Chapter 41: With all my worries piled up I accidentally realized

I returned home, my body feeling strangely heavy, perhaps from the release of tension after a long day.

Today, I’d met Kasumi and had a long conversation with her, adding to the already eventful week.

‘Tomorrow is Friday already…’ This week had felt like an eternity. Perhaps it was because of the sheer volume of information I’d processed, not just academically, but also in terms of interpersonal relationships.

The Third Trinity.

Aya’s family history.

The relationship between Shirasaki Street and the academy.

And… pudding… no!

Kasumi’s worries.

My social media idea had significantly altered the novel’s plot… and somehow, I’d become everyone’s confidante.

‘Should I… really be interfering so much?’

In the novel, the protagonist had handled these issues… was it right for me to intervene? Aya had cautioned me against being too proactive as well.

Ah, Aya. Just thinking about her conjured the image of her shimmering silver hair and captivating blue eyes.

‘I… like Aya.’ There was no denying it. Just the thought of her made my heart race and my face flush.

But… the reason I couldn’t easily express these feelings was…

‘It might be the “past me” (the male one) who likes Aya.’

“…Sigh.” I scratched my head and stood up, telling myself I needed to study. I sat at my desk and opened my textbooks and workbooks, but the words blurred before my eyes. My gaze drifted to the diary on my desk.

‘…Huh?’ A strange feeling washed over me, and I picked up the diary. Kurosawa Rina’s middle school diary, a collection of memories I probably shouldn’t be privy to. But I couldn’t resist, and I slowly turned the pages.

‘…Wait, was this always here?’

I noticed a blank page, a torn-out section I hadn’t noticed before. It should have been easily noticeable when flipping through the pages… I hadn’t seen it before because the two pages had been stuck together, damp with… tears, I realized.

“Ah…?” A familiar yet foreign sensation washed over me.

‘I want to run away.’
‘Will I be okay at Takamari?’
‘I wish someone else could… at least… if only I had memories from a past life…’

“…What is this?”

And then… it began. A buzzing sensation in my head, a dull ache spreading through my skull. I instinctively clutched my head.

‘I need to study.’
‘I haven’t even memorized half the vocabulary list.’
‘I’m not ready for the test…’

An overwhelming sense of pressure, an academic anxiety I’d never experienced in my past life. Because… in my past life, I’d just… studied, driven by inertia, without these worries.

“Ah… Kurosawa Rina…” I whispered, my hand trembling as I closed the diary.

And then, the memories came flooding back.

Memories from early childhood, so distant they’d been forgotten.

Memories of Rina, the playful elementary school student.

Memories of Rina, inspired by someone she’d seen at the Takamari Academy Night Festival, deciding to study hard.

“Ah… ah…”

Platinum blonde hair. Rina had admired Reina-senpai. And with the returning memories, I understood why she’d torn out that page.

Kurosawa Rina… I… hadn’t been able to confide in anyone, not even my diary. I hadn’t been able to express my worries, my fears. I’d been breaking down since the end of middle school.

“…Haha…” I finally understood. “It wasn’t possession… it was reincarnation. On the day of the entrance ceremony, overwhelmed by the pressure, I’d summoned memories from my past life.”

…And in that moment, everything clicked into place.

Why wearing a girl’s uniform felt natural.

Why applying makeup was an unconscious habit.

Why I could interact so easily with Aya and Mizuki.

Why I felt a subtle sense of admiration towards Reina-senpai.

Why I’d felt nothing during the drama club experience.

And… why the characters were slightly different from the ones in the novel.

“So… I was Kurosawa Rina all along.”

I looked up at the sky. The memories from my past life, the knowledge I’d gained as a repeat student, were still there. While I couldn’t speak Japanese fluently, at least I understood why Rina had wanted to excel academically, even if it meant borrowing power from a past life.

“…Ugh, who can I even tell about this?” The sudden influx of memories was overwhelming, like a recovering amnesia patient. My mind raced, my heart pounded in my chest.

“…I don’t know…”

But why had these memories resurfaced now? Was it because of my encounter with Kasumi? Or was I supposed to solve Rina’s problems, just like I’d helped the others?

The latter seemed more likely, a thought that filled me with unease. I pulled the covers over my head and curled up, trying to process everything. Rina’s worries, from an outsider’s perspective, seemed trivial, almost insignificant. Ah… then perhaps… Kasumi’s worries were connected to Rina’s? The timing of my recovered memories was… suspicious.

But even with the returning memories, my life wouldn’t change. Well, one thing would change. I no longer had to feel guilty.

‘Right, nothing changes. I just have to keep living my life.’

I drifted off to sleep, a strange sense of peace settling over me. For the first time in a long time, I slept soundly, free from the weight of guilt that had been crushing my heart.

****

Sunlight streamed through the window, gently waking me. I stared at the ceiling, my mind blank.

‘…Aya.’

Why was I thinking about Aya? Just the thought of her made my heart race, chasing away the lingering drowsiness.

This was strange… what had I realized yesterday?

That it wasn’t possession, but reincarnation. I was Kurosawa Rina all along. Perhaps the memories from my past life were still influencing me strongly.

So, I decided to think like Kurosawa Rina, to think like a girl.

But even so… just thinking about Aya made my heart pound and my face flush.

‘Do I… like Aya… as a girl?’

“…Sigh.” I groaned, clutching my head. Forbidden love. This was… strange.

My “past self” might have liked Aya. But for Rina to like Aya… that was truly forbidden!

Lost in my endless cycle of self-doubt, a familiar notification sound startled me. A LINE message from Aya.

Aya: Are you ready?
Rina: Ah, yeah! Just woke up, so give me a minute…
Aya: Okay, I’ll wait.

Ah! I’d overslept! I jumped out of bed, skipped breakfast, and rushed through my morning routine, hurrying out the door in my uniform.

****

I spotted the familiar silver hair in the distance, shimmering in the morning sun. Her neat uniform, her perfect posture, her quiet aura… she was beautiful.

I stopped as I approached her.

‘…Aya.’

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was waiting for me, looking at her phone, as always. Calm, quiet, elegant.

But to me… it looked different.

My heart was pounding in my chest.

‘What’s wrong with me…?’

I instinctively placed my hand over my heart and looked at Aya again. She frowned slightly, lowering her phone and turning to face me.

“Rina.”

Just hearing her say my name, in her usual calm voice…

‘…Uwaaaak!’ My mind went blank. Why… why was I so flustered?! It wasn’t because of the memories from my past life. It was because… I, Rina, liked Aya?

“G-Good morning!” I blurted out, waving my arms frantically.

Aya blinked, noticing my strange behavior. “…?”

…She was definitely thinking, ‘She’s acting weird.’ Oh no, was I being too obvious?!

I quickly looked away. I had to act normal, like always!

“Rina, did you sleep well? Are you feeling okay?” Aya asked, walking beside me, seemingly unfazed by my outburst. Ah, right, we’d had a rather extravagant dinner last night… I might have overeaten.

“Yeah, I slept well, thanks to you. The food was delicious!”

“…!” A faint smile touched Aya’s lips. It was so beautiful, it made my heart skip a beat again.

‘This is bad… I’m not myself anymore…!’ I started walking, my mind a blank. But one thing was clear.

These feelings for Aya… they were real. I hesitantly reached out, my fingers brushing against Aya’s hand, and she smiled, taking my hand in hers. I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth of her touch as we walked side by side.