Chapter 4: An irreversible choice

Yulia looked up in silence, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Her chin and lips quivered.

Her clenched fists trembled.

“Dad… he’s dead, isn’t he?”

Her voice shook as she asked the question.

But Yulia already knew the answer.

She just didn’t want to accept it.

She clung to even the faintest hope.

“Please tell me it’s not true.”

“Tell me he’s alive.”

Gerta looked at the tears welling up in Yulia’s eyes.

He remained silent for a long time.

He had known this day would come eventually.

He just hadn’t expected it to come so soon.

Gerta kept his silence.

He looked at Yulia with sorrowful, wistful eyes.

“Sniff… hic… sniff…”

Silence was the clearest answer.

Yulia swallowed her sobs as the truth hit her.

A wave of grief crashed down on her.

It made her heart pound.

It made her lungs ache.

She remembered a week ago.

The people dressed in black.

Walking silently to offer their condolences.

Now she understood.

They had come to mourn her father’s death.

They had paid respects to the death of a foreign emperor.

And she…

She had laughed and joked.

Completely unaware.

That realization drove a sharp pain through her chest.

She cried for a long time.

She couldn’t stop.

She gasped for air.

Choking on her sorrow.

Losing the one she loved most in the world.

It stabbed deeper than any blade.

It cut more cruelly than any wound.

Gerta stood beside her, hesitant.

Then slowly reached out.

He gently patted her head.

His hand was rough.

But to Yulia, it felt soft.

She threw herself into Gerta’s arms.

Burying her face in his chest.

Her sobs broke free again.

Muffled against him.

Gerta said nothing.

Not until the very last tear had been shed.

Weeks passed.

Empty and silent.

I didn’t comfort Yulia.

They say the greatest sorrow in life is the death of a loved one.

The death of the one who gave you life.

The one who raised you.

But honestly, I don’t know.

My parents are still alive.

Even if they died someday, I don’t think I’d be that sad.

So I couldn’t understand Yulia’s grief.

And how do you comfort someone when you can’t even understand their pain?

Yulia sat curled up in a corner.

Hugging her knees.

She looked like someone who had lost something irreplaceable.

Utterly worn out by sorrow.

Her once-bright eyes were now dull and hollow.

‘…This is bad.’

I’ve witnessed many deaths in my life.

Death doesn’t faze me anymore.

I’ve killed plenty.

And seen plenty die.

It’s just, “Ah, they’re dead. I killed them.”

End of story.

But sometimes, when I saw someone take their own life, something heavy and silent stirred inside me.

For some reason, I never forgot those deaths.

Life exists to keep living.

And yet suicide was the exact opposite.

I once had a comrade who took his own life.

He used to drink himself silly at the mercenary guild every night.

But then, all of a sudden, he started avoiding people.

They said he holed himself up in his room.

Didn’t see anyone.

Not even his beloved alcohol.

Apparently, he’d accidentally killed a child.

That’s what broke him.

I visited him once to ask if he’d join a party for a new job.

I didn’t care much about his personality.

But his skills were solid.

But the moment I saw him, I realized something was fundamentally different.

I remember it all vividly.

The dead-fish eyes.

The rough skin.

The slightly open mouth with no expression.

His eyes… they weren’t human anymore.

He looked like a prisoner waiting to die.

Or a fly caught in a spider’s web.

Naturally, he refused the job.

And the next day, he died.

‘Why am I thinking about him now?’

Because Yulia looks exactly the same.

She’s been like this for weeks.

If this keeps up, she’s going to die.

Her soul is dying.

“…Can I see my father one last time?”

Yulia asked that a few days ago.

She wanted to attend Marcus’s funeral.

I told her no.

Yulia didn’t cry.

She didn’t even get angry.

She just nodded with a broken expression.

‘I wish she’d just cry her eyes out…’

If only she could vent her grief like a normal child.

But her complete lack of emotion made me anxious as hell.

Some might say I’m being weird.

‘Why should I care about a girl who’s nothing to me?’

They’re not wrong.

Marcus is dead.

He can’t hold me to any promise.

And that so-called “promise” was just a one-sided announcement made without my consent.

If I were being cold and logical, I could dump Yulia on the new emperor.

Or leave her behind.

And I wouldn’t be in the wrong.

‘But how can anyone ignore a child in that state?’

It was driving me insane, thinking she might die.

A veteran mercenary couldn’t survive and took his own life.

‘How could a ten-year-old girl, raised in a greenhouse, endure all this?’

‘If I leave her like this, she’ll die.’

‘And I hated that.’

I couldn’t stand seeing someone who’d even once talked to me die like that.

So I started devoting time to help Yulia recover.

For two weeks, I tried carefully to speak to her.

To draw her attention.

But Yulia just glared at me with lifeless eyes.

No amount of comfort reached her.

No jokes worked.

No empathy got through.

She faded more with each passing day.

The light in her eyes vanished.

Panicking, I spread my mana and ran a check on her.

The results were horrifying.

Her body was breaking down.

Severe stress had caused dangerously high blood pressure.

Placing immense strain on her heart.

She was, quite literally, killing herself.

Her father had died.

She couldn’t go home.

She’d nearly been assaulted.

And she’d smiled and laughed while others mourned her father’s death.

It was too much for a ten-year-old girl to bear.

And to make it worse—

Yulia had only ever eaten the finest, healthiest meals prepared by imperial chefs.

Now, under massive emotional stress, she was being forced to eat unfamiliar food.

Of course her body was falling apart.

If this continues, she’ll really die.

‘There’s only one way left…’

***

After agonizing over it, one method came to mind.

I’m a mage.

A high-level mage who’s reached the 6th Circle.

This time, it’s different from when I helplessly watched a comrade waste away.

There used to be a power demons wielded.

A divine ability to distort, create, erase, and manipulate memories.

The spell I know was created through research into that power.

It’s not as absolute as the demon’s authority.

But it can alter memories to a certain extent.

“Sounds fun. Can you teach it to me?”

“Well, I’m bored anyway, so why not?”

It wasn’t meant for this situation.

But I know a memory-altering spell.

It’s a high-level 6th Circle mental manipulation spell.

And it only works on immature children under the age of ten.

It’s banned.

Outlawed by the Imperial Court and the World Mage Association.

Due to the risk of abuse and psychological harm.

But Chevalier had once been a high-ranking official in the Mage Association.

That’s how he knew about this forbidden magic.

[You know this already, but this spell is taboo.]

[So remember—use it only when absolutely necessary.]

[The reason I’m teaching you this is because I trust you.]

And I thought to myself—

‘That time has come.’

The memory-altering spell does exactly what it says.

It manipulates memories.

It can turn a mother into a father.

And a father into a mother.

Make an enemy into a friend.

And a friend into an enemy.

It’s not all-powerful though.

It can’t create memories that never existed.

If someone never had a mother, the spell can’t conjure one up.

Yulia never had a mother, so I can’t give her one.

But—

She did have a father.

Marcus Hessenia Stella.

The one person Yulia loved most in the world.

Someone has to fill that role now.

“…Fuck it. I don’t know anymore.”

No matter how I looked at it, this was the only way.

I scrubbed my face with dry hands.

I don’t know how things got this bad.

But one thing’s certain—

If I don’t do something, Yulia will die.

So I took action.

Crunch!

I bit into my thumb and drew blood.

I swept the floor of the inn with my foot and squatted down, drawing a magic circle.

With each movement of my arm, the blood-based circle took shape.

Whenever I ran low on blood, I bit down again.

The magic circle, based on the authority of a demon, was incredibly complex.

After several moments of hesitation and calculation, I finally completed it.

The circle was made up of grotesque, unnatural patterns and symbols.

Crunch. Crunch.

When no more blood came from my thumb, I bit my index finger.

When that ran dry, I bit my middle finger.

The taste of blood was overwhelming.

Yulia’s eyes stared blankly into the air.

She was holding a teddy bear in her arms.

Thud.

Suddenly, Yulia collapsed to her side.

Her face was pale.

Her breathing was shallow.

Even so, she didn’t let go of the teddy bear.

My gestures became frantic.

***

After a few more minutes, I finally completed the magic circle.

I quickly lifted Yulia and placed her at the center of the circle.

Then I took a step back and caught my breath.

‘I’m doing my best here. Please don’t hold this against me. Honestly, even you knew this was an unreasonable request. This is the best I can do, Your Majesty.’

“…Nida.”

I poured my heart into it and released my mana.

A surge of mana burst into the circle.

Like a hippo drinking water, the magic circle devoured my mana.

When 70% of my mana was gone, sweat dripped down my face.

At 80%, my head spun and my breathing became erratic.

At 90%, my vision blurred.

The circle glowed intensely.

Drip.

Blood trickled from my nose and mouth.

It didn’t stop.

Driven by sheer will to see this through, I glared at the circle and poured out every last drop of mana.

And then—

Shatter!

A chilling sound echoed through the room.

The magic circle emitted a radiant light.

Yulia remained still, lying at its center.

Moments later, the light faded.

My blood, which had formed the circle, vanished without a trace.

“Phew…”

Thump.

Overcome by exhaustion, I dropped to one knee.

Panting, I looked at Yulia.

‘Did it work? Or did I fail…?’

Life returned to Yulia’s eyes.

Her breathing was calm.

Her complexion visibly improved.

She slowly sat up and looked at me.

***

Her blue eyes were almost painfully pure.

They darted around in confusion for a moment, then focused.

Tears welled up and began to fall.

“…Daddy.”

An overwhelming rush of emotion surged through me.

It was guilt.

“Daddy… Daddy…”

Yulia, her false memories now complete, crawled over and hugged me tightly, sobbing.

As if she never wanted to let me go, she trapped herself in my arms.

“…What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know. I just… had a really scary dream…”

Yulia trembled like a fragile little sparrow.

‘The magic wasn’t perfect… Since this was the first time I used it, the erased memories must’ve turned into nightmares.’

‘Still… ‘Daddy’, huh?’

I never imagined I’d hear that word.

Awkwardly, I stroked her hair.

Yulia nuzzled her cheek against my hand like a kitten.

The girl was fully treating me like her father.

According to her altered memories, I had been with her since birth.

‘At the very least, I’ll raise her until she graduates college.’

Technically, she’d be an adult at 18 according to continental law, but I decided to make college graduation the finish line.

After that, I’d give her some money, help her become independent, and finally reclaim my life.

But that was a far-off future.

Right now, I had no foundation to speak of.

Yulia was sound asleep, using my thigh as a pillow.

She must’ve been utterly exhausted from the past few weeks and passed out instantly.

As I watched her sleep peacefully, I resumed my thoughts.

To survive in this country, I needed a foundation.

And that meant citizenship.

‘I need to get citizenship first.’

I began recalling all the information I could.

Aichenvalt was one of the continent’s three great powers.

Its citizenship, while not as prestigious as the Empire’s, still offered immense rights and benefits.

Naturally, it wasn’t easy for a foreigner to obtain.

Last I heard, there were three ways: live in Aichenvalt for three years, marry an Aichenvalt citizen and live together for one year, or be a professional—like a teacher, mathematician, mage, lawyer, or doctor.

I’m a 6th-circle mage.

If I just asked for citizenship, I’d probably get it right away.

But…

‘The Empire will find out.’

Mages were more precious than any other professionals.

Nations fought tooth and nail to recruit them.

And given the nature of the profession, they were always under surveillance.

Even when I was part of the Royal Guard, I had a colleague in intelligence whose entire job was to monitor a 5th-circle mage who’d become a citizen of the Empire.

I’m a 6th-circle mage.

The surveillance would be even more intense.

If I apply for citizenship as a mage, Yulia’s existence will inevitably be exposed.

The Empire would notice right away.

It’d be no different from waving a flag that says, “Hey, I’m over here.”

I had to consider other options.

‘Maybe I can do it with swordsmanship…?’

There was another route: becoming a Sword Master.

If one could draw mana into their blade, they’d be called a Sword Master.

Though I’m a mage, I’m also a Sword Master.

If the Swordsmanship Society of Aichenvalt acknowledges me, I can get citizenship immediately.

‘But swordsmanship won’t work either.’

For the same reason.

Sword Masters were just as rare.

In some ways, even more valuable than mages.

I had to consider my situation.

The Empire would go all out to find me.

Even if the Emperor erased the records, they’d eventually figure out that I had Yulia.

I couldn’t take on a profession that attracted attention.

‘So what now?’

‘How do I get citizenship? How do I find a job?’

I thought about it all the way into the dawn.

The uncertain future weighed heavily on my shoulders.

Despite pouring out all my mana, I couldn’t fall asleep from the stress.

***

“Daddy… hehe.”

In the early morning, Yulia slowly opened her eyes.

She looked perfectly healthy.

Smiling brightly for no reason, she reached out and poked at my chin.

“…Did you sleep well?”

“Daddy, are you tired?”

“…No, I’m fine.” Wait, huh?

“You look tired. Your face is full of worry. Should I give it a squeeze?”

Yulia opened and closed her hands in a little ‘grabby grabby’ motion.

It was a small gesture, but so cute.

The fatigue melted away.

“Daddy’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

“Aww…”

“Let’s sleep together.”

“Daddy will join you in a bit.”

“No! You have to sleep with me, Daddy!”

With a strict little face, Yulia scolded me.

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Alright, let’s sleep together.”

I lifted her and laid down beside her on the bed.

She pulled my face in and kissed my cheek, then yanked the blanket over both of us.

Soon after, I heard her soft snoring.

‘I don’t know anymore. I guess I’ll figure it out somehow…’

The burden on my shoulders remained.

But watching Yulia, it didn’t feel heavy anymore.

In fact, it felt just right—like a comforting weight that settled my heart.

I closed my eyes to sleep.

Yulia snuggled into my arms as she dozed off.

And I slipped into a deep sleep.

***

Four years passed.