Chapter 44: You want to run away, not atone for your sins

“Phew.”

I carefully placed Yu Garyeon on the bed. Seeing her sleeping soundly, breathing softly, the tension that had built up inside me finally dissipated.

“Oppa…”

Frowning, Yu Garyeon flailed her hands in the air, and a tear formed in the corner of her eye, which I had just wiped. Was she having a nightmare?

“It’s okay.”

I wiped away the tear with my finger. Startled by the sudden touch, she flinched, but soon stopped crying and fell back asleep.
The way she fidgeted, holding onto my finger, was quite endearing.

“Oppa…”

I wished she would stop licking me. But it was fine. As long as she could sleep soundly, that was all that mattered.

“Kuh, kua…”

Meanwhile, Han Yeoreum was sleeping on the floor, her head buried, making strange noises. I’ll have to move her to the bed later.
Just as I was having that trivial thought,

“Mr. Dojin!”

Suddenly, a woman in a suit burst into the room, calling my name.

“Hey, excuse me.”
“This is Twenty-one. Found Mr. Dojin and two others. Location is the second-floor bedroom. Requesting immediate medical assistance.”

As soon as the woman finished speaking, a crowd of people pushed their way into the room.

****

After various tests, we were finally released in the morning.

“Currently escorting Mr. Dojin and two others by boat. Estimated arrival in 40 minutes. Please check the road conditions on the mainland to ensure a smooth transfer after landing.”

On the boat back, I saw people in suits bustling around, communicating with someone through their radios.
According to them, they had been on standby on the mainland and came to rescue us as soon as the rain stopped.

We would have been in big trouble if the rain had stopped a little earlier. As I thought that, leaning against the railing to catch my breath, a familiar silver head peeked out from the distance.

“Ah, Garyeon.”

I started to continue our conversation from yesterday, but as soon as she saw me, her face flushed, and she ran into the cabin.

“Well, I’ll be.”
“What did you do to make her change so much?”

Han Yeoreum’s voice came from behind me as I stared at Yu Garyeon’s retreating back.

“What do you mean, ‘what did I do’?”
“I mean, what do you have to do to make that venomous b*tch change so much overnight?”
“Hey, what are you saying…”

Han Yeoreum pouted with a dissatisfied expression at my words.

“What do you mean, ‘what’? Isn’t a b*tch who gets drunk and splits a perfectly fine person’s head in two venomous?”

Han Yeoreum looked at my forehead with a worried expression.

“It’s okay. They said it’s not a deep wound.”
“Of course.”

Han Yeoreum jumped up at my words, grabbed the boat’s railing, and started swaying back and forth.

“You’ll fall.”
“None of your business.”

I stood next to her, grabbed the railing, and started swaying too.

“You said I’ll fall.”
“None of your business. This feels good.”

After a few minutes of swaying on the railing together, Han Yeoreum looked out at the horizon and spoke softly.

“So what really happened?”
“I got a confession.”
“What?”

Han Yeoreum’s jaw dropped at my words.

“No, a confession? Really? Like, not something weird. Love? A love confession?”
“Yeah.”
“So… did you accept it?”
“No.”

Han Yeoreum licked her lips awkwardly.

“Still not over your anger? Revenge?”
“It’s just, I’ve never thought of her in that way.”
“…So is it over now? Since you rejected her confession, are you not going to see each other anymore?”
“It’s the opposite. We decided to start over as friends.”
“No, why? What reason do you have?”

Han Yeoreum’s eyes bulged like a frog’s, as if she understood even less.

“Because I wanted to know about Garyeon.”
“Hah…”

Han Yeoreum sighed, as if completely fed up with my answer, her eyes narrowed.

“Amazing, truly.”
“What is?”
“I’m just amazed that you can forgive her after what she did. I could never do that.”

Han Yeoreum’s eyes, as she muttered, seemed to be chasing something beyond the horizon.

“Or am I the strange one? Am I too narrow-minded?”
“Of course not. Your reaction is probably the normal one. And it’s not like I’ve forgiven her either.”

Forgiveness means overlooking what someone has done to you with a generous heart. But I was too petty for that. However,

“I just thought that the joy I would get from spending time with Garyeon was more valuable than the emotional energy I would waste being angry.”
“…What’s the difference?”
“…Just do what you want and don’t worry about whether it’s normal or not.”

Han Yeoreum’s lips pouted again at my absurd answer.

“This is so complicated.”

The salty wind tickled our hair. I inhaled and exhaled with all my might, again and again.
To hold onto the two days of commotion on this sea, the memories, and the salty tears that streamed down Garyeon’s cheeks, even for a little while.

****

The click-clack of heels echoed through the deserted hospital lobby after visiting hours.

“Excuse me…”
“Ah, yes, how may I help you? If you’re here for a consultation, we’re closed for the day, so please come back tomorrow. If you’d like to make an appointment, we can help—”
“N-No, that’s not it. I’m the one who called earlier. I’d like to visit patient Yu Dojin.”
“Ah, please wait a moment. Let me check. So… Ms. Chae Seolha, right?”
“Yes.”

Chae Seolha swept back her long, black hair and let out a ragged breath.
Unlike her usual elegant appearance, her hair was disheveled and tangled, and beads of sweat dripped from her body.

“Excuse me, are you alright—”
“It’s fine! Don’t worry about me… just tell me where to go.”
“Ah, yes, yes. Take the elevator on the right to room 910. It’s a single room, but please note that visiting hours are restricted after 9 p.m. for the patient’s rest.”
“Yes…”

As soon as the nurse finished speaking, Chae Seolha headed towards the elevator. The slow, sticky sound of her heels echoed through the lobby again, like a corpse.

“Hurry, hurry…”

A fleeting moment of waiting for the elevator, but even in that short time, Chae Seolha’s lips were parched.
As soon as the elevator door opened with a ding, she threw herself inside.

“Hic… sob…”

The nausea she had been suppressing was now reaching its limit.
Hurry, I want to see Dojin’s face. I want to see him healthy and be relieved. Only that thought pounded in her throat.

For two days, Chae Seolha had been living in a hellish state. What if Dojin had fallen and gotten hurt on the island? What if he had eaten something bad out of hunger and gotten sick?

Even when she lay in bed trying to sleep, such ominous thoughts plagued her mind, and she hadn’t gotten a single second of proper sleep until now.
It was her event. The farewell party she had suggested before anyone else at the company. She had put Dojin in danger again because of that damn farewell party.

How did it come to this?

I had planned the farewell party to mend the relationship between Dojin and the company people, which had become strained because of me. This time, I was going to be an invisible person, stay in a corner without being greedy, and then quietly slip away. Why?

I should have refused when Minseo offered to help. Instead of focusing on making it look grand, I should have created a simple yet sincere gathering.
Looking back, I was always like this. I regretted what I had done, but fundamentally, nothing changed.

Chae Seolha covered her mouth, trying to stifle her ragged breaths, and opened the door.

“Do-Dojin.”

Yu Dojin was sleeping in the hospital bed.
His sharp, masculine jawline, high nose, and the dark circles under his eyes that exuded a decadent charm caught her eye.

“Phew, phew…”

As soon as she saw his face, she was overwhelmed by the urge to hug him. She found herself absurd. She was no different from a pig in heat.
As her arm snaked towards Yu Dojin’s cheek, it stopped abruptly.

“Huh?”

A long bandage was wrapped around Yu Dojin’s forearm. Looking closely, there was also a large bandage on his forehead.
He was hurt. Dojin was hurt on that island. I hurt him. That single fact made Chae Seolha feel like all the strength had drained from her body.
Tears welled up in her eyes, and her teeth chattered.

Trashy b*tch, stupid b*tch. You only see what you want to see. Instead of tending to his wounds, you’re only filled with lewd thoughts.
Overwhelmed by a wave of nausea, Chae Seolha rushed out of the hospital room.

“Hah, haaah…”

Chae Seolha’s soft sobs echoed through the hallway. She was anxious. She couldn’t accept that Yu Dojin was trying to forgive a trashy woman like her. She didn’t deserve it.

When she closed her eyes, she saw Yu Garyeon looking at Yu Dojin with a fond expression. Perhaps the other members of the club had also been suppressing their feelings because of her. No, they had. Her own selfishness and desire had made them do so.

You didn’t even have the courage to confess. No, you didn’t even have the courage to hear a confession.

And now you’re trying to help? You’ll only make things worse if you get involved.
You always mutter about giving up, but in the end, you caused this mess because you wanted to see Dojin’s face again.

“…”

Let’s leave. Let’s leave and become a complete stranger to Yu Dojin.

If I don’t, soft-hearted Dojin will continue to reach out to me, and I too will forget my own atrocities and take his hand.
And I’ll hurt him again.

Chae Seolha stood up, leaning against the wall. She had wiped away all her tears. Just as she was walking towards the elevator,

“Where are you going…?”

A chilling voice reached Chae Seolha’s ears. It was Oh Minseo. She was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed, looking at Chae Seolha.

“Home.”
“You just got here, and you’re already leaving…?”
“There’s no reason to stay any longer.”

Oh Minseo tilted her head at Chae Seolha’s sharp reply.

“I see… But I don’t think Dojin feels the same way…”
“What?”
“Dojin seemed to want to talk to you, Seolha… A lot…”

Chae Seolha bit her lip at those words.

“None of my business.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t deserve it. It’s my fault Dojin got hurt this time too!”
“It’s not your fault that something suddenly came up and the weather worsened…?”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I planned the farewell party.”
“Aha…”

Tears welled up in Chae Seolha’s eyes as she continued speaking. She tried to wipe them away, but more tears just took their place.
Oh Minseo watched the scene with a calm expression.

“So, Seolha, you want to atone for your sins to Dojin…”

Atonement. That single word pierced Chae Seolha’s heart. Yes, atonement. That’s what she needed. She had to do it.

“Yes, I have to atone for what I’ve done—”
“Lies.”

A voice, sharper than ever, cut through Chae Seolha’s words.

“You don’t want to atone, you want to run away.”

Chae Seolha flinched at the chilling sensation.

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about, suddenly showing up here.”
“You’re running away because seeing Dojin reminds you of what you’ve done. Don’t talk about atonement, you’re just scared.”

Chae Seolha glared at Oh Minseo, who was throwing taunts at her. Blood trickled from her tightly bitten lip.

“What do you know…”
“You people really can’t say anything else, can you? I don’t know, and I don’t care to know. But it’s just disgusting.”
“What?”
“I’m just amazed that you can keep repeating the same thing after hurting Dojin with that attitude for so long.”

Chae Seolha’s breathing became ragged. Her head was dizzy and cloudy, as if she had been hit with a large hammer. She felt like she would be sucked into those abyss-like eyes at any moment.

That’s not it. This is atonement. Because I don’t deserve it. Because I sinned. Sins can’t be forgiven. I have to suffer. I have to regret. I have to live like this for the rest of my life. So I…

As the elevator arrived with a ding, Chae Seolha frantically threw herself inside. The doors soon closed, and Chae Seolha’s face disappeared from Oh Minseo’s view.
Their conversation ended there.

“Stupid b*tch.”

Oh Minseo hated Chae Seolha. She hated her so much that she wanted to stab her with a knife if she could. No, her feelings weren’t simply ‘hatred’.
It was closer to a more fundamental disgust. Like gagging at a rotten smell, Oh Minseo felt like vomiting every time she talked to Chae Seolha.

Oh Minseo clicked her tongue and started walking. Her destination was Yu Dojin’s hospital room. As she carefully opened the door, trying not to wake him, a large glass jar on the table near the entrance caught her eye.
Inside the glass jar were a thousand paper cranes, and next to it were several letters. It was clear that Lee Dasom had left them this morning.

Oh Minseo disliked Lee Dasom as well, but at least she didn’t feel like vomiting.
She was also trying to run away, but at least she wasn’t trying to deny her desires. And that’s what Dojin wanted.

“…”

Oh Minseo slowly reached out and caressed Yu Dojin’s cheek. Once he fell asleep, he rarely woke up. This was the only thing that hadn’t changed.
But he was trying to change now. Slowly, but steadily, he was taking steps forward.

I never thought he would make that decision there. No, I should say it’s just like you.
Oh Minseo smiled bitterly and opened her mouth.

“But you know, Dojin.”

You have to properly punish those who have sinned.
Otherwise, they’ll go crazy.

With that thought, Oh Minseo gently bit Yu Dojin’s upper lip with her small mouth.