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On my way home alone.

I thought and thought again.

Starting with why this happened to wondering why Ye-rin said those things, after countless thoughts running through my mind, one kept coming back to me.

…If I had confessed earlier. Would this problem have occurred?

My answer was ‘No.’

Perhaps my attitude had failed to give Ye-rin certainty.

I thought that might be why she said those things.

“Hah….”

Someone exchanges confessions eight times while this coward can’t even do it once. Thinking that was me, I couldn’t help but laugh.

How do you confess in the first place?

I quickly took out my phone and searched “how to confess to a girl.”

[It’s not difficult. Have you heard of the suspension bridge effect? Whether woman or man, when you help someone in a dangerous situation, they can’t help but fall in love, and if you confess then… the result is obvious. It’s a classic because classics always work.]

Oh… so I should put Ye-rin in danger? I filed that away in my mind.

Now that I’d decided to confess, I was so nervous just thinking about it that my heart was pounding from my chest to my head, like it might burst if someone touched me.

How did he do this eight times?

The person I usually thought was an idiot suddenly seemed like an amazing idiot.

Whether I confess or hear what she has to say, I needed to meet Ye-rin first.

I sent her a message asking to meet tomorrow.

As if she happened to be looking at her phone, she immediately replied that she would.

…No sleep for me tonight.

It was going to be a long night.

**

ㅡ Should I buy a single rose or something?

In the end, I didn’t sleep at all.

From what to say when confessing, to what clothes to wear, what expression to make, whether to hand over flowers.

How did I usually treat Ye-rin in the first place…?

When I thought of one thing about Ye-rin, ten more came to mind, and after resolving those ten, a hundred more appeared. So I couldn’t fall asleep.

I headed to our meeting place wearing a plain white shirt and beige pants that Ye-rin had said looked good on me.

The weather is disgustingly nice…

While my mind was in such chaos. The sunny sky looking as if it couldn’t care less made me think that.

On a day like this, how happy would I be if you accepted my feelings?

Even after all those thoughts last night, I hadn’t thought about what would happen after she accepted my confession. Well, I couldn’t think that far.

My mind was already overwhelmed just thinking about getting to that point.

As I got closer to the meeting place, my heart started beating faster, as if an earthquake was happening somewhere.

Heart, you bastard, stop showing off…!

My unnecessarily long legs quickly led me to the meeting place.

And there, as always, you were waiting for me, beautiful.

“Why did you come so early?”

“You did too, oppa…”

“I, well, you know. It just happened.”

“Same here…”

As we exchanged this silly conversation and smiled, my heart, which had been racing to the point of bursting just moments before.

Had calmed down as if it had never happened.

“Did you get home safely yesterday?”

“……Yes, I got home safely.”

“That’s good…”

Normally, our conversation would flow naturally without breaks.

But now, for some reason, it kept stopping.

I found myself desperately trying to figure out what to say.

What would I usually say to Ye-rin? What expression would I have while looking at her?

No, was my breathing always this loud?

All those things that came naturally before suddenly felt broken. I couldn’t remember how to do them.

When I finally managed to look at Ye-rin somehow through this awkwardness.

I noticed her eyes were a bit swollen, as if she had been crying all night.

ㅡ Focus, Han Woo-jin.

Hoo…….

After taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth.

“Ye-rin.”

“……Yes.”

“The reason I called you today… is because I have something I want to tell you. Will you listen?”

I said it.

Finally.

I actually said it.

After finishing my sentence, trying hard to ignore my pounding heart that might be audible to Ye-rin, somehow.

Ye-rin, as if in pain.

Made an expression that I couldn’t tell if she was smiling or crying.

“……O,ppa.”

“…Huh?”

“I, I also… have something, I want to, tell you, but first. First… can I go first?”

Hearing Ye-rin’s words, each one painfully forced out.

My heart raced in a different way than before.

Why, why are you making such an expression now?

“……What is it?”

Somehow I had gone from being the one confessing to the one listening.

This time Ye-rin took a deep breath.

Her mouth slightly opened as if about to speak. Then closed again. This repeated for a moment.

Soon Ye-rin bowed her head deeply.

After a while.

When Ye-rin raised her head solemnly, her eyes were filled with raindrops about to burst.

Like cherry blossom petals wet with raindrops, she looked at me and.

With trembling lips, she began to speak.

“Oppa…. I, I’m… going to, study abroad in America…”

Strange.

The weather was clear when I left home, but now it seemed like so much rain had fallen.

Slowly.

One drop. Two drops.

Many raindrops continued to flow down Ye-rin’s cheeks.

“………You’re joking, right? Ah, is this a surprise?”

Ye-rin really likes surprises. But I wish she’d refrain from this kind of surprise, it’s not good for my heart.

I waited for her response while looking at her lips with a “haha,” but.

For some reason, Ye-rin just lowered her eyes apologetically and tightly gripped the hem of her skirt. She didn’t say it wasn’t true.

…Don’t do this. The joke, the joke is too much…

“3 years.”

The trembling voice that finally came was not in the form I had expected.

“If I go, I’ll have to stay for at least 3 years…”

What a detailed joke.

Cruelly so.

“Then there could be more than that…?”

“………Yes, that’s… right…”

Though I couldn’t believe it, I decided to play along with Ye-rin’s desperate joke.

“When. Yes, when are you going…? Next year? The year after?”

Yes, at least if the departure time was far, until then—

“……Hic, the end of this month, I’ll probably go before summer vacation ends…”

“……What?”

Enough already.

I wanted to shout that this had gone far enough.

The raindrops that flowed down her cheeks without stopping, though she was biting her lips hard as if trying not to cry.

The cherry blossom petals that had been blooming continuously from the moment we met today until now.

They seemed to tell me Ye-rin’s current state of mind.

“…Since when? When did you find out about studying abroad…?”

“……After the midterm, hic, I found out on the day the exams ended…”

“Midterms… so about 3 months ago. 3 months. Ha, 3 months…”

So that’s why that night… you called me crying. I was finally beginning to understand.

If only you had told me then.

Would something have been different? Could I have at least prepared myself mentally? But what would change anyway, Han Woo-jin?

“…How cruel.”

Why of all times.

Why today of all days. I feel like a fool for having been excited thinking about our future…

If only I could blame you.

If only I could resent you all I want.

Yet because I still like you, I can’t do that.

Even I think I’m such a fool.

I could only act like a fool.

**

“…How cruel.”

I had hurt someone who always looked out for me, someone I liked.

“I’m, hic, I’m so sorry…”

Desperately trying to take in oppa with my eyes, I searched anxiously for him in my already blurred vision.

I was afraid.

Afraid that oppa, with a voice different from his usual gentle one,

Might not have those warm eyes that always looked at me.

Despite having done nothing right.

In a corner of my heart, there was a part of me that craved affection, hoping oppa wouldn’t hate me.

“Telling me this now. Did you think I’d say forget about me and have a good trip? Or what, did you think I’d say like an idiot that I’ll wait for you no matter what?”

I realized for the first time. That oppa had such a cold voice.

And the fact that I was the one who made oppa show this side of him, was so painful.

“Huu, I’m, I’m really, really sorry, hic, oppa…”

“Never. Never forget me. While eating, while showering, while sleeping. Think of me anytime.”

“Ugh, I will…”

“Like that… go. And, make sure to come back to my side.”

I wondered if I heard wrong.

Whether I had interpreted oppa’s curse in the way I wanted to hear it, to the point that I thought so.

It was so unbelievable. When I hurriedly wiped my blurred vision with my sleeve, only then.

I saw the tears flowing down oppa’s cheeks.

“If you’re truly sorry to me.”

“If your heart truly matches mine.”

“If you… really, truly love me.”

Unlike me who was weak and cowardly.

Oppa slowly, painfully smiled.

“Hold on to me. So that I can’t run away anywhere, so that I’ll be by your side for life. Very tightly.”

“Then I won’t resist at all and will be willingly caught.”

Even while speaking with a pained expression, oppa looked at me and forced a smile.

…Oppa, how can you do that?

From the moment we first met until this moment, oppa has been like a miracle to me.

I couldn’t help but realize anew.

That I would never be able to break free from oppa for my entire life.

That it wasn’t oppa who was caught, but me.