Chapter 44: Fantasy in the middle of the night

“Hmph, hm-hmph~”
“…”

Dragged along by someone who seemed ready to barge into my house if left alone, but… honestly, I don’t exactly hate it.

Even though I witnessed that kind of scene yesterday, I know Izana did what she had to. After all, I was the one who asked her to stop Seon-ah.

I have no right to complain.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m particularly thrilled either.

My whole body feels sluggish, like a cat stretching lazily in the mid-afternoon.

I just want to collapse into bed without thinking. I grumble under my breath, but Izana doesn’t even pretend to listen.

The sun blazes in the sky, the world bustles around me, and yet I alone feel sunk and heavy.

Maybe it’s just in my head. Even the clear blue sky feels strangely suffocating. I feel like a fuzzy lint ball stuck to a sleeve, like a speck of dust wanting to scatter away.

Would a clothing donation bin take someone like me?

It’s been a while since I’ve been this self-deprecating.

I know it’s not good, but I keep slipping into it—like a drug gradually taking hold.

“Over there! It’s over there!”
“”…””

I want nothing more than to go straight home.

But when I see her smiling like an innocent child, I can’t bring myself to say anything. Especially not to Izana, not when I owe her this much.

So in the end, unable to properly resist, I’m swept away into a luxurious black car—something only corrupt billionaires should ride in—for an hour-long ride.

And then, the destination: a sea of people and a grand, gleaming white castle. A fantasyland that any child would adore.

It’s my first time at an amusement park since I was a kid. At the entrance, someone in a mascot costume is handing out pamphlets.

Must be hell in that suit on a day this sunny.

But who am I to pity others when I can’t even sort out my own mess?

“Let’s gooo!”

Izana’s brute grip doesn’t even let me enjoy the scenery for a second.

I’m dragged around like an empty cart. Before I know it—wait, when did this happen?! I’m already on a merry-go-round. Isn’t this a bit childish for me?

But Izana, having never ridden something like this before, squeals with delight.

I just sit beside her like a lifeless doll, expressionless.
People around us look on with interest. Honestly? I’m kind of embarrassed.

After the carousel, we hit a roller coaster, a pirate ship ride, and then the drop tower.

That last one made me feel nauseous. My face was pale while Izana’s smile remained perfectly intact. Does this girl never get tired?

“Wow, you’re both really pretty. Are you idols?”
“Wanna trade numbers~?”
“…Black Bear.”

While we were on our way to the next ride, two sleazy guys approached us.

But the moment Izana muttered the word “Black Bear,” a black shadow blurred past—and the guys just vanished.

Eyes blank like a goldfish, I blinked slowly. Izana, unfazed, dragged me away again.

From that point on, everything’s kind of a blur. We must’ve visited more rides, but I don’t remember clearly.

Probably because I was just being passively led around. Izana was just happy to have me by her side, and I—panting the whole time—was simply exhausted.

“Let’s try that one next!”

After practically conquering the entire amusement park, the sun had begun to set.

Izana had half-finished her chocolate ice cream cone. I held mine, barely touched, now melting under the warm sunlight.

She suddenly raised her arm and pointed. I sluggishly followed her finger with my eyes—and there it was: a red Ferris wheel, slowly turning round and round.

Spinning and spinning. My gaze spun with it.

“Fine, whatever.”
“Yay~ Let’s go!”

Surprisingly, the line wasn’t that long.

We showed our tickets to the visibly tired staff member and stepped into the tiny cabin.

A slight jolt as it started to move. The Ferris wheel began to turn.

“Um… Sia.”

Outside the dusty window, the crimson sunset burned. I was still dazed, staring at it when Izana, sitting across from me, gently spoke.

I turned to face her.

She looked at me with trembling eyes, her smile faint and distant.

I hate seeing that kind of expression on her face.

“I… kinda feel like I was the only one having fun. I’m sorry. I brought you here hoping it’d cheer you up.”
“It’s fine.”
“Really?”
“I said it’s fine.”

But she doesn’t believe me. She stares straight at my face, unblinking.

She rises from her seat and comes toward me. Her rough hand gently caresses my cheek.
The tips of her fingers stick to my skin like something syrupy. We lock eyes in that close space.

Her face inches closer. That high nose bridge, those long lashes, her exotic green eyes—all of it drawing near.

“But to me… you don’t look fine at all.”
“…”
“If something’s bothering you, please tell me. No matter what, you’re still my friend.”

Friend… yeah, we’re friends. Even if I used you.

Though I owe her so much, I can’t help but wonder if we can even call ourselves friends.
Friendship isn’t just a business transaction. It’s not just give and take.

And our first meeting… well, it was terrible.

I insulted her.

She insulted me. Back then, I was sure we’d never grow closer.

And now she’s gently stroking my face. Her touch is tender—almost like a courting gesture from a peacock.

I must be imagining things. This has to be a misunderstanding. I’m tired of things like love.

Why do you care so much about me? Why do you like me?

Seon-ah said she liked me too—though it felt more like lust than friendship.

If not for that sudden confession, would I have been able to kill her with my own hands?

Crush her fragile neck like a soda bottle.

A ridiculous fantasy after a ridiculous confession.

“I don’t know anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just… everything. Coming to this school, meeting Kang Seon-ah, hanging out with my senior, pushing my sister away, dragging you into this mess… Was any of it right? Or have I just been making mistake after mistake?”

Regret crashes down like waves. Over and over, crashing into my mind, messing it up even more.

People only ever reflect after losing something.
And even then, that regret only lasts about three days before it disappears completely.

Izana’s eyes have become serious.
Slightly twisted she may be, but at her core, she’s kind. At least around me.
And yet, I dragged her into this.
She ended up shooting a killer. Blood splattered across her face, dripping onto the floor. A red pool soaking her shoes—and mine.

I never looked directly at her after that. I couldn’t. Even now, facing her makes me tremble.
Still, I don’t look away. Because even someone like me has enough shame to face the consequences.

“Do you… regret getting involved with me?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you regret hurting Kang Seon-ah through me?”
“Yeah.”

I nodded twice. Izana pressed her finger to her chin, as if thinking.

The left side of her face was bathed in the sunset’s red glow.

“Sia… to be honest, I don’t really know either. I jumped in because I wanted to help you, but all I know is what you’ve told me. I’m not really in a position to say what’s right or wrong.”
“…”
“But… do you really have to live while carrying all that guilt? Humans aren’t meant to live righteously. They just live how they want. Why do you have to take responsibility for all of it?”
“But… it is my fault. I’d like to run from it all, but it’s not something I can just escape from.”

If I hadn’t been here, my senior wouldn’t have been butchered.

If I hadn’t been here, Seon-ah might’ve lived a quiet life like she did in the original story.

Maybe I ruined everything.

If only my sister hadn’t saved me back then, I wouldn’t be suffering like this. I could’ve just died like trash. Or lived like it.

But no, now I put on a mask and act righteous.

If I truly had no conscience, I wouldn’t have hesitated to involve Izana.

Turns out, I do have that much humanity left. Just enough to prevent me from running away.

“…Then how about becoming my pet? Pets don’t carry responsibility, do they?”
“What?”
“If you’re my pet, then you don’t need to think about anything. I’ll decide what’s right or wrong. You can just live without worrying, and follow what I say.”

I stare at her, dumbfounded by the ridiculousness of it.

But… she’s not really joking.

Her crescent eyes gaze into mine, smiling like a child. She doesn’t take back a single word.

Suddenly, she presses her forehead to mine.

Her warmth seeps through a single layer of skin.

Her golden hair brushes against my forehead, tickling me.

Her face looks even closer now. The sunset reflects on it—far more beautiful than any sky.

A sculpture with warmth.

Our lips almost touch. My heart pounds violently.

“I really think it’s a great idea~ Now, say ‘woof’ for me♪”

…What.

I may have been acting a little slow lately, but I’m still a functioning human being.

What am I supposed to get out of barking like a dog?

I don’t have some freaky kink about being owned by a girl my age.

Although, considering past lives, maybe we’re not even the same age anymore.

Still, if I could take the easy way out, I wouldn’t be struggling this hard, would I?

So seriously, what the hell is with this “woof”?

No matter how kind you are to me, no matter how much you call me a friend—there’s a line.
I know you’re a bit odd, but making me bark like a dog… what does that even—

“Woof!”
“Kyaa~ Sia, you’re so cute!”

…Crap.