Chapter 4. Escape and Service (1)

“So… apologizing is really difficult, isn’t it?”

“No, you’ve already finished your own deductions and are muttering to yourself, so what’s the point of asking again now?”

When I asked that for the seventh time, Ria looked at me with an increasingly annoyed expression and replied,

“I’m just checking. Isn’t it more objective to hear someone else’s opinion than to conclude it on your own?”

“Yes, yes.”

Ria sighed deeply and said as if she had given up.

“You’re right. Apologizing personally and apologizing as a representative of an organization are very different. A personal apology ends in the personal realm. If you can satisfy the other person by buying them something delicious or giving them money, it’s best to end it there.”

If it crosses into the realm of crime, the law gets involved, which is a separate issue, but that’s not the case here. It’s something that can be managed within the Cardinal’s authority.

So, even if the Cardinal made a wrong judgment, as long as it didn’t cause me major problems, he could just call me in privately, apologize appropriately, and reinstate me, and that would be the end of it.

However, the Cardinal specifically called me, made me stand before him, and bowed his head.

And, this incident cannot have no impact at all.

The incident where I sent a letter to the Cardinal, while it didn’t cause a massive ripple effect throughout society, is something that people working in related fields or those interested in this matter would know.

This is because, once an ‘official’ incident occurs within the church, it is virtually impossible to conceal.

Just as the government must announce any policy decisions or personnel changes, the ‘official change in authority’ between a ‘Saint Candidate’ and a ‘Cardinal’ had to be announced.

“So, you mean the Cardinal deliberately apologized officially to return my rights.”

“Hmm, I think that’s a bit different.”

Ria tilted her head and said,

“He took away my rights because I said something insolent, so of course the church had to say it openly. In a sense, it was a challenge to authority, and therefore, even a Saint Candidate could face such a penalty.”

“……And?”

“But he didn’t completely strip you of your status, did he? He only removed the ‘benefits,’ so to speak. Honestly, most people who heard the news probably thought it was just a formality.”

“A formality?”

“Well, it happens often, doesn’t it? When a superior makes a mistake, another superior gives a slap on the wrist and moves on. Then they quietly reinstate you later.”

“…….”

“If not, they would just say he suppressed you with authority after a theological debate. You continued to use holy power even after that incident, and you saved people. You didn’t say anything strange in front of those people.”

“But almost everyone I lived with at the church heard what I said…”

“How many of those people have left the clergy? And whether you say it or not, they can’t deny your holy power.”

“So…”

I was horrified by a faint answer I saw in my mind.

“So, you’re saying the Cardinal took that action, even though he might receive an unfavorable evaluation?”

“Well, what else could he do? If a Saint Candidate talks about the absence of God, the social impact would be enormous. It would be better for the church to be seen as having lost the debate and suppressed you with authority.”

“…….”

“And incidentally, he also cleared the path for a promising Saint Candidate. If you had actually undergone a heresy trial, your volunteer activities up to now would have been impossible.”

“No, no, no, wait a minute.”

I waved my hands frantically and said,

“I was really close to undergoing a heresy trial! The priest and the Nun Superior stopped it, didn’t they?”

“But the Cardinal is the one who didn’t send the interrogator after hearing that, isn’t he?”

“Uh…”

“Haa.”

Ria shook her head as if to say, ‘It can’t be helped.’

“You seem to have grown up too naively and don’t know anything, but there are times in the world when you absolutely must get angry. There are situations where you cannot back down without a ‘pretext,’ even if you are not personally angry, or just confused, or even if your anger has subsided.”

“…….”

“This happens often among Hunters, and well, sometimes even within families.”

“……Kyaa.”

I groaned and clutched my head.

So, if Ria’s words are ‘correct,’ it means the Cardinal has been protecting my position all along, taking on political risks.

Of course, it’s possible his anger was genuine, but there’s a big difference between being genuine and making the other person suffer, and simply issuing a mild punishment and effectively leaving things as they were.

Indeed, even if the heresy interrogator’s attitude was like that of a weary civil servant, having undergone that investigation or not would create restrictions on my actions within the church. After all, I’m not a ‘heretic.’

Moreover, the fact that he bowed his head as a representative until the very end…

“Be nice to him when you see him from now on. You greeted him familiarly, like you would your own grandfather.”

At those words, I clutched my head and dove onto the bed, rolling around frantically.

I might have to change my bedding soon.

*

So, the Cardinal was ‘public’ both when he took away my rights and when he returned them.

It was as if he had suppressed me with power, and now that he had lost logically, he was backing down.

“This is unfair.”

“Hey, Sister Anna. Stop talking nonsense and eat your meal.”

As soon as I opened my mouth, Ria replied as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Of course, I ignored Ria’s response and said what I had to say. After all, I’ve never spoken nonsense before.

“I keep saying there is no God, so why do people keep praising me?”

“What can I do if you say you don’t know?”

Anna replied as if it were absurd.

Then, she picked up a slice of bread, spread a generous amount of strawberry jam on it, and then thickly layered mashed potatoes on top as she continued speaking.

“When a critically injured person comes, I stop what I’m doing and rush to heal them. When there’s a giant monster right in front of me, I rush to its front to save people. Even the ‘belief’ you talk about, if people can just discard someone who is sick, I have nothing to say if you tell them not to like it.”

“No, then you’re being stubborn when people are dying? And I told you it’s not my power!”

“Good heavens, now you’re even showing humility.”

Ria shrugged her shoulders as if she were joking and shoved the sandwich she had made into my mouth.

I glared at Ria while chewing the mashed potato sandwich.

“No matter how you say it, that’s how people see it. So why don’t you just accept it? Well, you’re not a real Saint yet, are you? There’s someone staring at you over there.”

“…….”

I chewed my sandwich and turned my gaze away.

It was Choi Soo-bin, the defense attorney of evil, sitting there.

From what I heard, the defense attorney of evil isn’t supposed to chase after Saint Candidates.

This denomination has adopted many of the rules of the previous religion, and it seems they’ve also borrowed the method of appointing people to positions like Saint or Saintess.

Normally, they verify through a document review. They look through the person’s entire life and check for any disqualifying factors for being a Saint.

In my case, since I haven’t lived outside the church yet, there aren’t many points that could be called disqualifying factors.

For some reason, my claim of atheism doesn’t seem to be a major contradiction to the church’s logic, and although I dyed my hair and wore a belt below my chest, it wasn’t considered particularly promiscuous.

Even though we are nuns living in the church, we are all in our prime.

Since we are essentially taking on the roles of secular life within the church, it would be difficult to actively monitor and suppress them.

……Although I’m the one who dresses up most actively.

Anyway, so I don’t really have any ‘documents.’

Therefore, if they want to verify, they have no choice but to see for themselves.

Of course, I’m sitting in a different spot, somewhat separated from the other nuns, which makes me feel a bit like an outcast-

Well, she doesn’t seem to care much about it, and she’s eating well while occasionally sending glances my way.

Perhaps she’s used to it.

It’s sad that I can relate to it a little.

As I finished one sandwich and opened my mouth, another folded sandwich was placed into it.

Hmph.

Does she think I’m someone who can be tamed by this?

Ria, however, was making her own sandwich without any change in her expression.

I looked at Ria with a displeased gaze, but I ate the second sandwich without leaving any behind.

*

Even as a Saint Candidate, I do what I must.

Although I have various rights, most of those rights exist to prove that I am a ‘Saint.’

I’ll think about how to personally benefit from them later; for now, I intend to lie low.

Do you know this? If your foot gets stuck in a mudflat, you shouldn’t move recklessly. First, you should calmly assess if there’s anything to grab onto nearby.

It feels like I’m getting stuck in strange directions the more I move, so I first need to find something to hold onto.

Until then, it’s best to just stay put with my ankles stuck-

Creak.

Without thinking, I opened the chapel door and was met with the gazes of the many people inside.

For some reason, far more people than usual had come to worship.

Even though it was the first day of the weekday.

“…….”

I quietly closed the chapel door again.

“Hoo.”

Then, after letting out a small breath, I thought.

Hmm, maybe I should use that right sooner rather than later.