Either Impotent or Asexual

“That’s, that’s quite unexpected…”

“What is…?”

Aram scratched her reddened cheeks as she spoke.

“I thought your couple wasn’t interested in that kind of thing.”

“…Why?”

“Well~ Even though you said you haven’t been dating long because you came to study abroad, you’ve known each other for a while, right? Even before that, didn’t you have feelings for each other, even if you weren’t dating?”

“That’s true…?”

“See? Even if you were young then, a pretty girl like you following him around calling him ‘oppa, oppa,’ and he didn’t even try simple skinship like a kiss? It’s definitely one of two things.”

“…What two things?”

“Either he’s impotent, or he’s asexual.”

“Aram, do you want to get in trouble?”

“Eek… Gray eyes activated… Ye-rin, it’s me, your favorite Aram…”

This isn’t right. We haven’t even tried it yet.

I got a little angry at Aram for suddenly making someone else’s perfectly normal boyfriend sound strange.

“My oppa is completely normal. It’s just that we were both young then, and he valued me too much, that’s all.”

“…I suppose that makes sense. But how do you know he’s normal?”

“…I just know.”

Oppa seemed to try his best to hide it, but when I was next to him, there were times I could tell with an “ah!”

Sometimes when we touched, or when, despite his efforts to hide it, oppa was really…affected.

Like when he would suddenly take an awkward posture or pull his waist back.

At first, I didn’t understand why oppa would look uncomfortable when I moved closer to ask if he was in pain whenever he took these strange positions.

But after I realized later, I felt a bit sorry thinking about how difficult it must have been for oppa back then.

It’s just that oppa was embarrassed, and I was embarrassed too, so we couldn’t talk about it.

But to say that oppa was either impotent or asexual?

That was absolutely impossible.

ㅡ I can’t tell Aram about this either…

“…Anyway, it’s not that we’re not interested. If I had to say, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I can’t.”

I wasn’t sure about oppa, but that was the case for me.

I had so many things I wanted to do with oppa when I returned to Korea. What Aram mentioned was just one of those things.

…We’d do it eventually anyway.

“Hmm~”

Aram looked at me with a smirk.

“…What?”

“Just~ Even you told me those things earlier. I wonder what your oppa, who has been waiting for years with you as his girlfriend, is thinking about~?”

“…”

“What if he demands something incredible on the first night? Kyaa…!”

“…Stop it.”

Seeing Aram squealing while wrapping her arms around herself made me feel embarrassed too, so I lightly slapped her lips.

…Would he really do that?

Regardless of me slapping her lips, Aram leaned her upper body toward me as if about to blow air through her nose.

“What would you do if your oppa did that, Ye-rin?”

“What would I do…”

As I mumbled “I’d have to accept it…” while lowering my head, Aram went “hawawa” and then soon spoke with an admiring voice.

“Ye-rin, maybe your oppa really is impotent or asexual? Otherwise, how could he possibly leave you alone…”

“Ugh, I already told you that’s not it…!”

“Ow! I’m sorry, that really hurt, Ye-rin!”

Finally, I stopped slapping Aram’s thigh only after she promised not to make such accusations(?) again.

**

After the long classes ended, while I was packing my bag to go home, Aram spoke to me from the side.

“Ye-rin. Are you really not going to Chris’s party? This one is going to be really big!”

“Mmm, I already told you I’m not going.”

“But still…”

I’d already told her yesterday and the day before.

Seeing Aram’s disappointed expression, I felt a bit sorry because I understood her desire to go with a close friend.

“But since you’re living in America anyway, you should go to parties and stuff~!”

“It’s not like I never go…”

“There you go again. Ye-rin, parties with just girls aren’t real parties!”

I couldn’t help but smile wryly at Aram, who was speaking as if she was about to foam at the mouth, saying it was no different from going to a café with friends.

“I’ll pass. Enjoy my share too.”

“Argh~! This won’t do. Give me your boyfriend’s contact info. I’ll promise to be your shield, and ask if I can take you to the party!”

“No. Way.”

When I stuck out my tongue playfully, Aram tried to snatch my phone while making frustrated noises.

“See you tomorrow~”

But she had no chance, so I left the classroom with a smile and headed to where I was supposed to meet Jin-hyuk oppa.

I wonder if my behavior seems strange from the outside.

I’m just doing exactly what oppa does.

Finding out that oppa doesn’t attend gatherings where girls are present was purely coincidental.

When I noticed Jin-hyuk oppa not eating and exchanging messages during dinner, I wondered if he was texting Se-ah, so I secretly peeked.

I saw Yoon Do-hyun complaining to Jin-hyuk oppa, asking him to do something about it.

…Of course, I found out the details by pestering Jin-hyuk oppa after seeing that, but anyway.

Oh, oppa.

Even if he went to places where girls were present, I wouldn’t say anything because I trust him.

But there must be a reason for oppa’s choice.

And knowing that reason was for my sake, I was grateful for his thoughtfulness.

He could have teased me by saying “Look at what I’m doing for you,” even as a joke.

Instead, he kept it a secret even from me.

It made me think he was amazing and wonder how he could be so lovable.

Oppa. How can you do so much just for me…?

I thought I had fallen as deeply as possible.

But every time, as if to say I still had a long way to go…

Seeing oppa make me fall even deeper made me wonder what I was going to do.

…I hope I can handle it.

Anyway, because I didn’t want to take oppa’s consideration for granted…

I also chose not to attend parties and such. I wasn’t particularly interested either.

I found it more enjoyable to exchange messages with oppa or take photos to send him during that time.

“Are there any places worth visiting this weekend?”

On our way home, Jin-hyuk oppa brought it up.

Both Jin-hyuk oppa and I had similar daily routines.

On weekdays, we’d go to school, come home, study, or spend time doing our own things.

On weekends, since we were in America anyway, we’d go out together to explore different places.

Since neither of us had the personality to make many friends, this pattern became our routine.

“I don’t have any particular place in mind… Can’t you find somewhere?”

“…We went to places I researched last week and the week before that.”

“While you’re at it, find a place for next week too.”

“…You’ve been hanging out with Se-ah too much.”

“I should tell Se-ah that oppa complained about you becoming like her.”

“I was wrong…”

When I asked him to find places to visit for the next two weeks as the price for my silence, Jin-hyuk oppa tearfully agreed as if he was happy about it.

I knew oppa would like it too, yes.

“Hah… What are you going to do when we get home today? Should we order pizza later?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll study a bit and then play a game for a while… I’m thinking about it.”

“Oh, you? What game are you going to play?”

“I’m thinking of playing Legend of League. It’s surprisingly fun. Sometimes I can play together with Woo-jin oppa.”

“…The one Han Woo-jin cursed at you for?”

“…He didn’t curse at me.”

“He didn’t curse at you~ If he made you cry, that says it all. But…”

“…Oppa, you’re really annoying. But what?”

“I played with Han Woo-jin before because I was curious after hearing he made you cry, remember? Actually, that was the first time I almost cursed at you too. Whew, good thing I didn’t. I might have been beaten to death by Han Woo-jin.”

“…Oppa, do you want to die, seriously?”

“I’m not scared at all…”

“I’m going to tell Woo-jin oppa everything.”

“Hey, that would really kill me. Han Woo-jin would tear me apart.”

…I hate this so much.

If it was about anything else, I might have something to say, but when it came to gaming skills, I had nothing.

Jin-hyuk oppa was deliberately annoying me, and even though I knew it, I couldn’t help but be provoked.

“Wow, but Han Woo-jin is amazing. You two still play that game together after that? That’s truly the power of love.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve improved a lot.”

“For you, just not buying Infinity Edge on Lumi would be an improvement.”

“…”

I didn’t know it back then.

But after learning more about the game later, I understood why oppa was so surprised at that time.

The fact that the people calling “Woo-jin-ah” every game were actually calling me, and why oppa was typing so frantically every game.

“That’s perfect. I didn’t have anything to do either. Shall we play together after eating pizza later?”

“No. I don’t want to play with you. You always criticize me when we play together.”

“Try playing in a way that doesn’t deserve criticism. Doesn’t Han Woo-jin say anything?”

“…He just laughs.”

“What an incredible guy… How does he endure it? Aack!”

Finally unable to hold back, I slapped oppa’s back with a clear sound.

“Jin-hyuk oppa is really annoying…”

“Hehe, he just doesn’t understand. Our Woo-jin♥ has improved so much.”

“Right…?”

That night.

As I rolled around in bed complaining to oppa, he laughed for a while as if amused.

“So how many wins and losses did you have with Jin-hyuk?”

“…0 wins, 4 losses. He says he won’t play with me anymore.”

I heard a “pfft” laugh from the other end of the phone.

“It’s okay. You can play with me. Right?”

“…Yes, I’d like that.”

“Seo Jin-hyuk always blames others when he’s the one who can’t play well.”

“That’s right, he’s really annoying… Earlier, he was even pretending not to know me and leading others in criticizing me…”

Until just a little while ago, I was slightly annoyed because of Jin-hyuk oppa, but after talking to oppa, my mood seemed to improve as if it had never happened.

After talking about the events of the day, we ended our call, which was a bit longer than usual.

…I miss him.

Even though I was just listening to oppa’s voice until a moment ago.

I wanted to hear oppa’s voice again.

Suddenly, I remembered what Aram had said earlier in the day.

If I ever had those thoughts when thinking about oppa.

I couldn’t tell her then.

But the truth is.

I’ve thought more than once that I should have at least kissed him before leaving.

But from long experience, I knew that when these thoughts came, the best solution was to go to sleep quickly.

So I covered myself with the blanket and forced myself to sleep.

That night, oppa appeared in my dream.