Chapter 31: Apartment Apartment

“Apartment, apartment, apartment, apartment, apartment, apartment, uh, uh-huh, uh-huh~.”

“You’ve been singing that song a lot lately, Se-young.”

“It’s trendy, you know? Gotta keep up with the trends~.”

Working with Se-young, I’ve come to realize a small fact: my tendencies and Se-young’s differ in many ways.

“Have you heard it, Senior? ‘Apartment’.”

“Yeah, it popped up on my algorithm.”

“Oh~, I thought you’d say you’d heard Yoon Soo-il’s ‘Apartment’.”

“….I’ve heard that one too, actually.”

First, unlike me, who isn’t very interested in trends, Se-young is very, very interested in them.

Whenever a song becomes popular, she hums it, and whenever a food becomes trendy, she eats it. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Dubai chocolate until Se-young joined the company.

Why does she put so many toppings in her yogurt? Why does she put mango in her iced tea? Why cookies on a perfectly good croissant… Oh, this is good, though.

For me, who still thinks vending machine coffee is the best dessert, it’s a little hard to understand the spending habits of people these days who invest over 10,000 won in sweets.

Speaking of food, secondly, Se-young really likes sweet and spicy food.

Like, that thing, what was it, mala tang and super spicy tteokbokki, chicken feet, things that women supposedly eat a lot online, and of course, she’s serious about spiciness, adding chili powder or Cheongyang peppers to even ordinary dishes.

It’s the same with sweet food. I don’t know how she can eat things that look like they’ll rot your teeth just by looking at them. Sometimes I worry she’ll get diabetes from eating so much.

I’m not picky about food, but at the same time, I don’t really like sweet things.

I’m so sensitive to sweetness that I avoid all desserts with whipped cream because I hate the feeling of my teeth aching.

At best, I can eat coffee, chocolate, or jellies that have a bitter or sour taste mixed in, or fruit, but cake is out of the question.

Spicy food is much better than sweet food. Because spiciness is a hard element to remove from Korean cuisine.

The spicy flavor I hate is the spiciness of capsaicin, that is, not deliciously spicy, but a spicy flavor that artificially raises the level of spiciness.

This kind of spiciness makes my stomach hurt before my mouth goes numb. It’s not a pleasant feeling to have my stomach burning.

But Se-young eats those hellish foods that seem impossible to even put in your mouth just fine. She likes them so much that she goes out of her way to find them.

“By the way, Senior… is something wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You seem to have some worries today.”

And thirdly… she’s surprisingly perceptive.

Maybe that’s the average for people these days, but to me, who isn’t very perceptive, Se-young seemed like a very perceptive person.

“It’s nothing.”

“Liar, your face says ‘I have worries’—”

“It’s nothing, I said.”

Jin-woo

Hey

You get down to your parents’ house right now

Your father

Was in a car accident

“….”

Seriously, she’s perceptive.

---

Since becoming a woman, I haven’t met or talked with my family.

Don’t misunderstand, we’re not on bad terms. We just haven’t talked, but we’ve exchanged texts.

But I haven’t seen their faces or heard their voices directly. I’ve refused to come whenever they’ve asked, saying I’m busy, and I’ve pretended not to be able to answer the phone when they’ve called, only communicating through texts.

The reason is simple.

I haven’t told my family that I’ve become a woman.

The only person who knows that I, Seo Hanbyeol, used to be a man is Jin-woo, except for my coworkers.

Team Leader and my colleagues had to know in order for me to prove that I was originally Seo Hanbyeol in order to keep my job, and the reason Jin-woo found out about my identity was an unintended coincidence for me.

In other words, I haven’t told anyone that I’ve become a woman, except for my coworkers. Not any acquaintances.

Not relatives, friends, or family.

The reason is… well, there’s no real reason. I was just scared.

Would the people who know me be able to accept my change?

Would they still see me as Seo Hanbyeol and accept me?

The closer I was, the more hesitant I became. The closer I was, the less I wanted to be found out.

So, it was only natural that I hid my changed appearance from my closest family.

What do my parents mean to me?

Both my father and my mother are very precious to me.

I know how heavy the burden of responsibility they shouldered to raise me was. I, who don’t even carry half of that weight, am struggling to live every day, so how much more must they have struggled?

…I don’t want to disappoint them.

I want to remain a son my parents are proud of, a son they feel was worth raising.

So, I’ve avoided them all this time. I’ve tried to avoid being found out about my changed appearance.

…Was that really the right thing to do?

Suddenly, I became afraid. Maybe I’ve been driving nails into my parents’ hearts under the guise of wanting to remain a son they’re proud of?

A bad child who doesn’t show up during holidays or birthdays.

An ungrateful child who doesn’t even let them hear my voice.

Was that really the right thing to do?

I thought so before. Because I was worried that if I suddenly became a short woman after my son sold off what was hanging between his legs, they might be shocked if we met.

But this time, the situation is different. An accident, a car accident.

Of course, there was no mention of it being critical, so it could just be a light bump or just a minor bruise. It has to be.

But even so, is it right for a child not to visit their parents who have been in an accident? No, that can’t be right.

“….”

If.

If my father was seriously injured.

So, if… I can never see my father again.

If I decide not to go, will I be able to not regret that decision when the time comes?

“Haa…”

My head hurts.

I think I know why people drink or smoke.

Even I, who don’t drink or smoke, am craving it this much, so how much more must people who drink and smoke regularly crave it?

“Ugh…”

I couldn’t concentrate on work at all, so I went out into the hallway. Should I go or not?

It’s right to go. It’s morally right to go… but why am I so scared?

I’m afraid to go, and I’m afraid not to go. What should I do in this situation?

“If you’re not feeling well, you can take a half-day off and go home, Seo Hanbyeol.”

“….Team Leader?”

I don’t know how she saw me like that, but the Team Leader, who had approached me without me noticing, spoke to me. I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to see me inside the office here.

“Oh… well, it’s not that I’m sick…”

“You don’t look well.”

“It’s just that… something bad happened at home.”

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should tell someone else about my family affairs.

Especially to this person, I feel like I can’t say anything rashly.

“Your father was in a car accident…”

“….”

But I ended up saying it anyway. There’s no point in suffering alone without saying anything.

“….Why are you still at the company?”

“Pardon?”

“You should go right away. Your father was in an accident.”

And I was a little surprised by the answer that came back.

“I didn’t expect to hear those words from Team Leader… I mean…”

“No matter how harsh a boss I am, I know the basic morals that a person should uphold. It’s against my morals to keep a subordinate at work when their parents have had an accident.”

Such a simple permission. I couldn’t figure out whether I should be happy about that permission or not.

If she hadn’t allowed it, I might have been able to make the excuse that I had no choice.

“…Judging from your expression, it seems like there’s another problem besides my permission.”

“….”

As if she could see through my bad intentions, Team Leader pierced through my heart with her cold eyes.

“Actually… my parents don’t know I’ve changed like this. I mean… that I’ve become a woman.”

Yeah, what can I say?

The biggest problem is myself. My fear, my hesitation. A heart that can’t move forward.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell them… I thought that what my parents love is a good son, not a girl who used to be a son…”

“…Hanbyeol.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just…”

Be a good child. Be a good person. I’ve lived my life strictly adhering to those words. So, what am I now? Am I a good child? Am I a good person?

“….”

“Team Leader…?”

As I was looking at the ground, feeling something touching my head, I looked up and saw Team Leader’s hand touching my head.

What was her intention in putting her hand on my head? Judging from her expression, it seems like she moved her hand unconsciously and was embarrassed.

“…”

Nevertheless, Team Leader didn’t lower her hand and gently stroked my head.

For some reason, I didn’t shake off that touch. Because I didn’t feel like shaking it off.

“Go, Hanbyeol.”

With a voice that was softer than usual, Team Leader said.

“Because when you start to be filled with regret, it’ll already be too late.”

With a bitter and faint smile, Team Leader… no, Cha Hye-won said.

“….Yes.”

…A strange feeling.

But, it’s not so bad.

“…I don’t think it’s Team… Leader.”

Somehow, I had a feeling.

There’s no basis or circumstances, but.

I have a feeling that something will change after this is over.