Chapter 39 : Chance

The city was slowly cooling down.

The heat that had beat down during the day lingered on the asphalt for a long time.

The residual heat spread like a faint warmth.

And was slowly disappearing.

I was the same.

After practice, I remained in an ambiguous state between the remaining warmth and the cooling sensation.

I rubbed my arm, where the sweat had dried.

It wasn’t sticky, nor was it completely refreshing.

The moderately cool breeze brushed against my skin, but the heat inside me didn’t subside.

My steps were slow.

I just wanted to walk slowly.

No, to be precise, I didn’t want to go home.

Practice was over, but my body was still tense.

I kept replaying the movements in my head.

How much magic power to use, what path to take.

The temperature of the light? 

The color?

I mustn’t mess up.

I took a deep breath in and out.

I had forced my way into lighting art, and I wanted to show something for it.

So,I thought I couldn’t fail.

I have to do well.

I have to do well, but—

I unconsciously clenched and unclenched my fist.

Just then,the phone in my pocket vibrated.

I took it out and checked, Kim Dohyun’s message was there.

[Kim Dohyun]

→ (Photo of a cafe)

I stared at the screen.

It was a picture that inexplicably made me feel at ease.

The subtle scent of coffee seemed to soothe my heart, and the warm atmosphere of the cafe seemed to reach me.

Kim Dohyun has been sending me messages more often.

For some reason.

Ever since that phone call.

“You called because you wanted to hear my voice, didn’t you?”

“…Yeah.”

I quietly closed my phone.

Strangely, Kim Dohyun’s text message made me feel a little more relaxed.

I found a convenience store while walking.

I opened the convenience store door.

As soon as I opened the door, cool air and fluorescent lights poured out.

I automatically headed to the chocolate corner.

I picked up my favorite chocolate.

The brand I always eat, the familiar taste.

I paid and unwrapped it.

I put a piece in my mouth.

The chocolate slowly melted on my tongue.

But was it always this bitter?

The bitterness spread first.

Not a sweet feeling,

But a bitter taste filled my

Only then, mouth.

Did the sweetness follow belatedly?

But this sweetness.

It was strangely cloying.

To the point where it felt uncomfortable to have it lingering in my mouth.

Bitter yet sweet, sweet yet cloying.

I used to like it.

Now I’m not so sure.

I looked down at the chocolate in my hand again.

It’s right. 

It’s the same chocolate.

Then, I quietly threw it in the trash can in front of the convenience store.

The sweetness of the chocolate lingering in my mouth felt somehow unpleasant.

I left the convenience store, and pressed my lips tightly together.

I wiped the corners of my mouth with the back of my hand, and slowly moved my feet.

Then, I inadvertently looked inside the cafe.

I saw a familiar silhouette.

It was Kim Dohyun.

He was sitting at a table with an iced coffee in his hand.

His eyes were slightly lowered,

And he had an expression as if he was thinking about something.

He looked the same as usual, but somehow different.

I stared at him for a moment and lightly tapped on the glass wall without saying a word.

Тар.

Tap.

Kim Dohyun looked up.

And saw me.

I thought about waving lightly.

But just stood still.

Kim Dohyun also just looked at me without saying anything.

We faced each other across the glass wall for a long time,

Then he slowly got up from his seat.

Only then,did I smile faintly.

Like that, we started walking side by side without saying a word.

As if it were natural, as if he had been waiting for me.

We were walking through the quiet evening air.

Then, Kim Dohyun casually handed me a chocolate.

I paused.

I was surprised to see the wrapper.

It was my favorite chocolate.

“…..This.”

How does he know?

Had I ever told him?

No, I don’t remember.

“Why?”

Kim Dohyun tilted his head as if he didn’t particularly care.

I stared at him for a moment, then quietly unwrapped it.

And hesitated for a moment.

Afraid that the cloying taste would spread again.

Afraid that the unpleasant bitterness and the sweetness would be felt once again.

Then I took a bite.

It slowly melted on my tongue.

There was no bitterness, and no cloying sweetness.

Just.

It was sweet.

The sweet taste of the chocolate that spread softly,

Pleasantly permeated my mouth.

Strange.

It’s the same chocolate.

I threw it away earlier because it was so cloying.

I lowered my head slightly

And savored the chocolate slowly melting in my mouth.

And,I suddenly glanced at Kim Dohyun.

He was walking without saying a word, with the same calm expression as always.

Even though we were walking without saying anything, it wasn’t awkward at all.

Matching our pace was natural, and maintaining an appropriate distance was comfortable.

Then Kim Dohyun spoke.

“Are you coming back from practice?”

I swallowed the chocolate and nodded lightly.

“Yeah. The competition is coming up soon.”

Then, I glanced at him and said.

“By the way, what a coincidence. I didn’t expect to meet you there.”

At my words, Kim Dohyun quietly looked at me.

A moment of silence.

And, a meaningful voice.

“…..Yeah. What a coincidence.”

That tone,

Sounded strangely subtle.

Maybe it’s just my imagination.

I tried to brush it off without thinking too much.

While walking, Kim Dohyun said as if throwing it out there.

“Are you nervous?”

I smiled and replied playfully.

“Of course.”

And I waved my hand and added.

“I feel like I’m being pickled in salt right now.”

Kim Dohyun looked confused for a moment.

What’s that?”

I chuckled.

“It means I’m that nervous.”

He still had a dumbfounded expression,

But soon quietly said one word.

“You’ll do well.”

A calm voice.

Just, a simple comfort.

I took a small breath.

“I hope so.”

But.

That one word wasn’t enough.

The anxiety that was rising from deep inside my chest,

Had grown so large that it could no longer be quelled with simple comfort.

I slowly stopped walking.

The moment I stopped something inside me started to twist little by little.

My gaze, looking at the ground, sank heavily.

As if it would sink deep beneath the road.

I clenched my fingertips tightly.

I swallowed a small breath.

But the moment I parted my lips,

The emotions that felt like they would burst from within poured out uncontrollably.

“…..But.”

The moment I tried to speak,

It felt like my throat was tightening.

Where should I start?

What should I say?

I unconsciously clenched my fist tightly.

My palms were already damp with sweat.

“I keep thinking I have to do well.”

My voice sounded strangely unfamiliar to myself.

Only my voice sounded particularly loud in the quiet street.

“I have to do well, but I feel like I’m getting worse. I get more nervous when people expect me to do well.”

My mouth was parched.

Even so the emotions that felt like they would burst from within were constricting me.

The anxiety, felt like it was even hindering my breathing.

Finally I became honest.

“…Honestly, I’m scared these days?”

It came out like a sigh.

But after saying it.

It became clearer.

How scared I am right now.

“I’m really scared, Dohyun.”

The moment I finished speaking,

I clenched both hands tightly.

My fingertips trembled slightly.

Maybe, I might regret this moment.

Even so, I couldn’t swallow it back.

The words I had uttered spread into the summer evening air.

Without disappearing,they sank heavily in that spot.

I couldn’t handle that weight.

The sunset was flowing along the long, stretched-out building wall.

The sky had a reddish glow,

But that color was gradually being swallowed up by a dark navy blue.

A car passed by in the distance, leaving behind residual heat.

The hot daytime heat was still lingering on the asphalt,

But the air was gradually cooling down.

A summer evening.

The darkness slowly seeping in.

And in that darkness,I felt like I was standing alone, small.

I was too small.

Like a dot drawn on paper.

Like an insignificant existence in this city.

A street where countless people pass by.

A landscape where each person’s story, each person’s life flows.

In that I became so small.

The shabbiness tightened around my neck.

I felt like I was just an extra in this street scene.

People were walking towards their destinations.

But I stood there not knowing which direction to go.

I……

Felt like I could disappear like this.

I closed my eyes and opened them again.

The world was the same.

But, I wasn’t the same.

The scattered emotions seemed to be floating in the air.

My fingertips were still damp.

And my chest was constricted with heaviness.

And at that moment.

A warm warmth.

Kim Dohyun wrapped his hand around mine.

“Relax your hand a little.”

“Hey! What are you doing?”

I blurted out in surprise, as if screaming.

But he didn’t say anything.

Quietl, he unfolded my fingers one by one.

Along my fingertips,

The anxiety I was holding onto slowly dissipated.

The tightly held emotions seemed to melt into the air.

Little by little, little by little.

The moment the last finger was completely unfolded.

My breathing became lighter.

“Look.”

“At what?”

My voice was still trembling.

But the trembling now was light years away from the trembling earlier.

He pressed down on my palm firmly.

Slowly, firmly.

As if-

Soothing my heart.

Pushing away the darkness in my heart.

Implanting courage through my fingertips.

My heart,thump.

Trembled.

I swallowed my breath.

The sensation transmitted from his palm was unfamiliar.

No, it wasn’t unfamiliar, but it came too strongly.

Seemingly indifferent, just still but the warmth that was conveyed for sure.

“Pressing here makes me feel a little calmer.”

His voice fell low and softly.

Those words were transmitted through my fingertips.

I was excited.

Just that moment.

The moment he held my hand.

Spread like a wave from deep within my heart.

His hand was still on my palm.

I—

Wanted to feel this sensation for a little longer.

But before I could feel the lingering emotion—

“By the way, you must be really nervous.”

Kim Dohyun said quietly.

“Your hands are sweating……”

The moment I heard those words,

My heart thumped loudly.

My mind went blank in an instant.

……What?

Sweating on my hands……?

I tried to pull my hand away too quickly.

Because of that, my balance faltered and my foot stepped into the air.

“N-No, I’m not?!”

A tone higher than usual.

I tried not to get caught but reacting too quickly made it even more suspicious.

I secretly rubbed my hand on my pants while pressing down on it.

But it was already too late.

I’d already been caught.

Already……

My face started to burn.

The heat spread to the top of my head.

And, it was then.

Kim Dohyun wiped his hand on his pants.

“….?”

I stopped walking for a moment and followed his hand with my gaze.

……What.

What did he just do?

That hand that held mine.

That hand……

He’s wiping it on his pants……?

Right in front of my eyes?

“….Hey.”

My voice lowered slightly.

“….Yeah?”

Kim Dohyun turned his head as if it was nothing.

At that moment-

Hwaa.

My face flushed hotly.

My heart thumped loudly once again.

What.

What is this, really.

Could it be because he held my…..

That’s not it, is it?

It can’t be, right?

hand……

If he’s wiping his hand on his pants,

Then I……

How much sweat was on my hands?!

My vision went white.

I was so embarrassed.

So, so embarrassed.

To the point where I wanted to hide somewhere,

To the point where I just wanted to disappear from here.

And, at that moment.

“…..Keuk.”

Kim Dohyun

Very slightly, really subtly.

Made a sound like he was swallowing his breath.

I knew what that sound was.

..He’s holding back a laugh, isn’t he?

He laughed?

Is he laughing at me right now?

……I can’t let this go.

I reflexively raised my hand.

Thwack.

“……Keok.”

Kim Dohyun twisted his body slightly and let out a short groan.

I didn’t even hit him that hard.

…No.

Maybe I hit him a little hard.

I put my hands behind my back and carefully hid them.

“…What’s wrong?”

“…Nothing.”

Kim Dohyun chuckled briefly, as if sighing.

I glared at him

and simply continued walking forward.

Pretending like nothing was wrong.

But-

The sensation remaining on my fingertips still wouldn’t fade.

His warmth, the tremor of that moment.

I walked as if nothing was wrong, but the tips of my fingers were subtly numb.

Somewhere in my heart, a ticklish feeling kept spreading.

Between excitement and embarrassment.

Unable to erase that feeling,

I silently continued walking.