Chapter 35

In the Tower, all stats start at 1.

Even though detailed differences were applied, everyone was at 1.

Individual differences in strength, erudition, and wisdom do exist. They have to exist.

But they just weren’t represented as meaningful values.

They were merely differences in decimals.

Due to the nature of the Tower challenging the seat of God, such differences didn’t seem that significant.

The number 1 might seem very small at first glance, but within it hide numbers close to infinity.

It was created by such things being layered.

In the Tower, a difference of 1 in stats could create a dramatic difference.

Just comparing, stats 1 and 2 represent a twofold difference. Literally, it can produce about twice the power.

Of course, stats aren’t everything in the Tower, but they were one of the means that could create meaningful differences.

Since climbing the Tower gave one free stat point each time, it was the fastest and easiest way to grow.

In that sense, Haemi was a special child to me.

She was the first child I accepted as a disciple. She was the reason I, who originally never thought about having disciples, came to accept others as disciples.

From 0 to 1, from nothing to something.

“Because she was my first disciple.”

Traits are formed under the influence of a person’s personality and psychological state.

Just as there are pros and cons to every personality, the same applies to traits.

A representative example was Haemi’s trait called Swamp.

It’s described with a simple effect: making it difficult for opponents to remove debuffs.

Looking at this alone, it’s easy to think it’s a trait with only good benefits.

Most trait descriptions were like that.

It wasn’t deliberately hidden. There was nothing to hide in the first place.

If anything, they were issues related to personality, the foundation of the trait, rather than flaws in the trait itself.

The flaws in each person’s personality are revealed through traits.

Through traits, one can know things like traumas, which could be called each person’s sore spot.

Knowingly or unknowingly, traits will continuously test them.

The trait called Swamp was a skill born from doubt.

Not doubt towards others, but doubt about oneself.

Without certainty about oneself, one always wavers.

Because of wavering, one becomes anxious.

Anxiety settles everywhere and eats away at a person.

It sticks like mud, making the body heavy and continuously sinking downward.

Such clinging anxieties make one unable to believe in oneself. Self-confidence is also dragged down to the bottom.

Unable to believe in oneself, one cannot love oneself. Self-esteem also slowly sinks to the bottom.

Among the deeply immersed emotions, feelings like depression and despair rise up.

The emotional ecosystem formed this way is like a swamp from which one cannot easily escape.

No matter how much one struggles, one only continues to sink.

“Is there a reason for me to live?”

Why does that voice keep replaying in my head?

The image of her looking at me with empty eyes, as if she had given up on life, doesn’t leave my mind.

Yet she was looking at me with an expression as if desperately clinging.

“Do you want to die?”

“…”

“If you really wanted to die, you wouldn’t say this. You say this because you want to live.”

I might have spoken a bit harshly.

But I was also anxious at that time.

Anxieties resonate with each other and grow in size.

I hadn’t even resolved my own anxiety yet.

Part of me spoke harshly because I didn’t want to be captured by someone else’s anxiety.

In a state where I didn’t have leeway myself, I didn’t have the capacity to look after others.

“Everyone has died. No one remains by my side.”

“So?”

Why couldn’t I leave the side of Haemi, who was crouching on the beach, murmuring?

If it was that annoying, I could have just left.

Something seemed to weigh on my mind, but I still can’t clearly define the reason.

“I wanted to protect them. This time, I really wanted to protect them properly.”

Haemi’s clothes were slowly getting wet from the waves.

She would be cold like that.

I think I had such thoughts.

“I ran away. I alone ran away. Leaving everyone behind, saying I alone would survive.”

She was no longer speaking to me.

It seemed like she was having a conversation with someone else through me.

Who was that subject?

Was it herself? Those who had gone before?

Haemi’s completely soaked clothes caught my eye.

Like clothes getting wet, her eyes were also getting wet.

The fact that she wasn’t shedding tears, forcibly holding back crying, was probably due to the remaining guilt.

She would have thought she didn’t deserve to shed tears for them.

Because she thought it was her fault.

It was clear she thought crying for them would be hypocritical.

It seemed that Haemi, pushed to the extreme, had no confidence or self-esteem left.

“I want to die, but I can’t. Despite lacking the courage to live, I also lack the courage to die.”

“Sigh.”

Sighing, I forcibly lifted Haemi.

She had been crouching for so long that she couldn’t even stand properly.

Yet she didn’t push my hand away and docilely entrusted her body.

“Stand on your own feet.”

“My own feet? You want me to crawl?”

“Are you crazy? Stand by yourself. Don’t rely on others.”

“Haha.”

Thinking about it again, I could only laugh at how absurd it was.

Especially since she would have actually done it if I hadn’t stopped her.

I covered the trembling Haemi with a blanket and turned around. Back then, I hadn’t thought about living with someone.

I hadn’t even considered such a thought.

“I can list dozens, hundreds of reasons to die, but I can’t find a reason to live. Why should I continue living?”

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me for your reason to live?”

When no further response was heard, I turned back to see her frozen in place, staring into space.

What difference is there between a person whose life has drained out and a mannequin that cannot breathe?

I think I thought that.

So I ended up adding one more thing.

“But that’s how it is originally.”

No one knows the reason for living.

Yet we continue to live.

“Reasons why I should die keep coming up and tormenting me.”

“Then live to find a reason to live.”

The reason for saying ‘we live on’ rather than ‘we are lived’ is because I thought it was about walking the journey of life itself to find each person’s answer.

“For now, just live like that. Live any way you can. Hold onto any trivial reason and live. Because that trivial reason, that small reason, will support you. Grasp at straws if you must.”

I reminisced about the past in the dark used bookstore.

Memories freshly emerged as I opened Haemi’s skill book under the only lit lamp.

I casually touched the page with my hand.

The unique texture of the book is transmitted from the fingertips.

“Perhaps there are things I couldn’t see because they were too close.”

I still don’t completely understand you.

Maybe I was too afraid to take out what I had kept too deeply in my heart.

Only now did I gather the courage to take it out.

Those old memories I took out weren’t all sweet, of course, but I liked the scent that spread as I ruminated on them.

A smile naturally forms on my face at the scent of memories that spreads as I savor it.

It wasn’t a smile that was purely good or happy, but it was a sufficient smile nonetheless.

The smile that arose, containing sadness and longing, was immensely warm.

She was definitely needed for my happy ending.

Not just her, but my disciples were needed.

My narrative, which could not be completed alone, definitely needed their help.

I thought as I slowly closed the book.

They surely won’t remember me, but I don’t think our connection is severed.

What’s severed can be rejoined. It can be attached or tied.

There are various methods.

Just don’t give up.

“So, no matter what happens, I can’t let go of you.”

Haemi was among those whom ‘destruction’ attempted to approach.

They say destruction is lying low now due to the aftermath, but who knows.

Even while thinking it wouldn’t happen, I couldn’t easily be confident about the possibility hidden in the words “surely not.”

The only method available is to form a contract immediately after the tutorial ends.

That was the plan originally anyway.

“I need to build more favor from now on. So she can choose me as much as possible.”

I need to make her choose me, not someone else.

Currently anonymous, but when the time comes, I’ll have to reveal my Constellation name.

“You dare covet what’s mine?”

* * *

“You dare covet what’s mine?”

I hear Lib muttering.

Perhaps due to the flickering lamp, her eyes also seemed to be flickering.

The obsession contained within flickers like a torch.

There were two figures watching Lib.

“That obsession is scary.”

Sleet said, trembling as if frightened.

“It looks delicious. After all, isn’t hupijip the truth?”

Time had an expression full of anticipation, as if this situation would be fun.

“What’s hupijip?”

“It’s a thing. Something fun.”

Time’s anticipation was directed more towards something other than simple fun.

Growth.

Lib had already hatched an egg once. Now it was time to fly to a higher place.

There would be no better goal for that.