Go, Back

“……Is that, hic, okay?”

Ye-rin, who had been trying to hold back her tears, soon began to hiccup as she spoke with difficulty.

“…So. Were you going to give up on me?”

“No, I can’t… I absolutely, hic, absolutely can’t… Every night, even though I knew in my head that I should, even after trying many times. I just couldn’t do it……”

“…So you hid the study abroad from me until today?”

“Huu, because I couldn’t bring myself to give up on you… I’m sorry for being selfish…”

A warm summer breeze swept past us.

I reached out to Ye-rin, who kept crying and apologizing.

Caressing her moist, soft cheek, I gently wiped under her eyes.

“If you were going to be selfish, you should have been selfish all the way. What were you planning to do if you just left?”

“I was going to find you as soon as I returned and beg for forgiveness…”

Pfft. I shouldn’t laugh.

That idea was so typical of Ye-rin yet so simple that I unconsciously almost laughed, biting my teeth hard to stop myself.

From Ye-rin’s perspective, she must have been cornered enough to come up with such an idea.

“What if I started dating another girl in the meantime? Would you be okay with that?”

Such a thing would never happen, but I was curious. I wouldn’t be okay with it, but I wondered if Ye-rin would be.

At my words, Ye-rin opened her tear-filled eyes wide as if shocked, then soon placed her hand on top of mine.

Then, like a cat purring for more petting, she slowly rubbed her soft cheek against my hand.

“No, I don’t like that… That’s absolutely not allowed…”

“…Absolutely?”

“Yes, you’re mine forever. I’ll never let you go…”

When I said hold onto me tightly, I didn’t mean to grab my hand like this.

“Mmm…”

But seeing Ye-rin with her eyes gently closed, continuously rubbing her cheek on my hand as if enjoying it, I thought, well, whatever.

…It’s so soft.

Maybe because her face was small, it felt like I could cover it entirely with just one hand.

The long eyelashes, the high nose.

Each time I tapped one, she would make a nasal sound like “mmm” as if ticklish.

I smiled at how she moved her face this way and that to make it easier for me to touch.

If I had known it would be this soft.

If I had known she would like it this much.

I should have caressed her sooner.

I should have approached her sooner.

If I had found courage faster, couldn’t we have built more memories?

The many “what ifs” that came to mind were painful.

Because I was a coward.

If I hadn’t hidden behind the sweet lie of becoming someone worthy of her and had conveyed my true feelings from the beginning.

But.

These were all meaningless assumptions and self-blame.

Because I could change from now on.

“I thought oppa would be angry… like, saying you never wanted to see me again…”

Ye-rin, who seemed to have calmed down a bit as she caught her breath while leaning on my hand, started speaking, but her barely settled eyelashes began to tremble again, as if she was imagining it.

“Rather than angry, I was shocked. It was so sudden… And then I did get a little angry.”

“…You were angry?”

“…A little.”

“I’m really sorry…”

“But.”

At my words that seemed to imply there was more to hear, Ye-rin sniffled and raised her head.

“…Do you remember what I said when I first saw you?”

“What did you say…?”

I spoke again the words that I would feel forever while looking at you.

Although it was because of your eyes back then, the meaning might be a bit different now.

“I told you. …That you’re special.”

As if a cloudy sky had cleared and warm sunlight seeped through.

Ye-rin’s eyes curved gently and a bright smile spread across her face as she heard my words.

“…Yes, I remember.”

“Even if I want to be angry, how can I when those eyes keep whispering?”

“…Did you hear clearly?”

“…Yes.”

“I’m glad…”

Cherry blossoms bloomed dazzlingly in Ye-rin’s eyes as she looked up at me, saying that.

As if she still couldn’t help herself, she gently bit my palm with a small “ahm,” then smiled lovingly and said,

“Oppa, I love you… Really, really much… So…”

To Ye-rin who was begging almost in a whisper, saying “please wait for me-“

“…I’ll wait. For however long it takes.”

ㅡ Don’t go.

All I could do was be willingly caught.

And so.

Around the start of summer vacation, I gained Ye-rin.

Around the end of summer vacation, I lost Ye-rin.

**

That night.

[I have something to tell you all today. I hope everyone can gather tonight.]

“Hey, Ye-rin. What’s with the family group chat message? What are you going to tell Mom and Dad today?”

Jin-hyuk oppa asked curiously as he sat next to me.

“Now that you’re about to leave, are you finally ready to throw a tantrum saying you won’t go with me?”

“…It’s not that. It’s already too late, isn’t it?”

“That’s true. Ha, life……”

“Oppa, did you tell Se-ah?”

“……I couldn’t tell her. What about you?”

“I told him today.”

“I thought so. Your eyes were so swollen I thought someone had beaten you up.”

“……”

“So, what did Han Woo-jin say? Did he pour soy sauce on the window and make a scene? Or did he say he’d wait for you?”

“…He said he’d wait.”

Just thinking about how Woo-jin oppa looked earlier made my heart pound.

“…What did Han Woo-jin say to make your eyes change color just by mentioning it? Han Woo-jin is scary.”

…I guess it wasn’t my imagination.

“You once said you couldn’t do it because you felt sorry for making him wait. I knew it would be like this.”

I felt a bit annoyed by oppa’s smug smile that seemed to say “I was right, wasn’t I?”

…But I held back because it wasn’t wrong.

“That’s why.”

“What?”

“What I’m going to tell our parents today.”

“…? What does that have to do with anything?”

“When I return. I want to make Woo-jin oppa feel that waiting for me was worth it. Definitely.”

I wanted to give back to oppa as much happiness as I felt from receiving his excessive love.

Because he was a person who deserved it.

“…What exactly are you going to say?”

Since Jin-hyuk oppa would hear it anyway, I told him in advance-

“…Are you crazy, are you serious?”

Of course I’m serious.

To Jin-hyuk oppa who was shocked, there was only one thing I could say.

“Yes.”

Jin-hyuk oppa muttered something about me being “an absolute lunatic,” after hearing my answer.

But it doesn’t matter.

I’ll just hold on tight, like Woo-jin oppa said.

So I never lose him.

 

Time flew by relentlessly.

As if a fire had fallen on our feet, Ye-rin and I spent every day together until her departure.

There were minor incidents like Han Se-ah, who belatedly found out the news, throwing a fit with tears, and Seo Jin-hyuk, who rushed to our house, getting his hair pulled, but.

Both Ye-rin and Seo Jin-hyuk.

Just as they came suddenly that day. They suddenly left our side.

Did I see them off with a smile?

Though I was prepared. It wasn’t easy.

As if that part had been erased from my mind.

I couldn’t remember well what I said or what expression I made.

I just came to my senses and found Han Se-ah hugging me and crying loudly beside me.

After returning home like someone whose soul had left their body and collapsing on the bed, I closed my eyes and opened them to find it was the next day.

…I wonder if they arrived safely?

She said she’d contact me when she arrived, but seeing my phone silent, I thought she must not have yet.

Maybe because I fell asleep as soon as I got home yesterday, I was hungry, so I was about to leave my room for breakfast when I heard a knock at the door.

“Delivery-!”

It’s coming right when I’m about to go out.

As I went to open the door, the delivery person was holding a box.

“Is this the Han Woo-jin residence?”

“Oh, I’m Han Woo-jin.”

“Ah~ Then please sign here.”

“Me…?”

I wondered what it was, but I signed it first, and with a word of thanks, the delivery person hurriedly left.

Wondering who would send me something, I examined the box and saw the name “Seo Ye-rin” written in neat handwriting. A smile formed on my face without me realizing it.

…She really does like surprises.

Curious about what she sent, I opened the box to find an envelope and dog pajamas inside.

There was a cute letter paper in front of the pajamas, so I carefully opened it.

[These are our couple pajamas…. You’re a dog, I’m a cat. You must send me a picture after you wear them…?]

“Haha….”

My heart tickled seeing the letter content that even included cute hand-drawn cat and dog images.

As I touched the pajamas to try them on, I realized.

ㅡ Hmm, this is expensive.

Just touching it slightly gave off the scent of money, like when I received the wallet.

What I gave wasn’t that expensive. I told her inexpensive gifts were fine…. I laughed emptily at Ye-rin’s stubbornness, which absolutely never listened to me on such matters.

Couple pajamas. What a sweet sound that is…..

Strictly speaking, they weren’t the same pajamas, but Ye-rin probably emphasized the concept. If that’s what Ye-rin thought, it was fine by me.

Just thinking of them as our glorious first couple item, the corners of my mouth that had risen wouldn’t come down.

While I was grinning to myself, I noticed the envelope sitting alone to the side.

Wondering what it was, I opened the envelope to find a bankbook and a small note.

……A bankbook?

Not understanding, I looked at the note, which only said “marriage account” without any explanation.

“What is this…?”

Is she saying we should start saving from now? How cute.

With that thought, I casually opened the bankbook.

“…Huh?”

The bankbook, which I had assumed would be new, was already being used by someone.

The date of the first deposit wasn’t the month we first met, but the following month. It started from May of last year.

The bankbook recorded various amounts deposited each month.

Sometimes 100,000 won, sometimes 145,000 won, sometimes 120,000 won….

She probably put in all her remaining allowance each month.

All those records, except for the last deposit, had the depositor name [Refrigerator].

The last. The amount deposited this month had the depositor name.

[I love you]

Plop. Drop.

Somehow, next to that depositor name that already seemed to have wet traces, another teardrop fell.

“Khk, what is this…”

I suddenly remembered Ye-rin saying she had something she was saving for separately.

When I was content with the present.

You were already drawing a future where we were together.

Normally, after “refrigerator,” wouldn’t it have been something like TV or washing machine?

…Asking me to wait.

“Huu, how can you make me miss you already…”

Even though I can’t see you now.

Thinking of you who must have nurtured your heart with this bankbook, I already missed you so much.

In the end, I couldn’t hold back and cried out loud.