Chapter 42: The Self
by Meher“Oh my… miss, are you alright?”
An employee asked kindly, picking up the samples she had dropped.
Luna gave a quick bow and hurried after them.
She was in shock, but she didn’t run.
After all, Luna hadn’t done anything wrong.
She spotted the two of them again.
The counselor and the woman…
Right, now she recognized her.
Racking her brain, she recalled the face.
That unique black and white hair…
She had seen it on TV.
She was the Outsider who had been unconscious on Elice’s back.
‘Ah…’
The moment she realized this, Luna’s heart eased just a little.
So it wasn’t a date.
Thinking of it as an extension of the counselor’s work—helping an Outsider adapt to society—made her feel a little more at ease.
Yes, this was work.
The two of them entered a restaurant that sold pork cutlets, their hands tightly clasped.
Hiding behind a pillar in the shopping mall, she peeked through the window into the restaurant.
The two of them were sitting across from each other.
Soon, large plates were placed before them.
The counselor very naturally pulled the woman’s plate toward him.
Then, using a knife, he began to meticulously cut the pork cutlet into bite-sized pieces.
Luna bit her lip without realizing it.
The counselor speared a piece of the cut meat with a fork.
He then kindly showed the woman how to hold the fork, demonstrating the motion with his hands and teaching her gently.
And in the very next moment.
The counselor brought that same fork straight to the woman’s lips.
The woman accepted the food as if it were the most natural thing in the world, like a baby bird.
After swallowing, the woman slowly extended her red tongue and licked a smudge of sauce from her upper lip.
Then she lifted her head and looked up at the counselor.
In truth, there was no trace of a baby bird left in those blue eyes.
It was the gaze of a young predator being fed.
But unfortunately, very unfortunately…
The counselor didn’t see that gaze.
He had already lowered his head again to finish cutting the rest of the pork cutlet.
Only Luna saw it all.
The woman once again pointed a finger at a fried shrimp, indicating that she wanted to eat it next.
The counselor gave a pleasant smile, as if proud of her for expressing herself.
He speared the shrimp with the fork and brought it to her lips again.
As the woman ate the shrimp, she sucked the last crumb of batter from the fork with a soft slurp.
A beastkin’s ears could hear everything, if she chose to listen.
Luna felt her heart slowly freezing over.
The woman didn’t stop.
She took the fork from the counselor’s hand, as if it were perfectly natural.
This time, she speared a piece of pork cutlet herself.
She brought it to the counselor’s lips.
A gesture for him to eat.
The counselor seemed flustered for a moment, but then he watched her action and nodded.
He accepted the food she offered.
Luna couldn’t watch any longer.
Poof!
“Huh?”
A man standing in front of the ice cream shop next door rubbed his eyes.
He could have sworn someone was standing there.
But they had vanished without a trace.
Luna… had made an emergency escape into her Rabbit Hole.
*
Carrying armfuls of shopping bags filled with new clothes, we left Luna Field.
The sun had already begun to set, and the streets were bathed in an orange glow.
We’d bought clothes.
We’d eaten delicious pork cutlets.
I’d even introduced Seol Yu-wol to the taste of modern desserts.
“♪~ ♬~”
I heard a faint humming from beside me.
Seol Yu-wol must have been quite satisfied with the day, as she was humming to herself without even realizing it.
I judged that her emotional and psychological state had stabilized enough.
We had been holding hands ever since we entered the department store.
Maybe it’s okay to let go now…
I tried to casually slip my hand out of hers.
But in that exact moment.
Squeeze!
Her small hand clamped down on mine again with incredible speed, as if determined not to let go.
I gave a wry smile to myself.
Not yet, I guess.
But that was fine.
Today’s outing had been a great success.
For the first time today, Seol Yu-wol had chosen something for herself.
She picked out clothes she wanted at the clothing store.
She picked out food she wanted at the restaurant.
She even asked me for things she wanted.
You could say it was the process of her true ‘self’ beginning to form.
Still holding her hand, I headed back to the Association’s isolation facility, to the room where she was staying.
Seol Yu-wol’s demeanor was a complete one-eighty from when we had left.
Unlike this morning, when she had departed with her head bowed, trembling with anxiety…
Now, she was looking around curiously, trying to take in every new sight.
We entered Seol Yu-wol’s room.
I dropped the shopping bags I was carrying onto the living room table.
There were pretty clothes.
And delicious snacks.
We finished putting everything away together.
The once-empty model home was finally starting to feel lived-in.
I smiled gently and stood up.
“That’s… all for today, Ms. Yu-wol.”
“Get some rest, and take your time to think about what happened today.”
I gave her a new assignment.
What she saw today, and what she felt.
What kind of mood she was in, and what emotions she experienced.
And, I added, not to forget her first, unfinished assignment: ‘things you want to do.’
Just as I finished up and was about to turn and leave.
“Physician.”
Her voice was quiet, yet incomparably clearer than before.
I stopped and turned to look at her.
Seol Yu-wol was looking straight up at me.
A quiet, firm resolve shone in her blue eyes.
She continued without hesitation.
“Now…”
She took a tiny breath.
“I want to see my mother.”
Seol Yu-wol told me she wanted to see Lee Seo-ryeong.
I looked into her eyes.
*
[Seol Yu-wol]
[Main Stance]
[She has failed to become the perfect daughter her mother wanted. However, today, she has learned for the first time how to exist as ‘herself.’ Now, she wants to face her mother just as she is.]
[It seems she is finally ready to talk to her mother.]
There was no falsehood or sense of obligation in her.
This decision… was the most difficult and bravest one Seol Yu-wol had made of her own free will.
This one day.
The entire process of her experiencing this unfamiliar world had become a new catalyst for Seol Yu-wol.
Choosing clothes for herself from hundreds of options.
Deciding what to eat based on her own judgment.
Every little thing, all of it.
All according to her own desires.
All those experiences had awakened the self known as Seol Yu-wol.
This was the real Seol Yu-wol, who had been buried under ashes.
[Suitable Response] [Satisfaction Rate: 100%]
[As you wish.]
*
[Suitable Response] [Satisfaction Rate: 100%]
[(With a proud expression, gently stroke her head.)]
Two 100% options…
This was a first.
But both choices were worth considering.
Instead of choosing one, I decided to do both.
She probably needed both right now.
I approached her very slowly.
And carefully, I reached out my hand.
I gently placed it on her hair.
As my hand touched her, Seol Yu-wol slowly closed her eyes.
I stroked her hair very slowly, my touch filled with a sense of pride.
As Seol Yu-wol felt my touch…
Her tightly shut eyelids trembled.
I spoke to her in a low voice.
“As you wish.”
Lee Seo-ryeong would surely want this, too.
*
Trrrring…
In Luna’s Rabbit Hole.
Huddled with the blanket pulled over her head, Luna stuck just one hand out to answer the phone.
“Unni? Where’d you go? Lunch break is over… Is something wrong?”
Elice’s worried voice came through the receiver.
“I… I suddenly feel really sick… so I came home…”
“Oh my god, really? Where does it hurt? Should I bring you some porridge?”
She wasn’t sick.
What should she call this?
To be honest, even Luna found it incredibly difficult to define this feeling.
“No… it’s okay… I just need to rest a little…”
“Okay… I’ll cover for you… Is there anything you want to eat?”
Something she wanted to eat.
Something she wanted to eat…
There was.
“Pork cutlet…”
“…Okay, got it. I’ll buy the tastiest one. Don’t think about anything and get some rest, Unni.”
Elice hung up.
A question suddenly occurred to Luna.
Did she really want to eat pork cutlet?
Or…
“……”
Thud.
Luna dropped the phone.
The sound of it hitting the floor echoed in the room.
Slowly, Luna lifted the blanket.
Beneath the covers of her Rabbit Hole bed, a white doctor’s gown lay curled up.
“……”
She had brought it in on impulse. She had lost her senses.
Sniff…
Luna carefully took a whiff…
Ah.
She was doomed.
Washing it had been pointless. Now, her own scent mingled with the faint traces of his, creating something far more potent.
But that was fine.
Well, isn’t there a saying? If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it.
Luna decided to enjoy it.
She hugged the gown preciously.
And she buried her face deep inside it.
The faint remnant of his scent mixed with her own, which now covered it, creating a strange and dizzying sense of stability.
It felt as if she were in the same space as the counselor… as if they were lying in the same bed together.
If this was what it took to find some peace of mind, so be it.
For her, right now, this was her only salvation.
The best thing she could do.
Translated By: Meher (RaidenTL)
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