Chapter 37: Friend

“···.”

“···.”

Our eyes met.

The protagonist’s eyes—clearer and more radiant than anyone’s—shimmered in blue.

No matter how many times I saw them, they were truly beautiful.

Just the eyes alone were more attractive than those of most heroines, no doubt.

“Hey.”

“···.”

Even after my repeated greetings, Kim Soo-ho remained silent.

What the heck.

I went out of my way to greet you first.

Getting ignored like this? It kind of hurts, you know.

“It’s been a while.”

“······Seo-yeon.”

To be honest, that was a lie.

I didn’t feel hurt. Not even a little.

The word hurt had long ceased to apply to someone like me.

Just like how it takes two hands to make a clap.

Wounds could only form where there was something left to be wounded.

And, unfortunately…

I had long since lost the capacity to be wounded in that way.

“You don’t look so good. Did something happen?”

“···.”

Of course, that didn’t mean I was blaming the protagonist, standing there with a visibly hurt expression.

It was entirely one person’s fault.

Mine. No—Lee Seo-yeon’s.

Because of her. Because of me, everything became twisted.

For the sin of not knowing when to push forward and when to give up.

For the sin of not distinguishing what should be hoped for and what shouldn’t.

I pushed forward. I hoped.

I failed. I got hurt.

There was a clear chain of cause and effect, so I had no reason to blame anyone else.

At last, Kim Soo-ho opened his tightly sealed lips.

“······Ms. Matilda collapsed.”

“What?”

Matilda. That was a name I recognized.

It was written in the letters I had sent after being reincarnated.

The name of the only teacher in the orphanage full of trash who truly cared for the children.

And now you’re telling me she suddenly collapsed?

“I visited the orphanage… and when she heard your hair color had changed, she fainted on the spot and was taken to the hospital.”

“···.”

“It all happened so fast, I didn’t even get to ask why. Why she was so shocked.”

“······Ah.”

“Seo-yeon. You and Ms. Matilda know something, don’t you? The reason why your hair suddenly—”

It looked like Soo-ho was still talking, but—

“······Hah.”

“······Seo-yeon?”

I couldn’t focus on any of that.

No, I refused to focus.

“······Urk.”

“Seo-yeon!”

I felt sick.

Because I was momentarily glad that Matilda hadn’t told Soo-ho anything about my hair.

Disgusting.

Truly disgusting.

A person had collapsed.

And from what I could tell, she collapsed from worrying about me—no, about Lee Seo-yeon.

And instead of worrying about her, I felt relieved that she kept my secret?

“······Heh.”

Laughter just spilled out.

Am I even human?

Can someone like me truly be called a person?

There’s a saying that beasts who forget grace shouldn’t be raised.

And Ms. Matilda, who once embraced me—Lee Seo-yeon—felt so pitiful.

“Seo-yeon.”

“···.”

“I know this is hard for you, but I really want you to tell me.”

“······Tell you what?”

“The reason why your hair suddenly changed. The reason only you and Ms. Matilda might know.”

“It’s just… regular dye…”

“No, don’t lie to me. Seo-yeon.”

Kim Soo-ho’s eyes pierced into mine.

As if he already knew that couldn’t possibly be true.

“I know better than anyone that you’re not the type to break academy rules just to dye your hair.”

“···.”

“So tell me. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

We’re friends.

Such a simple sentence.

You and I were childhood friends who grew up together.

You and I are friends who can share our feelings.

That’s what that sentence should’ve meant.

“······Hah.”

“Seo-yeon?”

So why did it feel so unbearably repulsive to me?

Kim Soo-ho and I—no, Lee Seo-yeon—were childhood friends from the orphanage.

“Soo-ho.”

“···.”

“Are we really still ‘friends’?”

Why was it that all I could think was, it’s already too late?

No—far too late?

“I’m not so sure. Whether you and I are still friends.”

“······But.”

“Yes, we were childhood friends who grew up together. But can you really call someone a ‘friend’ when you can’t even tell something’s wrong with them?”

It was a simple question.

Lee Seo-yeon—no, I—became like this, and you didn’t notice a thing.

Can you still call yourself my friend if you didn’t even realize that?

“···.”

“Why can’t you answer me, Soo-ho?”

It was such a simple question—yet one Kim Soo-ho, the protagonist, could never answer.

Because he was kind to everyone, because he was fair to everyone—

He was someone who couldn’t be honest with himself.

He was probably thinking something like this:

‘Do I even deserve to call myself her friend?’

‘Maybe Seo-yeon’s right.’

‘Am I claiming that title without any right to it?’

And the fact that he was even thinking that…

It meant Kim Soo-ho didn’t truly care about Lee Seo-yeon—about me.

If he had cared—

If he really thought of me as a friend—

He would’ve answered without hesitation.

He would’ve firmly denied my words without the slightest bit of doubt.

Because the kind-hearted protagonist—

Was also the one person who couldn’t bring himself to lie.

“Congrats. You were right. My hair didn’t change just from regular dye.”

“······Then—”

“But does that mean I should tell you the reason?”

“···.”

“Honestly, you already know, don’t you? That we’re not the same as we used to be.”

Kim Soo-ho and Lee Seo-yeon were once incredibly close.

In other words, the past versions of them were the closest of childhood friends.

“But now? I don’t even know if we’re still friends.”

“···.”

“I don’t know what you think… but as for me, I don’t think we are.”

“······Seo-yeon.”

Kim Soo-ho’s face twisted with pain when he heard my words.

As if wondering how I could say such a thing.

As if asking how I could say something so cruel to him.

······How laughable.

“If we were really friends, would you have left me alone like that?”

“······But that’s—”

“Yeah, maybe you didn’t know. That I wasn’t adjusting to life at the academy.”

“···.”

“Judging by your face, you do now.”

Did Christina tell him?

Well, she did say her feelings had cooled off last time.

It seemed she also confessed to Soo-ho that she used to bully me.

“Of course, it’s also true I never told you.”

“···.”

“And if I didn’t, and no one else did either, then I get it—you wouldn’t have known.”

“······Seo-yeon.”

“But, Soo-ho. If I were really your friend, would you have needed me to say it out loud?”

I was the one asking, but I already knew the answer.

Of course not.

If we were really friends—true friends—then no.

A friend is someone who notices your pain even if you don’t say a word,

and reaches out to help—because that’s what being a friend means.

“We’re not friends.”

“···.”

So no. Kim Soo-ho and I were not friends.

This relationship, where we couldn’t even sense each other’s pain, couldn’t be called friendship.

“Maybe we were friends before… but right now? I don’t think so.”

“······I—”

“So you don’t have to care about me anymore.”

“···.”

“You have plenty of other friends.”

Like the second heroine, whose affection might’ve cooled off a bit but is still probably friendly towards the protagonist.

Or that absolute lunatic who’s devoted to him more than anyone else.

There was no need for the protagonist to keep someone like Lee Seo-yeon—me—around.

That’s the kind of person he is.

Someone who deserves to be loved by everyone.

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“···.”

“I’m not a good enough person to deserve your concern.”

Unlike me.

Unlike someone who can’t be loved by anyone and is hated by all.

The more I thought about it, the more it felt like a horrific combination.

Someone loved by everyone.

And someone who could never be loved.

How could those two ever have been the closest childhood friends?

Well, I already knew the answer.

I just wouldn’t say it to Soo-ho’s face.

“Got it? So from now on—”

“I’m sorry.”

“···.”

“I’m sorry, Seo-yeon.”

The protagonist apologized to me.

That Kim Soo-ho—apologized to Lee Seo-yeon. No, to me.

······Why?

“I’m sorry for not being there for you.”

“···.”

“I was just… I’m such a mess. I couldn’t adjust quickly enough to the new environment, and because of that, I—”

“Stop.”

“Seo-yeon?”

“Don’t… apologize to me.”

“······Huh?”

“I’m the only one who needs to be the bad person. Why are you apologizing?”

Why.

Why was Kim Soo-ho apologizing to me?

I was the one pushing him away.

I’m the one being the bad person.

So why are you the one saying sorry?

Why do you look like you regret it?

Why are you beating yourself up, saying you should’ve done better?

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I made a mistake—”

“What mistake? What did you do wrong?”

I was the one who got greedy.

I was the one who looked up at a tree I could never climb.

So then—

Why?

Why was Kim Soo-ho the one filled with regret?

That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

I’m the one who should be in pain for being greedy.

Why should Soo-ho, who’s done nothing wrong, suffer?

Why should someone as worthless as me cause him pain?

“Why, why. Why are you…”

“Seo-yeon?”

My head spun.

I hadn’t used any magic, but it felt like I had.

“I’m not… that kind of person…”

“Seo-yeon? Seo-yeon!”

As my name—Lee Seo-yeon, no, my name—kept ringing in my ears,

My vision went dark.

So dark. Pitch black.