowed through her arm. The door illuminated.

For a moment, static noise enveloped her body. The creaking door began to painfully open a gap.

She stepped in.

It’s okay. It’ll be okay.

With hesitant steps, she closed the door and entered. It was dark. The first thing she felt was an indescribable scent. It was so stimulating that it made her frown.

And what she saw was a long hallway.

Is this an ordinary house?

She took off her shoes and tiptoed, and when she took a step, she realized that the house was so quiet that she could hear her own heartbeat.

Walking one step at a time, relying on the faint light of occasional scented candles.

When she entered a large living room and her feet stopped.

She faced it.

In a pool of blood, with eyes slowly closing, disheveled, distorted, broken.

A fallen girl.

She doesn’t remember what happened after that.

When she came to her senses, she was urgently hugging the girl and providing her with energy. Her mouth was continuously shouting something, but she herself didn’t know what.

Erica gasped for breath. Along with hyperventilation, fluid was expelled. After coughing repeatedly, she focused on Orli again.

Placing her hands on the ruptured areas to stop the gushing blood, tightly hugging the ice-cold body to transfer body heat.

When she drew up even the little magical power she had left, it felt like she herself was reaching the point of exhaustion.

Erica wearily wiped her face with one hand. Her sticky hair clung to her cheeks, making them moist.

It was hard. She was tired.

She looked down. The faintly trembling eyelashes and disheveled hair, pale skin and countless mutilated abdomen and chest were still pouring out bright red blood.

It couldn’t be stopped by hands or magical power.

What should I do? There was no sign of improvement. Is it beyond what she can handle?

She felt powerless. Exhaustion and fatigue suddenly assaulted her entire body.

Again, in this situation, she couldn’t do anything.

“Urp, puhwak….”

The girl in her arms vomited blood. The eyes that were faintly losing light began to hold a premature wave.

“O-Orli…..!”

“Wh-what…..”

The girl’s eyes wandered before focusing on her. A moment of silence passed. A black light swirled.

“E-Eri….. why, here…..”

“Are you okay?! Can, can you breathe?”

It was an extremely cracked voice.

She didn’t think she had ever been this flustered before. But the girl in her sight seemed even more so.

“Why, why here….. where on earth….. urp.”

“Don’t, don’t speak. I’ll keep applying pressure.”

“G-go away…..”

What?

“Don’t need it….. Go…..”

While constantly spewing blood from her mouth, slowly unable to do anything.

What do you mean you don’t need it? You’re in pain. At this rate, you’ll die.

Painfully, unable to do anything, just like that.

“Sh-shut up. Close that mouth. Just focus on breathing.”

“Really….. why…..”

She couldn’t let go. She didn’t know what she wanted, couldn’t grasp what kind of situation she was facing.

But she couldn’t do that. She hated it now. The thought of helplessly watching something break down was like a terrible nightmare.

Erica hugged her even tighter.

“Really….. really going crazy…..”

“I won’t let go. If you can speak, tell me….. what I should do…..”

So she begged. She wanted to see a way out of this situation, whatever it was. That was her small wish and desire.

Erica grasped Orli’s abdomen with trembling hands. Blood was still pouring out like a flood, but she didn’t stop.

Watching herself concentrating while biting her lip, Orli eventually squeezed her eyes shut and overlapped her fingers with hers.

The blood slowly subsided. The red tide that had been flowing out like water began to decrease.

“Th-thank goodness…..”

When she unconsciously uttered those words, Orli lost consciousness again and nestled in her arms.

Time passed.

Her condition seemed to have improved. Her complexion had returned and the ruptured skin seemed to be mending. Blood was no longer flowing out and her mind and body seemed to have regained strength.

Erica laid Orli down on a blanket-covered sofa and brought a small lamp visible in the corner. When she placed it on the table, the surroundings became a bit brighter.

She looked around the living room.

It was a mess. The blood spilled on the floor caught her eye first. In the back were torn clothes and books, and numerous instruments strewn about.

Because it was a spacious living room, it looked even more disorganized. She’d have to do a major cleaning later.

She directed her gaze to various places. She saw a digital clock. It was past 3 AM.

Suddenly, she felt her body becoming increasingly fatigued.

Plop, plop.

It seemed to be raining outside. The sound of water droplets falling nearby and bouncing off something created a cool metallic sound.

Let’s wash up a bit for now.

Of course, being someone else’s house, she had no intention of doing anything elaborate. At most, just washing her face.

And her hair a little…..

As she was thinking this and about to get up.

“E-Eri…..”

An urgent voice was heard. Erica hurriedly turned and approached her.

“Wh-where are you…..”

“I’m here. Does it hurt somewhere? Do you need anything?”

“Hug me….. Hurry and hug me…..”

It sounded like a childish whim, but that voice was filled with emotion. Earlier she was refusing, now she’s ordering me to come?

But she felt relieved. This seemed more like Orli.

Fortunately, the sofa was a bit large. Erica sat down slightly and opened her arms. She met Orli’s faintly open eyes.

Knowing she had no strength, she gently hugged and lifted her up. Soon, the sound of gasping breaths was heard.

“Huk….. sniff…..”

“Does it hurt? Wh-where…..”

“It’s okay….. It’s…..”

Blood poured out. Waves flowed. Her body heated up and convulsed.

“O-Orli…..!”

“Stay like this, stay like this….. Just, just a little…..”

The force compressing her body became stronger. Erica bit her lip. She felt the fully heated body temperature.

“Just a little, sniff. Just a little more…..”

Erica quietly patted her back. And stroked her head.

She heard rough breathing along with the sound of a heart beating violently. Was this hers, or her own?

“Haa, sniff! Haak…..”

When her body was compressed again by her hands, she calmly supported her body and accepted her convulsions.

It hurt. It hurt so much it felt like she would be torn apart. Her chest, her heart, her body.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Huk…..! Sniff…..”

Erica bit her lip hard. Soon after, she felt a shallow touch on her shoulder.

Watching her gasp with her face buried in her uniform, Erica squeezed her eyes shut.

Ah.

For what purpose did I.

Point a sword at you.