Chapter 38: Hope

“Soo-ho. Soo-ho?”

“…Huh? Did you call me?”

“What were you thinking about so hard that you didn’t even hear me?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about the academy for a second.”

The startled boy wore an expression of genuine apology.

As if to say he really didn’t mean it.

As if to say he hadn’t been ignoring her—just lost in thought for a moment.

But even so, that wasn’t enough to ease the heart of a girl who was already sulking.

“…Soo-ho, is the academy more important than me now?”

“No! It’s just that I’m still not used to it.”

“Not used to it? You mean your talent?”

The word ‘used to it’ sparked the girl’s curiosity, pushing her upset heart aside for a moment.

“Yeah. Ever since that day, I’ve been sensing a strange power around me.”

“Whoa. Then do I feel different too?”

“No. Unless someone uses mana, they feel the same as before.”

“Hmm…”

The girl rested her chin in her hand as if something was bothering her and sank into thought.

“Why? Is there something you’re curious about?”

“No, just a pointless thought.”

“Pointless?”

“Yeah. A thought without much meaning.”

“There’s no such thing as meaningless thoughts.”

“…Huh?”

“That’s what I think. That nothing in this world is useless or meaningless.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Have you ever seen me lie?”

The boy’s eyes, as he said those words, sparkled more brightly than the stars visible in the night sky.

Brighter than anyone, clearer than anyone.

As if they could light up the whole world and chase away all the darkness.

The girl thought.

---

“…”

Where I opened my eyes—

…Right. You probably get it by now, even without me saying.

At this point, I might actually start getting attached.

Feels like I wake up here more often than in my own dorm these days.

Students have the right to use the infirmary, sure.

But I doubt that right was intended to be exercised this much.

I felt a pang of guilt toward the student or teacher who first established that right at the academy.

I’m sorry.

I’ve been abusing the right you created way too freely.

But what can I do?

I didn’t know I’d collapse just from talking to Kim Soo-ho for a bit.

If you’re gonna blame someone, don’t blame me—blame this trash body.

Muttering a silent, pointless excuse in my head—one that wouldn’t be heard anyway—I instinctively looked down beside the bed.

“…Your Highness?”

And there she was—Christina, slumped forward with her head resting against the edge of the bed.

What the hell is she doing here again?

When did the imperial princess’s dorm get relocated to the infirmary?

“Your Highness?”

Even after being called again, Christina showed no sign of waking up.

As if she’d been in that position for a long time.

As if she had been watching over me for a long time.

…As if she had actually been nursing me.

“Hah.”

A scoff escaped me at the absurdity of my own imagination.

Christina… nursing me?

That Christina Valentine, who hated me—no, hated Seo-yeon—more than anyone?

No way.

No, that’s something that must never happen.

Christina hated Seo-yeon. No—hated me.

I didn’t think much of her first visit to the infirmary.

She had a reason back then.

She was the one who knocked me out, after all. There was a clear reason.

I thought she came to protect the image she’d carefully built up until now.

Christina cared more than anyone about how others perceived her.

So I believed it made sense.

Then came the second visit, after our group project ended.

Honestly, I thought that might still be plausible.

Or rather, I tried to convince myself it was.

I collapsed while protecting her.

We’d agreed not to worry about each other once the assignment was done, but I’d still fainted because of her.

I believed it was just guilt—something any human would naturally feel.

But this—this wasn’t the same.

Nursing someone was a completely different thing.

There’s a reason that trope is so common in fantasy stories.

No one nurses someone they have no connection to.

And yet Christina nursed me.

The same person she once actively took part in tormenting.

It wasn’t confirmed, but the situation made it pretty clear.

“…It was strange.”

Yeah. It was strange.

Christina’s behavior had been bizarre, plain and simple.

She clung to me even after we’d made a deal.

She said she didn’t like Kim Soo-ho anymore.

Christina.

The same girl who once buried people just because they showed affection toward Soo-ho.

She had acted friendly toward me—someone she should have despised more than anyone.

“…Hah.”

A dry, unsettling laugh crawled its way out of my mouth.

If it had come from anyone else, it would’ve given me chills.

Not that I cared.

“…Why?”

“…”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Because what was in front of me now was far more disturbing.

I couldn’t understand it.

I couldn’t think of a single reason.

Why Christina would be interested in me.

Why she would show concern for someone she once bullied.

Why an imperial princess—someone admired by all—would care about someone as useless as me.

“I’m a worthless person.”

“…”

“I’m not even really Soo-ho’s friend anymore.”

I wasn’t anything to Soo-ho now.

I’d already told him so.

Told him we weren’t really friends.

That it didn’t feel right to call our relationship that.

And after that, I’d collapsed like a fool, babbling something about regrets.

Our relationship was over. No question.

I mean, if someone said weird crap and then fainted in front of me, I’d distance myself too.

But.

Even so.

Even then—

“…Why are you suddenly showing interest in me?”

“…”

“I just don’t get it.”

The question floated through the air, unanswered—only the one asking it remained.

“If you were going to be like this… If this is how it was going to be, why didn’t you act this way from the start?”

“…”

“Both you and Soo-ho… Why now?”

This was something that wasn’t supposed to happen.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much effort I exerted, it was never supposed to happen.

It wasn’t supposed to work out.

It was something that could never come true.

“Now that I’ve finally given up… Now you act like this?”

“…”

It was something that needed to stay broken.

Something that couldn’t change now, not anymore.

Because if it changed now, then—

“What about me?”

“…”

“What happens to the past me?”

The me who worked so hard to get closer to you both—what does she become?

The me who used mana, something never meant for me, just to be part of your world—what does she become?

What about this dying body of mine?

“It wasn’t supposed to change.”

It wasn’t supposed to.

Not this easily.

At the very least, you should’ve changed after I died.

That way, the old me wouldn’t feel so bitter.

That way, the current me wouldn’t resent death.

That way, the future me—

“…Ah.”

Suddenly, the thought hit me like a slap to the back of the head.

What the hell am I saying?

There is no future me.

There’s no me to even think of something like “the future.”

Before I even get a chance to imagine it, I’ll be buried.

A cold corpse can’t speak words like “future.”

A cold corpse can’t think of a future that everyone else takes for granted.

Right?

That’s certain, right?

That’s the one thing that’ll never change.

Unlike people who play with others’ hearts through lies—

Death never lies.

“I see.”

I already knew.

Even if things changed now, it wouldn’t mean anything.

Even if all that effort bore fruit, it would still be meaningless.

I knew that better than anyone.

“It doesn’t matter.”

No matter how you change.

No matter if you start caring about me now.

None of it matters.

“…Kuh.”

The red blood I coughed up yet again—

My hair, paler today than it was yesterday, and paler yesterday than the day before—

They were proof.

Proof that it was already too late.

That everything had been decided.

That the future me—no, I—had long since disappeared.

“…I want to die.”

That was all there was to it.

I hadn’t really thought about it until now.

But maybe that is the most fitting end for a useless extra like me.

“…Heh.”

With that, I collapsed back onto the bed, blood filling my mouth once again.

Mm.

Feels like it’s leaking a bit.

But whatever.

It’s not like they’re going to scold someone for bleeding on the sheets.

Come to think of it—was it Soo-ho who brought me here?

He must’ve been shocked.

One second we’re talking, the next I’m unconscious.

Hopefully he doesn’t know the truth.

He probably just thinks it’s lingering damage from the group project.

Christina wouldn’t have told him… right?

Yeah, of course not.

Clinging to what little hope I had left, I let the growing drowsiness take me.

…By the way, Christina’s hand looks like it moved a bit?

Probably just my imagination.

My head’s all messed up—I must be seeing things.

No way she woke up just because I muttered something.

Even for a princess, she can’t be that sensitive.

Ugh, whatever.

Coughing up blood makes you sleepy.

Doesn’t matter.

Whether Heroine Number 2 can hear my muttering or not.

It’s not like I was lying.

It’s not like I don’t want to die right now.

It didn’t matter.

Just like always.

Just like how nothing ever changed.

I only hoped that nothing had.