Chapter 31 : Inside the Bus
by fnovelpia
The bus was quiet.
Maybe because it was daytime, there were only the two of us.
Every time the bus took a turn, Lee Jian swayed slightly.
Each time, my gaze naturally shifted towards her.
She moved her body subtly to keep her balance so she wouldn’t wake up.
Through the driver’s seat, I could faintly hear the radio, the sound of the bus gliding over the road, and the steady rhythm of her breathing.
I quietly looked to my side.
Lee Jian had fallen asleep, leaning on my shoulder.
The same girl who had been joking around just a moment ago was now this quiet.
Her hair slightly fell over her forehead.
Small things I usually wouldn’t even notice now strangely caught my attention.
Her face, with her eyes closed, looked much more serene than usual.
Her breathing was calm.
Her small lips moved rhythmically as she exhaled.
That sight felt oddly unfamiliar.
She was always the one talking, always joking around, always bothering me.
But now, she was quiet.
Her hair, which had fallen, touched her lips.
“Ughh.”
She made a strange noise and chewed her own hair like chewing cud.
Frowning, as if something wasn’t right.
“Snicker.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that sight.
I quietly raised my hand to remove the hair stuck to her lips.
Looking at her, leaning on me, I had the thought that I shouldn’t let this sensation become too familiar.
If it did, the feeling when she slipped away from my hand would be overwhelmingly vivid.
That excessively painful sensation.
I was that kind of person.
A coward who prepares to let go even before grabbing hold.
“Hehe.”
Lee Jian started laughing softly.
“You’re cute.”
After I said that, I realized.
In that moment, my heart dropped.
I closed my mouth, but the words had already slipped out.
Am I crazy?
I quickly turned my gaze to the window.
Pretending nothing had happened.
Pretending nothing was wrong.
But my face was burning up.
I took a deep breath inward, staring out the window for no reason.
In the quiet bus, the only sound was her breathing.
Every time the bus slowed down, I could feel the gentle swaying.
With that, the weight of her leaning on my shoulder shifted ever so slightly.
I sat still.
Just quietly.
Without saying a word.
But, I couldn’t stop being aware of it.
Her body heat on my shoulder.
Her steady breathing.
The fact that there were only the two of us on the bus.
I swallowed quietly, pretending to be calm, pretending nothing was wrong.
In the tranquility, I felt a sense of peace.
But this sensation,
Once felt suffocatingly strange and cold.
Once, I had moments where I struggled in the quiet.
Not peace, but anxiety swirling within that silence.
When I had just entered this world.
Every time the bus slowed down, I felt that gentle swaying again.
That moment made me recall the feelings of long ago.
Back then, I—
Really felt like a ghost.
The sunlight was harsh.
I squinted up at the sky.
The blue sky, the white clouds, the warm sunlight.
I stretched out my hand.
The sunlight brushed over the back of my hand.
But it was strange.
I couldn’t feel the warmth.
In that moment—
[System Error! Temporarily losing presence.]
Suddenly, the world seemed to shake as if the screen had turned off.
It wasn’t that my vision darkened, but it felt as if I had become one with the background.
I took a step.
But,
There was nothing.
I was definitely walking.
My feet touched the ground.
But my footsteps left no sound.
The street was crowded with people.
Numerous footsteps were mixed together.
The sound of shoes brushing the ground, the vibration of phones, the sound of the wind shaking the trees.
But among them, there was no sound of my steps.
I could hear voices of people around me.
Children laughing and playing with their friends, elderly people haggling in front of stores, murmurs from inside a cafe.
They had sounds.
They were definitely present.
But I, was not.
I ran to the bus as if escaping.
I couldn’t be sure if I was waiting for me, or for someone else.
I reached out and grabbed the pole.
But I couldn’t feel anything in my fingertips.
Not the coldness of the metal, not the friction that touched my palm when it swayed.
There was nothing.
It felt as if my hand was passing through the pole.
Click.
I pressed the exit bell.
I should’ve heard the sound.
Click.
The tips of my fingers tingled.
Click.
Click.
Click.
I pressed the button.
Pressed it.
Pressed it.
Yet,
Nothing happened.
The bus kept running.
The view outside the window seemed to be growing farther away.
I had to stop.
I had to get off now.
Click.
Please.
But,
This time,
There was no sound, no response.
The tips of my fingers grew cold.
My palms dampened with sweat.
Cold sweat trickled down my spine.
I looked at the system message again.
[System Error! Temporarily losing presence.]
Temporarily?
Does that mean it will come back?
Or will I disappear forever?
I suddenly jumped up from my seat.
This is an error.
It’s a mistake.
I am here.
I am present.
I am on the bus.
I need to get off the bus.
So,
||
“Excuse me.”
I took a step toward the driver’s seat and opened my mouth.
But, there was no response.
“Hey!”
My voice trembled.
My lips were drying up.
It felt like my throat was burning.
I reached out.
I tried to grab the back of the driver’s seat.
The moment my fingers touched—
Thud.
My hand grasped nothing but empty air.
There was nothing there.
In that instant, my heart sank.
I… can’t touch it?
No, no.
That can’t be.
The bus driver is holding the steering wheel right in front of me.
He’s sitting in the driver’s seat.
I’m standing right behind him.
But,I couldn’t touch him.
I couldn’t breathe.
It felt like… I couldn’t breathe.
“Is it broken?”
The driver’s voice reached my ears.
At that moment,
My mind went blank.
Broken?
Broken, you say?
I pressed it.
I definitely pressed it.
I felt the button with my fingertips, pressed it, and kept pressing it.
But, the button I pressed didn’t ring?
No.
Could it be that it couldn’t even ring at all?
Was I pressing a broken bell?
No.
No.
If that’s the case, then the broken thing isn’t the bell.
I reached out once again.
Towards the driver.
But again, I grasped only the air.
The sensation in my fingertips vanished.
My hand, my arm, my whole body felt like it was fading.
My lips trembled.
But no sound came out.
I was definitely standing.
Right behind him.
I was definitely here.
But, he couldn’t see me.
He couldn’t hear me.
Am I not here?
Did I disappear?
No.
Not yet.
I looked into the mirror.
The small rearview mirror, next to the driver’s seat, facing the back seat.
There, I should have been.
My reflection should have been there.
I slowly looked into the mirror.
But, in the mirror, the inside of the bus was reflected.
The person sitting by the window.
The passengers swayed while holding the poles.
And, me, who should have been standing behind the driver’s seat.
I was not there.
In that moment, dizziness overwhelmed me.
It felt like my toes were drifting far away.
Like I was slowly sinking into the abyss.
I…
I…
I—
Then, I realized.
I disappeared.
I opened my mouth.
But, no sound came out.
I slowly lowered my hand.
Just, quietly.
Just, calmly.
I looked outside at the passing scenery.
Even though the bus passed the stop,
I couldn’t get off, I couldn’t stop.
I was just there.
Sitting quietly, observing the passing scenery, the people walking by.
[System recovery complete. Presence is now restored.]
[Test complete. Subject’s reaction recorded.]
The helplessness of being unable to do anything.
I was just an observer. It felt like a warning not to cross the line.
[Are you truly a part of this world?]
I don’t know.
Not before, not now.
I still don’t know anything.
Maybe I’m still searching for the answer to that question.
“Student! Student!”
I flinched at the unfamiliar voice.
The bus driver was looking at me through the mirror.
“Student, aren’t you getting off?”
I quickly grasped the situation.
We had already arrived at the stop.
And,
I felt the warmth on my shoulder.
Heavy, certain.
“Did you press it, student?”
“Ah, yes. Sorry.”
I looked at Lee Jian, who was still fast asleep.
Her breathing was steady.
The even rhythm of her breath tickled my shoulder.
Her slightly messy hair fell over her forehead.
I carefully woke her up.
“Hey, hey. Wake up. We’re here.”
“Ughh?”
Lee Jian rubbed her eyes and looked up at me.
Slowly, but clearly.
She looked at me and I for sure, hadn’t disappeared.
I existed here.
And, someone was looking at me.
Lee Jian, unable to open her eyes properly, let out a strange sound.
She staggered as she got up, looking like she wasn’t quite in her right mind.
“Ugh.”
I heard her muttering.
With her eyelids barely lifting, she looked up at me with half-closed eyes.
Then, she closed her eyes again.
She stumbled,
And dropped her head, falling toward me.
“Hey.”
I caught her with a stunned expression.
“Are you a zombie?”
“……I’m… I’m fine…”
“…No, you need to get off.”
I sighed and helped her up.
The bus driver chuckled and gave us a glance before offering a meaningful smile.
“Take care of your girlfriend and get off.”
In that moment, my mind went blank.
Girlfriend.
I tried to speak but stopped.
There was no need to correct him.
But,
I didn’t feel bad about it.
No, in fact,
I felt… okay.
“……”
I silently bowed my head toward the bus driver.
“Yes, thank you.”
We slowly got off the bus.
Before the doors closed, I glanced at the driver.
He was still watching me through the mirror, smiling.
For some reason, that smile made me uneasy.
“Must be nice. Must be nice.”
“……”
I realized that my ears were still red.
I could still see Lee Jian, unsteady and staggering, unable to fully regain her senses.
“Sigh.”
I let out a small sigh and carefully lifted her up.
She was light.
Not as light as a feather, but still, pretty light.
At the same time, she was heavy.
Heavier, because of the pounding weight of my heart.
Still, since I had been to her house many times, I knew how to get there.
We had walked this path together countless times.
Even though it was midday with the sun high, the sunlight had already started to tilt.
Maybe because it was summer, it seemed like the sun set quickly.
The long shadows slowly brushed against the road.
There was no wind, and the sky was clear.
But as the temperature rose, there was a subtle stillness in the air.
The sound of cars passing by and the people on the street strangely felt distant.
Almost like it was back then.
Was I becoming a ghost again?
The quiet breathing on my back.
She was leaning on me, still half-asleep.
Her body felt drained, as if all strength had left her.
Kim Dohyun.
At that moment, a small voice whispered in my ear.
I quickly snapped back to reality.
“……Mmm.”
Lee Jian, leaning on my back, muttered softly.
I lowered my head slightly.
She was still quietly leaning against me.
I could feel the warmth.
It was warm.
A reality so different from the memories earlier.
I hadn’t disappeared.
In this world, I was still here.
And—
Right now, on my back,
Someone was here who recognized my existence.
How anxious had I been back then?
Even though the sunlight was shining brightly in the middle of the day, the street was eerily quiet.
Through the window, the scenery was changing, but I wasn’t there.
I was…
Alone.
But now,unlike back then,
I was carrying someone.
I was walking down the street with someone.
I hadn’t disappeared, I hadn’t been erased.
I was surely here.
I took a slow breath.
And, Kim Dohyun.
Again, I heard the murmuring voice.
I smiled softly.
“…How do you always find me so easily?”
Instead of answering, she leaned more deeply against my back.
I silently took another step.
In this world, carrying the one person who had found me before anyone else.
“If I disappear again…”
I lifted her up one more time.
“Will you find me again?”
She still didn’t say anything,
Just silently leaned more into my back.
I smiled quietly.
That was enough.
I wanted to believe that.
Her slightly messy hair brushed against my cheek.
The soft touch, the gentle breathing, and the faint warmth.
Then even in her half-sleep, her arm slowly moved.
It was a slow and weak motion, but
The way her hand gently wrapped around the back of my neck was so unmistakable.
I stopped breathing for a moment.
She carefully ,but firmly held on to me.
Her forehead touched my shoulder.
Quietly, gently.
She leaned her body more against me.
Even that small movement made her body heat seep deeply into mine.
It was warm.
Her light breathing brushed against my ear.
Rhythmic, and familiar.
I closed my eyes.
Unlike back then, when I couldn’t see anything,
Now, I could feel everything wrapping around me.
Her arms, her fingertips, her breath.
Everything was touching me.
The beating of my heart echoed in the still air.
In a very quiet voice, I spoke.
For some reason, my voice trembled.
As if the moisture caught in my throat was holding me back.
“And hold me. Jian.”
This time, for real I won’t disappear.
Never be alone again.
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