Chapter 3: Vam

……

Chewing on the cold, congealed sundae, I gathered my thoughts.

Strangely, no tears came.

Then again, there were no shriveled tears left to shed.

The sundae was delicious.

There was a lot of lung, and the parts I disliked, like ears, weren’t included at all.

Ji-woo must have taken care to do that.

‘She must hate her sister who doesn’t even answer her calls.’

I couldn’t understand why she bothered to look after me.

Well, it’s a story that no longer concerns me.

Because it’s time for such a pathetic older sister to exit Ji-woo’s life.

‘…I hope they live happily.’

I mumbled that and put another piece of sundae into my mouth.

I hope they become happy.

I hope my siblings become happy and find peace.

Though they probably won’t be able to, as long as they have a sister like me.

They must hate me a lot.

A beast who ignores and doesn’t even check all calls, yet contacts them once a month just to freeload off their food.

‘I wish I could be forgotten entirely, that would be good.’

It seemed like that would be more helpful for the children’s lives.

I wanted to do something for them, but now working is impossible.

I overworked my body too much while working.

Thanks to that, the injuries that needed treatment from being beaten became deeper.

As a result, I now limp with my left leg.

Like this, I can no longer run around construction sites doing manual labor.

At first, it was despair-inducing.

But now, it’s not.

Perhaps I’ve gotten used to it, but honestly, I’m content with my current life.

Though sometimes I feel like dying……

‘…Isn’t that something everyone feels to some extent?’

I am very healthy.

If you look online, there are countless people worse off than me.

So, I am very healthy.

Ugh……

I hadn’t eaten much sundae.

However, my stomach, which had suffered from a long fast, refused the sundae.

I desperately covered my mouth and buried my head in the desk.

Because I couldn’t throw up and expel the nutrients I had just managed to get in.

Ughhh……

Having barely suppressed the urge to vomit, I raised my head.

Delicious sundae was before my eyes, but I didn’t try to eat it.

Eating any more now would be no different from abuse.

I’m utterly sick of abuse now.

It wasn’t as if sacrificing for my siblings hadn’t been painful.

I walked to the refrigerator with my limping leg and put the sundae inside.

‘I’ll eat it for dinner.’

Limping, I sat in front of the monitor again and stared blankly at my face.

My black hair had red mixed in.

This life was strange right from the hair color.

‘And this isn’t even dyed hair……’

My father’s hair color was ordinary.

It’s probably inherited from my mother, but……

‘Don’t mind it.’

The existence of ‘mother’ wasn’t very welcome either.

Now I don’t even remember what she looks like.

Her voice, her face.

My mother in this life is blurrier than my parents in my previous life.

There’s nothing good to gain from recalling her.

Because in the end, she’s the one who abandoned me and my siblings.

I want to shave off this hateful hair.

The main reason I was beaten was also because my hair reminded them of my mother.

……

In my previous life, though I was ignored at home, I wasn’t abused.

I once heard someone say that attention filled with malice is better than indifference.

Certainly, in my previous life, I thought that way.

‘…Bullshit.’

Now I think differently.

My past self, who thought that way, felt foolish.

Nevertheless, I hugged myself.

If not me, there was no one else to hug me.

Everyone lays hands on me.

To begin with, being embraced by someone while covered in bruises would only hurt.

Where I hurt.

The other person doesn’t know.

Therefore, if I tried to put my whole body into their embrace and hug, my wounds would be strongly pressed.

For someone covered in wounds, an abrupt embrace from someone else is pain, torture.

That’s why I decided to hug myself, even if it was just me.

Carefully, very slowly.

My small struggle, not wanting to be forgotten by the world.

Like a raindrop falling onto a bathtub.

It creates a small ripple.

It creates tiny waves, so small they might not even be perceived as someone’s struggle.

‘…Hugging time is over for today.’

I muttered to myself and once again stared at the empty, hollow monitor.

I could see myself, comforting myself and foolishly regaining a slight smile.

Hang in there, Yu Su-hyeon.

However, I didn’t want to erase the smile, so I said that, encouraging myself.

****

I turned on the monitor and immersed myself in gaming all day.

I tend to play all sorts of games.

Anyone watching would think I was a gaming addict, engrossed in games.

……

As I played, my playtime somehow reached 5002 hours.

Hmph.

I wore a proud smile.

Now, no one could catch up to me in playtime.

It could be said to be the only achievement left in my life.

Now, what I had to do was delete this game.

I wouldn’t play it anymore.

‘Because there’s nothing good to leave behind in my life……’

Perhaps if I ever died alone, my siblings could more easily erase my traces.

Well, that’s roughly why I’m deleting it.

[Are you sure you want to delete the account?]

[Are you sure you want to delete account ID: vam?]

A wide smile spread across my face.

Perhaps laughter came because tears wouldn’t.

While playing this game, I had even become somewhat of a ‘named’ player.

I had also participated in the community.

‘…Was I rumored to be a one-trick master?’

Well, that’s all old news.

It’s been so long since I’ve been active in the community that I don’t even know if I’m mentioned anymore.

The reason I stopped was, of course, because I started to enjoy something.

‘Don’t laugh, don’t cry, just live as if you’re dead.’

‘…Yes, Father.’

Having carved my father’s advice into my bones, I felt terror at any action that seemed like it would bring joy.

It was unavoidable.

I still hadn’t completely broken free from the leash.

My father had lost contact.

I heard he was released from prison at some point.

Since a restraining order was issued, I couldn’t meet him.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t break the leash my father had put on me.

It wouldn’t break.

That leash, made of blood.

As time passed, it only tightened around me more strongly.

-Click.

……

[Deleted.]

With just one click just now, 5002 hours vanished.

My precious time, 208 days and 10 hours, disappeared.

It felt hollow.

‘…I should delete my community account too.’

Saying that, I entered the community I used to be active in, for the first time in a very long while, about half a year.

There’s no mention of me.

It’s such a large community that posts regenerate quickly.

I scrolled through about 5 pages, and as expected, there was no mention of me.

‘…I’d like to check up to six months ago, but…’

I had enough time, but I didn’t bother.

It was obvious I’d become happy, obvious I’d regret deleting the account.

To feel nothing, to enjoy nothing.

A promise I made to uphold until I died of old age or starvation.

It was a terribly filthy promise with my father.

I couldn’t defy that promise, written in blood.

I neatly deleted the account and withdrew.

****

The most popular game currently existing.

Echo of War.

The community for that game, abbreviated as EoW, was incredibly noisy.

[Title: Is this bastard vam really dead?!]

The reason was none other than a single post.

The content of the post was as follows:

[Looks like this bastard vam just died. Haven’t seen any game records from them for a while, so I looked up what this damn game addict was doing.

But they haven’t had any ranked or normal game records for about a month;;

Something feels off;;

While looking further, earlier at 4 PM, they suddenly played 10 normal games like crazy, then went offline.

I thought, ‘Finally, the damn Suika master is back!’ and tried to watch some replays, right?

Everyone knows what a ridiculously detailed player they are.

But then an error popped up and I got kicked out?

I wondered what was up and tried to log in again, but the account was deleted.

This person hasn’t been on the community for half a year either, seriously what’s going on?!;;]

People who initially thought it was a common troll post for clout started cursing him out.

However, users who checked the facts confirmed the truth.

The community soon went wild with rumors of a named user’s suicide.

[Title: If it were any other well-known user, I wouldn’t care, but I’m genuinely scared this bastard vam might have committed suicide;;]

[Just looking at their posts, something’s not right.

They’d always ramble about their siblings in private chats, then immediately say they felt hollow.

Back then, I just thought they were a damn attention-seeker, but what is this;;]

[Comments]

-Stop mentioning them.

└But someone died.

└Isn’t a dead person part of the clique? And it’s just a troll’s shitty post anyway;;

└Tsk.

└??

-It is scary.

└Seriously, isn’t a news story going to break?

└If this game gets bad press and gets penalized again because of this bastard vam, that’d be legendary.

└Are you a sage?

-What suicide, lol….

└Suicide my ass, isn’t this just a massive troll?

-No way… Our shitty Suika champ is dead.

└RIP with the master.

└Shut up, you crazy bastard.

-If they really died, the game company should do something. 100% a lonely death;;

└Damn, this guy’s words lolololol

While the rumors spread so quickly, Su-hyeon, the person in question, was doing this:

Yummy.

She was blowing on the microwave-heated sundae as she ate it.

Su-hyeon, whose tongue was burned by the hot sundae, frowned and watched YouTube.