Chapter 36: Desire Invariably Flows West (5)

[36] 5. Desire Invariably Flows West (5)

Sometimes, I wish our Captain wasn’t such an idiot.

Not by much, just a tiny bit less.

Just enough to admit that people make mistakes.

An irritated voice escaped my throat.

“Why are you acting like this?”

Frowning, I slammed my hand on the table.

“You never brought this up, not once, in the past three years.”

“That’s because there was no way to fix your heart before. There is now.”

The Captain’s indifferent reaction just added fuel to the fire. I deliberately lowered my voice,

“And let’s get this straight. That wasn’t the only thing we promised.”

However, the Captain just lowered her eyes.

“It’ll be over when your heart is fixed.”

“So, after fixing my heart, you’re just going to do whatever you want from now on?”

“I’m just doing what I should’ve done four years ago.”

I tried to swallow back the curse that was rising in my throat, but it wasn’t easy.

“And then fuck off to some unknown godforsaken place, never to come back?”

Finally, a bitter smile graced her face.

“We made a promise, remember? To do exactly that.”

“I thought you had forgotten about that idiotic idea. What in the world…”

“So, you’re not going to fix your heart?”

I was speechless.

The smile vanished from her face.

“I’ve told you many times, the magic stone I implanted in place of your heart is imperfect.”

Her voice was now devoid of even a hint of playfulness. She stared at me coldly.

“It could stop at any moment.”

“…It’s been fine so far.”

“Right, so far. That doesn’t mean it’s always going to be fine.”

…I wanted to retort, but I couldn’t find the words. I bit my lip, frustrated.

And then, in that thick silence.

“…Rem, are you in there?”

Parsley’s voice came from outside the tent. Already? The thought flashed through my mind.

“It seems like you had other people to meet besides me, huh?”

The Captain, her mischievous expression returned, stood up. I tried to tell her that we weren’t finished talking, but she was faster.

“Well, let’s continue this conversation later, after we get that treasure. We don’t actually have it yet, do we?”

And then, as if to tell me that she wouldn’t be taking any objections, she gestured at me to leave.

But I wasn’t done with my questions.

“Is that why you told me to tell that lie that night?”

The advice that the Captain had given me after hearing about my past.

Pretend to have amnesia.

Did she know that it would lead to all this?

I stared at her silently.

“Who knows?”

But she gave me an ambiguous answer, as always.

Frowning, I left the tent.

***

Rosalia Amalia Ulrike Adrian,

Or Katarina Auguste von Titanisch.

The sole survivor of the Adrian family,

The woman who once led the Central Knight’s 1st Division,

The wanted criminal who once had a bounty of 300 gold on her head.

The woman who once had a chance to rise above it all,

But ultimately remained as the Captain of the Rose Rem Mercenary Group.

Rosalia looked at the spot where her Vice-Captain had been standing.

Her face was blank, as if her playful behavior a moment ago had all been a lie.

But even that didn’t last long either.

She brought her knees to her chest, burying her face in them. She trembled, clutching her arms tightly.

[We’re just… getting to know each other.]

Red lines appeared on her white forearms.

How could she have acted nonchalantly in that moment? How could she have said those frivolous words when her heart was breaking?

Rosalia didn’t even know herself.

All she could do was repeat the words that had almost escaped her lips instead of that stupid, “Congratulations”.

“Sulking again?”

Rosalia didn’t look up. As far as she knew, there was only one barbarian who spoke with that strange accent.

She simply answered in a sharp tone,

“Why don’t you save your fake modesty for the Vice-Captain.”

“…It’s been four years already, how come your rude way of speaking hasn’t changed?”

Then, walking up to Rosalia, Feya plopped herself down opposite her.

It was only then that Rosalia raised her head and looked at Feya. Faint tear tracks were visible on her cheeks.

“Is it okay for a mere mercenary to barge into the Captain’s tent like this?”

“Bullshit, you only became Captain because big bro asked you to. If we’re talking about seniority, *I* should be the Captain.”

Feya retorted and then pulled a bottle of alcohol from her pocket. She slammed it down on the table along with her feet.

Rosalia’s brow furrowed.

“Get your foot off the table.”

But Feya didn’t listen. Instead, raising an eyebrow, she asked.

“So, did you and big bro fight about the promise again?”

“…”

Rosalia, once again, buried half of her face in her knees. A silent confirmation.

Feya shook her head and said with a frustrated look,

“Why the fuck are you like this? For the past four years, it’s always the same. ‘I have to leave,’ you whine. ‘I shouldn’t be here,’ you whine. Even though you know damn well what my big bro wants.”

Rosalia’s eyes turned cold.

“…You don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to understand either.”

Feya, not bothering to hide her disdain, uncorked the bottle. The strong smell of alcohol filled the tent.

Rosalia’s words flowed into the air, almost melting into the smell of alcohol.

“Rem, did he seem happy?”

A disconnected question.

But Feya instantly understood what she meant.

So, silently, she took a long gulp of from the bottle and then offered it to Rosalia.

It too was a silent confirmation.

Smiling sadly, Rosalia took the bottle. After downing a large amount of alcohol, she mumbled with unfocused eyes.

“I always knew this would happen someday, but… it’s still hard to accept.”

“…It’s all our karma, isn’t it?”

Feya, taking the bottle back, said.

“A fitting ending for two fucking idiots who stupidly threw away their opportunity.”

The bottle tilted back again.

Feya’s face was gradually flushed with alcohol.

Lowering her eyes, she mumbled, as if talking to herself.

“As long as I can be by his side… I don’t care… As long as…”

Rosalia looked at Feya’s sad face and then closed her eyes. She thought she was probably wearing the same look on her face.

“You’re not normal either.”

***

A fact becomes a clear truth only when it seeps into your daily life.

I desperately rummaged through the entire tent but couldn’t find even a single decent tea leaf, and through this experience, I could finally truly understand that we were running low on supplies.

And with a heavy heart, I could only offer Parsley some cold water.

“I’m sorry, I tried to bring you something, but…”

“It’s okay, I’m aware of the situation here.”

Parsley shook her head with a smile, a smile that made it clear that it was forced.

“So…”

Taking a sip from my cup, I sat across from her. I was about to continue, when…

“I’m sorry.”

Parsley pulled her blue hat low, covering her face.

“That I left Axolotl without a word.”

Her voice trembled slightly.

“I was so confused back then… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Hearing her say that, I realized that I was still holding onto more resentment than I’d thought.

I really didn’t expect her to run away so suddenly like that.

“Didn’t you receive the letter I sent through Irene?”

“…I’ve been wandering around the continent since I left Axolotl. I wasn’t able to receive your letter.”

Parsley smiled bitterly, and I swallowed down a sigh.

Human hearts are fickle and full of vanity, prone to throwing around forgiveness and generosity.

I decided to fall for that charade, just this once.

“It’s alright. I guess that could happen.”

Not wanting to talk about this any longer, I quickly changed the subject.

“More importantly, why are you here? I heard the hero’s party disbanded…”

“I’m looking for something.”

A tired look appeared on Parsley’s face. Fixing her gaze on the cup of water she hadn’t touched, she continued,

“It’s something I’ve been searching for even before joining the hero’s party. Someone told me that it’s here.”

Something.

When I heard that word, I wondered if it was related to the treasure that the Captain had mentioned.

It couldn’t be… could it?

“…Can I ask you something?”

I looked up at Parsley. I couldn’t see her eyes because of her hat, but the corners of her lips were stiff.

“Your left eye and your right hand… How…?”

“Ah…”

I let out something close to a sigh, looking down at my right hand. It still felt awkward, despite being made of flesh and bone.

“Well…”

I hesitated, wondering if I should tell Parsley about what had happened between Clara and me.

But then I shook my head and said.

“It’s a long story. Do you mind?”

This was simply my gut feeling, but it felt like the emotions Parsley harbored towards me were similar to those of Clara’s.

If she were to hear about my reconciliation with Clara, it might have a positive effect.

…Besides, I didn’t want to hide anything from them anymore.

“…I don’t mind.”

Parsley nodded slightly, her body trembling faintly. I nodded as well and began my story.

Naturally, many parts of the story had to be skipped or altered.

I didn’t feel comfortable telling her that Clara, consumed by guilt, tried to kill herself and also imprison me.

And of course, I didn’t mention that Clara and I, um, kissed. It was completely unnecessary.

I simply said that there had been a misunderstanding between me and Clara, and that we had resolved it.

And my eyes and hands had been fixed in the process.

“…”

After hearing the whole story, Parsley’s reaction was different from what I had expected.

“I… I see.”

Parsley looked confused.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t understand what I’d said. It was as if the emotions swirling within her were too tangled.

She looked like she didn’t know how to react.

After struggling with it for a long time, she simply repeated what she had already said,

“…I see.”

And then, silence descended.

It wasn’t that we had nothing more to say. Rather, it was the silence that came when there was only one thing left to say.

Lips tightly pressed together, afraid of speaking that one thing.

But silence doesn’t live for very long.

“…Do you know why I kept trying to see you?”

“…”

Parsley didn’t answer. She simply pulled down her hat, covering her face.

I looked at her and finally spoke,

“…My lost memories started to come back. Especially… about you.”

…It was something I had been struggling with whether or not I should say.

Her trauma about the past wasn’t light. Last time when I had asked her about our past, she’d shut down completely.

I thought she might run away if I mentioned the past so abruptly. Direct confrontation wasn’t the way to go.

However, after the incident with Clara, I couldn’t help but change my mind.

Clara had almost stabbed herself in the heart.

That was partly due to her personality, but also because I hadn’t been more proactive in trying to have a conversation.

If I had grabbed Clara by the collar and talked to her before going into Axolotl, the misunderstanding might have been cleared up a little sooner.

That’s why this time, I was going to be upfront.

I’d grab her and shout it into her ears, even if she refused to listen.

I made up my mind and carefully watched Parsley’s reaction.

And then, I was confused.

“…From where?”

She seemed calm.

Well, it wasn’t so much that she was calm, but that she was suppressing her emotions. I could see her fingertips trembling subtly.

But compared to her extreme reaction that night, her current reaction was practically neutral. She was even less agitated than when she was listening to my story about Clara.

Just what kind of change of heart had she gone through…?

“You said your memories came back. From where?”

Parsley’s slightly trembling voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Pushing my confusion aside, I answered.

“Well… From when we first met.”

“Can you tell me?”

I was once again confused.

Now she was even looking straight into my eyes.

“No, tell me. If there are any mistakes, I’ll correct them.”

An unexpectedly proactive reaction.

But this time, I firmly pushed my bewilderment away.

I didn’t know why, but this was an opportunity.

A chance to clear up the misunderstanding between Parsley and me.

I pulled myself together and spoke,

“…It was probably sometime after the final exams in summer.”

And so, slowly, I began to unravel the story from 8 years ago.